[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)

Janitor applications are open

Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021


Anonymous 55502

Why does my mother call me just to talk about nothing? As I'm typing this, she's telling me about what she had to eat and reciting new recipes she tried.

If not food, then she's talking about men issues…it's weird. I mean, I'm used to it, because she's always been the type to at length talk about mundane stuff going on in her life (I've never been comfy enough with her to talk about my own life, then again I'm not interesting), but yeah. Anyone else's mom/dad do this?

Anonymous 55503

She's really lonely.

Anonymous 55504

Like the other Anon said she is probably lonely and enjoys just talking to you OP so if she is a nice mommy it may be worth talking to you if she is not and she has no other value you can benefit from stop taking to her if you decide to. My parents talk to me about adult stuff because I am an adult now and it is really not anything I want to hear!

Anonymous 55508

>it's weird
It's the opposite of weird, she's completely normal by average parent standards. This may come as a shock to you, but your mother enjoys interacting with you purely for the act in and of itself. Unlike you, who from the fact you find "enjoying just talking to someone" weird, she's a social person who has a special attachment to you as her child, and wants to be a part of your life as she spent 18 years getting you there. As someone who is completely against unneeded social interaction myself, I have the same experience with my Mom just blathering about her life. I don't care for it, I don't even like it, but as her child I have a moral obligation to listen to her and make her feel better. She's literally acting as a time vampire, but that's worth it to me to repay an invisible unmeasurable debt. I hope by doing so I set an example for my children to continue to talk with me after they grow up someday, but I don't have children at the moment so I can't even pretend I do it for that.

Anonymous 55511

yeah, this basically

If your mom wasn't a horrible cunt to you, you should indulge her.

Anonymous 55521

Because she loves you and she's missing you.

Anonymous 55526


as long as there is no clingy or abusive or role-reversing behaviour, this is pretty normal.

but yeah, mindless chatter can be taxing to listen to aswell if you prefer direct communication and don't have the bandwidth to just listen to something you don't relate to and there can be a lot of surpressed issues vibrating with superficial communication sometimes and if you pick up on that subconsciously then the resistance / superficial com gets taxing to listen to.

for an example, passive-aggressive people can be mindless chatters and it can be exhausting to listen to them and you can easily imagine someone who struggles being direct like that also subconsciously transporting stuff through their mindless chatter that is hard to subconsciously process for the listener.

it's a generational thing as well.

Anonymous 55587

it’s just a mom thing, the least you can do is be there to listen

Anonymous 55598

This is completely normal behavior. It may seem weird to you but most people tend to enjoy talking with each other about mundane and trivial matters. If you don't like it, you could always just tune her out.

Anonymous 55610

> I don't care for it, I don't even like it, but as her child I have a moral obligation to listen to her and make her feel better.
I feel this, but another problem I have is that I'm just bad at speaking. There's not much going on in my life expect for being stressed about university (which I can't speak to her about) and fandom hobbies. I don't know, I guess I feel guilty about it.

Anonymous 55620

Cause she loves you and misses you.

But men issues. It depends what you mean.
I have a strange relationship with my dad where he will sometimes talk to me about his sex life with my mom.
Which is not healthy or normal.
Discussing sex is fine when spoken in medical or educational ways.
But discussing your sex life conversationally with your child is weird.
As long as it is not that, it’s probably just that she misses you and just want to talk to you about anything and everything.

Anonymous 55622

Yes, not sex, but rather how annoyed she is by men. A lot of the dudes in her life are old-fashioned and emotionally constipated.

Anonymous 55625

My mom is like this, and even though it stresses me out I love her and she did her best raising me so I try to indulge her, but also I resent her because she is kind of emotionally abusive.

Anonymous 55626

My mum used to do this and she's abusive. Never interested in me or my life except to criticize it and hold any wrongdoings against me years later. She would talk like this when not on the phone too, just long monologues about random boring things.

Not surprisingly, I don't talk to her anymore.

Your mother could just be an extrovert. I've noticed extroverts will just talk and talk about the most random things, not caring if anyone is interested. One at an old job told me a long boring story about someone falling asleep once in a lecture. That was it. Another old flatmate went on for about half an hour about her cat.

Anonymous 55627

Sorry about your mom anon. For me my mom isn't critical like that, she just has emotional tantrums when she doesn't get her way and uses that to manipulate and guilt anyone who slightly upsets her. When she's chill she's pretty sweet and I do know she loves me, but it's just not possible to say anything critical about her.

I still talk to her because her worst behaviors only come out when living together, but it's hard to let go of the things she put me through as a kid or the feeling that you always have to walk on eggshells with her.

Anonymous 55649

Have you looked up codependency? My stepmom was that way. For her, emotional support was a one-sided affair. It took a lot of effort for anyone to try and talk to her (and she'd often ignore them anyway, and blame it on ADD), but she wasn't above getting emotional and just randomly dumping on me.
To be fair, it's partly my fault. I have untreated Stockholm Syndrome from my mother, and I told her she could dump on me like that since Dad died. Don't do that.

Anonymous 55663

>My mom is like this, and even though it stresses me out I love her and she did her best raising me so I try to indulge her, but also I resent her because she is kind of emotionally abusive.
This is like me and my mother to a T, what the hell. I never went hungry or cold, but she also forced/threatened ~13 year old me to run after the bus when I missed it and screamed at me until I was crying.

Anonymous 55664

this is probably how my mother thinks of me

Anonymous 55665

>My mum used to do this and she's abusive. Never interested in me or my life except to criticize it and hold any wrongdoings against me years later.
My mom only cares/cared about me to show off. She would always push me in school and make sure I did better and went further on assignments than anyone else, but once I bombed out she stopped caring.

I once found details of her comments on someone else's blog (about narcissism, ironically she is obsessed with narcissists but doesn't realise she is one herself) and she had invented a whole fictional life for me she bragged about where I was more successful, happier, partnered, working a different job etc etc. I can't describe how hurtful and humiliating that was to read.

Anonymous 55668

That must have been awful. Do you think she expected you to see it? I don't understand why people feel the need to lie when they are posting online.

Anonymous 55674

I have no idea. She's honestly done so many cruel things to be and being around her has sort of fundamentally broken me as a person, but like >>55627 it's impossible to discuss with her because she just instantly goes to complete rage and I can't handle that anymore, I have to shut down or remove myself from the situation.

Anonymous 55682

My parents are exactly the same way.
They have the ability to talk for literal hours about nothing.

But you've gotta remember that back when they were growing up, calls were the way to talk informally with your friends
However, we grew up with text being the best way to talk informally, so naturally millenials and zoomers are worse at talking just to talk.

Notice how awkward older people are through text? It's basically the reverse for us.
They only wrote things that were for formal uses, so they're not too good at casual texting, and from my experiences, calls were only necessary for important things.

Anonymous 56325


idk, I hate to play pain olympics but I can't really empathize with this since my mom is highly abusive and a dead-beat. Your mom just wants to talk to you and she's older and probably just knows how to make small talk. Try bringing up stuff that interests you, and if that doesn't work, try finding something yall both like.

Anonymous 60644

the debt is owed to you for thrusting the burden of life upon you

[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]