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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Anonymous 56773

I cannot take my fiance's drinking anymore. He drinks almost every single day. I see him cross-eyed and stumbling more often than not. I've tried everything short of shelling out 14,000 dollars for rehab but I feel like he isn't trying at all and is in denial. He often gets defensive and tries to excuse everything when we discuss the drinking. Every time we're short on money I buy practically nothing to get by, but he'll spend our last 10 dollars on alcohol. I don't know what to fucking do, because if I leave him, it's just me and my deranged family. I'm in college right now and I feel stuck. I'm so fucking tired of it.

Anonymous 56792

You spent fourteen fucking thousand on rehab for him and he is still a fuck up? No matter how deranged your family is you need to leave him, he does not deserve you.

Anonymous 56798

>>56792
This. You can't save him if he doesn't want to save himself. Having a deranged family to deal with is better than having a deranged family AND a deranged husband. And once you've left him, you'll have more free time to find friends or a better guy.

Anonymous 56802

break up with him. you do not want to be married to a guy like that.

Anonymous 56804

sorry anon for situation the only person that change him is himself. there is nothing you can do. Men are not diy projects that you can fix (unfortunately). you have admit your self he is what he is a drinker. if your cool with being married to alcoholic I suggest staying if not leave. You have already wasted enough time energy on someone who isn't going to change is he wanted he would already have. its best to cut ur losses and find non drinker. it easy to type out than to do -I some rando on the internet believe in u anon to do what is best for u. Doing what right for you most times is a painful decision. your life is worth more than to be with alcoholic that doesnt care about you at the level you care about him. Luckly there are plenty of support groups for women in the same situation ur in suggest checking them out so you know ir not alone.

Anonymous 56819

>>56792
Are you illiterate?

Anonymous 56825

Don't be a pushover. Do a really big freakout. Show him how much his behavior is bothering you. Stop trying to be understanding and start being bitchy and aggressive.

Anonymous 56827

>>56825

Antagonizing a drunk man who is probably stronger than her probably isn’t a good idea.

Anonymous 56951

>>56792
No I was saying I've done everything BUT spend money on rehab (simply because we can't afford it, I have literally 7 different hospital bills I'm chipping away at), but yes I agree very much that he has some major problems and is being a fucking asshole about it.

Anonymous 56953

>>56825
I have tried that. I have tried talking to him in every different way I could think of. I can't tell you how many talks we've had and how many methods I've used to approach the problem. I always get a bunch of apologies and vows of changed behavior and then nothing. I mean there's been times 10 minutes after a fucking five hour talk with me crying and begging for him to change he'd have a drink.

>>56827
I agree with you. Luckily he is not aggressive and has never hurt me for getting emotional.

Anonymous 56954

>>56804
You're right and I've known since forever you can't change a man, and here I am, trying to change a man. I keep thinking I'll finally say the magic words that will "fix" him, but I know deep down there's nothing I can do, and I don't know I can wait 40 years for him to finally act like an adult more than 5% of the time.

>>56798
>>56802
I have been juggling the idea of breaking up with him for probably a year now. His drinking is really the only problem I have with him, but it's a pretty major problem. I just feel so fucking stuck and I feel like shit for even admitting any of this to anybody.

Anonymous 56956

>>56773
This pic is intriguing, never seen it before
Is Golem like the Iron Giant where after he flies apart his pieces will form together again?

Anonymous 56957

>>56956
I'm guessing so since they don't truly "die" after using explode

Anonymous 56965

>>56773
Leave. Actually punish him for his choses. If that doesn't change his behavior nothing you can do by giving him the gift of your presence will either.

Anonymous 56995


Anonymous 57041

>>56965
I agree with you and I will if he does not improve within a certain amount of time. I really hope he gets his shit together because I truly do love who HE is as a sober person, and I don't see his addiction as HIM, but at this point if I'm seeing his addiction more than I am his true self, that might as well be who he has become.

At best his drinking is a nuisance I can pretend to ignore, and at worst it makes me genuinely ponder shooting my brains out to be done with it all, and I don't think I would be selfish for avoiding something that triggers suicidal ideations, especially when that's something I really struggle with and he KNOWS that. He is the only person I have in my life other than my sister who isn't a deranged violent lunatic, and if he's going to be a fucking drunken mess, then I sometimes just see zero point in even living anymore.



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