I live in a single-mother family. My mom is a pathological liar and must have some kind of schizophrenia. She never really took care of me and always abused me a lot. That's why I lived with my grandpa. My grandpa died this year and basically, my whole fucking life fell apart. I have no one to call family I have no house to feel at home and when I see my friends with their perfect loving families I'm not jealous but I just have the urge to cry no idea why. My mom basically gives me 0 money that's why I gotta work to buy shampoo or basic stuff. The thing is that she throws tantrums or just straight up makes me leave the house extremely late hours because she's pissed with me for no reason then her personality changes and its like nothing happened. I can't communicate with her when I'm trying to talk to her she's never looking at me or just talks over me about whatever like I'm some kind of trash. I wanna rent and leave but I can't get a full time job because of uni and my part-time job can't even pay a month of rent let alone all my other needs.

I'm just going to kill myself at some point I guess. I can't handle this I miss my grandpa so much I miss having a family.