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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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How do you heal the relationship between you and men? Anonymous 57728

I've always been scared of men, even though I act cold and nonchalant but deep inside I have such a scared/hatred for them since I've had such terrible experiences with them ever since I was young. I try to manifest better men to come into my life but it never lasts as long. Any tips?

Anonymous 57730

You don't need men in your life and if you want a partner just become a lesbian, no men are worth of a woman's time, they'are all the same and even if it doesn't seem like it you just have to wait and they'll show their true nature.

Anonymous 57733

If you have friends, try meeting men who are connected to those friends, be they, for example, their brothers, cousins, friends of friends, etc.
A heterosexual woman can't become a lesbian. People can't change their sexualities.
>no men are worth of a woman's time, they'are all the same and even if it doesn't seem like it you just have to wait and they'll show their true nature.
This isn't true. There are millions of women who are in happy relationships with men.

Anonymous 57736

You don't have to become a lesbian to be happy but this is demonstrably untrue and a moid cope at best.

Anonymous 57767

Ew moid

Anonymous 57770

Grow up

Anonymous 57856

lol I don't need to repair the relationship I have with men, because having a boyfriend means I got everything out of it anyway

you can still think that most men are shitty porn addicts, while having a boyfriend

Anonymous 57872


And same here lol

Anonymous 57874

I recommend exposure to younger males that you have family ties to so you realize that, while some men are monsters, the majority are just dumb goofy gorillas that you shouldn't take seriously.

Anonymous 57875

based and same

Anonymous 57876

There's no healing it. Your sentiments are just a rational response to what you've experienced.

Anonymous 57878

i am scared men are gonna murder me while im around them
cruel creatures

Anonymous 57882

>because having a boyfriend means I got everything out of it anyway
so what do you get out of it? idk seems like a cope for keeping a bf. these allegedly "one sided" scenarios in favor of the woman rarely turn out to be so and it feels like it ends up draining and destroying the woman, contrary to their claim

Anonymous 57883

NTA, but as someone who is married, I get access to:
Him lifting heavy objects
Reaches tall objects
Actually likes working
Someone to hug that has really big firm muscles
Personal heater

Anonymous 57884

no offense but that's trash garbage

Anonymous 57890

Offense not taken since apparently you have trash taste.

Anonymous 57913

Maybe expose yourself to healthy examples of masculinity in movies, shows etc (think like Gregory Peck in To Kill a Mockingbird or Robin Williams character in Good Will Hunting) and get a feel for what a healthy man is like.

Also, if you’re into psychology and all that maybe look into getting touch with you animus / masculine side

Anonymous 57940

If you're not already lesbian or bisexual from the get go, trying to act as if you are is just forcing yourself and deceiving a woman who did nothing to deserve false love instead of the real thing.

Anonymous 57976

Everything you mentioned sounds useless besides maybe penis and having someone who likes working to split the rent with.
>lifts heavy objects
You could just have a female roomate and lift heavy/bulky things together to split the weight
>reaches tall objects
There's this thing called a stool
>someone to hug with firm muscles
fat and fluff feels nicer to hug than muscles, pets are better than moids
>personal heater
again, pets feel comfier. Cats have a higher body temp than moids do, anyway.

Anonymous 57979

>implying penis is not worthless

Anonymous 57987

pic related disturbs me more than you could know

Anonymous 57988

>implying relationships where the woman convinces herself that she deserves less than he does is "happy"
i would wager the number of healthy hetero relationships (read: healthy for the woman) is down in the hundreds, not millions

Anonymous 57989

but look at the price you paid, now you have to deal with a moid
>depending on a moid for money
>letting someone else have that much financial power over you
i'll pass

Anonymous 57990

>be me
>get in touch with my 'masculine side'
>tfw i transform into a coomer and shoot up a school

Anonymous 57991

Ye anons its op here, i did not expect my little thread is still buumping after a few days lol, but kinda dont want comments about how shit men can be anymore since it will create myself an even worse perception of men.

Anonymous 57992

I think hes really cute, sorry if its bothers you anon.

Anonymous 58004

>implying that being fat and punching someone is at all comparable to pornsickness and mass murder
imagine being this moidwashed

Anonymous 58005

nah you're good, it's just that the eyes are weird to me lol

Anonymous 58006

I can't really help you in terms of your actual post, but it is tiring how jaded people are on Lolcow and here at times against men because some of us genuinely deal with paranoid and suspicious thoughts regarding men that are not helping us live life to the fullest. I would genuinely be happier, and that's coming from someone who has been raped/abused/molested by men. Yeah, trauma sucks, I'd like to not go through it again, but there is a degree to which I can't control whether something happens to me or not. I know not all men are a certain way and I know all men are flawed, like me, and in this lopsided manner I'm trying to say I empathize with what you're trying to achieve.

I guess the only advice I can give from my own experience is to filter men through events and actions. If they act fine, until they genuinely act in a way contrary to that, you have to see them as they are through their actions, not projections or personal narratives. If the guy does things, especially if repeatedly, that are not okay with you, you have to also throw aside feelings and accept he acts the way he does and throw him out. It's really hard to get to this point, but with practice, you get better at it. Make sure you are direct and communicate your boundaries and desires for the relationship.

Anonymous 58015

>now you have to deal with the moid
One of your alternatives was a roommate/lesbian. That means the human is already paid for. I don't have to buy a stool, I can get a dog if I want to and when I want to. The dildo will probably be necessary at times, but not as often. This is again stating that all anyone asked for were the upsides.
>>letting someone else have that much financial power over you
>not immediately taking control of the finances
Oh I would be scared of men too if I were this stupid.

Anonymous 58016

Anonymous 58073

I'm sorry you have to go through that anon. I hope you are in a better place right now, thank you for your comment.

Anonymous 58080

I remind myself that there are some good men around and that everyone has flaws. I admit, it's not easy. I do feel disgust for men into mutilating and abusing woman.

Anonymous 58133


ITT: Nobody responds to OP's "scared" part of her post.

OP, I know this is such a fucking buzzword that is always thrown right and left, but seek therapy if such a fear of men is giving you a distress so great, it interferes with almost every aspect of your life.

Anonymous 58149

I would be scared too if each day someone forced me to eat a handful of m&ms and 50% of them were poisoned :^)

Anonymous 58169

>the percentage of people who are men is the percentage of people who will kill you
You are not sane.

Anonymous 58178

it's not hard to be liked by men or liked in general as long as you know how to act in public, actually

Anonymous 58187

I don't have the same fears of men as you, but I have another problem. I was always a tomboy and hung out with the guys as a teenager. Most men treat me like their friend. The ones that don't or aren't my friend anymore, seemingly just want to fuck me without any romantic attachment. They seem to think I have the same attitude about sex as guys. They think I have a completely casual relationship with sex.

I never had a romance with anyone. No one ever took an active interest in me. At least no one worth bothering. I have standards. But I kinda don't care much anymore.

Anonymous 58200

Yes, but that's not you. See how you mention "acting properly" "acting", if you put on a mask and people like the mask they don't like you, they like the mask.>>58178

Anonymous 58204

NTA, but it's not quite so black and white. People are anything but simple, and there is no person without several aspects to their personality. You just have to choose to show them the ones that will be more agreeable first, and then, if you choose to befriend a person, you can let them know of the rest.

Anonymous 58207

A sizable portion of the guys who treat you like their friend, also want to have sex with you, they just aren't creepy about it.

Anonymous 58209

Dicks are a problem when you have them around
Dicks are a problem when you don't have them
Same goes for pussies

Anonymous 58210

All men have urges to rape and kill women. Whether they act on it or not is up to them.

Anonymous 58226

That's irrelevant. She clearly says in the post she doesn't have a casual attitude toward sex. That men would fuck her given the chance is not romantic interest, that's just moids being braindead as usual.

Anonymous 58227

you've missed the point. no, i wouldn't want to be what men desire or like, on average, because it's shit and it's psychologically and emotionally unhealthy to actually be what it is that they desire. my point is that it's easy to earn their affection. it's not as if it's some prize or difficult to earn. "not being liked" by men is as simple as a woman possessing healthy boundaries.

actually, a lot of people "like" psychologically and emotionally harmful traits that really serve to put you behind the 8 ball, and only benefit them. it's only advantageous at times to act like you possess these traits for the sake of moving forward. anyways, the point is that it's not hard to be liked irl. a lot of people would have it, ideally, that you constantly feel insecure and do whatever it takes to please them, and actually believe this about them, and about yourself. it's not healthy. a lot of people irl, imo, really want unhealthy and exploitative friendships and work relationships. if you actually are that way and make yourself vulnerable to them genuinely, you're going to fuck yourself hard. not everyone is worth actually, genuinely befriending. we're talking about being broadly liked.

Anonymous 58229

either it is trauma or it is you spending too much time online tbh, the chance of some random guy killing you is low as long as your in public. 1.28 women were killed by men per 100,000 women in 2018 (most of the men were ones that the women trusted). theyre is about 5.59 female deaths by cars accidents per 100 000 women. driving is more dangerous then men but not by much.

then again if men have done terrible shit (rape, violence, etc) to you and they have to most women then their is not much you can do to not be scared of them.

Anonymous 58230

rape yes, kill no

Anonymous 58237

I agree it isn't there by default, but it develops after being denied the ability to rape women.

Anonymous 58605

I have no interest in healing my relationship with men. That bridge was burned long ago. 99% of them don’t particularly add anything positive or useful to my life and anything I do need or want from them I can probably get over a computer screen without having to interact with them face to face anyway.

Anonymous 58629

I don't even hate men, I don't have a bad relationship with them, but this is 100% based and true. You can learn to live without the opposite sex (except when circumstances force you to work together with them). You don't really need to date, if you can get love from friends and/or family of the same sex, not to mention if you're a lesbian you can date only women. I mean, as long as you don't go killing or hurting men, what problem is there with not liking them, really?

Anonymous 58676

Pretty much. I mean I think even most Stacies have figured this out.

They keep Chad as a bootycall. Use their online simps and orbiters for money and attention. And devote the rest of their time to themselves or their kids or family.

Women dont really need husbands anymore, if you need your lawn mowed or boiler fixed or heating installed or roof retiled you can just call a dude up to do that for you.

Anonymous 58679

I mean, that kind of thinking is why men don't think of women as anything but sex objects anymore.

Anonymous 58686

Men have always just seen women as sex objects and household appliances. If they don’t like it when we do it back to them then boohoo.

Anonymous 58688

they have no family. if they have kids, they are bastards beaten and raped by the many chads that come and go infrequently.

Anonymous 58690

Chads dont rape kids only incels do that sweetie

Anonymous 58699

Most Chads are no good, unfortunately.

Anonymous 58704


This. There’s actually no reason for a woman to have a partner, even if she wants kids. At this point women should only have a male life partner if they want one but it’s so not required and a financial drain at this point. Sorry moids

Anonymous 58943

I have no idea what that animal is but I just wanna say I love that little fucker

I wanna squish his cute face and throw him against a wall that’s how fucking adorable he is

I’m a bad person

Anonymous 58944

Only if you actually throw the little one against the wall.

Anonymous 58945

No I would never, I’d be super gentle with him or her IRL

But his face is so cute it makes me crazy

Anonymous 58946

Then, I think it's what people call "intrusive thoughts", like that weird urge to jump in front of a truck or to push someone off a ledge to their deaths, even if for the latter you'd rather die than do it.

Anonymous 58995


>The ones that don't or aren't my friend anymore, seemingly just want to fuck me without any romantic attachment. They seem to think I have the same attitude about sex as guys. They think I have a completely casual relationship with sex.

Sounds pretty standard for todays age. Liberal feminism hasn't done us any favours when it comes to sex. It just gave men the idea they are entitled to womens bodies without giving anything of value back. Not that men haven't always felt that way, just now they can hide it under the disguise of empowerment. Don't you want to be just like the guys :^^) come on don't be a prude.

Anonymous 59000

Yeup. Also makes it 100x harder to find a husband because guys are so used to getting the milk without paying for the whole cow nowadays. I have no interest in casual sex whatsoever.

Anonymous 59621

Wow, nothing that can't be replaced with (in order)
>magic wand
>asking someone to pick stuff up
>space heater

Anonymous 59642

>schlicking with a wand = passionate, raw sex with a hunk who loves you
Lol, no. Try again.

Anonymous 59667

the wand is definitely better. glad you enjoy your hunk but some of us aren't into it

Anonymous 59675


>needing a scrote to pleasure yourself when 99% of them can't even find the clitoris

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