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avoidant-personali…

avoidant personality disorder Anonymous 58440

I finally know what's wrong with me. My brain has been scrambled to want to run from confrontation, social events, social connections and all the things we as humans need to have in a social life. I am stuck, I cannot do all the things that normal people can do but the truth is that I don't want to get better because I want to resign myself to a bedroom all day.

It's exhausting. I wake up with dred, I get a buzz during the day thinking of all the cool things I could do in the future, I go to sleep, and the cycle continues. This is my daily routine for years now. I haven't done much with my time. I am only motivated with a delusion that it'll all magically fix itself.

Anonymous 58442

People really flip through the DSM and pretend they just discovered what’s been wrong with them all along, huh. Look, this isn’t the first time you’ve recognized that you’re a shut-in loser. You’ve always known that. You are just happy that there may be some external factor to blame for it. If it makes you feel better, most people who do go outside don’t do anything which makes their lives worthwhile either. Often times they just make them worse.

Anonymous 58443

>>58442
I'm not speaking of a self diagnosis situtation here. You're right though this isn't really different from the other 'loser' threads.

Anonymous 61085

tumblr_10257683f6b…

I typically feel bad for replying late, but I'll be honest, I just wanted to tell >>58442 to go fuck themselves.

You've probably seen it by now, but there's a cluster C general thread here:
>>93352

Anonymous 64538

>>58440
Same. I finally realized I was a mentally ill autistic weirdo.

>>58442
That's a bit of a blackpill but true to some extent.

Anonymous 64541

>>58440
>I wake up with dred, I get a buzz during the day thinking of all the cool things I could do in the future, I go to sleep, and the cycle continues.
We are living the same life. I don't know the way out either.

Anonymous 64574

For OP or anyone else with or suspecting they have AVPD, do you feel you avoid social situations because you're afraid of taking risks or are afraid of being put into a bad/rapey situation out of your control?

That's what did it for me. When I realized I was afraid of something bad happening to me my "good girl" pickme instincts told me to vacate and protect my overrated virgin heart.

There are other mental health problems in my family and in my life that also make socializing hard, but pre-COVID I felt like I was finally making progress by challenging my disorder/social anxiety.

Anonymous 64592

Same. Basically been a NEET since graduating high school. Recently forced myself out of NEETdom by going to uni. When the rona hit and all classes changed to online it was absolute bliss because I didn't have to interact with people face to face. But because I hardly have any discipline it made me fall behind a lot. Really tempted to quit and go back to the full-time NEET-life.
I turn 30 soon and still spend most my days tired, filled with dread, fantasizing about all the things I could do. I do notice that all my fantasies never involve other people. Never had a bf nor ever went on a date, but I never fantasize about having one either. Nor do I imagine having a group of friends to do fun things with. My fantasies for my possible future revolve around me being rich, having my own place, indulging in all my weebshit, living abroad in several countries, learning languages, read books in the languages I want to learn, watch movies, etc
It's like I am allergic to other people. I honestly feel a physical reaction when I have to interact with someone too long. And it doesn't matter if it is a good or bad interaction. Like, a few years ago I went to the gym because I wanted to fix the physical rot caused by the hikikomori lifestyle, but then this woman started talking to me in the gym asking me about a certain exercise I was doing. She was really nice, but when I went home after the workout I just never returned to the gym again.
I also don't really care about fixing this, I just wish I had enough energy to tolerate people so that I can try get a job and finish school. Hopefully realize some of my dreams.
It's not that I hate people, just don't like interacting with them or form relationships. I wish I could be invisible.

Anonymous 64595

>>58442
You are correct that you can fall into the trap of believing just because you know the name of your problem that your problem is solved. Many get stuck here, but there's no reason to, knowing what's possibly wrong with you gives your enemy a name and now you can start taking small, measured, responses to improve yourself over time. Granted, no one but yourself can force you to be a better person, but I assume most people are willing when walked through the steps to expand and overcome their meager selves.

Anonymous 64596

>>64592
>I also don't really care about fixing this, I just wish I had enough energy to tolerate people so that I can try get a job and finish school. Hopefully realize some of my dreams.
What if you had to change how you reacted to people in order to realize your dreams? Would it be something you want to do then?

Anonymous 64598

>>64596
>What if you had to change how you reacted to people in order to realize your dreams? Would it be something you want to do then?
Oof… if I really had to go and form personal relationships with people… tbh in my mindset right now I would just say fuck it, go back to NEETdom and probably become homeless in the future.
But honestly speaking, I don't think it is necessary to go that far in order to do what I want. I mean, I don't really mind being friendless, nor does the thought of "dying alone" keep me up at night. I was able to push myself out of NEETdom and go to uni, and I am capable of acting "normie" enough with my fellow classmates. As long as my interactions with them are purely based on exchanging greetings and talking about school matters. And I'm sure that when I find the courage to apply for jobs I will be able to do the same with my colleages. I mean, I don't think it is necessary to become friends with your co-workers in order to have a job. Atleast I hope so.
My problem starts when people start asking me personal questions. I feel like they are trying to invade my brain. Like they'll expose me and that my normie facade will crumble. When I feel that people are trying to force themselves into my personal space I just want to flee and try to cut out all contact. It just really makes me feel sick.
On top of that, I'm not really that interested in others. So I think it would be really unfair to others if I would just pretend to care about what they have to say.

Anonymous 64600

>>64598
>But honestly speaking, I don't think it is necessary to go that far in order to do what I want. I mean, I don't really mind being friendless, nor does the thought of "dying alone" keep me up at night. I was able to push myself out of NEETdom and go to uni, and I am capable of acting "normie" enough with my fellow classmates. As long as my interactions with them are purely based on exchanging greetings and talking about school matters.
Understandable, I wasn't implying that you needed to, I don't know your dream, just that almost all dreams involve people and almost overwhelmingly having some personal connections tends to help. Not always, but it tends to just happen it's slightly easier if you have some social connections. You can get pretty far not caring about other people and just wanting to be left alone, but other times I've observed others having friends really helps.
>My problem starts when people start asking me personal questions. I feel like they are trying to invade my brain. Like they'll expose me and that my normie facade will crumble. When I feel that people are trying to force themselves into my personal space I just want to flee and try to cut out all contact. It just really makes me feel sick.
On top of that, I'm not really that interested in others.
I mean it's pretty obvious from your posts that you're not interested in other people. I wouldn't be either if I was constantly feeling they were trying to attack my facade. It's why I just present myself as I can as honestly as possible, if in the best light. Personally I do feel some similar things concerning people asking me certain questions, but I know I can't get to where I need to unless I withstand that somewhat. Other people aren't hostile when they do that, just casually interested.
>So I think it would be really unfair to others if I would just pretend to care about what they have to say.
What if you could actually care about what they say instead of pretending?

Anonymous 64607

>>64600
>it's slightly easier if you have some social connections
Definitely true! Having connections and networking certainly opens doors. I am well aware that I make my life hard by avoiding human interactions as much as possible. I mean, I've spent 10 years a NEET, that's fucked up. But I'll still try to navigate life on my terms to the best of my ability and hope for the best.
>Personally I do feel some similar things concerning people asking me certain questions, but I know I can't get to where I need to unless I withstand that somewhat.
I really respect your attitude and hope you do get where you want to be without much trouble!
>What if you could actually care about what they say instead of pretending?
If only I could, anon, I definitely would.

Anonymous 64611

bad news.png


Anonymous 64618

>>64607
>Definitely true! Having connections and networking certainly opens doors. I am well aware that I make my life hard by avoiding human interactions as much as possible. I mean, I've spent 10 years a NEET, that's fucked up. But I'll still try to navigate life on my terms to the best of my ability and hope for the best.
Understandable, and I share similar sentiments, for me mostly what changed the view is recognizing how important the goal was, and how important being comfortable was by comparison, and the conclusion I've generally reached is that the two are at constant odds with each other. If comfort is that important to you, I understand.
>I really respect your attitude and hope you do get where you want to be without much trouble!
Oh I don't care how much trouble I cause or experience, getting there is too important to worry about little things like that. Of course I would prefer to avoid trouble, but, that's an unhealthy approach to almost all of life's problems.
>If only I could, anon, I definitely would.
Well, I can advise you that it is possible, you just have to approach interacting with people with the right framework.

Anonymous 64626

>>64611
This just described how I feel and how my life is perfectly.

Anonymous 64636

>>64611
This is true and I wished committing sudoku was easier.

Anonymous 64640

>>64611
This is true but it helped me become self aware. I realised when I was placating my anxious brain with a screen and distraction, and called myself out. Today I did so much and the shame this post evoked in me helped me. And I feel great. Sure, I'm going to have flop days, but I will forgive myself, and catch myself when I'm about to throw my day away. I don't believe the statement is necessarily true, not if you're brave enough to believe in yourself.

Anonymous 65333

>>64574
Not OP, but I’ll respond.
Personally, I have grown up very sheltered, because that’s what I’ve preferred, and probably because of that (and asperger) I have great difficulties in navigating complex situations, and explaining myself.
My greatest fear is being reduced to a child-like entity, not in a ridiculing way (of course that’d be the worst outcome, but that’s not as common) but in a benevolently belittling way.
I have had it happen with many friends and crushes, and now, when I detect a slightest sign of them possibly thinking I’m disabled, stupid, or weird, I immediately start to look for ways to escape the situtation and to avoid facing them again. Out of inner shame.

Anonymous 65353

>>64592
>indulging in all my weebshit
Do you have a husbando too?



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