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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 62576

Are there any people here who have actually had a successful relationship lasting more than 18 months? Please tell me your secret to lasting relationships.

Anonymous 62579

Don't go out looking for a relationship, let things happen naturally. I have been with my boyfriend for four years now and we are extremely similar in taste and temperament, it is truly an "other half" feeling, and we met online via hobbies (aka gaming). It is possible! Just be careful.

Anonymous 62580

high standards. very, very high standards.

Anonymous 62583

It's a combination of a lot of things really but if I had to pick the most important thing that would be slowly getting used to talking about everything. And I do mean everything - likes, dislikes, fears, favorite things, things you don't care about, deep dark secrets, whatever. If something the other person does bothers you, tell them. If you love something they do, tell them. So many things can be solved just by talking and make the relationship more stable. Of course if there's something you don't feel comfortable talking about (with anyone, let alone a bf/SO), then leave it for your diary, yourself or whatever you feel comfortable with.

Anonymous 62584

Not getting advice on a board for female incels would be my #1 hint.

Anonymous 62587

Actually knowning the person before a relationship. Not just taste, hobbies and all that stuff because that's not enough. You need to get to know some of the shitty things that person has done (everyone has been a shitty person at some point), how's that person relation with its family, how he/she lives. Most people start a relationship after finding out they have a few things in common and that's it, then they start spending time together and they start to notice they don't actually know eachother.
If that person doesn't want to be open with you, it isn't worth starting a relationship.

The other thing is communication. No matter what the type of relationship, communication is key. If there's any problem, any thing that makes the other uncomfortable or whatever, you need to able to talk before it becomes something bigger.

It sounds easy, but it's really hard and requires a lot of trust, which isn't exactly easy.

Anonymous 62602

for relationship longevity: be responsive instead of reactive. to get laid quickly and regularly: be reactive and then not responsive, kek

Anonymous 62605

This is a board for femcel? Like 90% of the threads are about relationships we have.

Anonymous 62609

At 7 (or 8?) months here but very successful. I want to marry him.
>responsive to each other's needs
>never quarrel, respect the other person's opinion
>good sex
>good cuddles
>do fun things every weekend with no pressure
>split costs 50/50 so no fighting about money
>similar values and desires, similar lifestyle choices

Anonymous 62615

Seconding this, I've been with a guy for 13 years now. We met online but were friends in a community about shared interests. Had a lot of late night phone conversations before meeting IRL. We've been living together for 12 years and doing great.

Don't settle for maybes. Don't say yes to a guy because you think nobody else will ask you out. Always be financially independent from him. Don't stay with a guy who wants you to be his replacement mommy.

Understand that a long term relationship is a cohesive family unit, whether or not you end up having kids. If you share living space with a guy you should have an understanding on who does what chores and manages which responsibilities. If he puts all those duties on you, dump him. If he takes control of all those things himself, maybe also dump him because he might be trying to force you into dependency.

Never forget that you are a complete and sufficient person on your own and you don't need a relationship. A relationship based on percieved needs is going to make you dependent and miserable, a relationship between two full and capable people is going to be based on mutual respect.

Anonymous 82358

Not having one

Anonymous 82428

I haven't personally had one but what I've observed is that the people in them have real shared interests. Some of the most disgustingly geeky people in your high school class find their future spouse before graduation through their hobbies, sometimes years before.

Anonymous 82845

Been with my partner for 3 years now, lived with him for 2 years now. I think the best advice I can give someone is to always find ways to get to know your partner more, i always love learning new things about my bf and the little things he does exictes me.

Anonymous 82911

Lots of solid answers in here!

A dedication to problem-solving should go hand in hand with good communication. Relationship conflict is inevitable but if you and your SO are both focused on solving whatever problem is causing the conflict instead of tearing into each other you'll be saving yourselves a lot of heartache. It only works if it's mutual, though.

(Source: Relationship going on seven years.)

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