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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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long distance is a killer Anonymous 63363

Hello. I'm in a sticky situation right now. I'm a 23F who has a guy (23M) that is interested in me.

We met online while playing World of Warcraft 4 months ago and things seemed to have gone really well between the two of us.

We're both Master's students, we have a lot of similarities, we have similar interests. He said that he's never spoken to a girl like me before and that I was essentially the female version of him.

We video call for 5 hours each time regularly, we talk on the phone for about 30 minutes to an hour every two days and we text daily. These texts tend to be very long (both ways.) He even talks about his friendship circle and his family to me regularly.

I'm insanely attracted to him and can't help but feel that way as each day passes by. The chemistry we feel right now is insane.

I haven't met him yet but I'm planning to in September after my parents have seen me hand off my dissertation. They're ok with that. He told me that we need to meet in person to see if a connection is there romantically or if this should remain a friendship. Things seem to go really well for me and this guy. But the main problem is distance.

I live near Leeds and he lives near London.

I've always wanted to work in London ever since I was a little girl because I know that's the place I want to be. I'm not moving for this guy. It's for myself. Even if I got a flat in a county outside of London, surely I can commute to London and back, right?

Anonymous 63364

Oh no. My parents don't want me moving outside of Leeds at all. And this makes me really angry.

I broke down over the phone to this guy yesterday and this afternoon telling him about my situation and the fact that I've started to grow feelings for him. He said he's willing to see me regularly after our first scheduled date (if it goes well.) If not, then we're gonna remain really good friends. But I can't help but like him more and more as each day goes by. He said that this connection was such a strong connection he never felt before in his life. He also said I'm the person he talks to the most these days (he doesn't talk to a lot of people/have many friends.)

We have both never been in a relationship. I'm a virgin.

I've gotten so angry with my parents and ended up developing feelings for this guy I started to feel absolutely weird inside to the point I was nauseated and cried all evening. I don't want to be away from him because I know that intimacy is crucial for a long-term relationship. I know he'd love to be in a long term relationship with me (he said this) but we both agreed that the distance is a killer. I've never felt so strongly for a guy before. He's exactly what I want in a guy and I hate myself because of the fact I don't live near him.

My parents are pushing me to do a PhD (I'm a chemical engineering major, Master's student at the moment) but I'm not sure if that might be a good idea. They also told me that my first job must be in Leeds and that I buy my own home there at age 25, which to me seems unrealistic even if house prices are cheap up North. The life in London to me just seems more exciting. I used to visit there with my father all the time and we dreamt about living near there. My mother is the one most against me "sofa-surfing" and "pouring rent money down the drain."

Anonymous 63368

> Oh no. My parents don't want me moving outside of Leeds at all.


Anonymous 63371

Is there a reason why you have to listen to your parents? I'm sorry if I read this wrong but it sounds like your parents are a bit overprotective of you.

Anonymous 63379

they are extremely overprotective. i'm a 2nd generation immigrant. they also said that london is extrmely expensive and they don't want me sofasurfing/throwing money away.

see above

Anonymous 63387

are you south asian OP? this is the only community that seems to have such a degree of control they won't let you move to another city in the same country.
also I wouldn't advise buying a house while doing a PhD. buying a house in the north basically is throwing money away too, especially with house prices in the UK being what they are, but forming a relationship with someone else who also has a decent paying career prospects and buying a house closer to London after some time would be the winning move.

Anonymous 63393

Dump him

Anonymous 63563

don't dump him op, it sounds like you two are highly compatible with each other and are on the path to something great. if you both can wait for each other until the timing is right, then try to end up with him! it'll be worth it in the end. there's a reason why you spend so much time with him despite never meeting. you have strong chemistry, and i promise you it will translate well irl when you meet! the first meeting might be awkward, but when you meet him again and again and get exposed to his irl presence, things just naturally click into place.

Anonymous 63588

>He said that he's never spoken to a girl like me before and that I was essentially the female version of him
..and you liked that?
>I know he'd love to be in a long term relationship with me (he said this)
He hasn't even met you yet.
>long distance is a killer
>live in the same country
Not to gatekeep, but this is idiotic. Either be willing to do long distance or don't, but with a "distance" like this it should be doable to see each other every couple of weeks. But don't do that, he sucks.
>I've always wanted to work in London ever since I was a little girl because I know that's the place I want to be
My recommendation is to move to London, dump the guy, find out how disappointing this city is, pick a better place to live and then fall in love there.

Anonymous 63771

you don't think it is reasonable for two people to meet before starting a serious relationship?
I don't think you should be giving any advice.

Anonymous 63772

They've been talking for 4 months he should know if there's a connection

Anonymous 63773

As someone who has been in an LDR you definitely want to meet at least once before declaring it some sort long time thing.

t. moved in with LDR I never met in person beforehand and suffered

Anonymous 63774

Holy cow you moved right in with them? Don't want to derail but I'd love to hear this story

Anonymous 63775

>relationship with parents was severely strained
>didn't want to live with them anymore
>LDR offered to let me move in
>moved in

Pretty simple story, I suppose the only highlight was not telling my parents where I was going, and I moved out while they were on vacation, so they came back to an unexpectedly empty home.

Anonymous 63776

I guess I'm more curious what it was like living with him, I can't imagine moving in and just slowly realizing I didn't like him and having to try to leave

Anonymous 63778

Well it was more like he lost interest in me and advice I moved out to find a better living situation. He still cared, he wasn't a monster who like locked me up in a basement and starved me to death. It just turned out that he wasn't that sexually into me. It was like crushing on a roommate and them not liking you back really and the awkward atmosphere that creates.

Very awkward and embarrassing and it looked like I was going to get stuck in a different state without any support so I moved back in with my parents. My relationship with them immensely improved however as I proved I was completely and utterly willing to completely cut them out of my life if they did not stop fucking with me, and, to be fair, OP's parents sound the slightest bit overbearing. I don't regret the experience a single bit because it was my choices that got me into and out of that situation.

But again, please OP, at least meet the damn guy before you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Anonymous 63779

Damn. I'm really glad things worked out for you anon, and that your parents were able to be there for you

Anonymous 63780

I am too, being homeless would have been really awkward to navigate, establishing roommates or friends in a new state would also have been a majorly annoying situation to be in.

Anonymous 63822

why doesn't he come for a visit? meet you, your parents, learn more about you and all.

Anonymous 63823


Trust me, life in the city seems alluring and new but you will quickly find out its a shithole and you'll question why people live there in the first place. I know parents can be overbearing but theyre making a good case, you will go bankrupt if you're not careful trying to rent in a city and even one "treat yo self" moment can be unrecoverable in the future. Neighbors suck ass, you just cant get away from people, theres no natural environment, its loud, unsafe and theres no privacy. Try living there for 6 months and realise that there really is no place like the countryside.

What i would recommend is if you own a car and are keen to see him, make a day trip out of it. Get on the highway at 5am, and meet him at 11am, hang out all day and see what happens. It sounds though that you're way too obsessed with him off the bat and meeting someone in person is substantially different than to online. Don't pump up your expectations to an unattainable image or you might crash with disappointment when you get back home. But just think, a long road trip can be really fun in itself, so get hyped for that instead.

Otherwise if this man is so good and decent as you said, get him to visit you instead, see if he's willing to put in the effort to see you. If he wont do it, you can already tell he is off the bat just talking the talk.

Anonymous 68253


god you are so lucky your boyfriend lives 200 miles away. If I lived that close to my boyfriend I'd visit him every weekend.

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