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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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marriage and stuff Anonymous 64603

how do you have a wedding when you don't have friends?

also did any of you get married?

Anonymous 64604

I am married. Had a small ceremony with only family. No friends. You only do what you want, if you want to have a cake, have one, if you don't, don't. My husband and I don't care for rings so we didn't exchange any. We had it in a public-but-somewhat-secluded park. We gave our vows, two people signed the papers stating they witnessed the ceremony. It was pretty easy.

Anonymous 64608

You don't need rings? I always thought you had to.

Anonymous 64617


Just got engaged and wondering the same thing lol, we're planning an autumn wedding next year. We do have friends but not super close ones, and we aren't really in touch with our extended families plus planning a full traditional wedding event seems really stressful and expensive. So we're just going with immediate family, but that's just three people from his side and eight from mine if my siblings bring their partners, and our families speak different languages and never met before so I worry my folks will feel awkward speaking English, conversations will be forced, and everyone will mostly just stick with their own group. Also fiancé and I both left our home countries to where we live now (UK), so everyone has to travel a lot for this and stuff. idk I just want everyone to have a good time.

On the other hand I'm really excited to be married to my partner, and it's really meaningful to us so I want to do something memorable and create at least a little bit of a festive wedding feeling. I'm hoping we can find a venue with lots of nature, maybe a bonfire pit and a lake and stuff, I think a more natural environment will be less awkward than everyone sitting indoors. We also have a really adorable dog who likes doing goofy stuff and will be hanging out with us during the reception, our families love dogs and the pup loves people so we're hoping this dissuades at least 30% of the awkwardness.

Anonymous 64713

how did your engagement go? sounds like your wedding's gonna be laidback and stress-free. weddings are overrated and bring a bunch of unnecessary stress and strain to a relationship, especially when considering financial costs.

at most id like for the rings and maybe the wedding dress to be expensive, the venue and catering doesnt matter much as i wont invite many people, just immediate families and my SOs close friends, maybe we'll go out to a fancy restaurant after the ceremony as a group. maybe the honeymoon should get more money than the dress as it is a celebration of love between the newlyweds.
its awkward for me inviting friends as i dont have any close friends but my SO has three or four. what do you do if you don't have a bridal party but theres a groom party? wont that look silly at the altar?

Anonymous 64734

You don't "have" to do anything. Legally you can be married without a ceremony at all ofc and what you do at the ceremony is up to you.

Anonymous 64735

The only thing legally required is the ceremony being officiated by someone licensed to officiate weddings (which conveniently anyone can get one of these free of cost by coming a priest of The Church of The Dude online), the paperwork properly being filled out, and having two witness to the document signing.

Everything else is optional. Literally every single bloody other thing from cake to dresses to venue to rings is optional. People treat it special for social, religious, or personal sake, but you don't have to do anything.

Anonymous 64737

I should add "ceremony" is being used very loosely here. As long as you agree to get married in front of the marriage official (could even be a judge idgaf) and get the paperwork signed what you even have to say isn't relevant.

Anonymous 64766

Pregnant and living together, but not getting married. He wanted to propose, but the baby wasn't planned and I feel like even a heartfelt proposal would just feel wrong.

Anonymous 64768


Easy, you invite family OR just elope and have it just be the two of you.

I got married in May.

Anonymous 64796

gonna be getting married to my military bf early next year. he's my only friend and we are planning to have an expensive honeymoon and just a cheap shit wedding where we get the papers signed and go get drunk

Anonymous 64803

retard absorber.jp…

Yeah I thought about how awkward this would be for me as well. But good thing I don't have a boyfriend ha-ha!

Anonymous 64815

Fun fact, diamond rings only became a thing back in the 1940s when a diamond company pushed an ad campaign that, to paraphrase, said 'she can't say no if you propose with one of our diamond rings'.

The ring itself is also not necessary, it's pomp and circumstance. Whether secular or Christian, what matters in a marriage is that it's properly officiated (either by the state or under the eyes of God if that's your thing) and that both parties want in.

Also, genuine attraction and commonality helps, but if you're getting bound in matrimony that's probably something I'd say should be a requirement, else misery tends to follow swiftly after.

On my side, we got married back in 2013. Small affair, only direct family. Apparently weddings like that are statistically more likely to produce happy marriages, who'da thunk? We drifted apart on good terms years later and still meet up for drinks now and then. Probably one of the better relationships I can claim to have had.

Anonymous 64966

You don't need anything except to sign the marriage certificate and have 2 witnesses. You can get married in city hall and the workers can witness. This is if you live in the US.

Anonymous 64984

You would only invite good family members that aren't going to shit on your wedding with drama and alcoholism.
The pickier the merrier, IMO. After all, you would save a TON of money for not spending it in too many wedding-related things, and with that saved money, you can always pay the entire house you will live with your husbamd earlier than 30 years or so.

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