I have a lot of anger in me. I got out of therapy and I'm not going back, I'm not kidding when I say it was some hippy dippy shit like laying down with both palms facing upwards and thinking about the people you hate who have wronged you and walking a mile in their shoes. Fuck that noise, being told to do that just made me angrier and like my experience as the wronged is not important and like I'm not heard. By the time I got out of therapy I've already become self assured enough without the help of their bullshit DBT because meds have finally calibrated my brain. But lately when my anger overwhelms me I take my razor blade and cut myself (it's actually possible to cut yourself on all that edge - sorry, had to). The blade has gotten duller so it hurts a fair bit more drawing blood. I've done this a couple of times already and it might become an actual problem later on like with those people who are addicted to it. It doesn't really bring me any sense of relief or anything though, I do it almost unconsciously.
I don't hate myself, I have high self confidence like I mentioned earlier. I work out, I'm straight edge, eat well, sleep well, drink plain water and I'm on meds. I've done it all and I've done my best. I'm just a depressive. Right now I have a deadline for when I'll carry out my plan. I've got 23 more years to live since I have my little nieces and nephew to live for and protect from my pedophile incest freak family and from this shit world. I'm saving up the money for it. Time can't pass quickly enough. For the time being I'll express myself through art, find a few or a bunch of fwbs once lockdown is over and be there for as many people as I can even though I'm 24/7 in a mental health crisis myself. I just take a lot of pleasure in cheering people up or helping them through their problems, plus it distracts me from my own. Thanks for reading this stupid post but that's about it.
I have anger issues too anon. I also get urges to harm myself when I’m angry. I don’t cut anymore but I was so enraged once that I impulsively dragged my nails down my thighs. Was pretty satisfying. Anyway life fucking sucks. I feel you anon.
good luck anon. our anger issues will probably be the end of us since youre describing a lot i relate to, but 23 years seems fine to me too. good time, not a long one.
why is that the best kate bush song?