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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Nowhere feels like "home" Anonymous 64899

>22 years old
>Dirtpoor country
>Had to move in back with my parents due to high rent prices
>Degree in a useless major, no marketable skills
>Can't get a job, forced to be a NEET

Now I feel like I belong to nowhere. I don't feel like I have autonomy, I feel like I'm floating between days. Nothing I own feels like it is mine. I don't even feel comfortable in my own body. There is nowhere I can go, I have this constant feeling of "I wanna go home" even if I'm in my own room. Nothing brings me warmth and comfort and I don't really have a social life. I really don't see the point of this uncomfortable existence.

Anonymous 64900

You could intentionally up the uncomfortableness by forcing yourself in unfamiliar situations, which would make the (allegedly) comfortable home more comfortable.

Anonymous 64911

If the situation on your country is bad at this moment, at the very least be ready for anything in case shit hits the fan, and improve survival skills in the meantime or something.
I honestly don't know how to respond since the way you write is comprehensinle, but a bit bizzaro since the greentext doesn't match much with the rest of your post.

Anonymous 65072

Same! I have been feeling this way since 13. Just waiting for major life events (christmas etc.) to unfold, to feel part of something, but at the end of the day going back to my state of emptiness. Due to my lack of participance in life, I have been constantly conscious of how life is ultimately meaningless. This has made me suicidal and has further alienated me from people due to the causes for my misery not being all that relateable. It has made me feel like i know the truth and cant go back. However I have been on antidepressants now for almost half a year and they have helped me in feeling
like i and my actions matter. There have been moments of happiness, something i havent experienced since childhood and which i have considered to be only a thing of the past due to my blissful ignorance back then. The dread of existential nihilism often returns, probably since my medication (vortioxetine) doesnt have the side effect of flattening emotions, but it doesnt matter - i should just be happy that im capable of being happy.

Happiness is however definitely a state that requires ignorance. There isnt really a home. Its just a fleeting moment in which you arent even aware of the fact that youre happy - that youre home. Youre only aware of it afterwards in order to have something to believe in - to return to. There is not actually a home to return to, but its all right, you just have to believe that there is. That being said socializing and other healthy activities youve probably heard enough about will definitely help in feeling like you belong. Just dont lose hope. try to remember when you were happy in the distant past - its still possible, trust me. Btw i wrote this not only for your but also my own sake since its never really all that straightforward and my moments of dread often return.

Anonymous 65092

The "calm mediative stillness" is in my eyes a state that requires ignorance. Usually what people do when practicing mindfullness is they focus on small things such as water flowing or silence. If you keep focusing on how to stay happy, if you truly are happy, if your happiness has meaning etc., thats all generated by what monks would call the monkey brain and is counterproductive in the name of happiness. Its fueled by uncertainty in oneself, and to pretend that youre achieving something while not actually participating in life and obtaining new information is basically a big cope.

Anonymous 65122

>>if you keep focusing on how to stay happy, if you truly are happy, if your happiness has meaning etc., thats all generated by what monks would call the monkey brain


It doesn't require ignorance to clear your focus to only the most conducive thing, it's just hard to learn. Also I feel like society brainwashes the population to focus on the worst the vast majority of the time, instead of promoting pragmatism.

But I dont see what over-optimism has to do with centering into an uncontaminated focus. You can think negative thoughts a good part of the day, and run into mountains of bad things all day long. You can even have hard to control pessimism like i do, and still compartmentalize that part of your mind when you need to work and be proactive.

How do you think surgeons perform? They are not ignorant to the fact their patients are sick and or dying, they just dont let it interfere. Also most true unhappiness comes from deep subconscious fixation on unresolved issues, that pollute ones ability to focus to the best of their ability even more.

I don't think it involves not participating in life, thats pretty toxic to assume actually. I think if you want to execute anything in the best possible way, and something is extremely hard you have to give yourself a ton of space. Especially if you're taking care of your mental health. Giving yourself a ton of space to breath is 10x harder than continuing the habit of not learning to use space and compartmentalize your thoughts.. punishing yourself or ruminating and suffocating yourself slowly without realizing it because that's what you think is normal. There are times when it doesnt matter HOW you stand back and give yourself space, you just should. Especially if you can't understand what that even means, you have to learn as you go. Either way its always going to be infinitely better to take space than try to perform when you shouldn't.Its not conducive to exist all the time with extreme pessimism or self punishing thoughts. It doesn't solve anything and makes you perform poorly.

Anonymous 65124

>The "calm mediative stillness" is in my eyes a state that requires ignorance.
I don't understand. Do you think the monk just ignores things to reach that state? Or are you using "focus" and "ignore" interchangeably in this context?

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