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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

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Depressed about being in university too long Anonymous 65894

I started uni 4 years ago for a bachelors, but because I changed my minor and general laziness I'll need 2 more years to actually graduate.
I feel so depressed and anxious about my future, I was supposed to be done after 3 years, but while everyone I know is out looking for their first real job or going on vacation before their masters I'm still stuck here.
I feel like a failure and despite them saying otherwise I feel like I'm disappointing my family.
By the time I graduate I'll be years behind my peers and I don't know how to deal with that.

Anonymous 65907

If your standard for success was "graduate with a Bachelor's in three years" then yes by definition you are a failure.
>By the time I graduate I'll be years behind my peers and I don't know how to deal with that.
Deal with it by knowing only 2% of people go on to having a "career" so joining the rest of society in the dredge that is just having a "job" doesn't really matter if you do after 4 or 6 years of college. The majority of your peers will not go on to do amazing things just because they finished college on time, that's just a given.

Anonymous 65918

Some people don't even get to go to post-secondary.
I think of them when I feel behind (I started uni when I was 21).

Anonymous 65920

"behind my peers" and "being late to the life / starting family etc." is over after you finish highschool, the rest is optional and timeless until you are just so old that you feel like you can't hang out with people that are their mid 20s

being a disappointment lasts forever regardless of what you do though.

Anonymous 65963

Thank you for the answers, guess I'm just being melodramatic more than anything.

Anonymous 65977

lol me.jpg

>4 years ago.
>mfw I started in 2010 and just now nearing the end.
I will probably kill myself if I don't have my degree by this time next year :)

Anonymous 65979


Slacked first year and got depressed. Make enough money through the year for necessities. Lives at home. Also I'm Swedish so uni is free to attend.
Fucking hate it when I meet friends and family who ask me what I'm up to.
>Oh you know, still studying!
>Wow? Still? What now?
>Umm… the same.
Feeling like a failure is a fucking understatement but I feel like if I drop out completely with nothing to show for it I seriously don't know what to do with myself

Anonymous 65985

yeah I honestly don't understand how people in the US risk going to college. Especially for non-STEM degrees that won't even pay off their debt in a lifetime. Makes no sense tbh

Anonymous 65989

I know it feels tough at the moment anons, but you'll all make it and it will be worth it. As a former self-diagnosed failure, I can assure you that you're not. Don't lose sight on the end goal :)

Are you studying something you enjoy, or do you feel like you picked a field for some other reason (money, forced into it, status)? Maybe there's a reason you're taking so long, maybe you don't like it as much as you thought you would?

I graduated on time but didn't even get a job at all after graduating, let alone in my field. I ended up getting a shitty kitchenhand job I hated, and was even more embarrassed telling people I worked there than when I didn't have a job.

Anonymous 65994

Don't drop it. You're right in that you'll have wsted a lot of time and will have nothing to show for it if you do. Due to failing some classes I also took a long time to graduate and in the middle of it I felt absolutely floored at my friends passing me by. Depending on your uni you could apply for an international exchange or seek extracurriculars that give you some purpose besides powering through classes. Lastly, not finishing in the exact expected time is more common than it seems. Shit happens. You're young, it's not that big of a deal. Best of luck

Anonymous 65995

It's the same when you do the bachelor's -> master's -> phd. Literally 10 or more years of "how are you still studying?". I derail by telling them about internships or random travelling I've done

Anonymous 65998

At least you'll ne able to call yourself doctor

Anonymous 66000

Thank you very much for the encouragement, I know I'm still young and that there are people much worse off than me butnI still kinda worry about the future.
At least covid is gonna be a decent excuse for needing a bit longer.

Anonymous 66009

I fully agree with this sentiment, you guys should just accept that in real life doing these kinds of things takes a while. Besides, do you actually learn less if you take longer? Would you have used that extra time to work and do something meaningful? I think you can see where I'm going with this, nobody can guarantee you that having rushed the degree would have been better (at least for non U.S. centric views, I understand that it costs too much over there).
Personally I like to bring out an example about books: who learns more, those who finish first? or those who read at their pace?

Anonymous 66019

Those who go to university to advance their """career""" are really the types that struggle with their studies to the point that they might never reach the end. Not having an inherent motivation is a recipe for disaster, at least that is my view. There are of course exceptions like, again, the U.S. where you pay for your diploma and access to the theme park that is university like some kind of consumer. I know I'm exaggerating, but just to show you that even in this exaggerated version it's still in part about learning.

Anonymous 66034

>The difficulty of what they are doing is irrelevant to the purpose for which they are engaging in it.
If you believe people can get through anything by simply suffering through it, then you are right, it is irrelevant. I'm basing what I said on the assumption that you have to enjoy what you do.
>Wew boy that the majority of people in the workforce certainly are facing a problem aren't they?
I'm oblivious to the part of the workforce made up by such people. You could be right, I don't care. I hope I didn't offend anybody, I'm sorry I said anything.

Anonymous 66064

OP here, does anyone here have experience doing volunteering, specifically in regards to homeless people?
I was going to start doing that locally next semester to pad my resume but am unsure what to really expect.

Anonymous 66065

NEVER BE ALONE with a homeless man anon. EVER.
They have nothing to lose so make sure you remember that.

Anonymous 66069

The charity I'm looking at is just about driving around in a bus with several people and giving homeless people some warm food and drinks, I don't think it would be too dangerous.
A friend of a friend recommended it as a good way to help people.

Anonymous 66072

Learn to knit and make them some sweaters, stay away from street people.

Anonymous 66155

Would be nice if it were, college turning into high school 2.0 is shit for everyone.
Everyone goes to college especially in countries without high tuition so you end up with people like OP that fuck around for a decade before ever even working.

Anonymous 66177

when ur 40 it wont matter, i also took 2 gap years which became 3 because of covid because i failed med entrance exam twice because i was too depressed to study anything and now im entering uni while all my friends are already in their internship years and about to graduate in a year, i just keep telling myself it wont matter when im 40 and no one will care and have been off social media for more than a year so no annoying old friends can message me and ask me what im upto kek,its cope but its actually pretty nice, i just keep in constant touch with 4-5 people i give a shit about and they are all super supportive because they know the details of ny situation. also good way to filter people that care about you from the ones that are only just hanging on for entertainment

Anonymous 66187

Thankfully most people I know are pretty supportive, though that's probably because my social circle isn't a bunch of law and business students.

Anonymous 66347

I feel so old compared to my new classmates, they're all bright eyed 18/19 yearolds while I'm almost 23.
God I jjst don't know how to cope with the lost time, despite knowing it isn't that big a deal I feel like shit constantly because of it.
I feel so old and immature at the same time, like I'm years behind my friends but years ahead of my new classmates.
I just want that feeling to stop.

Anonymous 66348

Seriously how do people manage to feel happy?
The best I ever feel is not sad and somewhat entertained, even that it usually comes crashing down quickly.

Anonymous 66349

They have important goals they are moving towards, as opposed to just hedonistic stagnation or nihilistic retreat.

Anonymous 66354

Most people I know are just as aimless as me, they just studied what they fojnd interesting or even nust spent years working minimum wage, yet despite them not working towards anything they seem so content to just live their life one day at a time.
If wish I could be like that, instead of an ungrateful retard who spends more time feeling inexplicably bad than anything else.

Anonymous 66356

Goal may be the wrong word, "ideal" may be better. If they're happy like that they just have meek ideals. The minimum wage worker types (assuming they aren't just feeling bad for themselves) just has a goal of having enough money to live, get food and enjoy things. As time goes and if they're actually competent they may move up to a nice low level manager position and have a good time. They're not stupid, they just don't compare themselves or expect themselves to be geniuses.

As far as the college types who took whatever classes struck their fancy, most of the time, they're just going with the flow of what feels meaningful to them and pressing forward just enough to get those degrees and get a stable job. I know I've talked to at least one person who stated quite confidently "I don't want to change the world, I want a nice comfy middle management position in some company that pays the bills and let's me buy some nice things." Those types are extroverted enough they tend to socially ladder to where they want to go, assuming they have just enough wits and werewithal to go about it.

What is your ideal life? I assume you want to be "happy", but what do you want to be doing besides just being happy?

Anonymous 66358

I guess I would like if my parents felt proud of me and dpn't consider me a disappointment.
That's kinda already the case though, when I told them about the insecruities listed in those thread they just told me I shouldn't worry about stuff like that, that they don't mind and just want me to be happy and it's not a big deal and I think they were honest
Actually I guess I want to feel like I've accomplished something in my life, nothing big or world shaking just enough that I myself can be proud of it.
Sorry for writing novels like this.

Anonymous 66369

>I guess I would like if my parents felt proud of me and dpn't consider me a disappointment.
That's kinda already the case though, when I told them about the insecruities listed in those thread they just told me I shouldn't worry about stuff like that, that they don't mind and just want me to be happy and it's not a big deal and I think they were honest
They probably were, so congrats. Though I would state this is probably why "be happy" isn't a good goal, because once you start failing at it, you're aren't happy, which means you're failing at it, which means… ad infinitum.
>Actually I guess I want to feel like I've accomplished something in my life, nothing big or world shaking just enough that I myself can be proud of it.
Well that's a step forward. There are many things to accomplish, so it can be quite the giant, incomprehensible blob you're moving towards. Do you have the faintest intimation of what it would be, or, failing that, anything that catches your interest.?
>Sorry for writing novels like this.
I can assure you I don't care in the slightest as long as you're being honest.

Anonymous 66371

I've been interested in plenty of things, be they arts music or learning languages, but I never really manage to stick with anything.
As soon as I feel even the slightest bit of resistance from the hobby and learning process I throw in the towel and then start the cycle over again in a couple months.
I guess the closest thing I have to a real goal is making a living off of something at least a little creative rather than number crunching in an office for 45 years.
But I'm just not good at anything creatige so that's a pipedream.

Anonymous 66372

>I've been interested in plenty of things, be they arts music or learning languages, but I never really manage to stick with anything.
Good, you're at least ahead of the curve in that regard. I've talked to some people who couldn't even manifest interest at all.
>As soon as I feel even the slightest bit of resistance from the hobby and learning process I throw in the towel and then start the cycle over again in a couple months.
Well, who wouldn't? Getting good at things is hard, it takes effort, it's far easier not to. You have to have a big enough ideal that despite the fact it is hard you keep going anyway.
>I guess the closest thing I have to a real goal is making a living off of something at least a little creative rather than number crunching in an office for 45 years.
>But I'm just not good at anything creatige so that's a pipedream.
Anyone who hasn't sat down and practiced being creative isn't going to be good at being creative. I can't guarantee you you'll make money in a year, hell possibly ever, but I can guarantee that you will never ever make money from it in any shape or form if you don't at least try and make physical, practical, simple movements towards it. At least if you struggle a little you might find something, could you choose one creative thing that interests you more than the rest?

Anonymous 66384

Thank you for putting in so much effort to help me.
Drawing is probably the creative activity I'm most interested in,being able to let your imsginaion run wild without constraints is great.
You're right that not doing anything to improve is pretty stupid, I think I'll try practicing again tomorrow.
Thanks again.

Anonymous 66386

You're welcome. I will state for best results, you want to give yourself the smallest physical action you can do each day to get closer to your goal, and just get yourself to do that. Talk to yourself, ask yourself honestly what it would take to convince you to practice that little bit more, and when you practice, give yourself the damn reward guilt free. Take the largest step you can actually achieve each day.

Anonymous 66387

That sounds very reasonable and will probably prevent me from getting burnout again.
I really appreciate your advice.

Anonymous 66429

it took me 6 years to graduate due to a lot of mental health-related shit, and my professional life is great now. I'm even in grad school. Don't give up, OP. Disillusionment is something I relate to a lot, but I'm working hard right now to be able to do all the things I want to accomplish. You'll get there if you keep at it.

Anonymous 66431

Yeah you're right, I went to a freshmen hangout today in my new minor and realized how many people did something else in unkversity or changed their degree.
I don't really have a readon to feel so sorry for myself.

Anonymous 66438

I think I even managed to make some friends or at least friendly acquaintances which is nice.
I'll just focus on enjoying my two last years of university and then try to find a job that suits my interest.
Thanks again to all the kind people that gave me advice.

Anonymous 66495

And now I feel like shit again.
Why can't I stay happy for longer than a day?
As soon as anything goes well or I feel good I can't help but think of all the ways I'm inferior to my peers or how I fucked up my life.

Anonymous 66501

>Why can't I stay happy for longer than a day?
Because someone comforting you only lasts a day, and progress is slow and hard if you're uncertain about your general life goal and how to reach out.

Anonymous 66516

They are absolutely fucking worthless if you are not going to a program that is not approved by a professional organization like, say, the Council on Social Work Education for MSWs.
Master's degrees are the greatest scam universities have ever thought of as they have always been meant to get funds to fund their flagship PhD programs, and if you get a position to work as a faculty with a master's, then you are going to end up being an assistant to both a tenured professor and a PhD student.
You better be glad that you are not currently wasting your time on one as you will be wasting money and time for something that is essentially a scam.

So, on what I can help you, depending on what field is your minor, just drop that if it is completely useless and apply for the normal bachelor's and get going with obtaining employment somewhere.
The reason I'm telling you this is because minors, for the majority of the time, are just a filler for your resume and so employers generally do not give a shit about your minor whatsoever – especially if the field is completely unrelated to the job.
>By the time I graduate I'll be years behind my peers and I don't know how to deal with that.
Seriously, just finish the degree, and if you are like 3-4 classes left, then get an internship or volunteer somewhere prestigious related to your field as the same thing goes for experience with how minors are assessed by HR.

Anonymous 66517

Oh shit I'm >>66516
Are you going for an MSW? A counseling degree? Or working in a non-profit as your definite desired employment?
If not, don't waste your time there.

Anonymous 66518

Minors are just a part of my degree program, you have to have one and my original one just ruined my gpa but I was still too dumb and stubborn to change for 4 years.
My major is almost done so after this semester I'll ptobably only have minor courses left, so I was planning to use the time on an internship or something.
I probably won't ever do a masters at this point, I'm just fucking sick of university.

Anonymous 66519

No, I just wanted to do it to feel good about myself.

Anonymous 66520

I meant it more generally about my life not this specific current situation.
Doesn't matter what it is, making new friends, pursuing a hobby or the very rare accomplishment, I only feel happy for a short while and then go back to not feeling much of anything.

Anonymous 66521

>Minors are just a part of my degree program
Are you seriously forced to take the minor by the university? If so, and having in mind that you're almost finished your major, you could always get a bachelor's-only job for the time being instead of getting an internship per se – unless your major and your career field of choice really requires some kind of internship – considering the fact that some jobs do allow people without a bachelor's to apply as long as they will be able to do so soon.
>I probably won't ever do a masters at this point, I'm just fucking sick of university.
Please don't. Especially if it is some silly masters like an M.A. in biology that still won't give you a good job with it and the most you can do with it is teach at a community college in the lowest position in the hierarchy.
You will end up hating the homeless if your purpose is not backed by other things outside of "feel good about myself."
If you seriously want to feel that, then it is best that you donate your whole blood instead.

Anonymous 66522

It's a german university, humanities bachelors always need to be a major minor combination.

Anonymous 66523

I don't even know why other unis don't do that shit.

Anonymous 66524

Yes, all those things, probably because you don't have an overarching goal. Sounds like you're very low in extroversion (which is about how powerful positive emotion is as a motivator for you as opposed to being about anything social) and high in neuroticism. I can give you strategies to mitigate these things, but the constant wall you'll run into will be asking "well fucking why even bother"?

Anonymous 66525

Because minors as a concept are kind of silly as opposed to "focuses" which actually tells you where the person who is now supposedly knowledgeable in this field specifically specializes.

Anonymous 66526

Sorry I forgot a comma there, I don't like it either and neither seem other unis except mine.
My uni is just weirdly obsessed with forcing students to study shit they don't care sbout in the name interdisciplinarity.

Anonymous 66527

Then, uh, just be able to sell your major well when seek employment, internships or volunteer positions.
And please consider donating blood instead of volunteering in some homeless shelter first. Sure, this form of volunteering is shilled everywhere, but it is still not for everyone.
If college is free, it is a good idea but I still think it is a complete waste of time, unless someone really enjoyed university and learning.

Anonymous 66691

I wasted 6 years in university and ended dropping it anyway. I totally understand your feelings.
>I feel like a failure and despite them saying otherwise I feel like I'm disappointing my family
After going to therapy for a few months I've stopped thinking about "disappointment". Holy shit what a change. I would feel this immense guilt all the time because I wouldn't stop thinking about what a failure and a disappointment I was. It almost made me suicidal, now I'm much better for not thinking about how "worse" than everyone else I am, and instead focusing on being healthy and looking for alternative ways that make me feel useful. Not being successful at school since middle school made me depressed, which in turn blocked me mentally and emotionally, and made me perform even worse. I felt so useless, and even if I'm useless right now for being a NEET, at least I'm making progress instead of sinking even lower and worrying my parents even more.

Yes, your parents are disappointed, naturally, but they sound like they will continue to support you and are willing to help you in whatever you want to do to change your situation.
Don't call yourself a disappointment just yet, there are still many years ahead for you and finishing university while typing is a meme anyway. If you can't finish, get a job, get a different degree, meet new people who will help you, change your life radically, or do whatever else it takes to feel fulfilled. Don't think too much about your parents' standards, or else the pressure will be too much (sounds like it already is though).

Anonymous 66692

>while typing
*while young

Anonymous 66717

your seriously fine, the IDEAL time is 4 years, but nearly NOONE gets their in that time, check up on some college statistics and you will realize you are in the normal time or even above average, chill out and look at it objectively

Anonymous 67201

Yeah I thin I managed to somewhat come to terms with my issues for now, next week I'll meet the uni counselor and see if she has anymore advice for me.
If you don't mind me asking what did you do after dropping out?

Anonymous 67203

Well it's germany so 3 years is the ideal length, though admittedly it's pretty rare and especially in my major taking 4 to 5 years is pretty much the norm.

Anonymous 67205


I'm actually stoodiying in Germany too, an interesting resource for actual data on the matter would be the ranking of your specific major in the Zeit papers ranking system online, the variable of choice would be the percentage of students ending their major in the regular stuying time + 1 year. Are you by any chance an austistic stem girl as well ;) ?

Anonymous 67206

I can't seem to find that percentage for my degree program, might be because it's not that popular.
Also I'm probably autistic but studying philosophy not stem.

Anonymous 67210

you can compare your major though by examining other types of philosophy majors, although your assumption regarding overdrawn studytime and adding to that, the whole corona thing will give you plenty of leeway. I got 3 so called "free-semesters" in which it was acceptable to really no do a lot, so chillax my dude

Anonymous 67211

Yeah we also got those 3 free semesters, so I guess I don't really have a reason to worry too much.
I think more than anything I'm sick of uni by now, I'd much rather do anything else.

Anonymous 67218

I'm kinda unsure though what to do during these last semesters besides lectures and studying, I don't really know anyone anymore and it's kinda hard to make new contacts once you're in a higher semester.

Anonymous 67225

I'm nearly a decade behind. I used to think of myself extremely unlucky because seemingly everyone else around me knew what they wanted to do from the start but now I try to see it the opposite way: I was able to come back from fucking up and got to try again, I won't be stuck in a field I fucking hate or doing underpaid degree-less work.

It's definitely less than ideal though. I envy people who got out of high school, got a degree after 4 years and then got a full-time job. A lot of them stayed at home and saved a fuck ton of money, most of my friends have purchased houses by now (we're mid twenties). I'll be fortunate if I can purchase a house by my early thirties but with the ever increasing housing prices and extreme scarcity it'll probably be even later. My friends have houses and work comfy, decently paying jobs while I'm worried about making ends meet because I have too little time to spare to work enough hours at my shitty studentjob while living in a shitty studenthome. I'm really worried about the money, but if I can make it just through a few more years to get my degree, everything should work out to a reasonably paying job I can live reasonably comfortably on.

Anonymous 67365

Is there a good way to meet people, preferably not first semester students, in uni?

Anonymous 67390

It took me 7 years

It isn't that big a deal, now you know better and just get it done, worrying about what your peers are doing isn't going to get you closer to graduation btw

Anonymous 67579

I'm in the same boat. Starting uni with Biochemistry, but I flunked out of a bunch of courses my first year because I didn't know how to study and my depression got so bad that I stopped even going to my classes.

Now I've switched to CS and have managed to get much more serious about my academics, but my family is laughing at me for how long it's taking me to graduate. They're calling me "the perpetual student". I feel like I'm going to turn into Van Wilder if I ever fail a class again. My peers from high school, that I entered my college with are set to graduate this year. They seem like they want nothing to do with me anymore. I can't help but feel like they give me the cold shoulder because of being behind them.

Anonymous 67704

Everyone always tells me the same platitudes about how being in uni too long isn't a big deal especially with corona, but no matter whether it's friends and family or student counseling telling me that it doesn't really help.
From an objective standpoint I know it isn't that big a deal but I still feel horrible and think my family lying to me when the say they don't mind.
It's probably bevause I'm just really insecure about being perceived as a failure, but I don't know how to stop that.

Anonymous 67705

Do you have a clearly defined and concrete goal that you are, as you put it, objectively failing to reach? Or do you just have an amorphous fog telling you how things should be with no details?

Anonymous 67714

moca on Twitter.pn…

I can relate. I ended up dropping out from all the stress and misery of indecision. Towards the end I kept going through a cycle of panic then finding some cope. I'm so lucky I didn't have any drugs back then tbh because I'm sure I would have dabbled or tried killing myself (had already tried to do so by throwing myself off a cliff). Ended up gathering a case full of baby-traumas.

Retrospectively I wish I just chose something that was at least decent at my uni, something I found interesting, and went with it, then made the most of the opportunities afforded to me. My biggest issue wasn't that I didn't know what to do but rather that I really needed to really put my mind into something, forge a decent routine for myself, go to the gym more, get a part-time job, etc. This might not really help you though I know if I had more time at uni that'd just mean more time/excuses to try new things and challenge myself.

Anonymous 67920

I relate to this thread hard. This is my last year (I'm in my 6th year) I've failed so many classes and covid didn't help. I can't wait for school to be over. I genuinely hate it. I hate the tests and the insane study schedule. This is my last full semester so at least in the spring it will be better… I just want to start my life.

Anonymous 67956

The closest thing to a goal I have is finally making some money so that my parents don't have to pay for everything.
That and I'd really like being able to just fuck off to some distant country for some months instead of having to interact with people at uni.

Anonymous 68097

Good to read you're close to being done congrats.
Personally I feel like my life is never really gonna start at this point, even if against all odds I'll graduate with my degree and complete lack of social skills there won't be any jobs.

Anonymous 68415

Only positive is, that due to covid I couldn't have done what I want to after uni anyway silver lining I guess.
But even then I'd have preferred just being done with uni and neeting for 2 years rather than keep doing this shit.
I feel so trapped by it all, dropping out isn't an option but every second I spend in uni or just thinking about it makes me feel worse.
Why am I such a lazy retard?
I was haning out with friends yesterday that also go to university and they're all so far ahead of me, they all talked about covid really fucking up their plans, but at most they'll need 8 semesters to be done while some are already doing their masters.
I wish I never even enrolled.

Anonymous 68420

Since in my 3rd semester I passed every subject and did pretty well, despite having like 8 at once and a very tight schedule that time, I thought that more pressure of that kind and more time spend at uni would result in me doing better. What it did in later semesters was stress the fuck out of me and make me drop out of and fail classes left and right. Maybe something in me changed, maybe it was a bad idea all along, I don't know.

>what did you do after dropping out?
Not much to be honest. I guess I'm kinda preparing to study some other degree next year (just as an excuse tbh) by learning programming myself (which is something I actualy want to do, but I just hate school), and right now I'm going to swimming class which has made me change my routine a bit and go to sleep earlier. Even if I don't become employed long-term one day, at least I'll have a skill that I can easily make money off of where I live (programming). The pandemic provided a perfect excuse for me not to go look for a job again (yes, I've worked before), but in a few months when things have calmed down more and I've gotten the fucking obligatory two vaxx shots, I'll probably try to find a job before re-entering university.

The tests weren't so much of an issue to me, I've always done well in tests. The problem for me is my incredible lack of discipline and willpower to do homework. I used to be able to finish it the day before, but a couple of years ago my performance and mental health started to decline much more rapidly, to the point that I wouldn't even finish homework for subjects I actually liked in theory.

literally me
But once you fully accept your situation and leave your guilt and shame behind, you can start focusing on how you'll move on from there. It's not your fault btw, as it happens to a lot of young adults everywhere in the world nowadays. This is obviously not just your problem, it's a social issue. Understanding that also helps to get over some of those negative feelings.

Anonymous 68421

Also my advice is: don't think long-term. Don't make long-term goals, just try to focus on the present (and yes, that also means letting go of the past and getting over your past failures). Overall just don't over-think things.
One of my problems is that I'm usually stuck in the past and fixate on every mistake I've made (even things that I think I did wrong but no one else even cares about or noticed); at the same time I thought too much about my goals and dreams and how "perfectly" I had to perform to be able to achieve them, like getting a grant to study in Japan for a year, or becoming a professional freelancer after finishing that degree. This resulted in me just giving less and less fucks every time I fucked up, or rather, feeling worse and worse to the point that my goals and dreams didn't even matter anymore.

Anonymous 68426

Thanks for the advice.
I know constantly being stuck in the past and agonizing over things I can't change is pretty dumb, but I just have a hard time not worrying about that stuff.
Same with my future, I extensively think about what could go wrong in any given situation and thus feel super anxious about everything, even mundane or enjoyable things like hanging out with friends aren't an exception.
Regarding leaving behind my guilt and shame I'm just really unsure how to do that, mostly cause I don't really know why I have those feelings in the first place, everyone around has always been very supportive my entire life and never pressured me to always perform really well or anything and nobody has ever made fun of me or anything like that for taking longer some lighthearted ribbing at most.
I've tried getting into taoism, that whole go with the flow sorta ideology, but that didn't really help either probably too immature to really get anything out of it.

Sorry for vomiting out this novel I really appreciate all the kind answers.

Anonymous 68492

>I know constantly being stuck in the past and agonizing over things I can't change is pretty dumb, but I just have a hard time not worrying about that stuff.
There is no point in obsessing over your mistakes. Self-blame, self-deprecation and self-pity won't make you stop being a loser, so why not just accept your loser status and enjoy life instead? I'm sure your family would prefer you to not be mentally and physically ill as a result of those negative feelings. They'd rather have a NEET daughter who is alive, happy and healthy than a NEET daughter who or alive, miserable and ill, or worse, dead.
Without all that stress and pressure, you won't feel as trapped or paralyzed and unable to do things as before, plus you'll be able to focus on improving until you feel fulfilled and useful. You need a healthy mind too.
>Regarding leaving behind my guilt and shame I'm just really unsure how to do that, mostly cause I don't really know why I have those feelings in the first place, everyone around has always been very supportive my entire life and never pressured me to always perform really well or anything and nobody has ever made fun of me or anything like that for taking longer some lighthearted ribbing at most
same lol
You really can't explain how the fuck we ended up like this. My parents wonder what they did wrong, or when exactly I went wrong. It's very difficult to pinpoint the exact reason(s).
>Same with my future, I extensively think about what could go wrong in any given situation and thus feel super anxious about everything, even mundane or enjoyable things like hanging out with friends aren't an exception.
Remember, JUST DO IT and see what happens. Don't try to save lost causes, just move on and try again, but if you keep being stuck thinking too much, you'll keep failing. Just don't think, DO IT. That includes enjoying your friends. Shedding your guilt from enjoying things is one of the first steps. After that, you'll have to learn how to build discipline.
>Sorry for vomiting out this novel
Don't worry, I always write more than I intended to anyway.

Anonymous 68493

>who or alive
*who is alive

Anonymous 68495

Also, think about it. Really consider whether your friends and family would hate you if you failed to meet their expectations, or whether it affects them as much as you think. Consider whether they really do have the expectations that you think, and you're not just making them up. They support you and your decisions, right?

Anonymous 68513

I'm pretty sure my parents and friends don't really have any expectations of me, not in a negative way that they think I'm a lost cause, but just like my parents are ridicilously chill regarding what I do with my life and my friends think I don't really care either.
I'm honestly really unsure where I even got these expectations regarding how life should work from, maybe tv or something idk.
The advice about just doing stuff instead of worrying is definitely correct, I actually went to a party on sunday and had a great time nothing to really worry about in retrospect.
I guess at this point I'll just try to finish my bachelors then chill a year in japan, after that I'll decide what I wanna do.
Maybe I'll really manage to get into a japanese master program or maybe I'll just travel till I'm 30 who knows.
Thanks again for all your advice.

Anonymous 68734

OP here again, how do I deal with the fear of failing again?
In previous semesters I only ever did 4 courses at most succesfully because of laziness, but now I have to do 8 same in the next semester.
Despite that being the normal number of courses and me not having any problems to keep up so far I'm really aifraid I'll end up ruining it all again.
I think at this point I've just conditioned myself to always expect failure no matter what and am anxious that despite actually trying this time, it all being useless.
Just to reiterate I'm doing a perfectly normal number of courses, I even have 4 free days a week, but still I'm afraid of not being able to improve compared to before, like I'll always be the stereotype of the perpetual student the media makes fun of and a cautionary tale for would be university students.
Is there some way to cope with those feeling and maybe even get rid of them?
At this point I don't care whether it's new age stuff, meditation, religion or satanic rituals, I just want to feel less shit about myself.

Anonymous 68736

The more I think about how to fix my life and what I have to do to graduate within the next 2 years the more anxious I get, despite it really not being a lot.
I'm already starting again to find excuses why it's okay if I don't go to lectures or why hanging out with friends doesn't have to happen this week.
Sometimes I wish the lockdowns never ended, at least then never leaving my romm would be somewhat justified instead of depressing.
Instead of doing my required reading I'm using an imageboard as my therapist and trying to think of good excuses to my parents why me not leaving my room again for a year is totally justified.
Sometimes, despite how mean it is, I really envy people whose parents basically force their life to follow a certain path, like you have to become a doctor or an engineer, stuff like that.
I know that sorta thing sucks, but I honestly feel like my family has zero expectations towards me and thus doesn't really care what I do, probably thinking I won't accomplish anything no matter what.
That's probably not true and they're just being supportive but I can't shake the feeling, that after my horrible academic performance over pretty much my entire life my parents just expect me to always fuck up and got used to it.

Anonymous 68912

I don't even have to that many more courses to finally graduate, if it all goes right it'll be 3 relatively chill semesters and I'll be done, but I can't sh

Anonymous 68913

I don't even have to that many more courses to finally graduate, if it all goes right it'll be 3 relatively chill semesters and I'll be done, but I can't shake the fear of fucking it all up again.
I just feel so stupid and I doubt if I'm really cut out for uni, but at this point it's way too late to reconsider it especially due to how much time I've already invested.
I'm just not sure if I can do another 3 semesters while constantly feeling like a retarded loser.

Anonymous 69196

Just don't know how to stop feeling like such a fucking loser, I keep thinking I'll fail half my courses again and be stuck here even longer.
I tried talking with people about these feelings, my family and the student counseling, but it didn't really help, they of course pointed out that there is no reason to expect me to perform that badly and that I'm just lacking confidence, but I have no idea how to actually really realize that that is true instead of just getting caught up in self pity and anxiety.

Anonymous 69198

Why do girls so often lack confidence in their academic performance? So often the girls who always get As will say that they feel like they failed a test. The guys who perform well never do this.

Anonymous 69210

Because girls are conditioned to worry more and doubt themselves, males are naturally competitive and will not admit any failures due to fear of appearing weak

Anonymous 69215

Pick which one suits your ideology more. Girls are the subject of an overwhelmingly powerful social force that shapes and molds the very basis of their thinking, or there's a genetic predisposition for difference in personality vectors depending on if you're a moid or a woman.

Anonymous 69217

I've never had an A in university, my grades are average at best but probably below even that.
It's not like I'm especially anxious about academics, rather I'm really anxious about everything including my bad performance in uni.
My degree is probably gonna end up being beyond useless because humanities major + bad grades + taking twice as long isn't exactly gonna be desirable.
So I'll end up in my mid twenties just as qualified for a job as a new high school graduate, except way more depressed and cynical.

Anonymous 69501

Fore some weird reason I'm really anxious about fucking up the paperwork to graduate or that I misunderstood something.
I'm having actual nightmares of turning all my stuff in and being happy to finally be done only for staff responsible to tell me I fufked something up and can't graduate.
I read the information about what courses I need and what exams dozens of times but I can't sake this fear.

Anonymous 72294

I can't stop thinking about just dropping out, I have zero idea what i'd actually do afterwards but I'm so sick of university.
There's clearly something wrong with my head, I spend all day coming up with bizarre delusions of how I'm gonna fuck up my life instead of actually studying or even trying to have fun.

Anonymous 78266

So this was supposed to be my last year after 6 years of school. I stupidly chose the hardest fucking program at the university (keep in mind i was 17 when i made that decision). I have failed probably 80% of my classes and I am at the point were I can no longer retake classes. Somehow I managed to get this far by retaking courses, barely scraping, and just sheer luck. But I didn't pass one class this semester so I will probably have to go back next fall and try again. It has been so excruciating. It's not like I don't even try, its just that my program is so brutal and I'm just not good at studying or retaining information. I have never been the best student and school never came naturally, but I work hard and to the best of my ablility. I will be 24 when I get my degree and it hurts so badly. I should have been out of school by now an working and saving money. I hate school so much. If I go back next semester and I don't pass (which is pretty likely) I will probably just commit sudoku once and for all. If I live to see the day when I have children, I will tell them to think twice about going to college. The pain and suffering isn't fucking worth it.

Anonymous 78274

Wtf did you study anyway that has you ass deep in painful drudgery?
Something STEM related?

Anonymous 78275

Math. I used to really enjoy it, and sometimes I still do. It's the insane exams and hw that have ruined it for me.

Anonymous 80485

fuck me im 23 and failed my 2nd year of university. i dont even think ill get a job in the end so i honestly dont know why i havent killed myself yet.

Anonymous 80491

Me too i just failed like 3 different classes. I was already suicidal but i’m genuinely considering it this summer. I feel like my life has become constant worry and being stuck in college.

Anonymous 80546

i feel that so hard. if i'll even be allowed to redo this year, the fact that my cohort will be even younger than me makes me feel pathetic. i really hope you can take these few months ahead as a way to rest. i know its not groundbreaking advice but i really wish you the best.
im sorry if this is corny but just the fact that others out there also relate really means a lot.

Anonymous 80573


>tfw probably gonna get denied at uni for readmission since it's been a fucking decade
kill me

Anonymous 80702

it's my first time i failed an assignment and its gotten me so depressed. i had to gulp back tears as my prof delivered the news and she held me hostage in our meeting for over an hour explaining what to do better. it was so torturous just smiling nodding and taking it in and pretending to listen (i couldnt really listen because i was so focused on not crying in front of her). once i signed off, i burst into tears crying for 2-4 h. the assignment is worth so much weight for this course - idk how i'm going to manage the redo on top of all my other courses. my time management is shit, my motivation is in the gutter, and i just want to drop out of school (and society). i'd be content to live in a pod with access to the internet and the bare necessities of food, water, shelter, electricity, plumbing, etc. i dont really want much in life so i see no reason to strive in this rat race.
i hate school bros, i hate it so much, why did i resubmit myself to such torture again??
anyway i guess tell me your stories of failing a course or assignment and crawling yourself out of a bad mess to inspire me please! i really need it to get out of my negative state of mind

Anonymous 80714


>mfw starting my first year of Uni for the 3 time
>didn't attend a single lecture the first two times
Haha maybe I'll be less mentally this time around

Anonymous 80715

finals are cancelled in my country this year, and while my desired uni (another country) does consider your final grades, it takes away so many points that i won't be able to study anything close to what i want. the second uni i considered did the same thing. and my grades arent like bad, they are pretty fucking great actually, i put a lot of effort into that. and for what. it's as if the world is against me
i'll try some worse unis IF they even let me apply without finals but it still feels like all my hard work went nowhere why cant i ever have nice things my cat doesnt even love me we are separated atm and i visited her for a few days and she hissed at me when i tried to pet her im crying while typing this
lowkey considered kmsing but my family cant afford a funeral rn and also suicide is stupid

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