Does he love me or am I young Anonymous 66120
I'm still in hs and have been getting attention from older men recently (their age range being 22-35). So I started dating this one guy who's 6 years older than me and he's nice and all, buys me stuff, takes me out…
But how do I recognize whether he actually likes me for me and doesn't want me just because I'm young?
And another issue, I'm still a virgin and don't feel the need to hurry, he asks to have sex every time and I tell him no, but I feel like leading him on or that he'll be mad at me for doing so. I feel like men would judge me harshly in future relationships for not being a virgin/would make them less likely to marry me.
What attitude to have towards losing virginity? Saving yourself for marriage?
Only he knows if he truly loves you, and if he loves you then he wants you to be happy even at his cost, and if you’re happier without sex and he loves you then he’ll listen when you tell him you don’t want sex.
That’s one way of knowing.
Isn't it weird?
Not so long ago, waiting a few years before having sex with your boyfriend was seen as completely normal, and yet today it's seen as unimaginable.
>he asks to have sex every time and I tell him no
That's kind of a sign he doesn't love you. Another sign is he's older than you, fully aware that you're in high school and still easily impressionable, yes, no matter how "smart" you think of yourself.
Also, underage people aren't allowed to participate. Unless you're already 18?
Also, you don't have to save sex for marriage, just do it when you're comfortable with it. Losing your v card because your greasy boyfriend wanted his dick scratched is not worth it.
you have to be 18 to post here
ye I'm 18, and still in hs for few months>>66133
Every guy so far has been a bit pushy about it :/. Even if they seem to respect my choice for a while, they get frustrated
I just sort of went along… Not that it's all bad >he's nice and all, buys me stuff, takes me out…
It seems you both have the same feelings towards each other then.
And I do like him, just afraid of how it'll go
i dont know op, i get kinda worried about anyone willing to date a high schooler when not in high school. i'm 23 and the thought of dating someone in hs seems basically pedophilic to me. especially if he's pushy about sex
this whole thing sounds creepy to me, be careful, ok?
i've never met any worthwhile person that dated someone in high school as an adult like that, especially since around 24/25 some people are already getting done with uni, it's a HUGE maturity gap
don't fall into the trap of wanting to date older guys because they're mature and hot, the vast majority of them are just going to be using you because you're young, cute and inexperienced (read: easy to abuse in some way or another)
this is not a good situation
any adult man who chooses to date teenagers is a red flag, it just means that a) there’s something wrong with him that women his age don’t want to date him and b) he wants someone he can easily manipulate or take advantage of. buying gifts seems like a nice gesture but he’s just doing it to make you rely on him…and the fact he’s always asking you for sex when you already said no, that’d be weird if he was your age but it’s even grosser for him to pressure you as a grown man. i might seem judgmental but i’m concerned, i’d get out of this relationship if you can
Considering all you've said, i think he doesn't love you and simply wants sex. Now if that would be also what you wanted it'd be mostly OK, but that's not the case. So in conclusion, proceed with caution if you want to continue seeing him.>>66124
That was decades ago, and that prudish mindset came with many disadvantages as well.
>>66159>That was decades ago, and that prudish mindset came with many disadvantages as well.
Then the only question that remains is which has more disadvantages by comparison.
I have a friend who's 23 dating a girl 5 years younger. Loves her and says he would marry her already if she wasn't so young.
Not everyone is going to be the same. Maybe your guy likes you, or maybe he just wants sex. Only you can tell. Just don't give into sex until you want to. I think waiting for a minimum of 6 months gives you enough time to see if it's worth it or not. >>66160
In today's society waiting till marriage definitely has more disadvantages imo.
if he takes your virginity and dumps you are gonna be damaged and have to deal with the emotional baggage from it for the rest of your life. quit playing games and have some self respect.
op don't get caught up in what the current societal norms are, they will keep changing with the years and rest assured any guy who's serious about marriage with you won't care about if you're a Virgn or not. but that doesn't mean you should have sex with any guy that pushes you a lot just so he won't leave you or something, you have to be extra extra careful with older guys because they usually date younger girls out of a fetish, whether it becomes love later or not is another thing but in general if you're not ready yet there's no need to give in
personally i dont have an elaborate criteria for when and who you should have sex with but i think if youve spent around a year of regular time spent with each other and been through all the basic phases of love, talked about enough deep things and feel like now you really know the fundamentals of this person and he can be trusted as a partner in every way, its safe to trust your body with him too. but I'm just very careful with guys in general so take of that what you will
I wonder if op will listen to any advice given to her. Sometimes it feels like girls just be posting "I'm 17 and I'm dating a 26 year old, is it ok?" for attention, whether that relationship is true or not. Maybe they like hearing their relationship is grooming and is gonna end in her heartbreak.
Honey, if you're gonna give him your v card please tell me he's at least hot.
That's not as much the case as you think it is. The only time this would happen would be if, say, you were in an arranged marriage. Like you were only 10 or so, and your parents agreed to marry you and someone else when you both came of age. You would only meet each other once or twice before getting married, and it would be supervised by your families so you couldn't do any funny business. This also mostly happened with noble families and royalty. The idea of people regularly dating, being alone, and not having sex, is nonsense. That never happened.
As for OP, it's entirely up to you. It's your sexuality. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing what you don't want to do. But by the same token, if he is buying you things and clearly wants sex in return, and you aren't giving it to him, then yes, you are leading him on and he will get angry eventually. Relationships are about empathy and communication. If you want to wait until marriage, and he doesn't, then your interests are at odds and you need to break it off.
There are a lot of older men who are obsessed with basically any girl under 20. It doesn’t mean you’re special, you just happen to fulfil his desire for young meat. When you get a bit older they replace you, and so the conveyor belt of high school girls continues. Moids can’t love.
Good advice. Listen to these posts OP.>>66121
I don't think having a relationship and never wanting sex is reasonable though. I think that should be clarified since imo your comment here is a bit vague on the topic.
you are just young and some men are literally psycho. Idk if you should save yourself for marriage, that's less demanded by men these days, but I would def suggest not having sex until you graduate hs. Not because of how men will perceive you, but because you need to be able to perceive yourself as a grown and complete person and having sex with men causes delayed development, pain, and trauma. Even for adults failed relationships can cause us to lose ourselves, but we at least know who we are so we can more easily return there. For people who have sex young, or get too involved in relationships while you are young, you are setting yourself up to be used by men simply because you do not know where your wants and needs end and theirs begin. If you go through with it, immediately start seriously going through therapy or a GOOD church where you talk to elder women. You'll be fine if you do, but all the girls I know my age who have issues with being used by men had sex early. Try to address why you are doing this asap.
You’re 18, you should date boys your age or around it… i’m only 21 but the biggest regret i have is not doing that earlier. Nothing beats young love, don’t get groomed by 30 year old balding douchebag
I remember on 4chan there was a mass of guys laughing at teen girls dating older men and saying they're broken. But in another thread with a teen girl asking for advice the guys were mostly saying shit like "let him guide you, honey."
To this day it creeps me out.
Nothing new, moids shit on women for doing/liking x, and still expect them to do/like x. Belittling is part of the turn on for them
you said it yourself, you have a bunch of older dudes hitting on you. If it were ONLY older men, I would be freaked out. It's hard to call it dating when a handful of months earlier it would be called statutory rape
W-what does it mean if only older men hit on you?
>>66135>Every guy so far has been a bit pushy about it
That's pretty much men in general. Older, same age, younger, they are going to be a bit pushy about sex. Never feel like you have to and don't feel bad about saying no. Unless they are a virgin they wont even be offended by you saying no. In fact a lot of guys will view it as a challenge and want to chase you more. Also in general, the longer in the relationship without sex the more committed they will be to you. Obviously every guy has a limit where they will feel like its too long to wait, but if that happens it just wasn't the guy for you.
>>67479>wont even be offended by you saying no. In fact a lot of guys will view it as a challenge and want to chase you more
neither seems appealing nor safe
1) You're 18. You're not "young". You're normal. 24 is also normal.
> feel like men would judge me harshly in future relationships for not being a virgin/would make them less likely to marry me.
It doesn't matter if a girl is a virgin or not if a guy wants to have sex and cuddle.
If he wants commitment (marriage) it does matter. Some guys simply can't have deep feeling to non-virgins.
>What attitude to have towards losing virginity? Saving yourself for marriage?
I'd say yes if you want to have the best possible outcome and you have patience for it. If you don't, do whatever you want. It's not like anything really matters anyway.
>>67492>Some guys simply can't have deep feeling to non-virgins.
It’s over girls, the cum-soaked 4chan hentai addicts will never give us love
Not to be a "reverse whiteknight", but I can understand if a virgin guy only wants a virgin girlfriend and vice versa. If a guy isn't a virgin, however, and still expects his future wife to be a virgin, he's definitely trash.
As a virgin this is basically it.
The problem is 90%+ of those moids ignore most of what is well-researched to actually be wholesome and advantageous for a long-term relationship…so many traits just completely irrelevant.
They fixate on virginity when they prioritize the ego and power trip of obtaining what they think is a rarity. Because, without it, they are incapable of valuing most of what would make a woman a good wife or mother.
This is why it's so common for men that do marry virgins to end up cheating, etc, eventually, or growing bitter. The "b-but I just want pure waifu" is a cover in most cases. Especially if that guy has had sex with other women before her. Those men don't see the old wife they've been with for years as a pure virgin.
That's what happens when you prioritize novelty.
oops, kind of meant to reply to >>67496
but I think it is kind of fair if a virgin wants a virgin, I guess. it gets unrealistic if they're old though.
>>67499>ignore most of what is well-researched to actually be wholesome and advantageous for a long-term relationship
And what are those, dare I ask?
>They fixate on virginity when they prioritize the ego and power trip of obtaining what they think is a rarity.
Isn't is a rarity? It's only one per life.
You meantioned researches of what is advantageous for a long-term relationship. Here's some:https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stabilityhttps://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness
So yeah, the fewer partners the better.
>>67503>at best only 65% of women are very happy with their marriage
That… kind of sucks…
My point is that hypocrisy as these men don't care about most other qualities.
Men that married virgins go off to whorehouses or have affairs - a massive amount, if not the majority - are probably not counted to you tbh. The "one per life" thing belies the fact that people have 100s of firsts and I doubt you care if a man is a virgin when he goes into marriage (even if you say so). My point is that it's ok if a person values a low partner count…obviously I don't want a man that has slept around. But that most men are full of shit when they're wistful for virgins. Saying "b-but 10 partners makes a person less faithful!" doesn't negate this.
99% of a relationship doesn't have to do with firsts. It's egoism and immaturity to base a relationship off of firsts solely. And men don't work like "haha, I have a woman's virginity so I'll luv her when she's old and fat" like you imply.
Men's inability to value the other ones is why so many would prefer to watch porn than go to their child's first birthday party, alongside other things. It's not a "rarity" to men but just some mindless bullshit.
Obsessing over a carnal first is an artifact of men's obsession with objectifying women and devolving them in to numbers rather than dynamic human beings.
You see, you said that moids ignore most of what is well-researched to actually be wholesome and advantageous for a long-term relationship but didn't actually mentioned what those things are.
It's funny, if you did name them, you would be objectifying women and devolving them in to numbers, since they are.. you know, well-researched.
>Men that married virgins go off to whorehouses or have affairs
Well, men who married non-virgins obviously do all those things too. Perhaps more. Don't marry, then.
>>67506>obviously I don't want a man that has slept around
Idk I basically ended up there because I realized you were probably some creepy guy trying to pull the fake-egalitarian thing and this response basically proved it.
You trying to act like some men acting like virginity is the most important thing in the world is on par with me referencing statistics already reeks of moid energy.
"Overall, 64% of respondents report very happy marriages (only about 3% say their marriages aren’t too happy; the balance have “pretty happy” unions)." from the referenced article, which has some questionable stats.>>67503>>67505>>67507>>67512
Ya'll are wild.
TEACHMAN 2004 (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x
) found that "Women who cohabit prior to marriage or who have premarital sex have
an increased likelihood of marital disruption." . It is hard to separate cohabitation from # of prior sex partners, because the number of prior sex partners influences the likelihood of cohabitation and serial cohabitation (see Cohen 2010, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874393/
). Cohabitation is complicated, because people likely self-select. (lillard 1995 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8829976/
along with cohen 2010 above) meaning they are less likely to jump straight into marriage with partners that they deem high-risk. (Low-income groups do NOT see this difference in marriage stability with cohabitation, and newer cohorts do not see as much difference with prior cohabitation, likely because cohabitation is becoming more common and less of a self-selecting predictor.)
Regarding youth and marriage:
Marrying too young
'Getting married too young was reported as a major contributing factor to divorce by 45.1% of individuals and by at least one partner from 61.1% of couples. Both partners mentioned this reason in 27.3% of these couples. Participants who endorsed this item were an average of 23.3 years old at the time of marriage (SD = 5.5) and participants who did not endorse this item were 29.2 (SD = 6.7). In commenting about this issue, some participants reported that they had only known their partners for short periods of time before their marriage and/or that they wished they had dated their partners longer in order to either gain a better perspective on the relationship or to make a more rational decision as to whom they should marry. Additional comments about this issue included reports that participants were too young to make mature objective decisions regarding their marriage decisions. 'https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4012696/
Regarding premarital sex, to get this thread somewhat back on topic:
The results of the analysis indicate that premarital sex is highly normative behavior. Almost all individuals of both sexes have intercourse before marrying, and the proportion has been roughly similar for the past 40 years. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1802108/
Uhh I'm kind of sleepy and about to nap. Why was this a argument to >>67512
Cuz I kind of agree with it, like, obv very young people that try marrying probably are marrying one another in very different conditions than older adults which is half my point with arguing that 18 and 24 year olds are different.
I disagree with cohabitation in general. I think there's a reason why older women want to cohabitate less than older men.
Why do you think older women want to cohabitate less than older men?
Here, I’ve got you malefam.
>older single childless women happier on average than older single men or mothers
>several studies on this
>way more pressure/shaming levied towards this exact group for being "failed" cat ladies so without that it'd be even happier and less worried about finding someone
>if not for this pressure the birth rates would tank immensely and women would be happier and freer
>men cheat more the longer a marriage lasts
At this point it's just interesting seeing the hivemind deploy drones to tell women they need a man.
Seethe, I’ll do premarital sex and abort my premarital babies until I turn 80.
>You can't abort babies until 80. Because you can only have them until 50 or so.
I’ll hold my last couple ones in and wait for my 80th birthday, which I celebrate by mashing the childshit with Moby Huge.
>They hated Jesus because he told them the truth.
I hate you because you’re a faggot. You aren’t worth arguing with, for the incel dogmas protect your fragile mind from any ideas that don’t cater to your ego. Make like Jesus and die in agony.
Poor little brainwashed thing. ;_;
Inceldom is all about damaged self-esteem. By attempting to belittle women, you’re trying to make your gender a thing to be proud of, because you have no actual achievements in your life. You are a pathetic, little loser.
You write in a patronizing manner, use diminishing adjectives and nouns both as your personal comebacks to me and to describe women in general. You shrug off anything that disagrees with your opinion and call it projection. Your goal is to look powerful and confident.
I feel you should bash your computer with your head and never go online again.
Any guy that is six years older than you and pursuing you is a scumbag. He knows what he's doing and he likes that you're inexperienced and naive. Especially considering that he himself is still young (but old enough to know better), there is literally no reason he wouldn't date a woman his own age except for that he's predatory and wants someone who he can manipulate the easiest. The older women get, the quicker they see through mental games, and he knows that. However, a girl in highschool who is a virgin probably would only notice the worst of the worst behavior.
Save yourself for marriage if you want. I don't think it matters whatsoever. It's more of a personal choice thing.
You should not be dating someone older. Ask yourself: Why would a 22+ year old be dating a highschooler? Would you date a highschooler at that age?
>he asks to have sex every time
this is a massive red flag
90% of this post is categorically untrue. There are plenty of reasons men date younger women that has nothing to do with how easy they are to manipulative. However, I agree with the fact that any reason they have is a bad reason, and is not someone you want to build a relationship with.
It's so gross how hard people in these threads are trying to justify dating older men. I can only see it as being fetishists or even worse, older moids trying to downplay their behavior.
I don't care what other reasons they supposedly have because those reasons always end up changing and they all proceed to be controlling, creepy pieces of shit.
yep. it's either somebody with an old boyfriend who wants to think their situation is different, or it's some aging bag of erectile dysfunction who wants to be seen as a silver fox and not a white-van "I can't be within 500 feet of any elementary school" type.
its as the other person said, everyone just thinks "well I'M the one that's actually mature for my age and that's why he loves me! those other people that have gone through the exact same thing just got used because they weren't actually as mature as he tells me i am!"
its sad really but as someone fresh out of highschool i saw and still see so many younger friends getting into bizarre 14yo girl with 18/19/20+yo moid relationships following the exact same reasoning that it broke me. i have no idea why so many girls have this fixation with older men and the validation they get out of it, but its bizarre how they cant see how weird and dangerous it is when i try to explain it
i guess everyone just thinks they're the exception when you're a teenager
>citation needed, citation needed, worthless studies, clearly written by a moid
Not to mention that evo psych is a total scam
You seems like a moid justifying your gross fetish.
As opposed to the other psychology fields that just give up on any scientific basis?
Don't give your virginity to a greasy coomer who goes after highschool girls, he will leave you as soon as he gets what he wants. Break up with him.
Only give your virginity to another virgin you intend to grow old with. I am not religious, I simply think sex should be exclusive and I believe in extreme monogamy. Men are cruel and gross so wait for the right one and never let him go
But there's science on how "youth" applies to men too.
Even sperm banks believe in this and usually have a cut-off range–because old sperm tends to deform over time and bad habits lower its quality.
In any case the moral of the story is that if a guy literally is with a 18 yo because she's young then she shouldn't date him because that'd be irrational and would mean he'd dump her in a few years. It's maximum cope to pretend he magically will stop prioritizing youth over anything else.
You can be attracted to young people but still prioritize other things. If a guy doesn't adapt, then a girl or woman is fooling herself by thinking of him as a real option–
Unless she can get millions of dollars from him to keep when she gets old, idk.
>>68027>But there's science on how "youth" applies to men too.
Sure, old ones are worse than young ones in many things, it's true for men too (not at bad as for women though due to menopause changes).
The point it, status is one of the things that is attractive for women and status often correlates with older age. On the other hand, men don't care about their partner's status (or anything else but looks, really). And "youth" is part of the looks men are after. (because younger = healthier)
It's scientifically proven, explained, showed, it's just how our species works and it's 100% natural.
Idk, this weird nitpicking that doesn't serve people like the OP makes me think you're a moid.
Why, yes, I know, men are pedos, you don't have to repeat it 100 times.
Doesn't change that people like OP should at least be with one around her age or avoid older men solely sniffing around because of her age because he'd be quick to dump her when she gets old.
>>68084>Doesn't change that people like OP should at least be with one around her age or avoid older men solely sniffing around because of her age
You can't know if some guy SOLELY likes someone because of their age or just likes someone period.
It's just stupid. Imagine a guy whining to you "you only care about my wallet, how can I be sure you really like the real me?" or "you only like me for my height, you don't care about who I am". It's bizzare.
Sounds like moid cope and moron-tier false equivalences.
Yes, folks, height and money is literally the same thing and has the same implications as age! You are a Dumbo(tm) if you think it's not the same! There is NO way you can tell a guy's intentions!
If a guy in his mid-late 20s goes out of his way to know a 18 year old has to make a series of actions to even get there.
A blackpill regarding this is how grown men are more likely to message girls that out themselves as minors (i.e., on discord). It's pretty blatantly obvious it's the primary reason, and that depending on the gap, gets shadier.
I get it: if it's actually organic in some way…like, they met at a club over something they're mutually passionate about or something akin to that, that's less suspicious. But there's almost always clues.
Think Leonardo Dicaprio with a history of dating solely young girls under a certain age. That's a huge red flag. And guess what? There's always a few things like that.
This isn't an argument though. You're just anal about women v. girl thing; my argument that he's a walking red flag that automatically dumps women past a certain age still stands.
Also I already noted that I know men are pedos already; you proudly boasting about it doesn't really change that I know.
Also yeah, I'm completely sure you're a man. This navel-gazing mansplaining while ignoring the sentiment that girls should be weary of older men is pretty much par the course.
If you're already thinking about how your futures partners will think about you not being a virgin anymore maybe you don't like him enough to do this or stay in this relationship. And I say this from my own experience, in the moment i started to worry about the other people i could meet and what they would think about me while with somebody else i knew it was almost close to over.
that's a great way of looking at the big picture.
You shouldn't be dating a man 6 years older than you when you're still in HS (I assume that means you're 18 tops but correct me if I'm wrong). At your age that gap, the difference in development, life-experience, desires/needs and most importantly power is too large
How are you today fellow sister.