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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 66434

I had an anorexic friend that I met years ago when we took the same classes.
I don't think she's a hardcore anorexic since she's never been hospitalized afaik but she only eats 1 meal a day plus snacks, severely underweight, works out very regularly, loves to body check and compare all the time and I feel that she only befriended me because I motivated her to not gain weight because I was overweight then.
she'd talk about how [thing] makes her feel skinny and tries to make me do it which always made uncomfy and embarrassed because she'd grab a part of my body that is fatty then act surprised when I tell her it makes me feel fat then in response she'd always make me touch said part on her and it was of course boney, she did that all the time it was weird.
then right before the pandemic I lost ton of weight and a bmi of 22 which was a huge improvement, she stopped seeing me and became busy all the time.
during lockdown I gained ton of weight and my bmi skyrocketed to 29 and she now wants to hang out with me again.
I started working on losing weight and one day i was wearing leggings and a tanktop under my jacket that I took off while we were chatting and she looked at me with disgust but prolly noticed that I'm losing weight again and I haven't heard from her since and she's busy again.

I also noticed that she's always surrounded herself with mostly heavier women, 4/5 of her closest friends were fat, she had another anorexic friend briefly and they used to exchange dieting and excise tips but it didn't last long.

Was she using me to fuel her anorexia? am I just fatspo to her? we've been friends for 5+ years I feel deeply betrayed.

Anonymous 66435

She could legitimately be your friend AND use your as thinspiration material. I simply don't know without meeting her. One way to settle it is if she's a friend worth keeping she'll not want to feel uncomfortable. If you actually talk to her about it you either get to know your friendship is healthy or stop hanging out with someone like that. Seems like a win/win to me, though I understand you probably value her friendship to be asking this.

Anonymous 66442


Hard to say without observing your other interactions, which I hope make up the vast majority. It’s very hard for anorexics to think about anything but their habit for long periods of time, so it’s quite possible that it was constantly in the back of her mind when you two were together. It’s difficult to form a friendship with someone who has compulsive thoughts since they won’t be fully present to you most of the time. Anorexia is like most other mental illnesses: similar to addiction. That being said, it’s possible to want a genuine friend deeply while still seeking constant validation. Perhaps a real friendship was the intention, if not the reality.

Anonymous 66454

I’m gonna sound controversial but I really don’t like most anorexic people for this reason. They can be extremely manipulative and underhanded and often use and abuse people around them psychologically. The ones who have a genuine phobia of eating maybe not so much, but the ones who are obsessed with the vanity aspect are mostly insufferable. They’re just completely self obsessed to a pathological degree and often have bad motives. Its a shame yours wasn’t even subtle about it and got obviously pissed off when she saw you losing weight.

Anonymous 66466

>I don't think she's a hardcore anorexic
>The rest of the post
She soon will be, she's destroying herself.

Anonymous 66467

Yeah it seems like OP's "friend" spends her free time on ED twitter lol. Will not be surprised if she has a lot of disordered followers that praise her bodychecks on twitter but in reality she has a circle of overweight people to fuel her eating disorder. Sad, unfulfilling life consumed by her mental illness.

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