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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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uhhhhhh my ex says im an abuser? what do i call this thread Anonymous 66655

so i dated and lived with this guy for two years. for reference im a 20 year old female and i dated him from the ages of 17-19. he was only a year older.. he was emotionally manipulative and i believe a narcissist. i myself have bipolar disorder, anxiety and bpd(dont roast me just bc bpd pls).. usually narcs and bpd's always end up together. anyway two times in our relationship he lied to me and nearly cheated and both of those times i experienced blackout rage and hit him. first time was hitting on his back and second after he invited another girl over i punched him in the face.. we broke up after that because he told his mom i abused him and he had to move out.. but now he goes around tellling people in our city that i abused him. and i mean i did twice.. but saying i abused him feels like a bit much for what happened no? i mean i can recall during the last argument he sat on top of me and choked me.. and i dont tell anyone that he was an abuser.. am i an abuser? he also tells people that i starved him which i NEVER did. not to mention he lost like 30 pounds AFTER we broke up-.-…but anyway yeah now a good amount of people that i used to be friends with blocked me online because they think im an abuser and others dont wanna be my friend bc theyve heard around… …. constructive criticism welcome

Anonymous 66657

I mean we really have only your version, but it just seems like the classic manipulation tactics that narc, or any other shitty people use. My mother was a real narc and everytime someone did the most tiny "bad" thing, it was overdramatized and exagerated.
You're not an abuser because you punched your boyfriend n the face when he invited a fucking girl over. Him fucking choking you? That's abuse. When a girl punch a guy, usually he can gets hurt, but not much. When a guy choke a girl, she can fucking die.
What do you do about it? Well I don't really know, I never lived in a city when it mattered that someone could smear your name. For your "friends" (that aren't really your friend if they don't even ask for your version, and mostly stupid too when most abusers are men) I would just clarify the situation and explain it plainly, with all the dirty fact. Especially the "he invinted a girl to fuck her when we were together, and he choked me on the ground"
If they still thinks he's the abuser after that, they made their choice, and they're just shitty friends. Good riddance I say

Anonymous 66678

Just say you caught him looking at gay porn and you got sick of him talking to guys on the internet and don't reply to his messages.

Anonymous 66699

i actually caught him looking at loli and unironically watching blacked porn…… LOL

Anonymous 66700

You were both shitty with no clear abuser.
I hope you can work on yourself and feel better, op.

Anonymous 66719

you were both abusers.
i was too in a bpd/narc relationship but i was the narc and he was the bdp.
we both hit each other and we both emotionally manipulated each other.
quit trying to play the victim here, just go live your life and do better next time

Anonymous 66721

If hitting your other is abuse, you are an abuser.

Anonymous 66775

How's a woman gonna starve a grown ass man, lmao??
So, you dated a fat narcissistic moid. He probably had bitch tits and was hormonally fucked/estrogenized from all the shitty junk food he was addicted too. And after you broke up, just like a stereotypical jilted woman, he decided to spread dirty laundry to uninvolved people so he could make himself out to be a victim.
I don't fault you for hitting him. That is a natural, primal response to a mentally and physically deformed, self-made hermaphrodite. What do you think his grandparents would've done with his bitch ass? His great-great grandparents? Not to mention the physical power imbalance between men and women. It's whatever, OP. Learn from this experience. If anyone bothers you about it, do as the gay porn anon said, but also tell them he was obsessed with black dick. I'd mention him literally choking you out, but that might be too personal.

Anonymous 67012

narcissists are monsters who deserve to get beaten

Anonymous 67016

he deserved it lmao
tell everyone he's a cheater in the making and physically violent

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