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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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32 yo and virgin with no social life Anonymous 66963

32 f here. Probably autistic. I spent my life extremely isolated and alone. Never had organic social life outside my home. I have convinced myself it's not such a big deal. I am seeing a guy and he says I act like a robot. I really, really like him andso every once in a while I say "you're really special to me" so he knows."

He's starting to say I act autistic and he is tired of not knowing how I feel. I'm scared of losing him.

32 years with no touch is hard on a person. I have decided if we are to kiss or touch at all it will be in marriage, otherwise I'm just not ready to. I hope he asks me to marry him so I can finally be free of the constant loneliness.

Can you all relate to me?
Should I be worried?
How can I fix my problem?

Anonymous 66964

Tell him how you feel, everything you typed here, tell him. That's what he's asking for. It's okay to feel one way today and that change over time, you can always change your mind and tell him that in future. Just be open and honest and take what you have said to us, and say it to him. You sound sweet anon best wishes.

Anonymous 66965

OP here again. I honestly don't know how to express myself. It is almost unimaginable to me to open up that much. I just don't trust anyone or him that much. I wish I could. Do you think he'll dump me?

Anonymous 66966

Sorry samefag, to answer your attached questions: yes I related to you, no don't worry because there is a solution and it is provided in your question, he wants to know how you feel, tell him how you feel, and why.

Anonymous 66967

I can't say if he'll dump you, but if you take the action to open up, that will likely mean a lot to him since he has taken the time to express his concerns to you

Anonymous 66968

>I have decided if we are to kiss or touch at all it will be in marriage, otherwise I'm just not ready to.
Just hold his hand or try poking him at first, touch can communicate volumes of emotions.

Anonymous 66969

>I honestly don't know how to express myself
Just tell him what you typed up in your OP and that you honestly don't know how to express yourself.

Anonymous 66970

it sounds like you have a lot of issues in your own life that you need to sort out before you can be fully present in someone else's. if you can't be honest with him then it won't work out. I recommend talking to a therapist because it can help to learn how to open up and give socialization practice. Also you don't have to spill your whole soul to him at once. Start small and tell him little things like about your fear of expression.

Anonymous 66982


uhh, I can relate but if a guy repeatedly called me autistic I'd see that as a bad sign. Even if I'm actually autistic. There's 100s of things he could do and say to help guide you; saying you're autistic/robotic makes it seem like he's kind of annoyed with you and doesn't actually know how to handle you, and also kind of establishes a foundation of you feeling uncomfy and insecure in the relationship (which is horrible for the long-term obv). I also wouldn't be surprised if he's not the most social either.

don't let your need for someone cloud your judgment. totally possible to end up feeling more alone with someone than alone.
This. Lots of people barely functioning want to jump into a relationship even tho this is when they're the most vulnerable to the worst things.

Anonymous 67008

you haven't even kissed? he's not going to even think of you as his girlfriend. at this rate you'll get married when you're both 79 and the year after that he dies.
does he know you consider him your boyfriend? start by clearing that up. I don't know if a guy will accept being your boyfriend without kissing but at minimum you should start hugging him goodbye and cuddling (fully clothed) while watching movies together, stuff like that. you can hope that he will do the majority of the "moves" in the long-term but it sounds like you've been outright avoiding touch so you've basically conditioned him to not try. assuming he wants to. don't expect him to suddenly start acting differently. however he has been acting for weeks or months, that's what you will keep getting from him unless you open up.
and yes, I'm ignoring the marriage part because that's just not realistic. even in the strictest times people would touch each other and (secretly) kiss before marriage. without that where would he even get the idea to ask you?

>establishes a foundation of you feeling uncomfy and insecure in the relationship
it sounds like she already felt that way before she met him, in life in general. I wouldn't worry about a first relationship at age 32 making things WORSE. if not now, when?

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