[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

*Text* => Text

**Text** => Text

***Text*** => Text

[spoiler]Text[/spoiler] => Text

Direct Link
Options NSFW image
Sage (thread won't be bumped)

Janitor applications are open

Check the Catalog before making a new thread.
Do not respond to maleposters. See Rule 7.
Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

geralt isnt going …

Her boyfriend won't marry her Anonymous 68685

I was on /adv/ and saw this thread. I'm reposting it here, because I am interested in hearing your opinions about this, because the responses were mostly really shitty. My boyfriend is kinda trad himself, but we haven't had a big talk about marriage yet.

Anonymous 68686

Honestly, it's harsh but I feel in the US it's mostly true. Only that it works for both men and women, it's not a "trap" for men.
The fact that you're forced to have a community of property and a judge can just say your marriage agreement (not sure if this is the correct term?) is not valid because it's "unfair" is a bit disturbing.
I can understand the logic of the system when you're in a situation where there is a sole breadwinner and someone at home taking care of the kids, and you really want to protect the person that makes zero money and will end up homeless if she ask for divorce, but nowadays? It's just not good.
I wouldn't want to marry in the US either frankly. Moids just forget that it works both way, and a women can be forced to pay alimony to a shitty husband with no job

Anonymous 68687

>and you really want to protect the person that makes zero money and will end up homeless if she ask for divorce, but nowadays? It's just not good.

Lots of women today are housewives with no money to their name, that isn't their husband's. Did you forget that?

Anonymous 68688

But lot of them are not. That's the problem. It's not just a social construct or a symbolic gesture, it's also a very real legal institution. You can't have a legal institution that is only good for a very specific subset of people, and awful for the rest. I mean, you can, but that's bad for society.
I'm not advocatig for a definite end of community of property in every marriage, but a mixed system, when you actually have a choice and can decide if you want a community or a separation is better. In the US that's what the marriage contract is supposed to do, but judge can just break it, so it's useless.

Anonymous 68699

Nta, mother was the only breadwinner and my dad did nothing around the house, she still had a lot of trouble divorcing him because of the structure of the institution. Grim world

Anonymous 68700

Samefag, she did her own divorce with no experience because people kept taking the absolute piss

Anonymous 68701

>we have fundamentally different beliefs and wants in this relationship but I will never leave him

No wonder so many people are unhappy in relationships. Embarrassing.

Anonymous 68707

Right? Amazing how women can fall in love with a moid because they have similar views/interests/hobbies on the surface, but when after some time passes it turns out their moids have vastly different beliefs (as they usually do, men and women have different goals they want to achieve in a relationship), but still refuse to leave them because they fell for the 'love' trap lmfao.

Anonymous 68708

And think they can change their moid's mind by endlessly arguing.

Anonymous 68709

The first three arguments are horseshit cope of the highest order and can be safely ignored as a rationalisation of the fact that he doesnt want to get married. The real reasons he doesnt want to get hitched are clearly the bottom reasons. The first of the bottom points about paternity tests is fair enough but they all clearly indicate that he doesn't actually care about the relationship itself. He ultimately cares really only about himself, he sees the gf as a nice person to be in contact with for emotional and sexual reasons but thats mostly it, the minute he is asked to take a personal risk he shows his true colours. Even if that was not the case both parties are clearly at an impass. The gf wants to be married and he doesn't. She also refuses to have kids without a ring. This means her life is in a perpetual holding pattern, which is not good for her. He is clearly far too self interested to be a good long term partner anyway.

Anonymous 68867

Why not just enter a blood pact?

Anonymous 69010


Each day I lose more respect for "trad" women. But I still have more respect for them than they seemingly have for themselves.

At this point she might as well make a suicide pact with him. It'd be better than what she's signing up for having his kids out of wedlock.

Anonymous 69020

Kek what a steaming pile of shit for a relationship. He has zero trust in her. He won't do it until he is old and desperate for anything resembling a family and at that point she will be way too old and he'll "settle" for that "findom relationship" with a young woman. He will have no empathy for having wasted precious time of his current girlfriend either, and he will see the new naive girl as the less of two evils, since he will at least get sex.
All those talking points are generic MRA crap.
>muh state bad although I'm not even relegious
>muh acknowledging all born children as mine (although there is no such assumption in marriage)
>muh will have to continue taking care of her (blatant lie and misrepresentation of actual divorce settlements, also there is a thing as a prenup)
>muh can't force her to take a dna test :(( (can't accuse wife of cheating and lying about paternity for no good reason without causing a shitstorm)

I hope she was told to drop him like a hot potato, because that is what she needs to do.

Anonymous 69021

ex# 473894789234 of scratching a trad man and finding a coomer with zero responsibility or accountability

literally no trad man actually wants to commit, they just enjoy the fantasy of having a bangmaid for life, it's sad but at least OP is finding out now and not after they have kids or some shit

Anonymous 69025


It's always sad to see women be so devoted and unwilling to dump dudes that clearly don't fucking trust them.
>fimdom bondage contract
You know, a person that actually loves their bf/gf doesn't automatically expect them to be cheating unless they see evidence or unusual behavior from them.
It says something about how he views his girlfriend, or even women in general.

Anonymous 69032

I feel this soooo much, anon. so many of those relationships don't WORK on such essential mechanical levels that it makes me feel kind of nuts just hearing about them.

It's such a doompill about human nature–when you've seen what women and girls will say and do to try pretending the keel of their ship isn't broken.

Anonymous 69036

I never want to hear another man complain about getting a relationship or keeping one together women literally tolerate anything and you still fuck it up

Anonymous 69037


tbh anona, the getting into a relationship part is the only point they're valid about. it is harder for men. the problem is that many have an extremely childlike view of it, like, they honestly think "getting gf" is 99.99% of the battle.
but guess what? that's a very, very small part of a relationship.

it's a really spooky disconnect, like, if you listened to some people you'd think all those horror stories of extremely neglectful husbands and bfs didn't exist. you will see guys going on and on about women asking too much when they ask to be treated like individuals rather than furniture.

a part of me thinks they actually usually know that a ton of women will literally try to make something work out at all costs, especially the insecure ones, so their aim is solely to get into a relationship with one.

Anonymous 69043

not that anon, I'm sorry but I'm not sure if this is supposed to be parody or not?

Anonymous 69045

We need more romantic media focused on longterm couples than on the honeymoon period or courtship rivalries

Anonymous 69048

>they honestly think "getting gf" is 99.99% of the battle
This is why I don't get why guys (and some girls, to be honest) who whine about being single and battling with social anxiety, body image issues and other insecurities want to have a girlfriend so badly.

Getting one is just the first step. If they can't communicate with the opposite gender, don't know how to treat them and don't seem to be willing to learn, how do they expect to keep the relationship? When they realize having a girlfriend means having to put some effort into it, they just end up blaming women for being demanding or annoying instead.

Anonymous 69065

it's bc they don't perceive that stuff most of the time tbh and they mostly think about being able to sexually access a woman or be validated by a warm body. a lot of men on self-preservation/desperation mode don't think about being in a partnership but comfort and being soothed in the moment. a coping mechanism, essentially.
It's kind of interesting bc people project a lot of rationality and…wonderful human sensibilities and structures onto such things. But sometimes it's easily likened towards an animal finding a cozy bed to sleep in. And, yes, there can be issues in this. Imo, I also think people overrate how pure it is as a reason to get with someone.

In any case, IMO it's my theory that women are on average negatively affected more if they're unwell, or try getting with an unwell man, and this is something that's constantly buried. I mean, men are several times more likely to leave their partners because of illness, etc., after all, so I'm not sure how well they handle vulnerability.
I notice women being at least a bit quicker to actually compromise themselves to caretake others.

Anonymous 69390

Thats because the man in this case doesn't actually really care about the women. He thinks first and foremost about his own material assets, which means that the couples future isnt really shared in his eyes, its all about what he can get out of it, and as soon as he has to actually take any risk he would rather not. He wants the ability to withdraw at any point without any loss to himself.

Anonymous 69394

>"We are both 'trad'"
>he won't marry her because [tard-tier excuses only a MGTOWcel would make up]
If a man loves you, he wants to marry you. If he wants to play video games forever and use you as a bangmaid, he will tell you bullshit like that. His political outlook is LARP and she's lying to herself that it's serious.
"Muh state" lol shut the fuck up you probably demand NEETbux from that same state, eat tendies approved by the state and defend the state tooth and nail.


Anonymous 69419

nobody expects to get divorced in the future when they get married, but you have to be realistic, you can hope for the best but should prepare for the worst.

Anonymous 69442

The man isn't hoping for the best though. He refuses to take any steps that potentially put him at financial risk and bind the two of them together. This means that he just wants a bangmaid that he can decide to ditch for any reason at any time with no real consequences for him. As presumably he is the main breadwinner it will make the gf very dependent on him, but as they are not married the gf receives none of the protections and assurances that married women get from the state, specifically that if they get divorced then that she will not be out on the street or homeless with no job and kids to look out for. A bf that actually cared about her would see that marriage is not just important for lots of women from a sentimental standpoint but also from a security standpoint, and that by denying her marriage but still wanting a "trad" lifestyle he wants to deprive her of independence but not offer any security to compensate.

Anonymous 69458

how long have you been together OP? you may already have what is known as a 'common law marriage' depending on where you live. You might basically be married anyway which would make his reluctance to officially get married redundant.

Anonymous 69526

she requires an authority to keep him in line, she doesn't trust him.

[Return] [Catalog]
[ Rules / FAQ ] [ meta / b / media / img / feels / hb / x ]