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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Male Gaze :((( Anonymous 70037

When I was a tween I was at that stage where I was mentally developing but had a sense of leeway for my self expression. I got my hair chopped and wore the clothes I wanted, and basically looked like a dyke and didn't care about what the men around me thought because I wasn't at a sexual stage yet. But now that I'm older I can only see myself through men's eyes. I forget who said this but this problem really applies to my situation:

>Men see women, women see men seeing women.

I hate this mental attitude because I force myself to look "hot" in a conventional way but it doesn't feel like the real me. Like its sinful for me to not look hot. Before I turned myself into a basic bitch I was told stuff like "you're wasting your beauty" and "you'd look so much more attractive if you did xyz". But fuck man. It isn't me at all.

Anonymous 70042

beauty isn't a tax you have to pay to live

Anonymous 70045

Sounds like your low self esteem is the problem, not just "men". Stop caring so much about other people's opinions.

Anonymous 70049

I feel you but I have no feeling towards men. Er It is SO extremely rare… but I feel you. I've always been really smart but I have this deep subconscious habit of dumbing myself down… which I aggressively try to reverse 24/7.. for this reason and too many others men disgust me. I hate what they do to your mind.I like to have a bone to pick with anything I feel forced on my mind… where gaslighting…mind breakdown games re concerned.,

I'm almost like you but in my head. My head must be masculine as I can get it, and anything inside it that isn't mine feels invasive to me. though I believe in balance and emotional intelligence too I refuse to emotional labor that is normal outside my job. I have a long storied experience with gaslighting and mental games. I wonder if in the end this is what completely turned me off. It's like to the bottom of my soul I'm over them I can't be damned to pay attention to how I feel about them and take seriously. Fantasy is about as deep as I go and then I tune out.

I know how you feel in a way I don't belong anywhere. I'm probably waaay outside society's norms compared to you. Though I don't know how you aren't aware of them getting in your mind and trying to plant influence on every little thing you do. To me it's like I have a lifelong goal/ effort to surgically extract it everyday. I deeply hate taking anything seriously usually though. Because that's exactly what they want you to do. I put this here because maybe it will inspire you. I look like some random normie you'd see anywhere. I blend in really well but when I go home I'm done lol.

Sorry this probably isn't helpful at all.

Anonymous 70065

Men don't deserve your concern. They barely even think about women except as conduits for their social conformity, objects to be conquered. Never lower yourself to their perspective because you'll realize it never had depth to begin with

Anonymous 70067

It’s men.

Anonymous 70093

It's an instinct to want to have a market value sexually because breeding got us this far, once you accept that you're doing it to compete with other females you will find peace and even the ability to not participate.

Anonymous 70101

Even if you stop participating, it's no use. The majority of women still care about the male gaze. They measure their worth by it and will try to "include" you in the competition, often without being aware they're doing it. You can't escape it.

Anonymous 70104

I feel this too. I'm kinda disgusted by being seen sexually. I dont want to be seen sexually anymore and I want to know how to get away from it.

Anonymous 70108

Of course you can, that kinda thing becomes a joke to you. It's called drinking up their obsession with you when they take you and things around them too seriously. How old are you?

Anonymous 70109

But why would you want to procreate at all. That's the worst thing that can happen to you next to getting a lobotomy.

Anonymous 70113


>mfw you're me but without the sadomasochisting enjoyment of mindfuck games

Anonymous 70117

you have a serious mental illness or are on hard drugs or both. within 4-5 barely coherent sentences you've already contradicted yourself in the most comical way ("no feeling towards men" vs. "men disgust me") and you have contorted my face beyond recognition by asserting that you HAVE ALWAYS BEEN REALLY SMART. because that's a thing a smart person would say.

I don't feel like making a wall of text analysis of the whole post but I did read it and it never gets any more sane. it's obvious that you cannot tell any more but you needed help a long time ago and I hope it's not too late now.

Anonymous 70120

Erm I once had serious depression and since I got away from the source I've improved massively but this is the way I am now. Just because I rarely feel attraction to men doesn't mean I have mental illness.

Also sorry but by feelings I meant feel attraction. I hate typing on my phone but my computer died.

Anyway you're not responding to anything specific that has made you upset so i dont know how to respond exactly feel free to whenever you like.

Anonymous 70121


I never get a chance to talk about this so I'll just spergpost here: I don't care anymore. I see all of it as cosplay.
If some cosplays net me better treatment in the world, nice. But imagine having your body, an entire doll all for yourself, and all you ever do is customize it based on how men might treat you. Boring and lame.
Even if you're feminine, scrotes will never really understand what an "aesthetic" is. They're not capable. If you really pay attention to what "styles" they idolize on women, you'll notice that male gaze is very simplistic, and that's because styling isn't what really matters. It's not really your clothes or your lipstick (or lack of it), it's your existence as a woman that's the main point. At best, they may fetishize some things (like pantyhose, chokers, or heels), but they simply don't have the brain for analysis.
In the end, they just want to put something inside of you, and they'd take the opportunity even if you wore a garbage liner. The reason people talked shit to you for being tomboyish is because society gets uncomfortable when you won't play the appeasement game. It bothers a lot of women when they're forced to remember that they don't have to wear foundation, and it makes men mad when you won't pretend it's important whether or not your hair is long and in a ponytail or whatever. They need women to be insecure and constantly changing shit, the inherent power gap between being a woman vs some male who is constantly thinking about reproducing and sex whether he likes it or not is just too much lol.
There's also the aspect of wanting to assign you a uniform to more adequately cast the "type" of girl/woman you are (ie are you fuck, marry, or ignore material). You confuse everyone if you look too "boyish" but you're not a lesbian.
You can either take all this shit as a prison, or as a reason to shrug your shoulders and stop fucking worrying. It's out of your hands, why be mad?
Sometimes I want to look like a "dyke". Sometimes I want to look like an anime character. Sometimes I want to look like a generic hot girl, or a hippie, or a guy. All fun costumes. Doesn't fucking matter, just have fun

Anonymous 70129

>>They need women to be insecure so they're constantly easy to intimidate, and tell what to do, for easy access to sex.


Anonymous 70251

im sorry but you sound shizophrenic, how you are talking about getting stuff planted in your head and you trying to extract it…

Anonymous 70797

literally this, realized this after i started talking to my male friends about fashion (im into costuming) and they literally had no opinions on dress styles and hairstyles beyond "gay" or "hot". as long as your tits are visible and your eyes are defined it doesnt matter to men. i think this is why they view heavy makeup as "black magic"

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