contemplating immediate death.
>based my whole life around a guy that said he loved me once and then broke up with me after he got what he wanted, then led me on for 3 years.
>failed attempts because i was a pissy attention seeker
>about to graduate (im 18), i have no aspirations in life
>everyones moving on with life but i seem to be stuck having panic attacks over the past 10 years+
>ive been stuck on the same safe foods for months, i feel sick.
>raging alcoholic, ran out of alcohol.
>hate my body, always did.
>cant go to therapy, dont trust them after they called the police on me because i opened up about being raped
>im bound to die alone because i cant form bonds with anyone
>bpd is throwing me around to no end seeing i cant get any help and my parents been refusing it anyway, so even if i wasnt scared as shit i still wouldnt get any help
>could be a pornstar or a cam girl, but i would have to be attractive for that.
>hypersexualised myself my whole teen years because i was convinced i was unlovable after being used for only my body in the promise of being cared for
>i have too many things to complain about, ill end it here.
Anon, I recommend you find a job in a different place after graduating and give yourself a fresh start. Somewhere where no one knows you. Doesn’t have to be a forever job or town, just somewhere to let you have some time to decide what you really want to do. Take some time to read up on techniques to manage your anxiety, bpd, etc.
going to a different city seems ideal for now, i just hope i wont regret it as time goes on
The real problem here is that it sounds like your parents really failed you and never helped you build good self-esteem to begin with, much less allowing you to drink illegally. Many of the poor decisions you made are a reflection of their failures, rather than your own.
If you could be someone else in order to feel good about yourself, who would you be?
If it doesn't work, you can always come back or try another place.
Avoid prostitution, avoid alcohol, avoid moids, get a job were you may be safe and get some hobby so you don't get to stressed.
Do your best, don't dispair while being so young
I can't fucking stand the bpd-chan types.
Go to therapy and learn to behave in an acceptable way.
"bUT THEY WILL CALL THE POLICE BECAUSE OF THE RAPE" you say. Even if what you're saying is true, just go to therapy and omit that part for now.
>>70333>cant tell them about trauma that bothers you
whats even the point???
therapy isnt a solution to everything
BPD is actually treatable via therapy (DBT) and has a pretty respectable recovery rate
Based. i'd also add don't perform femininity and don't have children. Seriously, not having children might be one of the best choices you can make as a woman