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Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Pornsickness Anonymous 71164

I became addicted to extreme pornography when I was a preteen. I was also heavily involved in porn-centric communities online up until last year. It fucked up my brain. I have explicit sexual thoughts running in my brain, against my will, all the time. I’m a virgin at 30 because exposure to hardcore porn made me terrified of sex. I can also only get off to rape fantasies. I avoid porn nowadays and I also tried therapy, but it hasn’t really helped.
Anyone in the same situation? How do you even deal with this?

Anonymous 71173

I was kind of in a similar situation but not as extreme as your sounds.
I was pretty into BDSM type stuff for a while. The only thing that helped me was to quit watching porn entirely. The more time has passed the better I've gotten.
You may need to be patient.
Why hasn't therapy helped? Maybe try different therapists? The rape fantasies is a little concerning. When people are into that, along with BDSM, it's usually because there's something serious going on in your psyche that's not easy to figure out.

Anonymous 71181

i never consumed live-action porn but i dealt with a sorta similar but less extreme version of this, even after changing my political views (used to be a TERF/SWERF/whatever) and not engaging with it anymore, the damage of obsessively looking at hentai type stuff since for over a decade hasn't really left my mind.

my therapist was supportive of my intrusive sexual thoughts and said they were normal and valid coping (it's not "to cope" and i don't enjoy them). i talked to another one about it and she didn't understand. i'm too scared to see a new one and i can't really afford it right now. i hate how i know why this happened and what led me to porn, but no one knows how to undo it.

Anonymous 71197

I feel you anon. I'm only lucky I got hooked a bit later in life than you, and managed to have sex.

The damage has been done. But the same thing can be said for any kind of trauma. That doesn't mean you will never be able to live beyond it.

The first good thing is that you are fully aware of the problem, and even went out of your way to try to solve it, with a therapist. Most porn addicted scrotes and shaynus tier e-thots would never ever do this. Even if you probably feel worse than when you used to when blissfully unaware of your issue, you are on the path towards change.

You obviously need to disconnect real sex and porn. How ? I don't really know for sure what could work for you. I think you should work to have a romantic relationship with a man (or woman) without sex involved from the beginning. Take time. Share your insecurities and concern on te subject. if the guy is pressuring you to have sex, you will have to dump his ass. It's really hard to get into healthy relationships when you have been traumatized in a way or another. If you don't feel ready to try, take your time. Contrary to what scrotes want to make us believe, you can have relationships after your early 20's. Never force yourself.

Good luck, OP.

Anonymous 71207

NTA, i've also heard from multiple people that having normal sex and relationships can heal porn damage but that ends up making me feel more hopeless since my attempts to meet someone or talk to people with that intention fall flat, i can't even get a hookup on apps (i know they're bad but i don't have other outlets). it's like i'll be a slave to trauma and porn forever. i can't even have healthy fantasises because due to past experiences i can't imagine what someone finding me attractive and wanting me as a person and not a "hole" to abuse is like. therapists i talked to have no idea how to approach this and i've just been told to just "read erotica and figure out what i like" (yes i've talked about my strugges to them and said i wanted to change it) lmao even though i've had obsessive behavior with consuming porn and erotica and don't want to anymore

Anonymous 71229

I have a loving partner who wants sex regularly, but I'm addicted to porn, I prefer masturbating to it than sex. I thought I'd want sex but I don't. I'm similar to you, I got addicted when I was about 13. I never actually masturbated til I was 16 because of weird puritan things my parents told me about. Actually I used to just watch videos of sexual acts that didn't involve sex, because my parents never outlawed that, just sex, they always made me avert my gaze from sex scenes in movies.

But yeah I'm addicted to porn, I've 'given' it up a couple of times, but I always come back. The only way I managed to stop was just to become so busy and tired that I had no time for it. With a partner now, it seems even harder, because I can't forget about sex or masturbation. The only other way to stop is to just stop, I know this as well as it's psychology 101. As soon as you 'forbid' yourself from indulging in an addiction, you want it more. All you have to do is tell yourself "just one day without it, I can have it tomorrow, I can have it whenever I want, but I want to go one more day without it today". That's what I'm currently trying. Sorry for the incoherent ramblings.

Anonymous 71267

>i can't even get a hookup on apps (i know they're bad but i don't have other outlets)

Why can't you meet men organically, may it be irl or online ? Are you socially isolated ? You may want to work on that first, before being able to feel healthy attraction towards males (or women), and get rid of the porn addiction. Always remember that having an addiction is a symptom of several life issues. I only believe in holistic recovery from addiction. If you don't fix, one by one, the other problems you have in life, you will never be able to get rid of that addictive behaviour. Even if you manage to get rid of your porn addiction, you will probably replace it with another.

>I have a loving partner who wants sex regularly, but I'm addicted to porn, I prefer masturbating to it than sex
You're right, having a partner won't magically cure your porn addiction. The "manic pixie dream boy" simply doesn't exist. Do you feel more pleasure when masturbating than when having sex ? If yes, your addiction is correlated to this sexual frustration. Ofc, watching porn only exarcebates the initial problem, it's a vicious circle. The problem is that the easiest way to have more pleasure during sex is to mimic porn acts… it sucks.

Anonymous 71294

>Why can't you meet men organically, may it be irl or online ?
not into men, dykes tend to have small dating pools especially when words like "lesbian" have been watered down to include transvestites and whatnot

>Are you socially isolated ? You may want to work on that first, before being able to feel healthy attraction towards males (or women)

i work full time, but am too busy to do things like go to clubs or the gym or hobby meetups. i am capable of visual attraction to women that isn't rooted in fetish but it's not explicitly sexual, but i figured that's something that would take time to develop

>and get rid of the porn addiction. Always remember that having an addiction is a symptom of several life issues. I only believe in holistic recovery from addiction. If you don't fix, one by one, the other problems you have in life, you will never be able to get rid of that addictive behaviour. Even if you manage to get rid of your porn addiction, you will probably replace it with another.

i agree with you, but i am >>71181, and in that post i mention i never touched live-action porn, i avoid those things now unless i see it accidentally on twitter, and tried to mask my shame with radical politics in the past. i also don't fit the typical description of a "porn addict" since i never masturbated or orgasmed to it, and i'm not reliant on porn to orgasm, it's just that my past indulgence in it has tainted my mind and therapists either didn't understand or thought my thoughts were "valid coping". i did trade my sexual obsessions for purity politics and trying to think for myself is something i'm working on now

Anonymous 71338

>Do you feel more pleasure when masturbating than when having sex?
It honestly depends on the day. Sometimes sex feels great, but I'm never able to orgasm, it's like I psychologically choke. I think I prefer masturbating because it's more comfy; sex takes more effort and if I'm not in the mood then it's hard to get me in the mood.

Anonymous 71355

The thing that stops me from looking at porn is the fact that there's a 50/50 chance that a random porn video is infact rape, childrape, nonconsensual videotaping or revenge porn.

Anonymous 73246

Did anyone stop porn but still feel their thoughts/fantasies are "porn-like" and managed to get through that? The therapists I talked to didn't really know what to say about this, would a more traditional or even Christian therapist get it? Ideally I don't want to go therapist shopping again because I can't afford it. Or if someone worked through it without therapy I'd like to know any experiences.

Anonymous 73261

wondering this too. i hate how my brain automatically switches to imagining what making out is like in the 3rd person when i should really be enjoying the moment as is in first person with my partner. i think we've conditioned our brains to only get off to that and now theyre hardwired.

anyone, is there any way to return back to the natural order of things? to be in the moment and enjoy your partner instead of envisioning a 3rd perspective?

Anonymous 73263

I was in the same situation for years. Tbh my explicit sexual thoughts were abt as bad as yours?
The thing that helped me was changing my views on sex. I started viewing it as a reciprocal thing, both partners wanting each other, being all over each other. I started seeing sex as a healthy exchange rather than a violent act through practice.

Idk if that'll help you or the other anons but it helped me change my views at least. Sadly it did not help with my overall sex addiction…I just went from being into disgusting porn to " healthy""" written porn.

Anonymous 73272

Rough or violent sex usually isnt pleasurable irl. It might look aesthetically pleasing or sexy but it's usually just uncomfortable, cringey and painful irl (and not in a hot way)

Anonymous 73280

AYRT, by "porn-like" I don't mean violent rough studf, but more trashy, in-your-face, gratuitous gross stuff instead of normal people having normal enjoyable sex. I don't even like this kind of stuff but I randomly think of kinks (not BDSM, just weirdo moidy things) that I don't care about or normally like, automatically. I do have abusive type thoughts (not of me abusing or being abused, but random scenarios) but I never looked at porn of that kind of stuff, it's just mental self-harm…

Anonymous 77752


Try seeking a good Christian parish. Don't bother with a misogynistic one that deems women as property or some other kind of crap. Try to find a good Christian male. Plenty of them exist. Ones who hate porn and hate what the world has done to women, make them into outlets of male sexual pleasure.

Anonymous 77755

My mind is sometimes pornographic but I don't watch a lot of porn. But it's definitely not a daily occurrence maybe like a weekly thing? I have looked at erotuc art and porn before, I even used to draw it and write it but I wouldn't say it was an everyday thing? I don't know. What is normal?

Anonymous 77757

You are normal, that’s not pornsickness. I’m tired of the surge of unhinged people calling every fucking desire or expression of sexuality women have “pornsickness” You’re allowed to be aroused and express yourself through art and writing, stop comparing yourself to entitled unapologetically degenerate males who hurt women because you have sexual thoughts once a week

Anonymous 78926

I'm the same way. Most powerplay dynamics, BDSM, dom/sub stuff does nothing for me. I think I'm just so addicted I need that next rush, and bright colors, flashy porn, gross stuff, etc. is the direction my brain goes. I hate it. I get so desperate for it that no matter how hard I try, I end up relapsing, and when that happens I feel even worse. I just know that this has permanently ruined me and that I am incapable of having a normal, healthy relationship.

At my worst I temporarily "accept" my reality and try vainly to seek a moid that understands my affliction. When I'm really hating myself, I seek a moid that has my affliction, because then I think he will understand. It never works out and I always end up hating myself more afterwards.

I hate porn and what its done to women. I hate what its done to men too, but they are so frequently the authors of their own misfortune, my sympathy is shallow.

Anonymous 78936

Thanks i know that. OP just sounds like me because she was exposed to smut at a young age. I think around 14 I was learning about BL and porn, then again what teen doesn't nowadays i guess.

Anonymous 78938

Don't understand how its that amazing. I've seen all kinds of porn, but it never made me crazy for it. I was exposed to it really young too. I find the bodies really gross to look at. Ugh the fluids, the fake boobs, the wierd pubic hair and penciled on eyebrows its just bleh. Honestly my problem is.. after seeing porn I find the human body gross. I guess im your opposite extreme.

Anonymous 78955

I wish I was more like you. I'd rather be on the side of aversion than obsession. It's not even the bodies that I enjoy, it's the degrading feeling towards myself and the dopamine rush I get from the extreme fantasies this kind of content encourages me to explore.

Anonymous 78957

Exposure to porn at a young age doesn’t sentence you to a lifetime of porn sickness lol forgive yourself and move on. I came across two girls one cup when i was 9

Anonymous 78964

something similar happened.is happening to me because i was exposed to hardcore pornography at the age of 11. it didnt fuck up my romantic and sexual life but i wish i could turn off the thoughts.
maybe give it a try if you ever find a good man because what you think you enjoy may not be true at all. physically speaking soft caresses and kisses etc are the nicest thing ever, i cant imagine myself in any of these weird scenarios i would think of because of "pornsickness" (didnt know that word before)

Anonymous 78965

and when i say hardcore pornography i even fell upon CP because of some links someone sent me when i was young.

Anonymous 78990

Me too. And you feel like total human shit for ever even seeing it for days, weeks afterwards. Porn is a disease.

Anonymous 79101

Yeah. Tbh now that i realized im not an anomaly and its actually porn induced i feel much better about myself also considering how through life i was able to not obey to these weird thoughts. Also when it came from other people i was always grossed out. Its very weird because those fake sexual fantasies dont fit my actual opinions at all and are not enjoyable for me IRL. Like rape fantasies and stuff. Also made me realize that if this horrible, long terme experience happened to me it makes sense that it happens to actual rape victims and it must be even more horrible and traumatizing for them.

Worst thing about all this is that it sometimes becomes the Truth. Either you start believing you like it or people try to make it look like most women enjoy hardcore, violent sex and its natural for them when its actually mostly porn mixed with social norms that fucked up sexuality.

Its sad and horrifying and i hope more women will find out that all these things arent true. Its only porn. Another proof is female pornstars themselves - they are treated like shit, their health are damaged, their minds even more.

Anonymous 79103

These months it became worse after a fes years of watching porn very rarely and i also found it to be true that you start watching more and more extreme stuff.

Well irl i dont need any of this. Soft kisses, caresses, are just great. These fantasies - i dont need them to be real to enjoy intercourse.

Its all separate for me. And im so glad for that

Anonymous 79104

it might be easier to switch to imagining how you look to your partner rather than a third person. I feel like it’s normal for your mind to go back and forth a little bit between first-person and the partner’s POV, so trying to force a first-person experience all the time might not be the best approach.

Anonymous 79105

it sounds like you respond to that stuff because those things are simple concepts you can think of and immediately have something sexual in your mind, while sex without “kinks” isn’t as verbalizable and it can be more slippery for your brain to grasp and construct a scenario with. I’m a little like that too except I don’t feel bad about it (most of the time anyway).

Anonymous 79125

Are you trying to quit?

Anonymous 79941

hi, i quit for a while and now im trying again even though the consequences arent as bad as before because i dossociate a lot more. now i want to quit not because of the consequences but out of principle, self esteem

Anonymous 79942

when i want to quit i try reducing the frequency first. i dont change the kind tbh, its all about frequency for me. then i start replacing it. instead of watching porn i watch something else if the urge comes out of boredom, bc it usually happens late during night. if its during the day any hobby does the job, or take a shower and/or go out. if its because im horny which doesnt happen too often, i use my brain. i dont believe masturbation is really bad, especially for women, so i mostly hate porn but i dont feel too bad about masturbating.
i also talk to myself, dont go too far as in guilt tripping you but understand that what you're watching is wrong and bad for you. porn is the bad tho, not you. only trap is thinking you're the bad in there because it will make you feel even shittier, which can actually worsen everything by making you feel like its usuless to try stopping anyway because you'll be a bad person anyway. thats the guilt you should avoid.

Anonymous 79943

but also understand you're responsible for your actions, because this implies you have control, which means you can stop bad habits. its not a curse.

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