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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

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Anonymous 72340

My aspergers has made university a living hell. I can't fit in, people already know there's something wrong with me. I don't bother anybody or try to stand out, they just avoid me. It really fucking stings

Can any other spergs lend advice? I know I'll never be normal and it's probably too late for me but I'm sick of being like this

Anonymous 72345

I don't have much advice to offer, other than usually the thoughts you're having and the self doubt you feel are erased upon finding at least one human being you can connect with. In my experience I get all my confidence from getting on with one individual.

Anonymous 72346

Uni is about getting an education, not “fitting in” or making friends. So who cares.

Anonymous 72349

>>72346
Are you fucking kidding?
Networking and making connections is way more important in getting a career than that piece of paper you get.

Anonymous 72350

>>72346
I'm sorry to break it to you but that is the ultimate cope

Anonymous 72370

>>72349
Disagree. That’s such a cliche thing to say that I’ve heard 1000x.
>>72350
>ultimate cope
I have 0 irl friends as a college student and i literally do not care. I just want to get my degree, build my skills, and get out.

Anonymous 72375

Switch to an online degree. Stop trying to do what is best for normies and do what is best for you.

Anonymous 72386

>>72340
There was a masking thread a bit further down the board, you might want to check it. Basically, you need to understand nonverbal communication.

How did you try to talk to your classmates ? Did you make yourself look friendly ? You're supposed to make eye contact and smile to signal you're available to chat.

Raising your eyebrows when you greet someone is a sign of friendliness among neurotypicals. If you don't give them nonverbal cues, they'll assume you think you're above them and don't want any company.

Go at your own pace, don't do more than you can handle. You will get unconfortable stares and that's tough, but feedback helps analyzing what you're doing wrong.

Also I noticed even people who reject you can change their mind, as long as you get a chance to show who you are and still act exemplary and friendly in spite of it all. Group projects were my salvation. With time, some realize that's just how you are and you're not being fake. Don't try to talk to very popular people though, that's suicide.

Studying how neurotypicals move their eyebrows in social contexts is a good start, they are crucial to communication. Find ressources on body language and prosody, analyze media to understand what they value and how their hierachies work.

There are just so many things to mention as social reality is incredibly complex, no online advice could ever be enough. You have to question yourself a lot, systematize your experiences and knowledge, and reevaluate everything when you get something wrong. Isn't there a sperg association or practioner near you that can explain those things to you in detail ?

>>72370
Most people need a social support system to make it through uni. Also what makes you so sure that networking is just a meme ?

Anonymous 72395

>>72349
Depends on your degree.

Anonymous 72397

The worst thing you could do is continue to avoid people out of fear. I made that mistake and things continued to get worse. You will need to go out of your way to meet people and introduce yourself to others, especially if you are a natural repellant to normies. Try to join a club if you haven’t already. One that involves discussion like a debate club or a book club might make it easier to have a presence that attracts other people of a similar mind.

>>72370
You might not care about being an isolated social retard, but OP clearly does. Saying “just stop caring” is not useful advice for anything other than turning into some kind of empty husk.

Anonymous 72406

>>72397
>You might not care about being an isolated social retard
Yup. That’s right.

Anonymous 72410

>>72340
Listen, I have no clue, I graduated 4 years ago and was lucky enough to be in a program that 'coaxed' friend groups early on in the course. I met people who would have interesting conversations, and a lot of the time I could just sit in and listen. When I didn't feel like talking, I'd sit in the same space working on assessment with earphones in. We'd frequently discuss course material and they would also tell me about extra stuff, because they went to private schools and knew more than me. Ideally that's what you want, I ended up with a strong friend group throughout my degree because we could all discuss what we were learning. I didn't do much extra-curricular stuff with them, we went to a local park once, but I lived relatively far from my uni so I didn't do that sort of stuff much.

>"But anonette, I wasn't forced to be with a bunch of like-minded people"

I remember once meeting a group of strangers at uni for a study session (it was organised on an unofficial facebook university course page). During the session, I was the main person answering everyone's questions because I, apparently, knew the course material best (it was difficult, it's not like these people were trying to just fluke on a last minute cram). Everyone ended up leaving that thanking me, saying that if I (me) don't pass then no one will, it was a good ego boost because people had never made me feel good for being smart before that. I could have made friends with any of those people, but I didn't really want to because I'd already grown attached to my other group.

Lots of people at university are normoids, they'd all have their laptops or phones out with messenger open, barely paying attention to the lecturer (and they're typically the ones to complain that they have to study and learn stuff!). These people should not be at university and should be avoided. Anything of value they have to give you they will not give you, unless your parents have a lot of money, in which case you don't need them.

Anonymous 72414

fedup.jpeg

>>72370I did the same thing as you! Now I'm out of college earning 120k a year in accounting, I still rarely see anybody and that's the way I want it. People are such a liability most of the time that I might as well just forego the entire process of "getting to know" people. It's so much better once you let go, and I'm glad you're making the same decision. My whole routine revolves around me and me only. A lot of naysayers will often tell you you're missing out on life but most people that say that are also irreverent human beings. I don't even do anything with fems anymore, let alone scrotes. I come into work to do my job and nothing else, it's great - no need for lunch chit chat or any of that nonsense. I only post on cc because I've been doing this for years. I just work in my house with my own stuff 24/7 nowadays. Never been happier

Anonymous 72416

>>72414
Same. I spent all my time at uni trying too hard to fit and all that I got out of it was taken advantage of by moids and plenty of cringe memories to haunt me to the end of my days. I gave up on other people a few years ago and started an online degree and I have been so much happier and my grades are so much better. I wish I had dropped out my first degree and done this then.

Once you learn to get rid of the loneliness in ways that don't involve other people (e.g. pets, online communities, being around people but not interacting with them such as in a cafe or just have paid relationships like tutored lessons) then it is such a simpler and happier existence. I realise that might sound pathetic to a normie but if you're not enjoying being around other people then it's ok to cure your loneliness in other ways.

Anonymous 72463

1. Get a hobby to sperg about.
2. Find other weird people who sperg about it. They'll care more about said hobby than you so they literally won't care.
3. ??? Profit

But in all seriousness, if you feel you just can't be friends with normies at all like I do, then there's nothing wrong with sticking to people who share similar interests. Actually, normies do it too, although to a lesser degree (and with more normie interests obv).

Anonymous 72464

>>72370

>I have 0 irl friends as a college student and i literally do not care. I just want to get my degree, build my skills, and get out.


This is an underrated take, especially if you're not a traditional student. College should be an investment, a way to the "best years of your life", not "the best years of your life" in and of themselves. I've found people who tend to call them that are typically the party animals who barely show up to class, flunk out, and then only wind up working minimum wage.

Anonymous 72466

>>72464
Completely agree. “Best years of your life” is such a toxic mindset anyway, particularly when you have so little control during that time. At least as adult you leave toxic jobs and relationships. As a high school or college student you’re forced to tolerate so much stuff. Unless you can’t handle the minimal amount of responsibility needed to live as an adult, there’s absolutely no reason to think of your student days as the best time of your life.



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