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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Please read the rules! Last update: 04/27/2021

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Anonymous 72759

males are incapable of pair bonding

Anonymous 72766

so true bestie

Anonymous 72791

>>72766
i wish i could get to know you

Anonymous 72807

it makes me depressed

Anonymous 72870

Yes they are

Anonymous 72871

>>72759
what is the deal with this pic?

Anonymous 72879

>>72871
>>72807
im sorry sister

>>72870
scrote alert

>>72871
wdym?

Anonymous 72914

I don't know what's worse, being with a polyamorous man who encourages you to fuck other men when you really only want him and have difficulty giving a shit about other men while he fucks other women easily, or being in a monogamous relationship to the point the honeymoon phase not only ends but you start growing to hate each other and it becomes a loveless relationship.

They're both extremely painful experiences, and it's hard to tell if either of them isn't better than just staying alone. The first one is kinda extra shit because of STD risks and heartache, which outweight how good being together is.

Monogamy is flawed, though it's understandable why people wish it would work.

Anonymous 72928

>>72914
youre implying the honeymoon period wouldn't end with you too. Its not so bad, you just live with eachother and theres still a relationship being built, it just matures instead of revolving around non stop sex all the time. You still do cute stuff with eachother and the benefit its not done to have sex, its done just because you like eachother.

Anonymous 72937

>>72914
This is why most people are serial monogamists.

Anonymous 72941

>>72914
My theory is that couples tend to genuinely pair bond but are still tempted to sleep with others on the side occasionally, and sometimes encounter people that they have more sexual spark with, but can still love their partner and want to stay with them. Whether that should be indulged or not is up to them I guess.

Anonymous 72942

I wish that were true. Mine would be devastated if I left him. I'm his whole world (but in a totally healthy sense), but I think it's time for me to go find what I'm really looking for (kinky sex) since he can't give that. I just feel like a horrendously awful person leaving him.

Anonymous 72943

>>72942
Have you tried asking him?

Anonymous 72944

>>72943
Oh yeah definitely. We've been in couple's counseling for like 4 years. We both have our own traumas do deal with and which pull us in opposite directions, sexually.

Anonymous 72946

>>72942
Give him to me, I need a boring borderline asexual/vanilla bf

Anonymous 72947

>>72946
I wish I could. He really deserves someone amazing and I'm just a terrible person for marrying him and hoping he'd change.

Anonymous 72973

>>72942
would you really leave someone just to coom more?

Anonymous 72975

>>72942
I've been in your exact position. Best of luck, anon. Don't settle for less.

Anonymous 72982

>>72973
It's like I can't breathe. He's such a great guy. Loyal, kind, generous, and pretty hot. But he's just not a sexual being. We do it maybe once or twice a month, and I look forward to it for weeks, but even then it isn't satisfying because his heart isn't in it. It's like going through the motions of eating, drinking, or breathing but not getting anything out of it. I know that I only have like max 25 more years where I need it like this, and that he would make such a great life partner, but I just need someone who can match me. I literally feel like I'm being torn apart. My therapist says I should leave him, but he's such a good guy. He deserves so much better than what I can give him, but at the same time that's exactly why he won't get it. I feel like I have to stay with him and with the life we've built together, otherwise I will destroy both of our worlds.


>>72975
And what did you do? I feel paralyzed.

Anonymous 72986

>>72982
have you tried talking to him about it? I'm sure he would try and understand a lot more if he knew your whole relationship was at stake.

Anonymous 72990

>>72982
A hot guy who is borderline asexual is literally my dream. I don't want to be covered with gross moid dicksnot, I just want a handsome guy who isnt a coomer and whose pretty face I can stare at all day.

But if you aren't happy or satisfied you should leave nona and both find someone who gives you what you need. Good luck.

Anonymous 72994

>>72986
(not her) what's talking going to accomplish? she clearly wants a man who instinctively is driven to do sexual stuff to her. telling a man who isn't like that about this desire just means he's the wrong one for her. she doesn't want a man to do her a favor by indulging in her fantasy or whatever, she wants a man who genuinely desires [whatever acts]. it's impossible for somebody to turn into that. he either is or isn't already that.
talking would make sense if the relationship was new and there's a hope that he has a more sexual side and just hasn't revealed it to her yet. she seems confident that that's not the case. they've been together long enough (they're married), she knows him well.

Anonymous 73001

>>72986
More or less. We've been in couples counseling for years now and we've made progress in some areas, but it seems like we will never connect on the sex thing. He has a hard time talking about sex from a desire standpoint, and can get really emotionally triggered and kind of shuts down when we talk about it in much depth.

>>72990
Funny how people can end up mismatched that that.

>>72994
I mean, I do think that at least part of it is a confidence thing for him. It's almost like he's traumatized by my kinkiness – like it disturbs him to think about me like that. I do wonder if seeing a therapist individually to talk about it could, if not necessarily make him an inherently more sexual person, at least help him work through some of the emotional hangups that he seems to have around sex. I've suggested that maybe he'd like to see one, since my therapist has been so helpful for me, but he says that he doesn't need one. He says that he's already worked through any issues he might have.

So yeah, I don't think that much is going to change.

Anonymous 73002

I think hard drugs would really kick the libido into high gear. Ever try MDMA?

Anonymous 73003

One thing I'm not liking about the direction these replies are leading to is that they're implying this guy needs to be fixed or that his low libido is due to trauma or some other issue of that nature.
While the latter can be true to an extent if he doesn't want to change and feels comfortable with the way things are right now then he simply shouldn't. I hate pulling this moidy rhetoric but if muh genders were reversed we wouldn't be happy about a scrote trying to change his gf's sexuality, although with the way this site shames women who are not into kinky stuff I wouldn't be surprised if that happened too.
I know break-ups hurt, especially if the relationship is mostly good, but you're still in time to find a partner who is compatible with you on this level as well anon. Don't waste time trying to change someone who doesn't need, can or want to.

Anonymous 73005

>>73003
>>73003

I absolutely don't want him to change anything about himself that he doesn't want to. Like I said, he's a really really great guy. I always try to reassure him that there is nothing wrong with him wanting or not wanting anything. I'm just afraid that he seems to have a sort of phobia around sex that prevents HIM from enjoying himself. It's not that I think that there's something wrong with him because he isn't kinky. Everyone has different preferences, any that's absolutely OK, even if it means that we aren't compatible and should go out separate ways. I just worry for him that this might go beyond just sexual (or asexual) preference and that our incompatibility has made him feel ashamed or uncomfortable with his own sexuality.

Anonymous 73006

>>73005
But you do want him to change, though. You already said you married him expecting him to change. All of this is on you. Let the poor man go. Yeah, he will be hurt at first, but you are doing more damage dragging it out.

Anonymous 73007

>>73002

Yeah, we did once around 5 or so years ago. He actually did do some kinky things with me when we were rolling, and then he felt ashamed about it afterwards. We'd both like to try again, but we're both on SSRIs now, so we can't, unfortunately.

Anonymous 73008

>>73006

Yeah, I do wish he would change. I know it's not going to happen, but I still wish he would. I'm in love with him despite all of this and I really wish that we could make this work. I spent basically all of my 20s without the sexual contact that I need because of that, and that was dumb and naive of me. I think that we were both dumb and naive and selfish. I thought that I could make him be like me, and he wanted to make me be like him. Now, almost a decade later, I think that it's clear that neither of us can have our way, and ultimately we damaged each other by trying. It's heartbreaking, but I do think that we aren't going to make it work, and to avoid any further hurt, we need to end this. I just hope that I haven't hurt his future ability to be sexual with a new partner, is all.

Anonymous 73011

>>73008
No, this isn't two-way, and putting that on him isn't fair. This is on you. You expected him to change. He, at least for a while, assumed you were okay with the arrangement because you did not tell him otherwise. He wants you to go back to how you presented yourself before. You want him to change entirely and held out on a relationship expecting him to. Not equal.

Anonymous 73014

>>73011

What do you mean I didn't tell him? He knows what I'm into and always has.

Anonymous 73015

>>73014
I think the anon replying to you is projecting. If both of you said "this is what I want out of relationship" and it didn't match up, then it is on both of you. It's okay, a lot of people go through things like this where they ignore something incompatible in favor of everything else, I know I've had relationships like that. It happens. You should rip the bandaid off though and just explain to him you don't think you can do this, he might be feeling the same way

Anonymous 73017

>>73015

I mean, it's true that I never told him "this is what I want, and if I can't have it, we can't be together." But I don't think I really fully realized that that was true until recently. And also I don't think I understood that I wouldn't be able to get what I need from our relationship.

At the same time, he never told me that he wouldn't be able to give me what I need. At the beginning we kind of had did a lot of semi-kinky stuff, but I put too much pressure on him so we agreed to kind of do a reset where we would start over take things slowly. But we didn't really end up taking things slowly – more like not move at all.

Anonymous 73164

>>72871
It's an oscilloscope recording a triangle-wave at about 20V peak-to-peak that oscillates a bunch of times every 10 milliseconds.
Probably a signal from some circuit, I am not sure why they are measuring that yellow signal, which seems to have noise on it intermittently.
It is probably some sort of experiment, maybe the person built a circuit that generates that specific signal.

Anonymous 73185

>>72942
I'm in the same situation. It just feels so wrong to leave someone who genuinely loves you for a reason that seems so shallow, but at the same time I dont see a relationship working if you are not sexually fulfilled. Does not help that my extremely hot best friend recently told me he's into pegging.

Anonymous 73208

>>73164
I am aware, however I can't think of a reason to display this signal on the oscilloscope, as it was likely just generated using a function generator.

Anonymous 73209

>>73164
nerd alert

Anonymous 73468

>>73007
"My husband is on medications that kill his libido, why won't he fuck me?"
This is you RN. Stop that.

Anonymous 73471

>>72928
Hhh, you're right and it makes me even more sad that men are such awful coombrains that can only think with their dumbass genitals. I think they believe the honeymoon infatuation is "love" but it's most certainly not.

>>72937
Serial is right.

>>72941
Maybe, but it almost defeats the main idea behind the "bond" in the first place because many men can't differentiate love and sex very well, and then also try to convince women sex is love.

I think the "indulges" tend to diminish the relationship and the intimacy of it if there is no reaffirmation that love is, and will always, be there. But again, that's not very realistic. The nature of a moid is to spread, not commit. To commit would show humanity, but moids are no better than animals.

Anonymous 73491

>>73007
I had a similar problem. My ex was VERY stuck up about sex, and would feel immense shame and embarrassment over really vanilla sexual acts, he was really uncomfortable with his own body, couldn't cum from blowjobs, felt facials or doggy was degrading, basically just wanted boring missionary once or twice a week and would masturbate the rest of the time to some dumb vanilla porn. If I suggested something kinky, he would shoot it down as perverse and sinful. I think porn use broke his brain or something and he developed some weird madonna whore complex. He admitted to me when I asked for more degrading or kinky things, he found it hard to respect me and he just wanted me to be this weird asexual angel for him while he pleasured himself in private, which I wasn't happy about. He didn't even have trauma nor was he religious either, nor was he gay or bi, and he was great in every other part of the relationship, and always very affectionate, but I broke up with him because the sexual dynamic became too weird and made me feel undesired and strange. My current bf can't get enough of me, and I'm glad I ended the last relationship.

Anonymous 73570

>>73555
Enjoying sex doesnt make you manly lol.

Anonymous 73577

>>73576
To be fair it's a literal thing among normie males to buy into "post nut clarity" which is probably the opposite of pair bonding.

Anonymous 73587

>>73577
yeah but like i see plenty of guys just hanging out just cause they like each other, and i see plenty of women do that, i mean you could try to find a guy to share your interests but he might end up being broken in some weird way you didn't expect. it just seems that the people here are just jaded because they cant find a guy that they can connect with or at the very least settle with. theres a old saying, all the best ones are usually taken before you get a chance, although i dont blame many people being single these days because dating sites are filled with asshole men

Anonymous 73591

>>73577
The fact that 'post nut clarity' is such a common thing that moids joke about makes me not want to get involved with men at all. I don't get these weirdos who do all kinds of nasty shit with women they don't even like nor are attracted to. Why is male sexuality so fucked up. Jfc men are a mistake.

Anonymous 73592

>>73591
testosterone, that's why>>73591

Anonymous 73597

>>73591
Let me add that men that honestly feel like they were into a woman or girl can feel done with after sex as well, that's what makes it particularly creepy.

Anonymous 73598

>>73587
We're talking about sexual pair bonding primarily, aren't we?

Anonymous 73599

>>73591
women are literally flooded with oxytocin during and after orgasm while men just cum and then become repulsed by you. it makes me kinda depressed.

Anonymous 73608

>>73599
maybe its the fact sex isn't very pleasurable for them, maybe that's why they don't pair bond?

Anonymous 73684

>>73608
no it's just how their brains are programmed to be. men and women have inherently different reproduction strategies. women pair bond during sex because if she gets pregnant, she needs the man to stay around and provide for her and her children. While the males instinct is to spread their seed far and wide as possible so they need to be able to move on quickly and on to the next woman. I think it's also due to the fact that during sex, men get a huge jolt of testosterone, which suppresses oxytocin.

Anonymous 73713


Anonymous 73714

>>73608
PIV sex isn't that pleasurable for women either.

Anonymous 73715

>>73591
I heard that porn addiction makes it even worse, idk how true that is though.

Anonymous 73752

>>73684
People don't have instincts, nona.

Anonymous 73753

>>73715
Eh, neuroscientists have found porn almost mimics the idea of getting a new mate and the associated dopamine/reward rush from it, but also blunts the response each time, so it desensitizes the brain overall while making it, paradoxically, more dependent on chasing that pleasure/novelty.

It's so straight forward that it's really demoralizing how women that at all feel weird about it are so consistently shit on–because it really does change how men feel about them.

Anonymous 73755

>>73752
Go look a tiger in the eyes and comeback and tell us that again

Anonymous 73756

>>73753
There was also a study that found male jurors who watched porn before a rape trial were more likely to recommend a more lenient sentence for the rapist.

Anonymous 73780

>>73755
That's not how instincts work lol

Anonymous 73793

>>73755
That's reflexes! Instincts are way simpler.

Anonymous 73799

>>73752
if ppl didn't have instincts,
xenophobia wouldn't exist and there wouldn't be trauma unrelated phobias in general

Anonymous 73802

>>73799
"That's not how instincts work"

Anonymous 76171

>>73008
Nobody owes you sex, incel.



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