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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Paralysis Anonymous 72829

Share your struggles with this weird feeling I can only describe as social paralysis.

I'll start.
I used to have a fairly big friend group in highschool. We were into the same outcast-y things, such as anime, punk and rock music, k-pop etc. None of these things were popular at the time, not with most teens at least, so having a bunch of girls into them felt like hitting the jackpot for me.
I didn't think I had much to offer but they liked me, and I liked them too, but I had a boyfriend at the time, was struggling a lot with mental health and was addicted to the internet. All these factors stole way too much of my time and energy, so I ended up hanging out with them very little.
Some started to resent me for that. Eventually, we parted ways and I haven't heard from any of them since the end of highschool.
Until one day I somehow reconnected with two of my closest friends from that time. But "reconnecting" is a big word. I simply chatted with them a bit, hanged out three times at most, and somewhat improved the relationship. We're now on friendly terms, and that's it.
I do want friends. I can have friends, and I basically have friends and can make more through them. But I'm paralyzed. I don't know why but there's this wall I don't manage to cross to truly connect with them emotionally, amd to actually live the friendship.
I fantasize about doing things and going places and having fun with them but when it comes to actually developing these relationships, making plans to go out and all, I freeze. I don't feel like doing it, and I can't even say why.
There's an upcoming concert of a band all of us loved and it will probably be my only chance of seeing it live ever. I want to make plans with them and the other girls to go and I don't want to go alone and I want to have fun and make memories but I'm absolutely frozen and not lifting a finger to make this happen. I really want to and at the same time I really don't, even though I know I would regret it.
This is very confusing and frustrating to me. I wish I could be normal.

Anonymous 72862


I can relate to this feeling, each time I go out with my only IRL friend I can't even reply properly, let alone say something of my own whenever she shares her stories (there's a lot) or just talks about stuff she's into so she ends up carrying 99% of the conversations. Recently she told me it seems like I'm daydreaming or thinking about something distant and just reply to seem polite and the truth is, I don't even think about anything when I'm with her, nothing seems to come out of my mind and it's just my brain going completely numb.

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