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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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voluntarily celibate Anonymous 73924

I do not hate men or anything, I just am more career focused and dating seems too much of a burden, I believe dating helathily can be positive but it may not be for everyone, anybody else like me?

Anonymous 73937

Unless your man is rich, generous, supportive, responsible, affectionate, emotionally available and very caring, then generally men don't bring anything to your life except problems and burdens.

As an older nona who has given this subject a lot of thought, I would give this advice: if you do, deep down, feel like you want kids and a husband one day, I would recommend trying to find one before 30 and maybe 35 at the very very latest, because by that age a lot of the committed, 'good' men are already snatched up by women and settling down. The ones who aren't settling down by that age are going to be very commitment phobic and irresponsible and probably still playing the field at 60. The guys younger than you are usually immature and don't want to commit yet (unless you find some unicorn kid who wants to be married at 21-25), and the guys who are older than you are usually divorced (and often, the woman divorced them for good reason, so I don't really recommend divorced men, plus older men's sperm like 40+ is generally bad quality even if he's an old 'Chad')

However if you're not interested in kids, it's less rushed and stressful. Like I said, the good, committed, family men your age are often establishing families by their late twenties and early thirties, so there is a bit of pressure if you want to find a quality husband. Exceptions do apply and technically you can find love at any age, but as a general rule, it gets harder as we age and in my experience, good men are very thin on the ground, so women won't let go of a good man when they find him, and will try their best to lock them down. That means the less desirable or commitmentphobe men are often left over and you probably will not want to pick one of them.

Anonymous 74149

Yep its my whole life. I don't like being chained down.

Anonymous 74150

But why would you give that advice here, at all even? I totally agree they will bring nothing but headache. The biggest turnoff for me would be having someone live in my house that doesn't contribute equally to it. We would definitely both work, but I refuse to become my mom.

Anonymous 74151

So I'm violently turned off by the idea. Even more turned off by the idea of having children though.

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