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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Anonymous 7444

My boyfriend is gonna go on a beach trip with a couple of his friends INCLUDING:

1.) an ex fuck buddy
2.) a girl he used to have a crush on or maybe even feelings for
3.) NOT ME. I can't go cause I don't have the funds nor the time, as I have summer class.

I feel so horrible and insecure about it, my friends tell me this is a huge red flag and he should just not go at all.

What should I do? is it reasonable for me to tell him to not go and just sell his ticket? Is it reasonable for me to feel awful about it in the first place? :(

I trust that he won't do anything with them but still. Isn't it just common boyfriend decency? :(

Anonymous 7445

I'd dump him if I were you
why do you keep him around in the first place?

Anonymous 7446

It's common sense, love and etiquette not to accept the invitation to go on this trip with these people. You shouldn't even have to ask if it is reasonable, anon. Tell him please not to go and if he throws a tantrum, dump him. He doesn't care about your feelings.

Anonymous 7447

He planned this trip months in advance, long before we got together but his ex fuck buddy joined in at the last minute. :(

Anonymous 7451

Tell him that you want him to have fun, but if he betrays your trust (which you'll probably pick up on if he comes back) then leave him instantly and never give him any more of your time. Feels good to hurt people who have hurt you.
Tell him you have trust in him (even if you don't)
Is this the first time he's been with people from his past?

Anonymous 7453

Not really. He's good friends with the girls who used to have a crush on but he says he doesn't care about her anymore, which I believe. I don't think its his first time hanging around these girls cos they're all pretty much in the same friend group I guess? I'm not too bothered about his used to crush but I'm super super bothered by the fact he still hangs around the girl he used to stick his dick in. Even if they're not friends or don't even talk it still makes me hella uncomfortable. and I really really just don't want him to go if she's there :(
Man I feel like I don't even have to ASK him not to go in the first place. He should know this is just plain weird and NOT ok. :( But he says I'm being unreasonable and it hurts that he doesn't understand how wrong this is and how much it bothers me.

Anonymous 7454

Yeah, all my friends are telling me to just dump him and I know that it would be better for me but I really really do have feelings for him and I'm attached so it's easier said than done. :(
But I know if he doesn't compromise in any way and just keeps calling me unreasonable for perfectly reasonable things then yeah, I should just dump him. I hope he would just stop being so selfish and realize that this is not ok though cos I really want this to work out. :(

Anonymous 7456

I know you want this to work, you either need to havd faith in him and trust he wouldn't do that, or know your limits and be forthcoming even if it's hard.
If he's being unreasonably defensive about this that's very suspect. If you're being overly blameful or confronting pull back. You should be kind but firm about voicing your feelings and concern and he should be soft and reassuring towards you. If that isn't the case then you may have some issues that go beyond this trip.

Anonymous 7460

When I was with my ex, he went to a concert with his ex. Though, he swore nothing happened, it was just the two of them, so i will never know if that’s true or not. However that event, no matter how long we stayed together, was always an underlining feeling in the relationship. It doesn’t matter if nothing happened really, because it exposed who he was as person. I stayed with him for a few years and I often felt picked over or left out by him. So, that concert was more or less a red flag. If this beach trip is a red flag for you, save yourself the hurt and find a guy who’ll take you on trips, not his ex/crush.

Anonymous 8934

I hope you will be back someday to explain what happened.

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