/feels/ - Being more open

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Being more open Anonymous 04/01/22 (Fri) 07:26:38 AM75484

I literally want to blow my fucking brains out and am so close to suicide right now. I can't manage basic tasks and hygene, I got home and slept for 5 hours today and then spent another 5 hours trying to muster up the strength to get out of bed, put on clothes, and eat something.
All I've wanted all night is my boyfriend's support but unfortunately we are currently LDR so all I can do is text and call him. He's been blowing me off all night but that isn't really his fault, because he doesn't know how bad I am right now and I don't know how to talk to him about it. Any time I try to talk to him about anything remotely emotional its incredibly hard and I don't know how.
And even if I did talk to him I don't even know what I want from him. I don't want him to go "oh poor baby" but I also don't want him to fix my problems. I don't know what I want at all, all that I know is that I want him. So what am I supposed to tell him what I want from him even if I were to talk about my emotions? Then I just pointlessly make a big deal over needing him but I don't actually know what I need.
What do I do

Anonymous 04/01/22 (Fri) 07:34:52 AM75485

>>75484
Priest? Therapist?
Best i can think of.

Anonymous 04/01/22 (Fri) 07:39:14 AM75486

>Priest
Evil scum who exploit people's fears and uncertainties
>Therapist
Evil scum who exploit people's mental illness

The thread wasn't about wanting help it was about wanting to be more open with my boyfriend.
I'm not very keen on wasting gazillions of dollars so that I can tell a total stranger personal details I can't even share with those closest to me, all to just be patronized.

Anonymous 04/01/22 (Fri) 07:39:46 AM75487

>>75486 for >>75485

Anonymous 04/01/22 (Fri) 09:46:02 AM75491

could you be on the spectrum anon?

Anonymous 04/01/22 (Fri) 03:27:43 PM75494

I get this. I don’t have a boyfriend but I often have the same problem with my friends. I know when I’m depressed and in a bad mood, I could just talk to them and tell them what’s wrong instead of trying to hide it and then becoming resentful afterward. But it’s hard to ask for what you want from someone when you don’t even know yourself lol. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Maybe there isn’t anything he can say or do to make you feel better, but you just need a place to vent and communicate your distress. If you find it hard to bring it up out of the blue, maybe you could reach out to him beforehand and say something like ‘hey I’m really going through it right now and just need someone to talk to.’ That way, you’re setting that expectation there that he just needs to listen and be there for you and you create a space to vent since you specifically requested that.

Anonymous 04/01/22 (Fri) 07:26:29 PM75506

I think it might be that you need to see that he really cares about you. LDR is tough, maybe it's just me, but i think it's hard to emotionally feel that the other person cares about you through the call or chat, i think that o lot of this stuff is non verbal. your brain might be going haywire because of LDR.

Anonymous 04/01/22 (Fri) 09:46:55 PM75510

>>75491
I've thought about it a lot but I'm not sure, idk if it even matters because its not like there is a reason to get a diagnoses considering I am an adult, not a child anymore. Any time I see "adulr autism diagnoses" all the benefits they list are just uwu validation and easier access to therapy and mental health services but I deeply distrust modern psychiatry.
>>75494
Thing is I've learned to cope with my emotions by myself, I never really liked talking about my feelings and I would work them out in my head, or on paper, I write multiple hours a day. I just want him, but that is what I mean when I don't know what I want because I don't want to vent. Its probably physical the more I think about it, or along the lines of >>75506

/feels/ - Advice & Venting

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