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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent
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Ex Anonymous 7599

Hi, /feels/. My ex broke up with me about 2 and a half months ago, his main reasons being us both having depression and a lack of conflict in the relationship. It lasted about 6 months. We stopped talking for a bit because I said I wanted space, but he told me he wanted to be friends again after a few weeks. We started talking normally again for about another month and a half. Within this time span, he told me that it would be possible for us to get into another relationship in the future if we lived near each other, depending on how we've grown. He's also vented to me about their depression and suicidal thoughts. Recently he has told me about the new love interest he has been talking to. They like each other. They met about a month ago. After I learned of this, I told him I needed space again. I haven't talked to him or anyone really for the past few days or so. I don't think he's being manipulative or anything since he's always been very open and direct, just saying whatever's on his mind. Ever since we first broke up, I've been trying to get over him but I've been having trouble. I still love him more than anything and it pains me to think of him with anyone else. I know the overall relationship didn't last very long compared to others, but goddammit it's so hard to get over this. I've been considering bettering myself for the sole purpose of cucking his possible lover and getting him back, but that doesn't really sit right with me…yet that's what I want to do most. What should I do? Should I pursue my ex? If not, what can I do to speed up this healing process?

Anonymous 7601

>>7599
The part where you wanted space is probably the point where he started to look elsewhere, and where you should've done the same. The want/not want problem you've got is probably turning him off even more. If he's a depressive kind of dick, that kind of romance is definitely not up his alley. All-in-all sounds pretty fucked to me. The fantasy of showing that bitch who he really loves is a far cry from reality.

The best thing you can do to heal from this is to question your own actions, and what predated them. For what reason did you want some time alone? Was it something he did?

Anonymous 7603

Do not pursue.

>his main reasons being us both having depression and a lack of conflict

Both of you should be single and work on yourselves (but he ain't around, so he's missing out on this great advice, sorry to this new flame). A lack of conflict is a shitty reason to breakup.


Healing:
Take this time to work on yourself. Projects can be coping with depression and your personal growth. Live your best life without giving any mental energy to this relationship that didn't seem to go anywhere.
Acknowledge that healing isn't linear or fast, but wasting time when there is nothing left of this relationship for you is holding you back. (Trying to force "getting over" someone might backfire, especially if you try to jump into a different relationship)

Better yourself FOR YOU, not to get back at a boy that doesn't even deserve it.

Anonymous 7604

Do not pursue him, let your ex go, especially because he is into someone else, as much as it hurts. Since you have depression focus on YOU. Best of luck.

Anonymous 7607

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OP here. Thanks for the replies, miners. It's very appreciated.

Another question: We started to watch an anime together when we were dating and it seems like he wanted to finish it with me. How do I deal with watching it? Actually, in general, how do I deal with being friends with him?

>>7601
He didn't really do anything. The first time I asked for space was because I knew it would make me sad if he contacted me. The second time was a day after he told me he was interested in someone else. Overall, I don't want to talk to him at the moment because I know it'll just make me unhappy. I guess the reason why I believe I have another chance at him is because he asked why I didn't argue with him to get him back. He said he would have and that it's nice to be optimistic. That was when he brought up the idea of possibly being in a relationship again after we both grow. This was brought up a second time a couple days after. Additionally, he kept telling me things that made me feel irreplaceable. Stuff about how I'm a "wonderful human being", how he still "kind of likes me", how I'm "one of his favorite people", how I "don't have double standards", how I have "a lot of self control" and how I'm the only female who has ever cared for and understood him. This was during the time where he told me about his depression. I just feel like I'll definitely get back with him at some point. I also feel like complete scum for even thinking of tearing apart his relationship. He says all these things that indicate a high opinion and I don't live up to them in the slightest. I told him good luck and everything with his new endeavor, but my feelings don't match up to this gesture and I hate it.

>>7603
Hmm, I never thought of it this way. I guess you really do have to learn to do things for yourself before you can do things for others. Do you have any advice for not giving mental energy to this? I've been trying to entertain and distract myself but my mind just keeps focusing on him and this situation.

>>7604
Thanks for your blessing, anon.

Anonymous 7611

>>7607
>we started to watch an anime together when we were dating
>mfw
Were you just trying to get the most emotional damage out of this "relationship"? I'm getting the feeling this depression might be a bit more than what you're talking about. It's like you're just trying to hurt yourself. That's not good.

He definitely wanted to be with you. At least from what you've posted so far. You just pushed him and the life you made with him away. Now you've got to hope he doesn't come back to you as a cad completely different from the person you fell in love with.

I still don't get it anyway. What do you mean by "contact"?

Anonymous 7616

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>>7611
Fucking goddammit you're completely right aren't you. Just before he broke up with me I told him that it was better to break something off early to prevent attachment. I must have brought this up preemptively.

Before we actually broke up, we had a period where we came dangerously close to actually doing it. He told me that he thought a silly, happier guy would be better suited to me and that a more extroverted, cheerful girl would be better suited to him. Somehow we got over it and ended up staying together for a couple more months. Also when we broke up he didn't cry at all while I was a sobbing mess and said he'd prefer a simpler girl, and that our personalities aren't really fit for a romantic relationship. He's also said that I'd be content forever even if nothing changed and I can't tell if that's good or not. All this shit is so confusing to me and I'm not sure if I have a chance. Do you really think he wanted to stay in the relationship and I have fucked up massively? What should I do to get him back? How do I prevent self-sabotage in the future?

After our breakup, we have only communicated through Discord and Steam and whatnot. That's what I mean by "contact".

Anonymous 7617

>>7616
>you really think he wanted to stay in the relationship and I have fucked up massively
Possibly.
>what should I do to get him back
Nothing. You literally pulled the
>be (adolescent) boy
>girl say hi
>I say nothing
>FEELS
except older, and somehow as a girl. I'm baffled, kind of angry. He's probably going to stop being Mister soft after taking a ride on the cunt carousel, and you're only going to hate the shit out of yourself even more. This is obviously not good, and I just don't know what to say.
>how do I prevent self-sabotage in the future
I'm not sure. I think you're a real special case. Just, watch this.

Furthermore: JUST WHY? How even? What made your mind wrinkle and even think about telling him that?

Anonymous 7618

>>7617
Chill out.

Anonymous 7619

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>>7617
I honestly have no idea. He asked me out and then he broke up with me, and when we were in a relationship it always seemed like he wished I was a different person but now that we aren't together anymore he thinks I'm some kind of saint. I'm getting a bunch of mixed messages. I guess I thought it would be better for him to see someone else without realizing how much it would hurt me? Also he was on the recieving end of oral sex and had recieved numerous nudes from another girl before he asked me out so he won't change that much r-right? I didn't throw my chance away and grind it into dust right?

Anonymous 7620

>>7618
Nein. This is serious.
>>7619
>it always seemed like he wished I was a different person
So he wanted to help you be happy. Not so much a different person as it is a better one. I'm not sure if he noted your depressive attitude when he first met you, but he probably noticed yours like you noticed his.
>I guess I thought it would be better for him to see someone else without realizing how much it would hurt me
He clearly took the rejection to heart, yet still longs to keep your spirits up. Or he could be really messing with your head, judging from what you said about him having some fun before you. Maybe he's changed, and genuinely sees you as some sort of redeemer for his sins? He was probably really torn up breaking apart from you. Just put on a tough-guy facade so that you couldn't pity him. So much to speculate of his cryptic language.

I feel like I'm knowing less the more I read. Regardless, I'm certain you haven't doomed yourself to spinsterhood, or whatever nightmare you have cooked up for yourself as a result of this little shake-up. Just don't hurt yourself like this. It's awful.

Anonymous 7623

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>>7620
He knew I was depressed before he asked me out. I didn't know that he was, though and neither did he. In any case, I guess I will pursue him. I will better myself, smarten up, and hope to God that he becomes available by the time I get to him.

Anonymous 7624

>>7623
Good luck, anon. Be sure to report back.

Anonymous 7626

The anime posting makes it hard to continue reading your posts but I'll just say this.
Move on, you have to let go. This likely isn't going to work out. It's gonna hurt for a while.

Anonymous 7627

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Why are you so easily swayed by what seems to be one person who gave you less than certain advice?

>>7620
>So much to speculate of his cryptic language.
Which is why they shouldn't be together if they can't be on the same page. Don't be a fear monger about being single.

From a different thread, but >>7612 had good advice.
Though I would add that it isn't magic that make it better, it's time and perspective.

(Also like >>7626 said, the anime posting is on the obnoxious side)

Anonymous 7651

>>7627
>don't be a fear monger about being single
I wasn't encouraging her to pair up. Like I said, there's odds that he's going to become or already was a total dickhead. He's already had oral from another girl. Odds are he's been playing with her heart from the very start, which explains why he didn't seem to react. Either way, there's no point in pursuit. I
can agree with you on that. She just needs to do something else with her time, because it's his responsibility to say something, and if he does then maybe there's a chance. Otherwise, just move on.



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