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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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any tips for talking to people?? Anonymous 77678

i feel like a failed human being asking this at my age, but due to circumstances that no one cares abt, i grew up with no friends, neither on school or family (all my family are older ppl, i dont have cousins or anything near my age), was bullied until i was 15 & so i never developed a normal socialization and also ended w social anxiety

since my social anxiety is getting a bit better little by little, i decided to take the plunge and start talking to ppl online to practice my social skills

and it isnt going well. i almost never know what to reply outside 'cool' 'nice'; i try to think something that interested me abt what they said or relate it to something that happened to me, but doing that often feels like im making the convo all about me.
i do have hobbies i could talk abt, but theyre kind of weird and i dont think they would be interested.
i have a common media interest with another person, but i dont want all our convos to be about that, and again i dont know how to start the convo or if they would be interested on a random thing i thought.
there has been a few days i could talk for very long, but 90% of the time i cant last for more than 3 messages…
i also tried group chats, but they overwhelm me and by the time i thought of a reply, the topic has already changed
this girl who messaged me almost daily hasnt talked in a week n half, which makes me kinda relieved because talking takes so much energy, but also i hope she doesnt think i dont care abt her… (i talked to her abt that, but still…)

i kiiind of can talk more naturally irl, but i still cant form friendships and my anxiety still gets in the way; everyone else has friends so i feel like an intruder they hate since im not as interesting…

it also sucks because there are ppl online who ask/want to be my friend and the feeling is mutual, but i dont know how to talk outside writing random ramblings to myself & so i always decline all offers….

i know the most important thing is to practice, so im on the right path, but if anyone has any tip of how to reply, topics to talk about or anything i would appreciate it

Anonymous 77679

People love to talk about themselves so ask them questions. Also watch reality tv and pay attention to how people talk.

Anonymous 77696

yeah now that you say it, i tent to ask her questions, but never asked about her day or anything more general. i will try that, thanks
i feel like reality tv is just a theater…. but sometimes i go to twitter and look up threads of friends talking to see how they do it (i feel like an alien doing this lmao…)

(i feel what i need is a physiologist tho… i used to go there some years ago for another reason, but i dont have the money anymore… $50 per session should be illegal)

Anonymous 77697

How about starting small by talking to people online until you've gotten used to it a bit more, then you can make the next step and talk more to people you meet irl?

Anonymous 77698

I mean unscripted reality tv like Big Brother. Not fake reality tv like The Kardashians.

Anonymous 77701

that's the problem, i got even more trouble talking online 😭😭 i guess because writting isnt as fluent/natural as speaking (at least for me), words just dont come out and i never know what to say. Ig voice chat could be an option, but i live with others n have no privacy. Both talking online and irl are hard, but for different reasons….

i barely watch tv aside… cooking and home decorating programs lol but yeah i will check out if theres anything like that where i live 🤔

Anonymous 77702


If you are talking online, you can just write about what you did just now, or about random thing you thought about - and from that go to some topic, then ask a question or two, but make sure they are not y/n questions
A good strategy also is to send pictures, videos, music: for example memes and photos of something you have taken
It could go nowhere, but that’s like - a ping, a sign that you are here or an opener for a conversation if you have nothing to say specifically

But I am not an expert, I don’t really like to talk online, so yeah

Anonymous 77740

all of that was very helpful actually, thanks you!! T-T

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