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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Happiness Anonymous 78085

Do you live a mostly happy life?
If yes, how?
If no, why not?

I'm asking because I feel very lost and miserable recently. I wonder how happy most people are and what things make them happy, even with the world being like this. People who are mostly happy (I say mostly since nobody is happy 24/7) are the people I look up to the most. I wish I knew how to be happy too.

Anonymous 78099

What’s wrong, op? Did something happen to you recently?

Anonymous 78133

Honestly i used to live without being able to think of the future at all, i was very suicidal all throughout highschool, and struggled with stupid cringe self harm since i was a middle schooler, and it was almost impossible for me to not wake up and be drowned in dread over not having died in my sleep, etc.. you get the point.
But as i grew older things became better almost imperceptibly. I don't have the most social university life, i know the name of like 10 folks in my class, i talk to 2 of them on a day to day basis, but the independence i got over my daily life and especially being able to live away from my family/hometown contributed to that.
A few weeks ago i suddenly came to the realization that i was no longer living life wishing i was dead every waking moment, i don't have an exact goal to fulfill, I'm not the most religious and I'm not very fond of living, but honestly- not wanting to die is a step I'm willing to take and embrace. I was having a conversation about this with an online friend and almost broke into tears thinking about it.
I just realized how many little things in my day to day life i liked, like the morning breeze through my room's curtains, taking the metro and passing by the sea, the sunlight everyday, friendly stray cats on the way to uni and back home, listening to G-idle while walking in the city, etc…
There were some mundane things i started looking forward to every time i woke up, and slowly realized maybe i have found my happiness in this
I'm not exactly sure i would settle for continuing to live over erasing my existence and everyone's memory of me but this is an improvement from whatever state i was in for as long as I can remember of my childhood/teenagehood.
Maybe a change of scenery was all I needed but i really don't get how something as simple as that just ended up "fixing things" when i was the most suicidal asshole i know in my life but it is what it is.

Anonymous 78135

I know brain chemistry is a meme but maybe something did change inside you? Whether triggered by moving or something else.

Anonymous 78137


I went through a similar shift gradually throughout my early twenties (almost 25 now). It may have been due to a conscious effort to be healthier, or perhaps it was partially brain growth, but either way it's a beautiful thing when compared to how dire life had felt before. When describing it to a friend who has his own demons, I credited getting old but he said it's likely my own internal work as well. So you should take credit for your own growth, too. Even if it was subconscious.

I'm so happy for you, anon. Hopefully OP can also feel simple joy too at some point soon.

Anonymous 78613

Well, I was suicidally depressed for a long while. I'm not anymore. I think the biggest change for me was a separation between happiness and enjoyment. A lot of the things I was doing was essentially just for the distraction rather than for any sort of fulfillment. Mislabeling enjoyment as happiness is a huge mistake methinks, since a lot of the things that will make you happy (dieting, exercise, cleaning, creative work, practicing skills, etc) are not very fun. My advice for happiness is basically just
>expend as much effort as possible on a completable task
It sounds stupid but humans are designed to do labor and it forms a positive feedback loop in your brain. Do something difficult you psychologically acknowledge as positive (not fun) and it'll help you move away from the doomer mindset.

Also believe nothing you read on this or any other forum, lol. Only ever take advice from people who's lives you want to emulate. Taking advice from strangers is usually a bad move. Yes that includes this post.

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