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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Having nothing to say and not wanting to talk most of the time Anonymous 78283

How to psych myself out of this trap??

Eversince I can remember I am bored by most conversation. I don't understand why people talk so incessantly about crap. Because it's mutual..! I know people won't want to hear about whatever I'm doing or thinking or what's happening to me, unless they're a few close friends. I will listen to people if they talk to me, but I get none of the same enthusiasm returned. So i just I don't bother, don't really get fulfillment from it. But my god my god the fucking double standard !

At one point I decided I'd had it.

At work I never want to talk with anybody about myself which is so common among others. People just talk like it's breathing when they get the chance!! Why do they have no filter!? I talk if it's about work or about the other person. Like I'll listen a lot but I developed a huge wall because I'm a niche interst person. My life is very different

I just leave work hardly talking and this satisfies me. I wish sometimes people would stfu when they're in your face or loud ( mostly custmers) (unless they're funny then I love them)

I think it's my upbringing… My parents never talked with me about anything and you can't have chatty conversations with them oh my god they are really negligent in a way. I don't know if it rubbed off onto me but I'm really not up to it. Is anyone else like this or did anyone else learn a trick to get around it.

Yes I know I should fake it but then I feel absolutely ridiculous. I don't even know why I'm doing it. I hate pretending like I want to belong somewhere when I'm not genuinely into it, it feels ludicrous

Anyway it pisses some people off,even though I'm not trying to offend them. It follows me everywhere. Their attitudes are ridiculous. How thin skinned they are is ridiculous! I'm not about to explain it to them either though!!! It's not like i get of to it. It's like get off my case you neurotic, thin skinned, drama queen why the f do you even care what i have to say??? Since when has anybody??? F you

Is there a secret trick to living like this, lemme know

Anonymous 78285

You just did, with this post

Anonymous 78288

I think you have autism anon. I have it too and I'm exactly like this.

Anonymous 78290

I am like this too and I don’t have autism. I think you’re normal and everyone else just sucks and is boring.

Anonymous 78292

I don't think I have autism either thank you.

Anonymous 78297

No offence anon but your post literally reads like the definition of autism. Not getting as much enjoyment from socialising, people not interested in what you have to say, finding others too loud, family like this, etc.

I really recommend you look up female autism as it presents differently than the stereotypical (male) autism.

Anonymous 78300

You sound like my mum. She tells me often (including today) that she actually can't even pretend to be bubbly or be a social butterfly. She also had a mum that wasn't very emotionally available.

Don't worry anon, I don't really talk to people at work that much either.
I only really bother with the managers but there's not much time in-between tasks anyway.
I get fulfillment from making jokes, but other than that I just talk about work.

Anonymous 78302

I see no problem with your behavior. most healthy friend groups I think have their own "the person watcher" who sits back and takes in the rest. I'm that person in mine and it's respected.

Anonymous 78305

Accepted I've tested for it and I know for a fact I don't have it. Deal with it, yes some people just aren't interested lol.

Anonymous 78309

It absolutely does not unless you're an ignorant bigoted teen with a chip on your shoulder already pfft

Anonymous 78310

Jeez, no need to be rude anon,especially when I was only trying to help. No wonder people don't want to talk to you.

Anonymous 78311

I don't want to derail the thread but all of these things are listed here if you want to find out more:


Anonymous 78319

cute cat

Anonymous 78322

Pushing diagnoses on people is not helpful. You were rude to begin with suggesting she has a disorder just because she doesn’t want to talk to people. Normculture personified.

Anonymous 78326

The anon literally came here for suggestions. Suggesting she might have autism because I have the same symptoms is not rude, wtf. Half the users here have autism, it's not a stretch to suggest that someone who has textbook symptoms might have it as well. Plus why would I be pushing normculture if I'm not normal myself? Not wanting to talk to people is not the only symptom they listed and OP even admitted that they've had an assessment so clearly the symptoms are there.

And in my second post I clarified that female autism is different from male autism because a lot of people don't understand the difference, including in this thread. A lot of women are overlooked for autism until later in life and it's only because of someone else suggesting it and clarifying what female autism means that they realise they have it.

It makes no difference to my life whether OP has autism or not, and if fact, I would be happier for OP if they didn't. If really wanted to push autism on OP I would have pointed out in my last post that why their assessment could be wrong but I didn't.

Anonymous 78333

Accept they aren't textbook symptoms at all and you really just sound like an offended normie trying extra hard to deflect rn. It's hard to believe anything you say now because you come to drag this discussion into defensive mode and trashtalk the board while you're at it.

Anonymous 78335

Actually you're the one who arrived upset attempting to hurl bigoted diagnoses at people. People online use it as a slur, what do you think I was born yesterday? You're just mad I wouldn't talk or pretend to be hugely interested in you unless you gave me a really good reason. That's kinda on you though, it's not like you have to launch off into bigot mode from the start. Nice job there

Anonymous 78338

>Actually you're the one who arrived upset attempting to hurl bigoted diagnoses at people.
I literally said in my first post that I have it too.

>People online use it as a slur, what do you think I was born yesterday?

It's not really a slur, most boards use it more as a mild insult to describe certain behaviours but accept that most board users probably are on the spectrum somewhere.

>You're just mad I wouldn't talk or pretend to care as usual unless you gave me a really good reason.

What? I'm not going to list random reasons that you're on the spectrum in the hopes that you will accept it lol. Get over yourself. I don't care if you have autism or not.

>That's kinda on you though, it's not like you have to fill the air with more empty space Jesus lol

wtf? I don't even know what this is supposed to mean.

>It's hard to believe anything you say now because you come to drag this discussion into defensive mode and trashtalk the board while you're at it
How did I trashtalk the board? People identify themselves as having autism here. And explaining my reasoning isn't being defensive.


>That's kinda on you though, it's not like you have to launch off into bigot mode from the start. Nice job there


Sure, you don't have autism OP. You just posted and deleted a bunch of times what sounds like a meltdown kek. I didn't even catch all the posts.

Anonymous 78354

Nothing changes its hard to believe. From the start you sound reactive and deafly ignorant about autism. You still sound reactive and obsessed with it honestly? If you really have autism and understand then why are you so defensive??

If you don't want to be perceived as obnoxious and ignorant maybe don't fling diagnoses where there's 0 evidence to begin with

Anonymous 78355

More posting and deleting, OP? Seems very spergy to me.

You clearly have a weird complex about autism and the mere mention of it causes anxiety or something. It's like being diagnosed is your worst fear. Wonder why.

>You still sound reactive and obsessed with it honestly? If you really have autism and understand then why are you so defensive??

Because that's literally what autistic people are like kek

>From the start you sound reactive and deafly ignorant about autism.

Educate me about what autism really is then since your non-autistic experience clearly has a better understanding of autism than my autistic one.

Fwiw, this is literally the definition of autism:
>a developmental disorder of variable severity that is characterized by difficulty in social interaction and communication

And you write in your OP:
>Eversince I can remember I am bored by most conversation. I don't understand why people talk so incessantly about crap.

Again, I don't fucking care if you have autism or not. Your obsessive denial is entertaining though.

Anonymous 78373

I've been tested for it and I failed multiple times. Where the hell did I say I had difficulty communicating /socializing? Are you blind? You heaped that on by yourself. You weren't even listening. Not wanting to talk about yourself is not the definition of autism, it's ,surprise, not wanting to talk about yourself. Yet you're taking it up another level and trying to convince me even more?? What the fuck is wrong with you??

Online people hurl the word around too much, yes I think nowadays it's usually a tiktok trend or a misdiagnosis or bigoted trashtalking from clingy types who hate characteristically quiet people.

Are you histrionic because you can't stand spending two seconds alone without having a mental breakdown and getting clingy af? I meet people like this all the time and it makes them crazy. Is that you in there completely derailing my thread? Just because I asked these questions?? Youre that offended? This thread was never even about you. Meanwhile all I wanna do is live genuinely. I still don't think you have autism btw. :l

If you tried this bigotry in Finland people would look at you like you're a nut because it's virtually the culture there to soak in silence and only talk about what's significant or necessary.

If you want me to stop posting and deleting then convince the mods to give us a preview button. I'm tired of not having one. I'm not going to stop until we get one, the tiny text box is impossible to scroll through and use on my phone it is annoying.

Seriously though tell me why i should enjoy it? Talking people's heads off just because I work with the public ? Why would most people?? Why should I enjoy the erasure of my kind of people who genuinely act more real and less full of shit, to a misdiagnosis? All because of a thin skinned attention-starved person trying to convince them they're something they're not?

Anonymous 78393

Are you more annoyed that people make small talk about their own lives, or that they want you to also make small talk about your life?

Either way the solution is to seek employment that allows you to be alone. Customer service maximizes socializing so you're in a bad place right now. Something like overnight security, janitorial work, distance white collar work at home, truck driving, labour (from lawn mowing to working on the roads) or overnight shelf stocking/cleaning are examples which minimize talking. When I worked overnights our cleaner/handyman (or woman) only had to talk if they wanted to, while several were very quiet.
Unfortunately many isolated jobs are dangerous for even men, let alone women.

That said, don't change yourself if you can change your environment instead. Alternatively, maintain your core distaste for conversation but also stop giving a shit if normal people dislike you. So long as you can maintain your employment and survive, fuck 'em.

Anonymous 78410

I'm already employed at night. Also I'm good at talking if it is a part of work, it is literally just work to me. I can turn it on and turn it off when I need to.

I don't mind if they want to talk to me about themselves, I'm actually really good at getting people to talk about themselves. Its just annoying to me how you're supposed to think of something to say to the same people day in day out, no matter how mundane. Like they need an introduction to the last day, about more than work. It feels so insane. I run out of things to say and just stop caring. Why do I have to this? If people think of things to say to me great, yay, thats fine, but it annoys me when people completely cold shoulder you like there's some unexplained grievance if you cant and it becomes a huge misunderstanding.

I think I put much better in this post lol. Having to find things to talk about either at school or at a job, when you see these people EVERYDAY and you just cant think of anything new anymore or care unless they want to talk to you. I guess I can be kind of intimidatingly quiet and only some people know I'm a listener which is a problem but i dont know the solution. People just assume im being rude to them and im not..lol :l

Anonymous 78411

I feel really wierd and idiotic saying formulaic things to people just because we see each other everday and im not gonna do it i refuse

Anonymous 78412

everyone's having this discussion about the possibility of autism
what about schizoid influence?

Anonymous 78427

I could see it as a possiblity? But i also think i developed this personality because of life experiences. I just want to get into people's heads and see how they find something new to talk about every damn day without the repetitive and asinine. I should let you know I feel really wierd about getting into other people's business though. I tend to treat people the way I want to be treated in that regard and sometimes I think its a mistake based on what I see other people do lol. Still it is uncomfortable for me so no

Anonymous 78437

>teehee, what if instead of this developmental disorder, you have this mental illness!

Anonymous 78445

I also said I doubt it because I failed tests to get diagnosed by doctors.

HF you are so desperate for attention from me aren't you? I can't believe you're still hovering around this thread like a stupid desperate little pickme

Anonymous 78448

its not your problem if it makes them mad? The only people you should smalltalk is people you kiss ass to, like your boss. Otherwise who cares if they're mad.

I'm like this. I usually prefer to just enjoy people's presence. I don't like talking because I can never get out what I want to say just right. The only time I am talkative is when texting my bf who lives 800 miles away but that is literally just because I am looking for any way to keep connection alive. Then when we video call…I'm silent, because I'm content just watching him play games or whatever. You just don't bond with others by talking and that is perfectly fine.
You might have autism, you might not. I honestly don't get why everyone ITT is being so insistent on forcing their label on you, you can be asocial without being autistic, and that is fine because some people are just different. I'd say its a nice suggestion to look into but ignore people for some reason vehemently trying to force it on you.

Anonymous 78466

> bond through talking with a small handful of people (though lately all my friends are on different ends of the universe )
I get that. I think the part of talking you mean is the type where what youre talking about has meaning and is a genuine exchange of interest and information. Some people just talk for the sake of talking, without any real goal or purpose because that is what they do to connect with people.

>Also I've never had anyone push these ideas onto me before irl either. I think I've just discovered this board is toxic and full of loons.

Its because a lot of users are autistic and project their autism onto others, and the whole "women with autism are different" suddenly gets inverted to mean "women who are different have autism" because of insane reddit communities.
No one means it insultingly though.

Anonymous 78488

I agree with you, for what it's worth. I've also got the 'tism and OP's description matches up with my experience 1:1. Norms get very upset at this comparison though, I'd guess because they (sub?)consciously view autists as lesser? Regardless, some people don't have cognitive empathy disorders to blame their socialization problems on. Some people are just bad people.

Why are you being rude to someone and then asking why she's getting defensive? You did that! She was trying to help because you describe your social life in a way that legitimately tracks with autism. Her suggesting you read the symptoms for yourself isn't an attack you dork.

Weird =/= autistic, but there's a significant subpop of women who are autistic and don't know. So it's not 'everybody with this experience is a spergazoid too!!' it's just 'you have trouble, Ive had similar trouble for reasons I didn't understand. Maybe we're similar?'. OP got super defensive about it though, which her replier seems to think is denial but I reckon is just regular old prejudice.

Anonymous 78507

Nona, don't worry. Everything pisses of this day. If you were more sociable you would get called an atenntion-seeker, like I do. Just do your best not to worry what other people think.
Maybe make yourself as an appealing of a company as possible. It comes naturally to me but maybe it can be developed too

Anonymous 78508

It’s common for women not to “fail” the autism test because autism symptoms were written around boys. Women who are good at masking will not be seen as having autism by some doctors. You need to be tested by someone familiar with women’s symptoms if you haven’t been already.

Anonymous 78509

pisses people off*

Anonymous 78529

>there's a significant subpop of women who are autistic and don't know.
I know this, but I also know that women having more discreet symptoms than men suddenly has a lot of people thinking they're autistic who aren't, and people try and gaslight others into believing they have autism and just spew an endless stream of validation at eachother.
You have to be reasonable with this. At this point we have pseudo reddit psychologists pathologizing every behavior someone has and viewing it through the lense of autism.

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