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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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why Anonymous 78489

i try to listen to him and know him better but the only questions he asks me are a way to test me. he never asks about what i enjoy and what i know, when he asks me a question its about something he already knows to see if i know it as well. its like a fucking quizz. and when i try to talk about my hobbies its useless. when i talk he chats with someone else. i ask questions, im genuinely interested about him, his opinions, what he likes but he just DOES NOT. its like im a fucking robot to him. im just like hey im a person i want to know you and i want you to know me. but no, he wont give me that and when i think maybe i shouldnt wait for him to try, it doesnt work because he doesnt listen and eventually goes off to do something else. WHY? he's nice in everything else, EVERYTHING. but when it comes to act like im a human he's OFF. WHY

Anonymous 78490

why are men!!!! the way they are.!!!

Anonymous 78492

i knew it i knew it was useless to try and open up. ill just forget. i will keep up with the happy act. thats it. im tired

Anonymous 78494

bin. he's a jerk. you deserve better anon

Anonymous 78497

He doesn't see you as a person. He doesn't care about who you are or what you think as long as you are either useful or pretty. When you fail to meet those conditions, he'll view you as disposable. Most men view women under that paradigm.

Anonymous 78504

how old are you and him?

Anonymous 78505

I agree that its a poor start but what is controlling about being generally apathetic? he just sounds like he doesn't really care

Anonymous 78512

he's socially clueless in general but i keep wondering do I even have a soul according to him

Anonymous 78513

he's not controlling really except for that he's awesome. im so lost

he's both the best and the worst man i ever met and i met some pretty fucked up men (not in a romantic way) but the difference is that i didnt expect anything from them because they were obviously bad men.

but he ? he's a "nice guy". worst part with nice guys is that they still hurt you, they just dont intend to.

Anonymous 78514

have you tried talking to him about it?

Anonymous 78515

im thinking about it but it wont make a real difference to me anyway because its not just about the way he acts, its about the thought (or more the lack of thought in this case) behind it. if he changes that after it wont change the fact that without me telling him about it, he wouldnt care. spontaneously, in confidence, in his brain, emotionally, he doesn't care in the first place

Anonymous 78516

i love him too much so im not going to break up over one bad thing when he's trying his best overall anyway. i think im just sad about it. i already feared that before trying to open up and it simply confirmed my doubts. i guess ill take "satisfaction" from that and be happy with what i have. but sometimes i kind of wish i could return to the times when i didnt want a man in my life. now i cant imagine it without him. i cant imagine myself hurting him because im sad about one thing.

Anonymous 78521


dump him

Anonymous 78523

what if i just misunderstood him

Anonymous 78526

Have you tried explicitly telling him this? Obviously not the same way you said it here but you know what I mean. When it comes to men always remember their social intelligence is about 70% lower than their general intelligence. Only exceptions are gay guys.

Anonymous 78531

Men are really retarded with this stuff, its just how they are. It sounds like he doesn't care about you, but maybe its just because he's been conditioned to act selfish his whole life.

I have had similar issues with moids. I learned the best course of action is to literally be direct, its that simple. If you're upset because he never listens to you, say,
"How come you never listen to me, I'm trying to talk to you and I need you, so listen."
Usually this gives him a wake up call and he'll start being better.
Sometimes it can be difficult to get him to change his behavior. If you think he is worth it, try. If not, just dump him and don't sweat it.

Anonymous 80071

Hi, here's a post I made in a vent thread. The vomitting part im talking about is that i ran in the bathroom to vomit after a BJ once and he didn't say anything about it, now i know he really didn't realize. but we talked and now i feel better :

I finally talked to him and he cried so much. Not because of the vomitting part, and he actually didn't realize i vomitted, and told me we should stop. i dont think i want to stop because i still like giving him pleasure so i guess ill just tell him to avoid forcing me and try gripping something else if he really needs to, if it works then we can keep doing it.

he cried because i talked to him about something else he did thats related to the "hes not listening to me part". i was surprised to see that he understood why it was so bad. because yes, objectively, its the kind of thing men would say "its not that serious, not that bad". but he understood why it hurt me. in the end i ended up being the one comforting him, but i feel so much better knowing that if i need to talk to him about something, i wont have to fear an angry reaction or him trying to put the blame on me. we're both the kind of people to take the blame on us, which is bad in general but ig good for our couple because we both want to take responsibility for our actions. which means we can trust each other. i still feel weird about how he can just "not care" without realizing or how men have these violent sexual urges but since he does listen and tries to understand when we discuss it seriously, i guess i should not complain too much and understand too that we all have flaws and what matters is how we try to not let them be the most of ourselves. and he does try. im actually kinda happy now.

Anonymous 10 hours80049

while we discussed i realized once again that i look much more into details than him, maybe just men, maybe even most people. it could have been a simple "you dont listen to me" episode but i told him that it wasnt just that to me and that sometimes i dont feel like im a person at all to him. he was a bit confused with that but he didnt try to make me sound like im crazy or something. he really feels bad about it, i think he believed i wanted to break up with him, i mean i sounded really serious. but i love him, and he loves me, and we both try hard to make it work. now i really believe that it is worth it, that i can give myself and our relationship a shot. i feel like a survivor in this sick world knowing that i got myself a man who wants to be good, and that im also good for him.

Anonymous 80072

so yeah, i knew all that and told him last day. i know that what i resent is the fact that men are like that in the first place, but he feels bad about it and did not try to justify this behaviour.
thank you, i think it would have taken me even more time without comments like yours. also this event showed me that he talks about stuff like this even less than me, if we had met one or two years ago this relationship would have been a disaster because i always feared to contradict men especially when i like them and would just accept anything that happened to me despite feeling horrible about it, but now im the one who asks questions. if i didnt theres a lot of stuff he would have never told me which i really needed to hear.

Anonymous 80073

I know. Jokes aside, it really hurts when they do this. Long exposure to men is unhealthy. Taking men seriously and being vulnerable emotionally with them is unhealthy. In my next life i swear i won’t interact with men for long periods of times. They cry and whine online that they’re mistreated but mistreatment is the only thing that works, treat him coldly or get hurt.

Anonymous 80074

They want all the positives of emotional vulnerability with none of the drawbacks. They're like children, they only care about what they get out of it. It's pretty disgusting.

>he cries and forces you to comfort him for what HE did
oh no, anon… please don't think this is a good thing. I know a guy exactly like the one you're describing and he too started crying and ablooblooing when I finally put my foot down after years of neglect and disrespect. I don't think they cry because they care, I think they cry because they're ashamed they got caught. Like… Children.

Anonymous 80075

I guees thats what i did, kind of. i was not mean but telling the truth coldly probably hurt him.

but it did prove me that i couldnt open up too much about how i feel when it does not involve him. even now he didn't ask what was so important that i wanted to tell him that time he just stopped listening to me, while i keep getting curious about stuff he said the night i confronted him.

he feels bad but he doesn't really know how to change that, probably because its just in his nature.

but i'm fine with him knowing about it and understanding why it bothers me. thats enough for me

Anonymous 80076


he absolutely did not force me though… but i'll keep your analysis in mind.
he did a thing later on that makes me believe he is sincere so im happy now. we will see what happens.

Anonymous 80077

there's a lot of personal stuff i cant mention so it makes him look worse than he really is tbh, because his reaction really makes sense. he doesn't only cry when i confront him, he just cries in general when he has to open up and talk about emotional stuff. its hard on him and i get that because it used to be really hard for me as well.

Anonymous 80078

I don't mean literally, but he put you in the situation consciously or unconsciousy. I've met so many men who, after being confronted about bad treatment, act like they're the victim because they're sad now and "feel like a bad person :("

Anonymous 80079

again id like to mention the fact that he really listened. didn't justify his actions, didn't put the blame on me, didn't try to accuse me of bad things to make it even, and outside of that he always takes care of me and often asks if im okay. he does everything that lacked with boys i met before and refused to date because of how non careful or insulting and judgemental they were with me. he doesn't try to make me sound crazy, he doesn't try to make me feel abnormal, he gives me affection as much as he would expect from me.

the non listening part is the only thing i am unhappy about and its very common for men.
and unlike most men he can take care of himself. doesn't ask me to become some kind of house slave. helps his parents. well raised. doesn't spend his money stupidly. he had to be an adult much younger than most people did too.

Anonymous 80081

All of that is the bare minimum, anon. I know few men even reach the bare minimum though

Remember that he didn't listen to or value you before even if it feels like he's caring right now, til the next time it happens. He probably won't be able to keep it up for long

Anonymous 80082

i mean i also cry when my mother confronts me when i hurt her without meaning too because i feel horrible about doing so (i do it in secret tho tbh, i learnt to do that very soon)
i really dont think the crying part is weird tbh, what mattered to me really is what he said. i did comfort him but honestly i was also really quiet and sometimes kept explaining myself on why it was bad. he didn't try to escape, we stayed on the phone for hours even though we didn't talk for a long time sometimes, even though it was hard on him.

Anonymous 80083

It's not necessarily that he cares so much about you all of a sudden, there's a possibility he tries to appease you because he wants to keep you around for emotional support and pussy…

Anonymous 80084

I also wonder this

Anonymous 80085


he doesn't get pussy tho

Anonymous 80086


19 (him) and 20 (me)

Anonymous 80087

Okay, *blowjobs until you puke

Anonymous 80088

Hmm, you'll both mature a lot emotionally in a few years. I hope things either improve or you break up

Anonymous 80089


yes, not pussy.
ok i know what you mean, but in the beginning he did not want me to do bj and when i told him about this episode, he said we should stop. do you really think most men would immediately make that offer?

Anonymous 80090

yeah, thats what i believe too. also im his first gf and he is my first bf. i dont think we're doing so bad, we never argued, the only time i got angry we didnt yell or anything and he immediately apologized. call it bare minimum if you want but thats literally what i would do too and what would you expect as more than that?

Anonymous 80091

… Absolute bare minimum, please get some self-worth. He's not special for not raping you

Anonymous 80093

what are your standards exactly? if treating someone good is bare minimum whats more than that? does he have to buy me a castle?

Anonymous 80094

Where talk to guys online, I used text chat on Om3gle but it's mainly bots I guess

I like follow and lurk some edgy guys on reddit but I think they've been suspended now. ..

fraid to go out meet guys but idk anymore, feel like I'm prey for the wrong guys

Anonymous 80095

>expecting a man you love to show basic respect and not rape you is as frivolous and unrealistic as expecting a castle
Anon, you said it above, he didn't treat you like a human being. Things probably haven't changed that much, but it's absolutely not unreasonable to expect someone you're dating to fucking listen to what you say.

I'm beginning to suspect you're male actually

Anonymous 80096

uhhhh id say nice interests circles are the best way to meet people in general

Anonymous 80097

then i still dont get what standards i should have anyway

i'm a male because i want my relationship to work???

Anonymous 80098

does it ever occur to you that maybe i want to believe in him because i love him ? because i have, maybe, romantic feelings for this man, that i dont want to give up on yet ?

Anonymous 80099

You're really pathetic if you aren't a larping man

Anonymous 80100

okay sure, have a good day

Anonymous 80101

o males. ..

on here..

that wood make it easier, idk.

i guess even online feel like prey for wrong guys, i see the female kid pradatar convictd on reddit or sum, fraid of other girls too i think idk

idk if guys fraid if girls either, or mayb I will always fraid of guys

what guy interests these days

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