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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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high body count rant Anonymous 78832

My boyfriend of one year is really nice, i love him a lot and he loves me back. I really really like his personality but the thing i despise the most about him is his body count, i know it's unreasonable and mental to be upset about it but i feel like he's kind of choosing me out of no other choices.
it's not an astronomical number (5) but by how he told me his first time was i just felt disappointment and kind of disgusted.
I am an open person but i have the mentality of saving myself for the one i feel the most connected to so having a partner with that number feels wrong…

doesn't help that sometimes he says something that really icks me, the last time i saw him we where cuddling and talking about sex, and he said "yeah i miss it (fucking), can't wait to do it with you" at the time i brushed it off but now i keep thinking about it and i was thinking about talking with him about this thing he said…i might be exaggerating but i'm literally loosing sleep on this…

Anonymous 78835


5 is an astronomical number.

Anonymous 78839

He’s a manwhore. Toss him back.

Anonymous 78840

> "yeah i miss it (fucking), can't wait to do it with you"

So you've not done it yet?

Anonymous 78842

I dont understand what that graphic means can someone explain

Anonymous 78846

Its saying something like if you've been exposed to 5 each of those 5 have been exposed to a certain number themselves so you are indirectly exposed to what the 5 were as well.

Anonymous 78852

>it's not an astronomical number (5) but by how he told me his first time was i just felt disappointment and kind of disgusted.
Yeah learning about my BFs past partners and overall dating history fucking depressed me too.
His body count is 3, + one woman who he didn't really have sex with but who sort of gave him a handjob. They barely knew eachother and he excused it as "I was just so sad about a breakup ;(("
It all really fucking disgusted me and it makes me mad to think about, his other sexual partners were also crazy people which irritates me to no end.
Honestly the most disgusting thing isn't even the women he had sex with but the ones he considered dating out of desperation, literally the most bottom of the barrel people you could ever find with bodycounts that are so high they couldn't even put a number on it. One had herpes (he found out later), one was this washed out lolcow with a macroclit, etc.Like I can't believe he talked to these people and considered them, its fucking depressing and disgusting and sad. Its sad he is one of the people who feels like he needs a girlfriend, I never felt lile I always needed to be in a romantic relationship. I never selectes people because I wanted to be romantically involved with them. They were always friends and the romance was secondary, I really wish he was more like how I was and wasn't one of those people so needy he'd resort to degenerate dating practices.
Anyways I know how you feel, I wouldn't change anything about him other than his dating history, and he really feels worth it to me. It sucks but its not something you can't deal with, if you want to.
Relationships are hard.
Just make him get tested for STDs before you have sex with him, its really good you waited to have sex with him like you did so that you know he genuinly cares about you. Before you have sex with him, if you ever do, make him get tested because people's private parts are dirty and they spread dirty things, and often times men can have an STD but it doesn't manifest right away or at all, but they still have it and can transmit it without knowing.
Its a scare tactic graph that puritanical health teachers use to push abstinence instead of actually teaching their students about safe sex, don't worry about it.

Anonymous 78857

If you've been together for a year in a sexless relationship I'd say he's definitely worth it. He must really love you because otherwise men don't stay around for that long without sex.
My bf also slept with a few other women and he regrets it now. I don't think you should judge him so harshly on that.

Anonymous 78865


yeah we haven't done nothing aside kissing and light petting

well i told him i wasn't really ready and he said that's it's ok and he doesn't want to force me to do it, even my first kiss, he didn't force me to and just gave me my time…i like him a lot for this

ty You're making me feel a little better about this, like i'm not the only one :*)

Anonymous 78866

If you truly have a guy that is completely willing to wait and isn't trying to coerce you into it, then sis hold on to that and never let go. Just make sure he doesn't have other side pieces while he waits for you.

Anonymous 78871

>i feel like he's kind of choosing me out of no other choices
Wouldn't this be more likely with a guy who never had sex or gfs before? At least you know he's desirable enough to get women, but he's still choosing you. Idk, I get your ick-reaction though, I definitely wouldn't like to get a comment like that one.

Anonymous 78873

If the guy is a virgin or has a one or at most two body count, he's only being with you for you or you're the only one he can get. Although given you're his first, in the latter situation there's a chance you're special to him. Beyond that, the higher the body count, the more of a fuckboy he is. Fuckboys always tell women they're the most beautiful they ever seen, but they are always just choosing the most attractive woman to sleep with for the least amount of effort. Fuckboys are always comparing you to the women they slept with in the past and largely using you for sex.

Anonymous 78879


i'm not that pretty though and i'm pretty overweight compared to him so it feels like he's just "settling down" after he had his fun…
also we haven't yet slept together and it's been a year, if he just wanted sex he would have dumped me a while ago

Anonymous 78880

does he give you any reason to think he is with you because he "cant do better"?

Anonymous 78882

5 is a lot different for a 17 year old than a 28 year old. It's not an immediate red flag number for someone in their 20s. Also don't take that chart too seriously. He could have slept with all virgins for all you know..or maybe all those previous partners had a larger number of partners than even the silly chart estimates. My recommendation - get STD tested together before having sex for the first time to give you both peace of mind.

> but by how he told me his first time was i just felt disappointment and kind of disgusted.


> but i feel like he's kind of choosing me out of no other choices

Why? If he truly has not been having sex with anyone else while you've been together, him waiting a year is a pretty good sign. Most guys are champin' at the bit after only a month or so and think you're literally killing him to make him wait any longer. He has slept with other women before, he's clearly capable of it, so why do you think he views you as his only choice? Do you have low self-worth and think a guy couldn't respect you enough to wait patiently out of genuine care for you?

> i brushed it off but now i keep thinking about it and i was thinking about talking with him about this thing he said

You should talk to him about it. You're going to build up resentment over time if you keep biting your tongue about shit you want to talk with him about. If you can't even bring yourself to discuss that with him, how do you see yourself communicating about sex with him in the future? If he needs to improve his technique in bed or he is unintentionally hurting you, can you see yourself advocating for yourself? If you're literally losing sleep over this, I think you should really speak your mind. By getting a response from him, you'll be able to better judge if he is just telling you what you want to hear or if he is being genuine, though there is no guarantee he won't successfully dupe you. Not saying this because I expect him to lie but because there are some damn good con artists out there and they can be hard to spot if you're not experienced with it.

OP, to be honest, I will not be surprised if you two end up breaking up but I think there is potential here. You need to decide for yourself if the aspects of him that you 'despise' are things you can make peace with or if they are values you are not willing to compromise on. You need to get comfortable talking about your concerns with him, even if you think the conversation will be awkward, or else your relationship will not be a happy one. Don't get bogged down in sunk-cost fallacy.

Anonymous 78897


i felt disgusted because he told me he did it just to fuck with the girl and wasn't really interested in the emotional part

i have kind of low self-esteem so that might be at fault on why i think he's choosing me out of desperation

i'm planning on talking with him about it but i wanted some feedback before so i could kind of gauge how to talk abt it

Anonymous 78898


nta but


to be honest…my boyfriend has a body count of 40…higher body counts just mean the guy knows how to fuck. i think a lot of people put to much weight onto body counts. just have him get tested.

Anonymous 78929

There's like a 70% chance the relationship ends

Anonymous 78941

Ngl I'd never be able to do it. I think my body count limit must be like 10. From 2 digits onwards, it starts feeling icky thinking of my bf putting his pp in so many places. But also I never asked him, I'm scared of the answer so it's better not to know.

Anonymous 78949


>body count of 40
This is kinda disgusting, sorry anon. Unless you also have a high body count.

Anonymous 78959

40? How in the FUCK do you end up with 40?? HOW DO YOU END UP WITH 40 and not have any STDs??? That is fucking insane I am glad I am not you.
>i felt disgusted because he told me he did it just to fuck with the girl and wasn't really interested in the emotional part
Fuck with her…as in use her? Or as in they were both agreeable to just having sex and nothing more?
If its the former run for your life, if its the latter, yeah its kinda gross…but if he is worth it you can see past it. I mean he sounds worth it if he is still with you after a year and not pressuring you to have sex. That is valuable and uncommon in moids. Shows hood character.
>i have kind of low self-esteem so that might be at fault on why i think he's choosing me out of desperation
It sounds like low self esteem. Sometimes I think the same and so do many others I've met. If we was really desperate and didn't love you because of you, he'd have cheated on you by now to fuck someone random. Or left.
>i'm planning on talking with him about it but i wanted some feedback before so i could kind of gauge how to talk abt it
Talking to him about what? That his body count grosses you out? Where would that even lead, he can't undo his body count.

Anonymous 78963

pretty sure my bf was/is a virgin before me but sometimes i still doubt it because of some stuff he said on social medias. i tried to confront him about it once but both of us used vague words. anyway it really matters to me as well. manwhores cant be trusted

Anonymous 78973

40 really isn't that high. You could get a bodycount of 40 within two years if you fucked a different person every 3 weeks.

Anonymous 78974

u should ask him tbh…not asking him when you care is a mistake its better to just know.

Anonymous 78975

finally a voice of reason i also dont even think its that big of a deal and i mean he regrets it a lot and is the most monogamous guy ive ever been with so it really doesnt bother me.

Anonymous 78976

he literally doesnt watch porn, doesnt follow other girls on instagram is incredibly loyal so it doesnt even bother me

Anonymous 78977

As long as his tests come back clean, I can't really get worked up about it. I'm much rather be with a hedonistic manwhore than someone who holds back.

>he said "yeah i miss it (fucking), can't wait to do it with you

I'd dump him for this though as it's pretty ick.

Anonymous 78978

>I'd dump him for this though as it's pretty ick.
Wait, I don't get why this is "ick"? Please someone explain? If my bf said that to me I wouldn't think it was gross. Why is it gross?? I genuinly don't understand

Anonymous 78979

Someone not being able to wait to have sex is pretty yuck and feels animalistic and not exactly loving and romantic.

Anonymous 78983

You aren't above being animalistic though, men/women are just animalistic in different ways. It's ick if that's the only way he thinks of you, but if you're not at all comfortable with that part of their psychology you won't be very good in a relationship

Anonymous 78984

that warrants a breakup? It just seems like average everyday moid coomchimpery at most, maybe mildly annoying and gross depending on who you are.
I genuinly think his body count is more disgusting than him just saying that. God.

Anonymous 78985

It's a fact of life, guys tend to be sex obsessed perverts who will do it with anyone given any opportunity, especially at a younger age. While girls are more likely to want to wait and establish an actual relationship first. You can only hope to find someone who is eventually willing to settle down. I've been married for years now and my husband admitted he had been with like 5-6 people before me, most of which he barely even knew. Had I known this earlier on I might have had second thoughts about our relationship. He has never shown any sign of being unfaithful but there's always been a part of my mind that worries. He's the 2nd person I've ever been with, the first cheated on me and left me unexpectedly even though it seemed to be going good at the time, that shows you just how most men are. I love my husband to death but there will always be a part of me that's disappointed in him knowing his past.

Anonymous 78995

Correct. Everything humans do is animalistic. A mother's love for her child is animalistic, even.

Anonymous 78996

How old is he? If he's in his late 20s it's ok.

Anonymous 78997

>sleep with a different person every three weeks for two years

His brain is absolutely coom fried. Hope it works out but given that he's a slut with a double digit body count, it probably won't. Leopards rarely change their spots.

Anonymous 79190


he's 23, i'm 20

yeah it's gross to think about it

i mean, he's waiting +1 year before hving sex so he isn't "not able to wait", it's kinda icky the way it said it but i think it's just him being a dumb fuck at phrasing stuff; he phrases stuff wrong very often, at least he says sorry without hesitation and admits the error on his part

Anonymous 79203

It's completely valid to feel the way you do. Some of his comments indeed raise red flags and you should talk about them.
People are getting so detached by reducing sex to something like a "handshake" or saying "not a big deal, is just sex". There's a connection, and sex is something very intimate you can do with another human being.

Anonymous 79213

this made me feel bad now, thanks anon

Anonymous 79262


I prefer men with high body counts as they tend to have less hangups about the female body. It's less about the amount imo and more about the character of their past sexual encounters. How safe were they, how respectful, what do ex-partners have to say about them.

My boyfriend had an insane amount of sexual partners by virtue of being a vagabond teenager. But he's also the most chill and naturally feminist dude (without calling himself a feminist) I have ever met. He has higher standards for what is consent and what is respectful and acceptable during sex than I do.

So yeah, I would prefer a manwhore to a virgin who has terrible views on women. Obviously pickup artists are a different thing but I honestly doubt pickup artists manage to sleep with a lot of women. I generally avoid virgins because they tend to be bitter and sex-obsessed.

Anonymous 79279

Slightly off topic, but how the fuck to people even rack up body counts? When I really think about it, it seems so out of this realm of reality (emotionally). How do they not piss their pants, have an anxiety attack, and sob uncontrollably when hooking up?

I'm a mid-twenties virgin and find intimacy so daunting and difficult. The reaction I described is how I know it would go for me if I decided to fuck strangers in reality. Even making friends and hugging people is daunting. Not that I wish to partake in promiscuity, but it would be nice to have at least a small bit of the social ease these people experience.

If any promiscuous anons could enlighten me to how you don't break down please do.

Anonymous 79280

it's easy when you consider yourself worthless and you are desperate for touch and someone to acknowledge you

you know they aren't going to see you again because your personality sucks so might as well fuck because otherwise it will never happen

Anonymous 79356

Take this with a moderate pinch of salt.

Anonymous 79357

It's ok to not be a promiscuous person, or not wanting to be one, if that's what you genuinely want. It's completely normal to want a bond with a human before feeling completely comfortable to be intimate (intimacy is not only sex btw)
There are core parts of yourself that you should be honest with yourself and you shouldn't break.

Don't let promiscuous men and women tell you otherwise by invalidating your views because they don't adapt to their lifestyle.
Specially men since they were teached to view sex as a commodity rather that an interaction with another human being. It's like playing an instrument without playing music.

>How do they not piss their pants, have an anxiety attack, and sob uncontrollably when hooking up?

These people are either extroverts, or desensitized people.
Most of them seek their own pleasure and that's it. That tells you a lot of their nature and how they can see another person.
There can be some exceptions as >>79262 suggests, but a promiscuous person that actually cares for a human bond is extremely rare.

If you want this kind of bond, you will need to face your fear and get to know other people just for the sake of knowing who they are and if you can actually share a bond with them (friendship, support, etc). You don't have to be super social, but that way you will be more comfortable with human interaction.
If you happen to meet someone you feel very comfortable with and start developing feelings. You will be confident enough to talk about more stuff and later on be intimate and communicate how you feel. That way you won't break or have an anxiety attack.

Anonymous 79359

>she thinks a wokefishing guy that benefits from his feminism with lots of sex is a good choice
>she ignores the statistics on high body count men being substantially more likely to cheat

Anonymous 79558

based but on the other hand you sound like the kind of person who doesn't have friends either, just expendable people

Anonymous 79559

If you're looking for a lay, getting a professional male prostitute is the best and safest option. If you're looking for a long term, monogamous relationship with loving sex, finding someone who hasn't slept around his whole life is a good idea. A man who has slept around is not suddenly going to change. Despite what he'll tell you leopards don't change their spots.

Anonymous 79564

High bodycount is a massive red flag no matter the identity. It shows a disregard or lack of care for the emotive half of sex, or is awful at keeping someone, which is probably due to the first.

I will never give one of these animals another chance.

Anonymous 79567

>professional male prostitute is the best and safest option. If you're looking for a long term, monogamous relationship with loving sex, finding someone who hasn't slept around his whole life is a good idea.
…an incel?

there just arent any good moids period

Anonymous 79574


why do you assume he is wokefishing and not just a genuinely "woke" guy?

>she ignores the statistics on high body count men being substantially more likely to cheat

idk what stats you're referring to but that sounds a lot like the incel statistics on how virgins have lower divorce rates. Correlation =/= Causation.

I know my boyfriend would have an easier time cheating on me if he wanted to than an ugly incel. He's had a few girls approach him in the span of our relationship already. But I don't want a man who doesn't cheat because he can't. I want a man who won't cheat because they have a moral compass and love me. My partner has never cheated in any of his past relationships, I have little reason to believe I will be the exception to that rule.

Anonymous 79575

lmao what? has any woman here actually paid for the std dildo that must be a "professional male prostitute"? tbh ive always been curious about them cause i had no idea they existed, i thought men just sold ass to other men

Anonymous 79576

>>My partner has never cheated in any of his past relationships, I have little reason to believe I will be the exception to that rule.
girl im sorry so say this but your moid is still a moid. not saying doubt him and break up with him but you'd be surprised by the amount of women ive seen writing the same "not my nigel" manifestos about the supposedly nicest bf on earth only to get cheated on or abused a few months down the line. just stay cautious, its not hard to hide infidelities.

Anonymous 79577


I don't think it's impossible, you can never truly know someone. I just don't think it's more likely than with a man with a low body count. At that point I might as well never date.

Anonymous 79578

this happens so much its almost funny its so sad. in my experience the more happy warm feefees he gives you at the start the worse the abuse will be later on

Anonymous 79628

From what I see there are two kinds of thinking on this. One is the logical model of people and the other is the behaviourist model of people.

Those who believe in the logical model want to maximise pleasure. They view sex as transactional, with no inherent meaning. So they can have lots of it with strangers and think nothing of it. When they get in a relationship they believe sex can be given meaning as they choose to. They see things in a calculating way, e.g. "My boyfriend can cheat but he doesn't, thus he is a sound partner."

The behaviourists want to find a romantic partner, they see sex in a more spiritual, romantic pair bonding way, only to be done with your partner. They think along behaviourist lines like, "My boyfriend won't cheat because I've had a loving, sexual relationship with him since we were young, and we've molded our preferences and emotions to each other."

In reality people are behaviourists, because they are not logical. Logically any man can cheat in about fifteen minutes by hiring a prostitute, but most of them don't do this because they don't have this behaviour. There are parallels to eating behaviour of obese people. In any single case a man could stop sleeping around, like an obese person could stop overeating, but long term behaviors are very difficult to change. Especially if neither party thinks there's anything wrong with it. And while sleeping around might not cause him to cheat on you, it is correlated with cheating and divorce.

There's also an inherent contradiction in trying to be sexually exclusive in the logical model. If sex can be given any meaning, you can rewrite the rules so it doesn't mean anything if you sleep with someone else in a relationship. And if you don't view sex as a pair bonding activity to build relationships but to experience pleasure, it certainly its much more "fun" to sleep with strangers and foreigners and have wild exciting escapades. So those who believe in the logical model have to deal with this contradiction, where they're trying to shift to become behaviorist, but still beliving in that logical view of relationships.

Anonymous 79664

You don't care about body count, you sound entitled and a bit bitter too. That really says something..

Anonymous 79680

After reading this thread last night I asked my bf about his bodycount and I'm fucking broken.
We haven't had sex yet, we've been dating for two months and I previously explained that we'll do it when I'm ready. And I was getting there, as we've gotten pretty close. So far he hasn't been pushy or anything, quite the opposite.
He's considerably older than me (he turns 29 next week). But still, I feel like an idiot for asking questions I couldn't handle the answers for.
He lost his virginity at 11 (non consensual) and had an abuse experience with drugs at 16. But still, that puts him at a total of 12 people across his life, most of them before he turned 20 apparently.
Am I exaggerating? I haven't replied to his messages today and I feel like shit. I don't even blame him because he was very open, honest and shared deeply traumatic experiences with me. But I can't get over the fact that he's been with over twice as many people as I would consider acceptable.

Anonymous 79681

oh nona I'm so sorry
>Am I exaggerating?
absolutely not. him being abused is sad but not an excuse plus it makes 0 sense to continue in a relationship where you know youll be miserable. it hurts but you need to put yourself first.

Anonymous 79685


Anonymous 79686

If you're not a moid tbh you seem obsessed with status and it's kind of weird, as well as worshipping the idea of a guy taking every single opportunity he can to fuck randoms. For example, it's statistically way more likely you'll just be one of many to such a man (who is more likely to cheat) so, like…if that's your kink and you're not looking for anything with any meaning that's ok, but keep in mind it's probably going to be extremely temporary in most cases. That's just it.
The fact that you went into the weird evolutionary "fuck around" thing kind of implies you assume male love and monogamy has 0 value and 0 staying power….and, again, that's ok if you think so, though to those of us looking for something serious, it kind of implies coupling with men is just a bad idea in general.

Anonymous 79689



Anonymous 79692

Based and man-hating take, fuckboy-fetishist anon. Let me summarize:

men literally take all opportunities to fuck. Their love is arbitrary and without value besides momentary hits like a drug. Anyone that thinks differently is delusional because men are fuck-monsters incapable of discipline.

It's interesting that people still find this at all appealing when really, there'd actually be a lot more women that'd choose to be 100% touchless if they knew these facts and was aware of the mindless depravity and soullessness of male desire. Why? Because it isn't attractive aside from the vague seduction of high-status…and is a lot like a morbidly obese male that grabs every single piece of junk food that goes by on a conveyor belt indiscriminately, and a society that goes, "what? That's only rational, he's increasing his value."

Anonymous 79693

>>to emphasize that I'm objectively right
This has to be a troll. Objectively hilarious is what you're being.
WHO are you talking to im literally a lesbian… multiple anons threw tomatoes at your cringe mra take, cope harder. Ran through men aren't "better in bed", a man can sleep with a thousand women and still give none of them a single orgasm and that's usually how it is. Thinking this way implies men are poor innocent dummies who just don't know how to sex!!!:( Get real, men have had the opportunity to Google "where's the clit?" "how to eat pussy" "where's the g spot" "how do I make her cum?" for decades now. Theyre not bad in bed for lack of experience, it's lack of effort. I've seen moids openly and unabashedly tell my friends they didn't care that they didn't enjoy it.
>>it's only natural that the least attractive among us will be the most uncomfortable with what I'm saying and lash out
This is still so hilarious to me. What do I look like, anon?

Anonymous 79694

you are mentally ill

Anonymous 79696

i love you nona, even if we disagree on some points, we know that men are the bottom of the barrel. let scrotes and people who are jealous of your confidence seethe more

Anonymous 79698

i hate manwhores and ugly old scrotes

Anonymous 79703


>these are the rules as dictated by nature
>the best men are going to fuck a lot
Not to pretend that virgin/low-n moids are necessarily more loyal, kindhearted, and pure (they're not), but mentally-ill men sleep around. Physically-handicapped men sleep around. Obese/ugly/stupid men sleep around. Felons and other trash sleep around and have kids. Nature and evolution possess no feelings and therefore only propagate whatever happens to propagate. Tbh I think the demeanor and natural extraversion of a moid has a lot more to do with the success of his sex life rather than some arbitrary genetic value he has been assigned with due to having slept with a lot of women in the first place. We're not robots who only scan our partners for their genetic makeup or whatever. And just as >>79693 said, it's all about lack of effort rather than lack of experience when it comes to good sex.

In any case, if you actually are an adult, then you just sound woefully socially-inept spouting off things like that, or maybe you are just really hung-up over traditional gender norms or simply fishing for responses.

Anonymous 79705


>anyone who has gone to college is going to be experienced
yeah, haha…

Anonymous 79706

>your honor my client definitely HAS had sex, i've got the paperwork right here! somewhere…

Anonymous 79711

>men are best with the fear of god put into them, and tinder gives that to them.
Only if they are low quality males, high-quality males enter Ghengis Khan levels of sex game, as you describe. Therefore, the type of high body-count moid that you claim is high status, and the low quality "fear of god" moid you claim is marriage material, can never, at any point in time, be the same moid.

Anonymous 79712

Nona, mathematically men and women get the same number of het matches. Most men don't get matches because it's concentrated in the upper tiers of men. Anything below have the fear of god put into them, anything above think they're god. So unless you're going for the the lower tiers of men, all tinder does is give the men you're attracted to a huge ego and the ability to pick from a wide variety of women.

Anonymous 79713

do men who wouldnt sleep around even if given the chance exist?

Anonymous 79714

Germaphobes with an irrational fear of stds.

Anonymous 79716

With prostitutes readily available, wouldn't every man have the ability to sleep around?

Anonymous 79723

12 is really not that much. That's not even one person a year from 16 (when most people agree it's okay to start having sex) and now. Unless those were all long term relationships, he probably went for a long time without sex at all.

Anonymous 79724

they cost money and are dangerous in multiple ways, plus underaged moids cant.
the barriers are just too many, not to mention they wouldnt give scrotes the ego stroke of being actually desired.
what i want to know is if there was free sex readily available, are there men who wouldnt take the chance?
i dont applaud incels that dont sleep with prostitutes (yet). thats the bare minimum and its often due to just some misogynistic male pride excuse.

Anonymous 79725

i love when scrotes try to gaslight us into thinking theyre not that bad. sorry you've been found out ape losers <///3

Anonymous 79736

An experiment was done on this exact thing

"In Clark and Hatfield's research, both men and women were approached (always by volunteers of the opposite sex). The crucial measure was whether they said yes or no. And you can probably guess the results: although men and women were equally likely to accept the offer of a date (about half said yes and half said no), the two sexes differed dramatically in how they responded to the offer of casual sex. None of the women approached took up the offer of sex with a complete stranger. Three-quarters of the men did (yes, more than were willing to just go on a date with a complete stranger)."


Anonymous 79743

I try not be that harsh but stuff like this is why I don't understand the amount of faith women on average have on male intimacy because it is of 0 value except for a small handful of men.

Men literally being open to sleeping with almost anyone is, well. It's a huge turn off. You can imagine that in a world where they could access it easier they'd just fuck around constantly and greedily like animals–and also suck at it.

And it's whatever if they're like that, but the idea that most of them can be trustworthy partners is weird considering the idea that they are most interested in gaining access to someone. This naturally implies they will drop the ball more later in a relationship where things actually start mattering more because, to them, they already got what they wanted.

Also to >>79724 I want to mention the irony of a lot of men not being "desired" when a woman puts out to them and often have the narrative of any sex being a win.

Anonymous 79745

I don't know if I want to break up with him, he's been wonderful to me and I certainly have feelings for him. Not sure if it's love, since I've never felt it before. But it makes me feel very insecure and I don't even know why.
According to him, he hasn't had sex since he was 22 or so. Most of his sex life happened between the ages of 14 and 21. He admits that he would sleep with any girl who gave him a shred of validation, and he thought it was the only way he would be loved or appreciated.

Anonymous 79770

Going 7 years without sex is the real problem, honestly.

Anonymous 79771

no the real problem is much more this one
>He admits that he would sleep with any girl who gave him a shred of validation

Anonymous 79773

Yeah, 7 years ago. Now he has switched to the other extreme of not doing it at all. He is simultaneously a manwhore and an incel.

Anonymous 79774

No, he's just a manwhore who took a break. Once a manwhore, always a manwhore.

Anonymous 79775

He's been on a "break" just as long as he was doing it. What exactly do you think is going to happen here? He's obviously passed up opportunities for sex and is waiting for a real relationship. You think he'll get his dick wet and just instantly start cheating?

Anonymous 79776


Anonymous 79777

If you think that sleeping with random women as a 20 year old is a serious and permanent problem for a man, you're gonna die alone.

Anonymous 79778

NTA and I'm not gonna be those "sex is sacred" type people but for most women, sex IS inherently intimate and there's nothing wrong with them feeling upset by their boyfriends being ran through. Fuck, they call women hoes and thots for having a bodycount higher than 2 and we can't find it a bit gross or weird that they'd fuck anything that moves? Denormalize male sluttiness. Stop telling women they're gonna "die alone" whenever they set some standards.

Anonymous 79779

>if you don't put up with shitty male behavior you're going to die alone

Anonymous 79780


>dying alone because I want a pure man

Anonymous 79785

It's different when you're talking about 7 years ago. He legitimately changed.
This is bait.

Anonymous 79787

This right there is a problem. Men should have very clear that sex is a very intimate interaction with another human being. Not glorifying themselves, including some women, for having mindless sex. I'm so sick and tired that we are forced to act the other way round and act as if sex is nothing

Anonymous 79789

You're the female equivalent of an incel, demanding everyone else shares the "values" that you developed through failing to find a partner.

Anonymous 79792

And you're the equivalent of what exactly, snidely remarking that she's "never gonna find a man" because her standards upset you?

Anonymous 79794

And why pressuring/promoting to everyone to take sex so lightly is somehow ok? This is constantly being pushed nonstop in any type of media to a point that is ridiculous. And a lot of people seem to agree with that.
I do not demand that everyone to share my views, but to have a fair amount of acceptance between people wanting a bond or not. Most of the time when you talk to people they mock/gaslight you for wanting this kind of things, specially most men.
I see that is not going to change anytime soon.
I fail to see why wanting someone who has similar views and have a nice relationship in our own terms makes you an incel.

Anonymous 79801

Bait for what/whom exactly?

Anonymous 79802

I phrased that badly. I meant that he would've slept with any girl back when he was 16-18. I trust that he matured after that, and he says he was seriously hurt after one of them said he was just a hookup and nothing serious.
Is it? I'm 21 and never had sex. When I asked him why he said he always wanted sex to be an intimate and loving thing, but in absence of love he gave his body first in hopes he would get it in return, but then realized that's not how things work.
I know for a fact that he's passed up opportunities in the last two years because a friend of mine was turned down by him (before we started dating).
That's a bit unfair. I admit I'm the one feeling uncomfortable about his body count but by that logic one can't make mistakes in life in order to learn and grow.
I don't entirely disagree. But if a man genuinely changes his outlook on sex, is it really okay to continue judging him by the same standard as someone who still sleeps around?
Maybe it's because of my feelings for him. But I genuinely believe he's not any of the bad things said in the thread. It's just that in my mind, the maximum number of previous partners I was willing to accept was 4. I just don't know how to deal with my bf, who has been wonderful in every other way, being way above that.

Anonymous 79803

There are just about zero quality men who "wait until marriage" by choice. If you didn't get an excellent high school sweetheart, you have just about no chance of marrying a virgin man without picking a literal incel and ending up miserable.

Anonymous 79804

Men start to turn into incels when they go a long time without sex, even if they've had it in large quantities in the past, I'm telling you.

Anonymous 79808

I'm not those anons, but it's interesting and very creepy you quote "wait until marriage" while referring to two anons that didn't mention marriage–which reeks of a strawman and trying to poison the optics of the discussion.

Anonymous 79824

Well what else are they waiting for? Many people have sex for the first time with an unmarried partner they intend to marry, but then break up a month later. If you're not waiting for marriage, then you're really not waiting at all, at least as far as this obsession with being a virgin is concerned.

They aren't saying "he should have only had sex with gfs"

Anonymous 79829

Fuckboy logic 101:
you either are waiting for marriage or you're literally not waiting at all ever.

Anonymous 79834

You can't actually be this retarded.

Anonymous 79850

I see a struck a weak spot, kek.

In any case, those anons seemed to simply leaning into the idea that forcing people to devalue sex, intimacy, etc., to comply to others' desires is, uh. Not good. And you coming in to frame them as literally just waiting until marriage, despite marriage not really being mentioned, is in line with what a lot of people trying to pressure others into putting out do; subtly tear down other people's boundaries based upon a hyperbolic strawman or deflections. Chances are, some of the women that'd comply to such a thing literally aren't waiting till marriage but don't want to feel obligated to put out on, idk…the third date. Or don't want to be subject to a guy that treats her body like a gas station drive-through–which was the primary topic.

So…don't be surprised if the word "fuckboy" is pinned to your argument style.

Anonymous 79851

And let me add: after a while, most posts stopped being about "virgin", yet it being brought up again, like marriage, is more of a sign of this fuckboy-logic where the issue is one thing but it's bastardized into being some puritanical anality about someone requiring a literal virgin and marriage.

Anonymous 79935

They stopped being about that since now I'm talking to a different person. You may be reasonable, but they aren't.

Anonymous 79946

You are the only unreasonable person. Pay attention, read.

Anonymous 80356

5 is not high. A lot of you seem too judgmental. Bet most people horrified at such a "high" number, calling him a "whore", are all males larping.

Anonymous 80360

When have you ever in your life seen a man shame another man for being a whore. Go back to lolcow.

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