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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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is it my fault? Anonymous 79656

I have extreme social anxiety and can't talk to people at all. I've met this guy in my job, he seemed interested in me, we texted each other a lot and he talked with me all the time, even tho I just listened to him. I felt very comfortable with him and we shared a lot of the same interests, and he seemed to not be bothered by the fact that I can't talk, it was the first time I felt like I was not alone. It was all good until he started to act more intimate, and confessed he liked me for a very long time. I kinda knew that from the beginning and I quite liked him too, so we started dating. We could only communicate by text so I think it was a bit awkward for him, but he was all cheesy and wholesome to me so I thought it was ok. He even said he liked the fact that I was "shy". After a few weeks in, he started getting distant and ignoring me (he once mentioned that his ex started talking to him, that's probably one of the reasons I think) I asked him and he said that he's been feeling bad lately and that he doesnt know if he likes me as much as before, so it would be best if we distance ourselves. I'm feeling awful right now, I feel like I'm not able to show him how I feel or make him feel loved because of my social anxiety, and now he'll go away. Is it all my fault? I still love him deeply and don't know what to do. I'm scared of feeling all alone again. I told him I understand him and that I'll always be there for him if he ever changes his mind, but honestly I want to kill myself right now. He used to say I was all he ever wanted and that I made him feel good, this is all so sudden that it's making me panic. It hurts so much.

Anonymous 79657

he didn't like you as much as he said he did and he was probably using you to feel better while he waited for his ex. is that really the type of person you want to be with? someone who lies about how they feel so they can get close to you, get the attention they want and then dip?

it's painful and hard to get over but the best thing to do is the usual "focus on yourself" thing people always say. for you that might be joining a support group for anxiety, seeing a therapist, exposing yourself to new situations, taking some steps to be healthier physically so your mind can feel better.

you can do so much better than that moid either way. no need to kill yourself over trash.

Anonymous 79659

Thanks, I needed that. Before I met him, I was actually focusing on fixing myself and going to therapy, but he said he liked me the way I was so I totally gave up on it. I wasted my precious time with him, I wish I could go back

Anonymous 79695

well we can't really know that he was using her. he may have been simply frustrated because of the communication barrier. i mean im sorry but that is a basic essential. you have to have it.

op needs to work on it, and put that trait behind her, because yeah it will cause problems down the road.

Anonymous 79707

You're mute OP? Am I reading this right? If you can't talk that's gonna be a huge obstacle in any relationship, so I wouldn't be surprised if you get dropped for it, sorry to say.

Anonymous 79717

I did ask him to be honest in case the problem was that I could not talk much, he said no and that he was just not sure. Now I'm very confused on why he pulled away from me.

And yeah I will try to work on it, it's been ruining my life for way too long

Anonymous 79718

Yes talking irl is very hard for me, but I can do it once I'm comfortable enough with the person, so it's just a matter of time.

Anonymous 79719

i will agree with the other nona on the fact he might have used you.
it's not your fault, and your shyness isn't a problem for most men at all. in fact, as he said, he liked it. however, you might want to work on that to improve the quality of your life nonetheless. not to mention that scrotes that express a strong preference for shyness are not always, but often, manipolative, controlling and insecure losers.
you can and will do better op. ditch him in the likely case he comes crawling back and dont show yourself to be someone he can take and treat however he wants like you did here
>told him I understand him and that I'll always be there for him if he ever changes his mind
thats a huge ego boost for the scrote, an incentive to treat you even worse, and an attitude that acts as an invitation to make disrespectful moids get close to you in the future as well.
best of luck nona, you got this.

Anonymous 79721

the mistake you made here was starting a long-distance relationship. those rarely ever work-out, mostly because you just can't get as personal over the internet as you can irl. my suggestion would be to end-it, because even if he does come-back to you, it's still not going to work properly. hopefully you can keep him as a friend, but even if you're cut-off completely from one another, it would be better than trying to make it work as it is.

Anonymous 79838


NTA but i have the opposite experience. i'm more personal with people online than people in real life.

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