missing everything Anonymous 82939
having no family and no sources of support has fucked me up pretty badly as an autist. grew up in a really isolated/rural area where the prevailing sentiment was "Girls dont have autism desu" and being disabled in any way is life ruining socially. couldn't get a diagnosis until teenage years because one of my schizo grandparents wouldn't do the required interview due to her hatred of autists, so even though i had very obvious speech impediments, dyspraxia, etc they wouldn't give the diagnosis without the interviews.
my mother abandoned me when i was born because she was mentally ill as fuck and my father was an alkie and an addict who died when i was pretty young, so i grew up without any supportive female guardians, as my only aunt was abusive and would degrade me, throw things, get locked up in psychiatric wards for here unstable behavior. schizo grandmother also abused me, and all of them idly stood by after i was getting groomed by a near 30 year old as a 16/17 year old girl who didn't know any better.
kept getting fed the meme that things get better, but things can only get better if something changes. without any support or love, things only deteriorated. Got some mysterious physical illness around the time i turned 18 and despite a million blood tests and MRIs, no one knows what's wrong and im assumed to be faking the chronic fatigue, cognitive issues and pain.
ive tried over 20 medications despite being in my early 20s and over a dozen therapists who were useless at best or condescending at worst and turned me being raped or abused by moids into a joke. studying a similsr science field i realized what a sham so much of that is, when one of my biggest issues is that i have no family because they're all dead, or disowned me, getting told "wow that sucks" doesn't help
I'm in my last year of university and i see that as my last chance to make friends, but it's very hard to do anything with chronic pain and getting worn out so easily, on top of being autistic and having years of trauma. im 23 as well and most people at uni are 18-21 year olds who are spoilt and go home to their parents all the time. ive been on the verge of homelessness before and had abusive bfs who took advantage of that vulnerability, they knew good and well there's no help out there.
what im missing in life is a comfy and chill place to live, i would kill to have a mother figure or even just some chill aunts, uncles, and cousins who i could casually spent time with witjout the expectation of providing constant entertainment and having to mask. Am not conventionally attractive either due to autism baby face and dress alt/j fashion a lot so i don't fit in at all with British wear skimpy clothing in 0 degree weather and drink all night in a sleazy club culture
Certain parts of your post are extremely relatable. I don't have any advice, anon, but please know you're not alone.
Hi! I relate to a lot of what you say.
Grew up in suburban Germany with a grandma who thought my autism was just me being bratty and would punish the heck out of me. And a pedo father, who luckily got kicked out by the time I was 8.
I thought everything would get better once I finished school. But it only got worse. Moved out, grew out of the system, still struggling hard in uni. I legally cannot receive any more state-funded therapy and I can't afford to live in a nice place so I've been stuck alone in a shitty housing project for the last 4 years.
There indeed is no help sometimes and I'm truly sorry. I'm really really sorry to hear that this is happening to you.
Maybe it's just my autistic lack of reality. But I still believe that one day circumstances will change. There will come chances to make friends outside of uni (which can be such a toxic af environment for people like us, really). It is possible to find a job, even as an autist (I do elderly care=cleaning and IT support). Financial independence will bring at least a small degree of stability. Until then I try to dodge all the predatory men who approach me. Nothing good ever came of a bf, these people cannot be the help.
I don't know what else to say, it would be insensitive to give advice I guess. I hope your mysterious desease goes away the way it came, or you find a treatment soon. If I were your friend, I'd hug you warmly.
>Got some mysterious physical illness around the time i turned 18 and despite a million blood tests and MRIs, no one knows what's wrong and im assumed to be faking the chronic fatigue, cognitive issues and pain.
Look up cptsd anon. It is caused by having a traumatic childhood and can cause physical issues like these. r/cptsd has lots of good resources. Being on the spectrum can cause some issues too (such as digestion issues) that aren't spoken about enough either.