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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Exposing Your Abuser Anonymous 86668

Has anyone had experience exposing an abuser? Abusers shouldn't be able to get away scot-free and potentially harm more people.

Anonymous 86673

If they do this they’ll just get arrested and then there would be evidence to send them to prison.

Anonymous 86681

Yes, but not publicly. I was in a relationship with my first boyfriend who was older, educated, wealthy and a very violent man, trained in martial arts. He forced me to drink excessively and demanded to have sex in filthy abandoned buildings. One night after being abandoned and forced to stagger home, I threw up and passed out in a park in the middle of winter. Turns out I called a new friend I'd made at school, who I thought was a very shy boy, and he turned up to carry my fat ass out of the park, drive me home despite not knowing my address and help my sister induce vomiting then get me into the shower. The next day I explained what happened and he was a great listener and a comfort. I thought he was just being very supportive

My ex suddenly stopped calling and texting until days later when a nurse called to tell me he'd been in hospital all that time. I rushed to his side, failing a test to be there with him and he told me a story about a group of guys with knives who jumped him, but the police told me one man confronted him, pinned him down and broke his fingers with a brick. I told them honestly I had no idea who would want to hurt him.

2 weeks later he'd been released from hospital and was being unusually nice in demanding I take a 2 hour train ride to let him fuck me in a nice hotel room. He kicked me out after I refused to drink my 3rd bottle from the minibar and he realised he couldn't grab and force me anymore with his fingers splayed and splinted. I left and called the same friend and we went out for churros and hot chocolate, where he got me talking about gripes and I said I'd been to see my ex, mentioning the hotel. The next night, my ex was arrested in possession of cocaine and some kind of illegal weapon. I couldn't see him or the trial and after months, he was convicted and spent 18 months in prison.

Being lonely, I spent a lot more time with my new friend and even tried to rebound with him while drunk, but he just wanted to stay friends. Over time I eventually found out he comes from an interesting background with a lot of military and criminal elements. I had my suspicions when he easily broke into a hotel room after graduation, managed to track down a friend's estranger dad in an afternoon and beat the stuffing out of 3 guys who attacked a stranger on the street, but I didn't know until 5 years later when I saw him hugging a cousin who I immediately recognised as the inmate who gave my ex permanent nerve damage in prison.

In the end my ex came out of prison a vastly different person. He was far more timid, lacking in bravado or confidence, and avoids all forms of confrontation. As far as I or his family knows, he hasn't had a relationship for 10 years and avoids social media. He now collects vintage cameras and is an expert on older photography.

Anonymous 86682

It's better to just piss men off as a whole by refusing to look at ugly ones. They will just target you and try to destroy you some other way, if you call them out on anything. This is my life phosophy like i would rather be single and living for fiction etc, then live with someone i would just settle for i can foegive nothing they do holy fuck.

Anonymous 86684

>Usually they then larp as you and spam CP everywhere, it's not a good idea.
is this a common occurence?

Anonymous 86689

I am so completely fucking disgusted by their double standards. Who gives a God damn about "protecting them from women"??? They have it coming for the shit they do and they deserve to be dragged to hell mostly :v

Anonymous 86707

What a satisfying story. I'd love for my ex to get violently jumped.

Anonymous 86722

I actively soil all mutual relationships between them and people I know by exposing all of what they did with receipts and I will never stop until one of us is dead. As long as they try to insert themselves into my community and circles I am going to push their nose into the ground.
You do not get to rip apart with my feelings and then act like I don't exist and move up with the people around me.

Anonymous 86731

>I actively soil all mutual relationships between them
Holy FUCK this is the DREAM!! Pls give specific stories of ruining his relationships so i can vicariously bask in the satisfaction. If ONLY I hadn't deleted to text he sent me admitting to being a pathological liar. Is there a way to recover texts??

Anonymous 86935

We're both social media artists, but he started hanging out in smaller communities I inhabit well after we fell out. He still has never made amends or shown any genuine remorse for anything because he's a selfish piece of shit. He just blocked me and convinced himself I'm at fault even though he's the one who used me to move up the social media ladder and then used me for my attention and friend connections because I was lonely.

Because I now have to be forced to be reminded constantly about his emotional abuse towards me and how he used me and a few friends by knowingly inserting himself into my spaces just to find some new people to keep him entertained (people I don't want to see burned by him, but also because I really just don't think he deserves their kindness), I've been leaving shitty anonymous comments about him, on top of what I'm already doing which is just describing how he treated me and others with receipts. I've already burned the bridge between one of his most devoted commissioners because he outright lied to them on top of worse behavior that I caught and explained.

I really hope some of our more professional connections are soiled, I know a few people I'm close with had outright told me they're going to keep a respectable distance now, but this last situation of jamming himself into my circles is going to make me start burning bridges with people who continue and enable him knowing how he treated me. Either way, it feels really good to hurt him in any way I can and I'm never stopping until he figures out how to soothe my ire.

Anonymous 86949

That's fucking amazing. I wish I could do the same. I contacted my data provider to try to get texts logs (they said they didnt have them), tried searching my phone backups, and even installed a data recovery software but I could not recover the insane text he sent me admitting to being an abusive lying sociopath. I guess I could still contact all his friends, but I don't wanna go back on his social media bc just seeing his ugly face gives me a heart attack.

Anonymous 87005

yup. when i was single i slept with a guy in a local band. they were't very big at the time so it wasn't for clout or anything, just a shitty garage band. he took videos of me without my consent, was really pushy and rough, he also was completely emotionally unavailable. he also gave me chlymidia and blamed it on someone else.

cut things off with him and decided that enough was enough. i eventually found my bf and things were going great.

last year a friend messaged me bc they knew about the situation with the guy and said that another one of the band members was exposed for some fucked up shit and also a friend of theirs was exposed for rape.

i message one of the girls out of solidarity and share my own experience, she sends my messages to another girl who exposed the rapist. well it just so happens she is friends with the guy who abused me lol.

long story short she refused to believe me. she seemed like she was annoyed that i would even try to have solidarity with the other women who were affected. it was a big waste of my time and i haven't spoken about it since.

Anonymous 87024

I know the feeling, every time I see their social media or them pop in front of me my heartrate spikes. I want to see him suffer.

It's full evil mode, but you could adopt a false identity and try and get close to them as if you're a stranger to collect new receipts. The exposure therapy might help, but I can't say it's helping me right now…

Anonymous 87070

>my heartrate spikes.
I feel this. Even if i see someone out of the corner of my eye in public that slightly looks like my ex, my heart jumps out of my chest from anxiety at the possibility it's him.
>I want to see him suffer.
FUCK me too. I literally fantasize about bashing his head in with a giant heavy sledgehammer and watching his fugly face cave in.
>long story short she refused to believe me.
This could possibly happen if i exposed my ex to his friends/family too. My ex had the habit of calling ALL his exes "abusive" or "crazy" (huge red flag i didnt see) and I'm 100% sure he's said untrue shit about me because he loves to play victim. He literally lied about getting raped. I unironically wish he'd be brutally assraped and have to use an colostomy bag for the rest of his life. lol i fucking hate him so much!

Anonymous 87071

I tried :(

Anonymous 87090

Anonymous 87130

Yes, gathered up screencaps and contacted their employers and they got fired. Another one I didn't know their employer so I contacted the police and dumped a bunch of it on twitter.

Anonymous 87160

I did. Actually, I went full schizo mode.

Without getting into too much detail, he was the reason I had a major nervous breakdown at 20. He singlehandedly turned me from pickme to a full-on radfem. He fit the bill for narcissism, taking advantage of every flaw he could find in order to really pack in the pain because he couldn't stand women and liked being in control.

He's a software engineer, and I promise that's relevant because… when we broke up, he gloated that there isn't a way on earth I could get anyone to believe me.

He was logged into half of his stuff still on my tablet, and I warned him repeatedly not to use the same password for everything. He laughed and said I knew nothing about technology. So I logged in to everything I could find and collected hundreds of screenshots of evidence of his cheating, abuse, and interest in teenagers straight from the horse's mouth himself. Right down to Google searches he made on how to crack into my phone, and asking what to do when you hate your girlfriend.

I proceeded to share them with anyone I had contact with and while his life is otherwise completely unaffected, it stuck a hot thorn in his ego and he doesn't try to suck me back in after a breakup like he does his other exes.

Anonymous 87181

I thought about but it was abuse from a perverse narcissist, so law-wise there's not much to do, and as far as mutual friends, there weren't any, I guess at some level I knew not to mix those circles. I'm also in another country entirely so there's not really much of point, I just bitch about it to my friends every now and then.

Anonymous 87347

There's this guy I know who visits occasionally since his family is close to mine.
I've been struggling to deal with him because he is very friendly, funny and usually kind and respectful, but he is also a HUGE pervert.

You see, I always thought he was pretty nice and chill and even looked up to him as someone well-centered and emotionally stable, not to mention an excellent listener. Turns out he has secretly lusted after me since I was 14 (less than half his age at the time), always enjoying my comfortable attitude around him and his family towards using shorts, small skirts and kinda revealing (now that I think about it) bikinis.

There were many times he went to use the bathroom I share with my brother, which I thought nothing of since it is also the main bathroom of the house. The thing is he has ejaculated into my stuff a lot of times while in there. Into several conditioners over the years, facial creams and even on my toothbrush!

He called me, said he felt remorse and decided to tell me these things that started half a decade ago. He told me that at the time he jerked off knowing I was a virgin (which was common knowledge) and that his "milk" was the first to "conquer my petite body" through my products and my pink toothbrush (apparently he put only a string of sperm on it each time to keep it less noticeable, leaving the rest in my creams and hair products). He told these fantasies in a self-judging way and it sounded apologetic and remorseful, but I'm not sure if he just got off on my reaction and knowledge of the whole shebang.

I responded with something like "I can't talk to you anymore, you monster!" and hung up. Never talked to him since and I'm glad they haven't since come over yet. I really hope he doesn't tag along when his family does visit.

I don't know how to feel or what to think. I feel so violated and horrible, even after a few weeks of trying to deal with it.
I don't know what to do with knowing that this apparently normal guy, who I always thought I had an innocent friendship with, had such lust over me that he felt it was ok to just forcefully "insert" himself sexually over me like this, under everybody's nose.

I want to tell everyone, but at the same time it would be humiliating for me and it could seriously harm our families' relationships.
I could maybe throw him to the police, but with no evidence the whole case would be based on my testimony and I'm not sure what they could sentence him with.

He did seem to regret the whole thing and guaranteed he will never do anything like that to any girl again as he is disgusted with himself. So perhaps I could just let things be until I forget this nasty business, but I'm not sure I will.

Have any of you heard of anything like this? What would you do? Would you be as outraged as I am or not so much?

Just realized this became much longer than expected. Sorry for the wall of text and thank you to any anons who made it this far.

Anonymous 87351

Jesus Christ, that's so fucking weird.

Anonymous 87365

I would consider murdering him

Anonymous 87366

You want to murder everyone tho so I mean

Anonymous 87367

Based if true…

Anonymous 87370

She's totally serial-killer-chan on /x/, she would be based if it was more than a cope she threw up, she is not based because she won't use that rage to do anything and will just fester with it.

Anonymous 87373

Not sure who you’re talking about, I only have homicidal fantasies based around culling perverts like the guy from >>87347

Anonymous 87378

This sounds made up but incase it’s real, you should tell your family. You don’t need to go into specifics. Says he makes you uncomfortable and made sexual remarks you don’t like. Say he used your bathroom and told you he would touch your things.

Anonymous 87379

I exposed him to our friend group, i probably should've gone to the police over some things, i just want to forget him. I mostly have. This is pretty tame in terms of the other posts i've read here.

He was my best friend, we were 15-16 when we first met and got along really well really fast at first. Things were okay, until i jokingly kissed him on the cheek as a dare at a party and i think that's where it all went wrong.

He started getting feelings for me, i had a boyfriend who was a long time friend of his. He started getting a little too touchy, he'd hug me from behind and have his head buried in my neck, i'm super oblivious to it so i think nothing of it, boyfriend doesn't care either.

Then he started doing shit like smacking my ass, etc. That's when i started to avoid him. He would literally start fights between my boyfriend and i, and take so much satisfaction at my anger thinking he'd break us up. I think the most cringiest moment i've ever sat through in a discord call was him asking me for the third or fourth time for a threesome with my boyfriend, and i snapped at him and told him to stop fucking asking cause it was making me uncomfortable. He started crying in the call and bashing himself and his head against furniture in his room.

It's worth mentioning this cunt was a massive weeb, a lolicon, would unironically refer to me as his "imouto" and i was on his PC one day and saw he changed my nickname to that on skype. I felt fucking ill. He had this insanely retarded mindset that i had to be "pure" like an anime girl or some stupid moid fantasy shit.

Eventually my relationship with my (ex)boyfriend kinda fell apart for other reasons, i started seeing someone else (a mutual friend and my current boyfriend.) He didn't like that, he started projecting and trying to pour poison in my ear, saying how he's gonna hurt me and only use me for sex.

I told him that i've slept with him and he went into meltdown mode, threatening to expose my secrets that i told him in confidence, started spamming suicidal threats/posts on his facebook wall. (he tried to hang himself with a balloon string. lmfao.) and from that point onwards it got worse.
He blackmailed me into sending him nudes, i got almost blackout drunk at his house with friends, i couldn't find a way home that night and he intruded on me showering after puking on myself, telling me i had a really nice body while i was slurring at him to get out and give me privacy, slumped against the door with all of my weight to get him away. He pulled me on top of him later that night while i was trying to sleep and held my hips down on him. i managed to throw myself off and almost knocked myself out.

I told the guy i was seeing and another close friend in the group, we exposed his ass to everyone and we found out he sexually assaulted 5 other girls that we knew, pretty sure one of them was under 18 at the time (he was 18-19) i didn't know her well enough but i'd heard things. He lost all of his friends, had to move out of the city, etc. He lives in the country now, i don't know what he's doing nowadays, everyone keeps out of contact with him.

Anonymous 87392

>i probably should've gone to the police over some things
You got him out of your life and that is the important part.

Anonymous 87448

reported the guy who raped me to the police and they told me not to bother going to court

Anonymous 87449


I'm seriously contemplating contacting my ex's friends and old schoolmates who knew us about his behavior. But I know it would seem so weird and out of the blue just to randomly contact someone I haven't spoken to in YEARS just to tell them about the abuse. Would you feel weird if some1 did that to you? He also falsely accused someone of rape and I want to contact them too even tho they're a complete stranger. I am also 99% sure he has lied and made up stories about me too. I just wish I still had the receipts. This excruciating rage continues to build up inside of me and exposing him is the only legal solution. Pls advise.

>his life is otherwise completely unaffected
So fucking enraging how abusers are allowed to live normal lives.
>it was abuse from a perverse narcissist, so law-wise there's not much to do
I'm in the same situation. Ex was also a perverse narcissist who created multiple bizarre fake rape stories about himself. A pervert and a lying narcissist.
>it could seriously harm our families' relationships.
It's not worth protecting a perverted freak.
>He started crying in the call and bashing himself and his head against furniture in his room.
I know EXACTLY the Type Of Person this dude is. Is extremely sexually desperate and predatory, and then throws himself a pity party and suicide threats when you don't reciprocate. My ex also blackmailed me for nudes. I want to fucking skin him alive.

Anonymous 87462

Don’t contact them anon. I know it’s tempting and you feel like it’s the right thing to do to warn people about him but even if you provide evidence, their loyalty is still with him and they will think you are trying to be the crazy ex (who he has no doubt mentioned already). If they were the type if people to care about these things they wouldn’t be friends with him already.

What you should do is send evidence to his work and the police if he abused you. If you have 100% proof of him making up the rape claim then send it to the person being accused.

Anonymous 87464

If the law refuses to administer justice, the next best thing is ruining his reputation. Posters everywhere with his name and face saying what he did. Someone will take care of him eventually.

Anonymous 87496

I no longer have any evidence since our relationship was ~5 years ago. Tried recovery softwares for the old texts and everything. Fml he'll just fucking get away with it.

Anonymous 87497

Not your circus, not your monkeys. There are plenty of abusive people out there and it's not your responsibility to make sure they get punished for their actions.

If you still feel you need to do something, then donate or volunteer at a domestic violence shelter.

Anonymous 87499

I thought about exposing my rapist but changed my mind after I told a mutual friend and she sided with him, it took me a while to work up the courage and he had talked to her first and convinced her I was toxic and a liar. The police said the case most likely won't go anywhere but at least I tried. My only wish is for him to somehow realize the gravity of what he did and kill himself from the guilt. Or for any other reason really, he was very mentally unstable to begin with so there's at least a slight chance.

Anonymous 87840

I’m so sorry. I hope your friend kills herself also

Anonymous 87852

>I hope your friend kills herself also
Seconding. Hope something awful happens to her and no one believes her lol!

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