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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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It’s finally happening; we’re meeting IRL!! Anonymous 87360

there’s this guy I e-“dated” but then we broke up and remained online friends since. Before him I e-“dated” another guy but he never wanted to meet. I was afraid it was gonna be the same with him. I asked once and he seemed to kinda dance around the question so hadn’t asked again but was considering cutting contact. Turns out his hair was a mess at the time and now wants to meet. It’s only been two or so months since I asked so I believe it. He told me to tell him ahead of time so he could take time off work. He works hard and his job is important so I feel very flattered and special. I don’t wanna screw this up and want it to be an amazing time for both of us. It’s the first time either of us does this too so. Idk I’m just very excited. Is there anything I should keep in mind? Tips? Etc. I know both of us could be disappointed so to not have any expectations. What else? He knows I’m very prudey so I feel like I could get away with fucking him on the first day. And I have a feeling I’ll want to because I’m very into him. Or maybe I’ll dry up from being nervous, who knows. Anything I should do for vetting? Anything to keep it from getting awkward? Should we embrace it?

Anonymous 87363

make sure to meet in a public place with cameras just in case he is a serial killer

Anonymous 87364

make sure to get his autograph just in case he’s a serial killer

Anonymous 87376

DO NOT have sex with him on the first date. He won't respect you, he'll think you just give whatever he wants and that he can use you for easy pussy. Don't give me "oh but he isn't like that" because EVERYONE thinks their moid "isn't like that". He could be nice with pure motives, but he has to prove it to you first. Trust needs to be built before sex or you'll end up a sexual doormat that men think they can use.

Anonymous 87377

Oh yeah and I'll agree with these girls. If you wanna be together in private that is fine, but incase he is a murderer you need to leave behind evidence of who he might be. Tell a relative or friend you are going out, give them his pic, full name, location, and tell them where you are going. Say you will call them by x time to let them know you're ok, or that you will call when you get home, if you don't then something is wrong and the police need called.
If he tries anything rip his testes and eyes out. Carry and indiscriminate sharp object like a pencil or nail clippers so you can stab him in his carotid artery. Make sure your nails are long so you can scracth him and get his DNA under your skin incase you perish.

Best of luck.

Yes first dates will be awkward, if he actually likes you it wont matter much and will be cute.

Anonymous 87397

This. It doesn't matter who he is and what he says. If you have sex with him on the first date this all it will be. So if you want to have an actual relationship then wait for a while. Of course if you just want to have sex a couple of times and nothing else then go for it.

The serial killer stuff sounds a bit extreme but it's a good idea to meet up in a public place for the first few times like a cafe or a museum. It will help you to find out what type of person he is and then you can decide if you really want to let him in your life. Look out for red flags. If he is behaving weird then cut contact because having negative people in your life will make everything harder.

Anonymous 87403

Not only that, but plenty of moids will decide before the end of the date that he doesn't like you that much but will play along for free sex. Gradually over the next few meetings he will start treating you worse and worse as he gets lazy. A lot of women will take this as they did something wrong and become even more of a doormat to compensate.

Putting up boundaries early on also means that he will know that he has to put in an effort with you and that you can dump him at any time if he doesn't live up to his standards. If he respects your boundaries, you will know that he is making an effort and taking the relationship seriously.

You also don't want to fuck him and then find out a couple of dates later that he is actually a terrible person or disgusting hygiene or player or whatever as you'll always look back and cringe.

If you think there's a chance you might want to fuck him despite everything, then tell him in advance that you have to leave by a certain time (due to another event or getting up early), wear unsexy underwear, and make it clear that you what you will be doing together so there is no ambiguity (e.g. dinner and movie and then head home).

Anonymous 87414

I’ve acted pretty “thirsty” in the past towards him because I felt comfy since he seems trustworthy, wouldn’t it be weird to not put out with that in mind? Like is that reconcilable? I can see how having sex the first time is a bad idea and agree

Anonymous 87418

Just be honest and say that you find him hot but you prefer not to fuck on the first few days as you want to get to know him properly and build up a relationship outside of sex first.

Also, just because you act thirsty or flirty or whatever, it's not consent to have sex. Or even if you said you wanted sex, you can change your mind. If he gets annoyed about any of this then bin him.

Anonymous 87451

thanks, your're right.

I'm getting ahead of myself anyways because the whole thing might turn out to be strictly platonic

Anonymous 87456

is this your first rl date/ relationship beginning?
I'm sure you know each other quite well, but physical intimacy needs to be built up separately to general emotional intimacy imo. I know some people don't have much of a problem with that, and can immediately get physical, but I don't know you, you'll have to judge that for yourself.

Still, I wouldn't go to your date with the expectation to sleep with him. Not necessarily because of some "easy pussy" stuff, but simply because things might evolve differently, and you wouldn't want to be disappointed by that.
I'd recommend meeting in a public space, for safety's sake, but also because public activities are easier to get you over the awkwardness you might experience. It gives you something concrete to do and to talk about, so you won't run into any empty moments where you two don't really know what to say.
personally don't like cinemas too much. While watching you can't interact with each other, and afterwards you have the film to talk about while you'd probably rather speak about each other.

The best places are those where you do some short activity, walk to another thing, watch something for a while, walk to yet another thing etc. while being able to talk(museums or galleries can make it a little hard to talk cos you're meant to be quiet), so zoos, minigame collections, the clicheed aquariums and the like.
It gives you something to talk about, the short walks give you the room to talk. Just moving your legs is also just a really good way to get your mind thinking about stuff eg an anecdote about the game you just played. So going for a short walk through a nice bit of town/ countryside might be worth it as well.

later then you could very well go home and watch a film on your sofa. That's a good environment put your head on his shoulder and maybe do a kiss(would use this emoji https://emojipedia.org/flushed-face/ here but we're not supposed to). And you need not take it any further than that! but you very much can if you want.

In the end, just don't overthink it, nona. Human minds are made to fall in love, it should come quite naturally, even to shut-ins like us. Don't fret all the details, listen to what your gut tells you, and it should all be fine.

Anonymous 87472

Just stay safe and have fun anon.
I'm excited for you! Update the thread with how it goes!

I met my bf online and our first irl meeting he was very shy. I'm the type of person Who is mostly shy, but if I'm around another shy person I'll become confident "for" them. If you're both very shy it could be a bit awkward but eventually you'll look back fondly on that awkwardness if so. After my bf calmed his shyness down, it felt like I had known him irl for years because he felt so familiar and acted exactly the same online as he does irl.

Anonymous 87489


>is this your first rl date
>/ relationship beginning?
I hope so.
Ideally I picture myself leading the interactions because I have a feeling when I have bouts of increased confidence, that's when he likes me the most. In reality I'll probably be too nervous and insecure to make a move. Most of my hang-ups revolve around getting mental blocks and coming across as slow and cold. Not being able to think quick on my feet and saying dumb things, if anything. Just generally not being my normal witty self. Maybe I should drink before meeting? so I can be as uninhibited and out out of my head as possible?

That was all great and helpful input anon. I would hate for it to feel like an interview. I want it to be as natural as possible but I'm very robotic at times. I have tons of energy and need to use it to feel at ease. It could go either way with that in mind. I want to at some point for us to spend an evening just cuddling too.

Also if I can't get myself to kiss him I'll try holding his hands at least anyways. I'm fascinated by them but I also need to touch him to gauge his reaction and get an idea of where we stand. Thank you again, I'm going to try to stop overthinking it. It's going to be his first date ever too so he's probably as nervous.

That's incredibly cute anon, happy for you! What if we're both the same way? confident around other shy people? lol, I hope we act exactly as we do online with eachother IRL and that it's not off-putting if it's otherwise.

Anonymous 87799

>It's going to be his first date ever too
oh, even less to worry about, then

>>is this your first rl date

>>/ relationship beginning?
>I hope so.
cute! how old are you, if I may ask?

>Just generally not being my normal witty self.

don't worry about that. only few people posses the gift of being witty even in stressful situations
>Maybe I should drink before meeting? so I can be as uninhibited and out out of my head as possible?
I would strongly advise you to not do that. It might make more assertive, yes, but it also makes it harder to perceive boundaries he might want to uphold or judge your general conduct.
It would also convey a bad message to him, and if you're trying to come across as assertive, then needing to be drunk to do that would only undermine that, lol.

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