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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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Does anyone else hate talking half the time? Anonymous 96600

Thread for people who have failed the autism test and still find half of conversations really tedious. Do you find it is like being roped into a ton of work?

Do you only add things that are significant or meaninful.. or stay quiet? Does anyone else keep friends who are as good at silence as conversation? Discuss having to socialize at your job and how fucking tedious it is. Discuss hacks you've used to avoid conversations that feel like work

Anonymous 96631

Yes, it's annoying to talk to people unless they are a part of my closest friend group. Even then, if I talk too much I feel tired.
My strategy to avoid talking to people is either using big headphones (even when I'm not listening to anything) or pretending I'm very busy.

Anonymous 96757

I love talking and discussing topics that are new or interesting to me, but I can't stand small talk. It makes me feel worse than the most boring and tedious chore I can think of. I also despise when I'm reading an article/book/newspaper/the internet and my husband asks what I'm reading about. Jesus Christ leave me the fuck alone, 99% of the time it's shit not worthy of investing time talking about it, and in the rare chance when I find something interesting I discuss it with him by my own volition. I dunno, I think I might be autistic, I feel like normie social behaviours shouldn't bother me this much.

Anonymous 96764

I don't even have the mental capacity to make conversation half of the time unless it's something relating to my own interests or here where I can post at my own pace (but I guess online really doesn't count as talking?). Doesn't help I stutter/slur a lot when I get nervous, and I get nervous when I talk, and it's this endless cycle that leaves me with zero braincells
I refuse to believe people enjoy small talk, I don't get what is interesting about discussing shit like the weather or how someone is doing but told in a very vague manner yet something about these topics compel people to bring it up every time

Anonymous 96766

I just don't know how to take part in most conversations, and people are generally very confusing, so I tend to stay quiet. Every time I try to speak up, I feel like I'm 10 steps behind and stating the obvious.

Anonymous 96788

I apparently failed the criteria for an autism diagnosis, but still have social anxiety and selective mutism. Talking to strangers is almost impossible. Even when talking to my friends, I really need my hand held through many conversations, I get lost and overwhelmed so easily.
Normally I don't speak in public, I try to get people to assume I'm completely mute so that they won't try to talk to me. I don't mention that it's selective, I definitely feel people are more respectful if they believe it's a physical issue, rather than a mental one.

Anonymous 96924

I don’t enjoy talking as I usually have little to add to a conversation other than making jokes.

Anonymous 96982

it's not actually about the weather or some similarly banal topic, you pick the most universal thing anybody has access to and then you jump from point to point until you're talking about something personal and meaningful. it's like a warmup routine. in your case that warmup routine would fail because you would give a negative response (directly or via body language or tone) and so the other person would stop trying to make small talk eventually.

a lot of people like having deep conversations but hate small talk, I was one of them for most of my life and still don't exactly love it. the tragedy is that you're going to have very few deep conversations if you shut down small talk. small talk is how any two random people can work towards a deeper connection, it's the universal method. you might think it's not worth it because if you find people you're already "compatible" with you get to skip the small talk. if you're so similar you're basically twins already you can skip a bunch of steps, or if you have some specific interest in common you can immediately jump into discussing that interest with a total stranger and it will feel natural. but no, these two types of strangers are not the only people worth socializing with, that's an autist/nerd cope. there are plenty of downsides to those particular relationships and so much you miss out on if you only engage with people who already think or even feel so similarly to yourself.

Anonymous 97011

>I refuse to believe people enjoy small talk, I don't get what is interesting about discussing shit like the weather or how someone is doing but told in a very vague manner yet something about these topics compel people to bring it up every time

I find when it's particularly hot or particularly cold you can get some interesting conversations going (e.g. you can shift it into the topic of climate change and habitat destruction, which hopefully [see: never] results in some people changing their voting habits).

I do have a little Sisyphus moment every day at work at around 10a.m. when, after having responded with "well thanks, how are you" to everyone at work who asks "Hey nona, how are you?", I feel the niggling dread of knowing I have to do it all over again the next day, every day, until death. It feels so pointless to ask how people are going, but I guess it's probably important because otherwise no one would say anything to anyone…

Anonymous 97255

I don't mind making small talk, it's like a necessary evil when meeting someone new. What I hate are the normies that only make statements and expect you to react, and get irritated when you don't. You need to engage the other person when you make small talk, read them, understand what they're receptive to, ask them questions. If my autistic ass can learn to do that then normies who apparently enjoy socializing should pull their weight.
The worst are people who aren't funny or charismatic but constantly try to make "jokes" and then get mad because I don't have it in me to fake laugh at an unfunny joke every 10 seconds. These people make workplaces exhausting.

Anonymous 97256

I actually do enjoy small talk! I don't it's peak human interaction or anything but it's helpful to gauge where people are at.

If they say the usual "nothing much" or something to that effect then I know that person is probably in a neutral to good mood and I don't have to think about it any further.

Sometimes I get a person throwing a joke or jovial statement and depending on how they say it I can either play into the joke (I like playing along!) and liven things up a little or just move on with a small fake laugh or a "yeah"/" that's how it goes" or whatever

And if the person gives a unusually poor response I know either that I should avoid them for the day or check to see if they're okay if I care about them.

It feels weird that I actually enjoy this sort of thing since I'm introverted and normally oretty asocial but maybe that's exactly why. It gives me a lot of information about the person, the general atmosphere of the place I'm in and I can act around it.

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