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/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Talk about relationships of all kinds, ask for advice, or just vent

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How to be approched? Anonymous 98622

I work in pet hospistal and there is a guy that I REALLY like but we are in a different departments. I took a video of him and he realized. This time I don't want to do the first step bc that is not who I am no more. What can I do to get him to talk to me?

Anonymous 98625

>I don't want to do the first step
Why not? Do you want to be an object incapable of action? Do you want everything to be handed to you on a plate?

Anonymous 98626

99% of the time that a girl approaches a guy it works out
The other 1% is because the guy is pants-on-heads retarded

Anonymous 98629

idk, your only other option is giving lucrative signals that are likely hard to interpret. i'd start by talking to him, he's likely to have a social media so you can start there to see if he's available. move on from there, unfortunately things must be acted in a casual manner

Anonymous 98630

I wouldn't suggest social media, I think the best course of action would be to talk in the same spot, and THEN let things go to social media.
Otherwise she'll just come off as creepy, but that's just me I think

Anonymous 98631

I don't know what the deal is but like 99% of guys nowadays are too shy to make a move, even if they like you.

My advice is to just go for it.

Anonymous 98636

no she's just not retarded nona. moids will accept literally anyone asking them out, even if they don't love them, and nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who obviously doesn't love them and is using them for practice

Anonymous 98640

maybe it's because of the popularity of movements like metoo like Henry Cavill said?

Anonymous 98642

It's the MGTOWs brainwashing young men into avoiding relationships. Their fear mongering with divorce and false rape accusations. While they promote degenerate sex dolls. It created an entire generation of men too scared to enter relationships.

Anonymous 98653

You work in a pet hospital so think of it this way - approach guys the same way you would approach an abused or neglected or sick animal. Guys these days are skittish and shy and take some gentle prodding and coaxing and a lot of patience to act normal. Some had a bad experience, some have no experience, it’s not our fault, it’s not their fault, and it’s not fair that we have to do all the work, but it’s where things are just at now.

Anonymous 98697

The rule about "let him make the first move" refers to him asking you out. You're allowed to talk to him first and give really obvious signals (like twirling your hair + giggling + making eye contact), you should just wait for him to ask. You need to see that a man will take the initiative to ask because too many of them are desperate and will say 'yes' to any woman just to get sex even if she wants a real relationship. If he's willing to take the risk of asking you out then it's less likely that he's just looking for an easy lay with no commitment.

Anonymous 98725

I feel the same way, nona.

me: shows no interest it liking a guy, even going as far as to ignore him and make him think I hate him

Anonymous 98730


I swear all these redpill commentators are just traumatizing guys into thinking every woman is going to destroy them financially, socially, and emotionally.
It's the other side of the "all men are evil" thing.
There's some fucking pipeline from being a lonely guy to being either an incel who hates women or an endgame MGTOW who's afraid of relationships.

Anonymous 98735

The MGGTOW thing is certainly part of it.
But "woman" focused media has also been making a huge issue of it. Especially in workplace related incidents.
There are several camps all saying the same general things.

Anonymous 98740

be pretty enough or lower your ego and approach him if you like him
>bc that is not who I am no more.
are you aware how overdramatic this sounds?

Anonymous 98759


There's a good number of poignant and seemingly reasonable youtubers out there in the manosphere. You get pulled in with jokes and memes, then you realize you're on a constant drip feed of blackpills that make it difficult to have a normal relationship or trust women.

Anonymous 98760

MGTOWs paint a cartoonisly evil caricature of women. While preaching something called "hypergamy" and "female nature". Which boils down to purely negative traits that serve to dehumanize women. Resulting in young men developing a warped view of women and avoiding them out of paranoia. MGTOWs also claim love doesn't exist and all relationships are transactional in nature. So young men lose romantic interest in women entirely. Instead having sex with prostitutes, becoming porn addicts or buying a sex doll.

Anonymous 98761

This is driving me crazy. Porn is all fucked up, but no one seems to notice that what they're watching isn't normal.

Anonymous 98797

you are a fucking retard, but that's not news

Anonymous 98798


The only solid advice in the entire thread.
Henry the incel?

Anonymous 98801

This isn't really true. I'm pretty average looking and not of a race people typically fetishize but guys I've been interested in were sociable enough to ask me out after we chatted as friends for a few weeks. You're definitely right that there's a sizeable portion of the male population that is too autistic to ask a woman out, but you really shouldn't be pursuing them. They'll make you do the legwork throughout the entire relationship.

Anonymous 98803

why are you so committed to simping after men who aren't interested in you?

Anonymous 98811


Be clumsy, look stupid, fall over. Take advantage of the mansplaining instinct.

Anonymous 98819

this is actually pretty good advice. every moid I've baited into asking me out did it after I pretended to be an inept retard. I'll never understand why moids actively like you more if you suck at life

Anonymous 98823

Not the op, but I could use some help.

I think I’ve accidentally convinced my crush I’m not into him. He was friendly to me at some point and had such a kind and genuine smile when talking to me. He made me feel good about myself. He doesn’t have Instagram or any social media. No, he’s not some hermit incel, he is friendly, has a social life, is studios, and wants to become an anesthesiologist. We share a similar culture too.

Anyways, I would stare at him in class…maybe too much. I think he started to notice and would smirk when I looked at him. This annoyed me because I didn’t want him to think I liked him, even though I did. So I started being meaner to him. Purposefully avoiding him, not talking to him, looking annoyed when he talked, not looking at him when he was speaking, leaving the library if I looked up and noticed him looking at me. Basically, ignoring his exsistence. Have I done too much damage? I really did like him but my insecurities got in the way.

How can I remedy this?

Anonymous 98826

I believe it may be because explaining things gives them the perfect excuse to talk to you without feeling like they're forcing a conversation plus the feeling of usefulness people get from helping others.
Also clumsy/goofy people are easier to approach in general, people who appear to be super serious give off the impression that they don't like being approached unless it's necessary.

Anonymous 98832

>tsundare moment
You can try giving back as much attention as was given to you, alternatively just give up.

Anonymous 98837

I think you're gonna have to risk some serious emotional vulnerability to unfuck things. You'll need to apologize and ask him out, because there's no way you can realistically warm him back up to you enough for him to make the first move. He's probably very confused about your behaviour, so you're going to have to explain it to him if you want to have any chance.

Anonymous 98844

I might have confused him and that upsets me. The semester is not over and we might never see each other again. I don’t know if I’m willing to risk emotional vulnerability, to be honest. It’s like a form of self-sabotage but sometimes my insecurities are so loud due to really, really bad past experiences.
I might just give up.

Anonymous 98845

the semester is over

Anonymous 98852

Take the direct approach and just tell him you like him. Moids are idiots and the majority of them don't have enough experience to know when you're interested.

Anonymous 98866

Well, I mean, I don't know but I know what you shouldn't do. And that is recording him. That's rude and creepy. Try talking to him and give him hints that can be plausibly denied. Subtly flirt but not too obvious and watch how he reacts. You have to feel it out. Maybe things will just naturally escalate


That's some sort of twisted Incel cope

Anonymous 98869

You really played yourself there lol
If you explained to him why you behaved like that he might think you are fucking crazy (you are) but that's probably the only clear way to solve this. He might not think you are crazy. But either way that would require you to make yourself vulnerable and look like an idiot

I don't like lying, it usually causes more problems than it solves and it is dishonourable, but I think in this case it is better than the alternative. A little white lie could explain your behaviour. Apologise to him and tell him you misinterpreted something from back when you started being cold towards him. Maybe something he said or did. Maybe you thought he was talking shit about you. But you have to make sure that it is vague and don't make a big story because then you will just dig yourself into a pit of lies. Also DON'T drag anyone else into the lie. Don't lie about anyone else. You don't want to stir shit and you will have to come up with more lies. Keep it simple so that it can be overlooked. You made a silly mistake. That's it… so now you owe him a coffee or how ever you want to play it from there. If you are not confidant in your bullshitting capabilities then save yourself any further embarrassment and just give up. Don't make an ass of your self

Anonymous 98870

> Try talking to him and give him hints that can be plausibly denied. Subtly flirt but not too obvious and watch how he reacts. You have to feel it out. Maybe things will just naturally escalate
That is how you guarantee that nothing will happen.

Anonymous 98875

this. all that be coy, be subtle, play hard-to-get stuff worked fine for our mothers' and grandmothers' generations - but guys today are thick (not in the good way); they take less of a light touch, more of a sledgehammer.

Anonymous 98877

Agree 100%, guys are notorious for never getting hints, no matter how obvious you think you're being. It sucks, but if you want him, you're going to have to ask him out directly.

Anonymous 98884

Yeah I knoe but OP doesn't want to just ask him out or make a move so that's all you can do. You either make a move, or take this advice, or do nothing. These are your options

Anonymous 98885

Do you ever think that sometimes they do actually get the hints but they don't like you and just pretend not to get it and let you make a fool of yourself? Or they just don't know how to friendzone you in a discreet way? Or am I thinking too much about it?

Anonymous 98893

I think that almost never happens. Men are not socially aware enough for that.

Anonymous 98894

It's a perceived self worth-thing. 'Oh that girl isn't the best of the bunch? I have an actual chance with her unlike the smarter and prettier girl the row over'

Anonymous 98905

I’ve never had a boyfriend. I have never held hands. I asked an internet friend why and they said it was because my autism scares men away. I really like this one guy in a class of mine. But the problem is that I think he dropped out. A friend of his is still in the class. Do I ask him for his contact info? How would I go about that without seeming like a creepy sperg. I don’t even know anyones name.

Anonymous 98963

Lmao, i ran into him and did it agin. I’m finished. My intrusive thoughts always win and it’s hard to control. I purposefully ignore him. I’m a coward, oh well.

Anonymous 99103

this entire thread is so moid like kek the guys saying "us men dont take hints very well :(" if those anons werent guys larping as women they would know that irl men take EVERY sign as a romantic invitation. op go talk to him and be very very friendly and charming but DONT ASK HIM OUT just like this anon said >>98636 if he really like you eventually he will take the first step. please dont take men tips in consideration these guys here are dumb and are trying to cope with they miserable lifes by saying bad advice on purpose

Anonymous 99128

That's the dilemma. Moids will interpret anything except actual romantic invitations as romantic invitations.

Anonymous 99141

Does anyone else really not believe in the 'men have to be the aggressor' thing?
The way I got married was I basically told my husband (then BF) he was gonna marry me. I just gave him instructions on what he was to do, how he was to go the court house with me and pay this fee, and then we'd be married. he nodded his head along, and we were married within a month.
It's been five years and I see no signs that he loves me any less for taking charge of the situation. If anything he was more loving with me than usual immediately after I did it. He said that before I did it he had been struggling with indecisive feelings but after I did he knew that this woman is my wife, my confidence in it increased his own confidence.

Anonymous 99142

My schizo theory is that it is a societial construct meant to keep us docile. Yes! Womens' liberation! Feminism!…But always wait for men to make the first move and just smile being strung along forever??

Rely on men for nothing. I love your story, Nona…

Anonymous 99160

Never trusting a moid ever again. Remember how I was all like “he doesn’t have social media” but he’s not an incel. Well, it turns out he IS an incel. One of those obsessed with looksmaxxing and uses terms like “negative canthill tilt” and are obsessed with looking like handsome squidward. I missed out on nothing.

Anonymous 99176


That physiognomy shit gives me a headache, like what causes them to sperg out a page of that lingo?

Anonymous 99215

I think there are men that are hesitant in fear of reading you wrong or are oblivious, or more timid and then there are those men that think anything or any attention at all is flirting who are usually overly confident and sometimes full of themselves. But a majority of men get it wrong regardless. I have seen those men that you are talking about. Everyone has. I guess it just depends on the man. But there is definitely an increase in the former

Anonymous 99217

Just apologize and if you arent up to apologizing then try to spend time with him.

Too many people reject others because they fear being rejected themselves.

Anonymous 99263


congratulations for being a mommy bangmaid who is married to a useless moid
obviously larper. this thread has been infected by those disgusting moids on r9k thats why the terrible advice. i think the worst thing its that they dont even try to larp as us in a subtle way because they truly think that woman are not human. they think we are dumb enough to believe in that they are passive and thats why we have to do all the work. I genuinely hope that all those disgusting r9k 4chan men die

Anonymous 99264

2023-05-21 155023.…

Nta, yeah I saw that r9k thread too. Those Bateman wannabes like to post unhinged shit. When a poster is being racist, ableist, needlessly aggressive or simply can't be reasoned with, we should automatically report them for testicles.

Anonymous 99269

>larping as a woman is so easy
its the same mentality of these troons who think that simply making his frizzy hair grow is making he look more like a woman. we can always tell. nothing can hide the disease that is the chromosome y. not even wigs, makeup or "typing style". whats makes me feel better is that mostly of time these r9k poster no matter what they do on the internet they will always be sad and die alone.

Anonymous 99273

i saw those. men bragging about manipilating miners when in reality they get dogpiled on and told to kill themselves kek

Anonymous 99305

Yeah as if 99% of “super fat hints” aren’t completely inane as fuck. Your hints are “so obvious” because they are framed in the mind of someone who makes the hints, which is a very different kind of mind than those who will receive them. Yall literally look at a dude for .00025 femtoseconds and be like “is he shy?” Yeah I’m a guy, ban me idc, I just had to say how fucking retarded this post was. Try having more charisma and boundary enforcement than a dying rabbit and you can ask out who ever you like and filter who ever you like, without having to play retarded 9D chess mind reading games.

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