Cognitive dissonance on weight loss Anonymous 13811
I have been working on losing my corona weight and it's been going well be mentally I'm in conflict with myself and my beliefs every hour of the day.
I know that being skinny won't make me happy because I looked at my old pics when I was visibly skinny and had my ribcage visible and I still thought I thought of myself as fat and was too insecure to be social and identified as a femcel online (+ had some health issues that made my everyday life harder) so I know factually that my self-image issues are in my head and not my body, at the same time I have slightly more confidence in myself now and I've been feeling generally better when I allowed myself to eat the foods I enjoyed in quarantine.
I tell myself that my weight loss is merely caused by my desire to be able to wear the clothes I don't fit in anymore and that I don't have enough money for a new wardrobe but I can sense myself falling back a little into that old mindest where I'm so fixated on weight and the weight of everyone I see, crazy how I stopped caring for two years but now I'm back checking people's bodies full time and comparing them to mine, I can't even explain why I suddenly feel shitty and want to go home because I'll look stupid.
Going online seeing profat landwhales makes me wanna lose weight then seeing proanas with endless health complications makes me wanna keep being chubby.
I don't know what I want to do anymore regarding my diet and I keep on binging and restricting because I feel so conflicted.
>PPPS because I'm stupid and I fix one formating error and forget the other
>it's been going well be mentally I'm in conflict with myself
>I still thought I thought of myself as fat
>and I keep on binging and restricting
Luckily I haven't been purging and I hope I don't get to that point again, and that's another reason I'm scared of going back to being skinny.
>inb4 see a therapist
1. I'm broke broke I can barely afford my bills and food.
2. Therapists are enablers and my experience with therapy wasn't good.
>inb4 you have an ED
I don't think I have an eating disorder simply because I lived most of my life leaning to the chubby side and only was skinny for few years.
pic unrelated because putting a pic with a female would make me think about this whole situation even more.
1. maybe tone up/weight lift more as it's way better overall tbh, I also like body weight stuff. It's fine if you stop around 23, 24 BMI as it's a healthy weight
2. IMPORTANT: drop any apps and etc. related to other people's bodies, including "landwhales". Make it so annoying and awful to check them that you'd prefer doing other things (yes there's ways of locking sites too). Also limit ways you can look at yourself. You're literally programming yourself into negative behaviors
4. Be realistic. You judge others for having weight issues which in turn reflects on yourself because you're used to picking apart others all the time. I mean, how do you feel if you tell yourself "we're just meat bags. It doesn't matter." each time thoughts of your or people's bodies come up? Or do you think other people look "stupid"? I mean either ways people don't actually care or look
5. I really don't want to argue about this but eating disorders can happen to any size. It's like how an ugly person can still technically have BDD if they have an obsessive fixation and maladaptive set of behaviors related to their looks
6. Start nothing new that's just so stressful and/or distracting or something (idk this worked for me)
I found that after losing weight I didn't really feel much better and the best thing I could do was embrace a set of behaviors acting like my looks don't matter, and also just focusing on being strong while realizing that all along I was really just frustrated with the world for caring so much about looks–that I personally don't…nor do I want to.
And it really helped me to imagine someone kind who suffers from self-image issues and ask myself if I really want them to feel horrible over such things. I don't. So, I'd prefer to act like it doesn't matter.