I feel my life is pointless and that ill never reach my goals even though they're simple
I feel like I've made a lot of mistakes in the past that are starting to bite me in the ass now. Especially physical wise that are reminders.
I can do the best I can with the resources I have now but I just feel like I'm stringing along. I'm not depressed but it's harder and harder to find pleasure and I can't feel emotions as strongly as I used to.
Positive ones would be appreciated because sadness and regret don't help at all. I just feel like there's this big wall between me and enjoying things or making meaningful relationships without me feeling self-conscious and I am locked out.
I don't want advice, I just want to be bitter in peace.
I was never socialized properly, and now all of my interactions with other people, however minor, lead to negative fuming. The doubt; the paranoia; the confusion. Are they symptomatic of something wrong with me or is everything supposed to be awful all the time? I'm not a heartless monster. I have concepts of friendship and loyalty and virtue and glory and adventure and trust, they all just turn to moot when I try to materialize them in any meaningful way. I've had no adventures; I've made no friends; there is no one I trust, and by extension, no one I love. I do not meet people, and I am afraid to look at them. I am resistant to change because it seems to me to be futile, and that each attempt at change only serves to further open myself up to ridicule. To people who do not feel this way, I must be ridiculous, and the immediate knee-jerk response, if there is any response at all, is that I am wrong. People are capable of all these things. Maybe then it is just me who is inept? I suppose that's better, isn't it?
And, of course, the lack of interaction makes me feel lonely. I've tried to reach out before in my own small ways. Every year I become more miserable. I wish I could see this world that I hate be destroyed in some kind of disaster. For now I will just do my part by deliberately disposing of recyclable items in the trash.
The winter really makes my depression worse
I just don't want to socialize with anyone anymore , or at least for now
It's been over a year and I still miss my baby
Gorgeous…they look exactly like my baby girl that died last summer. She was 18 and I had her my whole life. We will always miss our babies.