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Quitting CyberStalking and Creeping Anonymous 4905

I know there are a few threads about cyberstalking and creeping already but can we have a thread where we only discuss strategies to quit doing this?

I feel like I see a lot of posts here and on LC about wanting to quit but all the resources out there are for the stalking victims or how to stop looking up your ex bf on social media after a breakup.

It's not something you can easily discuss with anyone IRL, especially if they don't understand sites like LC, KF, PULL, or just why you might become obsessed with a random person online.

Stalkers are treated as creeps to be hated without any consideration that they might not like what they are doing and want to quit before it escalates or ruins lives.

Feel free to vent, do daily check ins, and share tips and resources.

If anyone has a success story, they are also welcome.

Anonymous 4907

I recently relapsed and looked up my groomer again but what helps me is, if I use social media, blocking him on everything he uses. FB has a good system where if you unblock someone you have to wait like 72 hours or something to reblock them so it's a barrier to me looking at his account.

I also block people that he knows so I'm not tempted to look at them either. If there are other specific sites you use you can use programs or your own browser to block them to give yourself a deterrent. Best of luck!!!

Anonymous 4932

>>4905
Recently I've started to feel exhausted to check up on this person, and it feels pointless to me now. It feels like it causes so much unnecessary stress that I don't feel any "satisfaction" from seeing it anymore. My habit of checking certain peoples accounts used to be bad, now it's gotten better, but it's not completely gone.

Chances are I might always be nosy and will never fully stop, who knows. But for the first time, I feel refreshed when I manage to go a while without looking, and I feel a bit icky when I do.

Anonymous 4933

>>4932
>It feels like it causes so much unnecessary stress that I don't feel any "satisfaction" from seeing it anymore.
I feel this so much. I realized recently that I really dislike all the people I stalk to the point that it causes stress after I read them due to the knowledge that people that terrible are out there blending in with supposedly normal people. The thing is though, there are interesting nuggets of information from time to time that help piece together a better understanding of them.

It feels a bit like being a poor lab rat in a psychology experiment, where the rat knows that if it presses the lever enough times a dopamine hit will eventually come out. If I visit their pages enough times, a juicy snippet will appear (though I have to endure countless stressing pieces of info first). I guess it’s like a gambling addiction but all that I’m wasting is time and energy.

Every time I try to stop, I get so curious about what they are up and end up snooping, even though they have never done anything all that interesting, ever. I wish I could just forget they ever existed. It’s been going on for years and years now to the point that it’s an integral part of my life, which is horrifying to think about.

Anonymous 4943

This is a good article that goes into the causes of stalking and how it is treated:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/3k94wj/psychology-of-stalking-treatment

tl;dr
>stalkers get the same pleasure over and over from having contact with the victim, unknown why it doesn’t diminish
>stalkers often have poor childhoods
>stalkers have poor personal relationships and the “bond” with the victim is one of the few relationships they have
>stalkers don’t have much going on in their life except stalking

According to the article, stalking treatment needs to be personalized from person to person but it seems that keeping busy and forming new interpersonal bonds is a good starting place.

Anonymous 4945

>>4943
Forgot to say, they recommend not quitting cold turkey but slowly decreasing the amount you check.

Anonymous 4946

>>4943
I really liked your lab rat analogy. Part of the reason I keep tabs on people the way I do is because I also feel as though it helps me gain a better understanding of these types of people with the information I come across. It's very enticing, and losing the curiosity is difficult.

>>4943
Fascinating article, thank you for sharing. Some of it hit close to home. I wonder how many of us have the same traits in common? Although it doesn't seem like there are many posters in this thread, here's some general questions you could answer if you'd like.

>What is your relation to the person you keep tabs on?

>Do you suffer from mental illness?
>How do you occupy your time when not engaging in this type of behavior? (Hobbies, social life, school, etc.)
>Do you feel as though your behavior has caused someone harm? Do you feel guilt?

I'll start:
>What is your relation to the person you keep tabs on?
Honestly, I would rather not say.

>Do you suffer from mental illness? Have you underwent a traumatic experience?

Yes, I have a personality disorder as well as OCD, stemming from childhood trauma.

>How do you occupy your time when not engaging in this type of behavior? (Hobbies, social life, school, etc.)

I do not have much of a social life since I left school. I have a job, and I spend some of my time playing games or watching shows. I think that if I had more hobbies, I might not feel such an urge to do this.

>Do you feel as though your behavior has caused someone harm? Do you feel guilt?

I'm not sure. I make sure to have little to no contact with this person outside of looking at their social media, so I'm careful to avoid doing anything blatant and scary, like sending letters. But I often have paranoid thoughts that this person has somehow caught on to what I am doing.

And, I do think that my behavior is wrong. I think it would make my skin crawl if someone was doing this to me, so I want to try and stop this behavior.

Anonymous 4947

>>4946
>What is your relation to the person you keep tabs on?
I've cycled through a few different people (usually only stopping when the info dries up). Right now my two major people are a fake friend from school who I now realize was more of a bully and I was too dumb to see it. The other is someone I used to work with but only actually met a couple of times. There was kind of a rivalry between us and they bullied me a bit too.

I think for both of them I am trying to understand what made them treat me that way. On r/stalking they mention that the stalker puts the victim on a pedestal and I can see that for both of them as well. They both excelled in areas that I struggled so I suppose there is a big element of jealousy there.

>Do you suffer from mental illness?

I have ADHD and Aspergers. I guess those are more disorders than illnesses? Symptoms of these are long and short term obsessions and needing more reasons to be able to accept something than an ND person would (maybe to do with not being able to read between the lines). I guess the people I am stalking are obsessions and I keep searching for "answers" as to why they treated me that way and were able to do things I couldn't.

>How do you occupy your time when not engaging in this type of behavior? (Hobbies, social life, school, etc.)

I meet the description in the article pretty well. I have a remote job but I only work sporadically (depending when work is available). It's hard for me to work anything in person as I just end up annoying everyone somehow. I don't have many hobbies as interests are more like current obsessions for me. I either spend all of my time on it or none at all. I don't really have any friends though I am ok with this as I find more people painfully boring.

>Do you feel as though your behavior has caused someone harm? Do you feel guilt?

For one of the people, yes by exposing what a terrible person they are. I don't think I can say they deserved it as no one deserves to be treated poorly but I couldn't have done it if they didn't do these things first.

I agree that the behavior is wrong and that I wouldn't want it myself. I do feel guilt over it.

Anonymous 5053

>>4947
> I guess the people I am stalking are obsessions and I keep searching for "answers" as to why they treated me that way and were able to do things I couldn't.

I’ve been thinking more about this and while I think I have gotten some clues, I think I just have to learn to accept that I’m never going to have all the answers I want.

Recently the former fake friend I was following justified her cyberbullying someone else with the exact same excuse she used for bullying me many years ago. She’s posted about being bullied herself too and I’d convinced myself that she must have grown as a person but she hasn’t.

The other person I follow is the same. No emotional growth and continues to treat others badly yet cries about how people are terrible to them, often in the exact same way.

I think I just have to accept that they both treated me poorly because there is something lacking in their brains that prevents them from seeing other people’s perspectives and growing as a person. They are both incredibly self involved and will step on anyone if they think it will get them ahead. I’m not like that and my brain just can’t make the connections to justify that.

Instead of focusing on other people, I need to look inside more and spend my time doing things for me. I shouldn’t be wasting my time on energy on people who wouldn’t even piss on me if I was on fire.

Instead of keeping these people mentally present in my life, I need to put distance between us and be thankful that they can never harm me again.

Anonymous 5058

>>5057
I feel like you are venting about personal experiences or have just misunderstood my situation. I don’t disagree that following someone’s posts is bad (that’s the whole point of this thread) but I don’t think quietly following someone online to try and make sense of the past is the same as IRL bullying over years.

Anonymous 5063

Hi, I'm >>4946. Interesting new development - me and my 'person' have been exchanging messages over the past couple of weeks. I don't know how to feel. Though I am elated that we are speaking again, I feel like I have tainted any sort of relationship we could have had by being obsessive and stalkerish, even if they weren't aware of it (and hopefully never will be). It is a dilemma that exists almost entirely within my own conscience, and yet, it's powerful. I don't know if it's the right thing to do to stop talking to them.

>>5053
>I think I just have to accept that they both treated me poorly because there is something lacking in their brains that prevents them from seeing other people’s perspectives and growing as a person.
Unfortunately, there are many such cases. People like this are unable to change and grow because they are unwilling to see anything wrong with their behavior and treatment of others. I hope you are doing well, I think it will do you a lot of good to focus on yourself and on self improvement - this is what I am doing recently.

>They are both incredibly self involved and will step on anyone if they think it will get them ahead. I’m not like that and my brain just can’t make the connections to justify that.

This struck a chord with me, anon. I often feel the same way. It seems like most of the people who managed to get ahead in life did it through taking advantage and stepping on others. I don't think that I can bring myself do to things like this, but my position in life makes me miserable.

Anonymous 5064

>>5063
I suppose I should add a little bit of detail so I don't sound too creepy. Me and my 'person' had previously known each other at one point in life (which seems common with cases of obsessive checking like this), things fell apart, but recently I decided that I had enough of my own behavior and decided that I would try to reach out once again, and if it netted me a favorable outcome, then that's that. And if it didn't, then it's time for me to give up. It's strange that I'm lucky enough to have reached the favorable outcome.

Anonymous 5065

>>5063
>>5064
I’m glad to hear that things are changing for you too. Stalking feels a bit like being in limbo. They aren’t properly in or out of your life and it’s difficult to get out of it unless there is a big change.

Anonymous 5072

Question for this thread
At what point do stalkers leave you alone/move on? Should you tell a stalker there is no further chance of contact or reuniting?

I have a moid who I cut contact with about half a year ago who has messaged me several times since. Should I tell him to go away for good or continue not responding? When will he eventually give up?

Anonymous 5075

>>5072
Block on all platforms and ghost. Record past incidents and take screencaps of any new ones. Report to police.



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