>>125632
Dear nona
What did you do
-me

>>125633
Shut up

>>125635
:(

I wish I were able to remember your name, but a part of me knows that if I do I'll probably kms if I get to know that you're alive and still teaching and being around kids.

Did you leave me coz you were caught? You were the only person that took care of me even if you took advantage of a little kid.

I still remember the day that I went to ask at the teachers lounge about you, the widening eyes that I got from the other adults that day haunt me to this day. Did they know all this time and no one did anything? I never said anything since mom was threatening me all the time, how many times she made me go to the bathroom forcing me to open my legs to check if I was getting molested, forcing me to pee since she noticed that I had pain while doing so. How many times she grabbed my arm and my hair shaking me demanding to tell who was touching me back then, of course I didn't say anything, now that I'm older I asked my dad after a long time not talking since I was 15 years old, I asked him: Dad, do you remember when mom used to grab me and check me down there when i was in kindergarden? Something that is so stupid, all these years thinking that what happened was something that somehow I made up in my head by how fucked up my life is without the csa, he confirmed me that it happened a lot back then.

I'll always feel as bad as if I were the abuser myself.
Am I as sick as you? For letting me do all the things we did coz I liked it? I always feel ashamed of myself being part of it, a willing little retard, it felt good, I was comfy around you.
You saw the bruises that she always left on me from time to time by how angry she was at me for doing little mistakes, I still remember the day that she left a bruise on my right eye for just exchanging my tie for a day with a classmate coz I was trying to make a friend, instead of listening to me, she thought I just changed it forever and punched my 6 years old face as if I'd committed the worst crime a kid would do; I remember the day that the teacher noticed and in parent's meeting she got scolded in front of everyone at the reunion, thanks to that teacher she just began beating me in places no one would see, but you saw them, and you were the unique person that I was able to cry with, you were the unique adult that would listen to me and didn't treat me as nothing.

You were my only friend, how many times I called you dad while you said don't call me that? I loved your stupid face, Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

on god i am escaping samsara. the eclipse season was the crossroads to my new life.

>>120666
i wish i looked like that

my last ex cheated on me constantly during our relationship. there was one girl in particular that to this day if i had one wish to murk someone off the face of the planet and erase from existence, its her.

she was someone that my ex pit me up against as worthy for his affection, and she loved i guess the thrill of having someone in a relationship talk about choosing her over me and also actively cheating on top of that.

even talking about it now makes me upset.
yes i do go to counseling actively to process it all before anyone asks.

>>120663

Everybody has wanted to kill AT LEAST once in their life, but it’s taboo in polite society so the only people who admit it are loners who have nothing to lose from saying it like us (and the incels)

When I was a kid like 8-12 I'd always think about killing people, when I was bored in class I'd look at people one by one around the room and decide who I'd shoot and who I'd shoot twice. In church bored I'd look at the pillars and think about the people I hated most that week and imagine hanging them on the pillars, there were ~6 pillars so only room for 6 or so people

I planned to kill my mom when I was 14.

But I had a reason, she was storming the house, throwing shit around, she used to grab my stuff and throw it outside all coz my father cheated on her; along with the beatings and insults as usual against me (she loves moids, doesnt care about her daughter aka me).

I stood in a corner with a knife for a few mins that felt like hours when I had to take care of her after her suicide attempt with klonopin lmao of course she didn't do well since she is still alive, thought about smothering her too, kinda felt anger mostly but then I was like "man jail doesnt feel worth at all".

Still sometimes kinda wish she were dead, I left the house when I was 20 yo but still, she surely fucked me up for years and now I live with all the shit she did on me.

at this point a mod has gone through and deleted an actual moid's posts while sparing mine, so I'm assuming they checked my post history and confirmed I am actually a woman (ty mod if I have this correct). this tin foil hat shit is just derailing the thread. you ppl act like I don't agree that 99% of moids belong in a dumpster. does that mean I'll tell my daughter that finding love is a lost cause? no bc I am not a doomer or some kind of female separatist. if love is actually something you're interested in then just be intentional about where you're looking for it (ie don't go wherever the men have time to watch porn 24/7). it's quite simple.

>>125703
>If you are really smart and naturally suspicious, with really high standards? Go for it. But that already doesn't sound like op.

I agree with nona about this so maybe we should just leave it at that. I guess I overestimated ppl's mental capacity here.

>>125710
It doesn't matter how much money they have if they are intolerable. We can all be guaranteed the money obsessed gargoyle will be maga these days. Money isn't shit to me if theid whole universe is a blackpill copium and I have to live the rest of my life with a Republican dirtbag

>>125717
I mean good god "just a pick some finance moid and throw out any other standard " is only a call you make if you're destitute from southeast Asia ( even then they usually clue in to the maga crap, decide to just pump and dump him and escape for their lives)

>>125713
But you just implied we should settle for mr. moneybags who is never home .. ? If I have to wait until he leaves to be happy what is the point?? lmao??

>>125713
>I guess I overestimated ppl's mental capacity here.
most of the people's rhetoric here consists of calling you a moid whenever your opinion slightly deviates from theirs. it's pointless to discuss anything in earnest with someone like @07 or @11 whose posts may as well be identical if you really get down to their point

my vagina hurts when i feel sad like actually

>>125654

Passing down the bloodline obviously. I don’t care if people think it’s bad to say but it has to be said. You really are a nihilistic ghoul if you’d disagree with that.

And it’s kind of an unspoken truth but on both sides of the family me and my brother are the last hopes to pass down the bloodline. Our maternal cousin is a bastard buffoon and our paternal cousin is an affair baby.

But no… my brother doesn’t see that. He just wants to live in LA LA land bossing around coke-snorting meat puppets making propaganda in a job that will eventually be forcefully replaced by AI pushed by the corporate deep state.

Meanwhile I actually want to make something of my miserable self so I can have something to show for my life even as I die alone. I’m studying for the SCIENCES so I can at least have a sliver of a chance of not ending up a junkie on the street!

I have a cold and I'm on my period but I have things I still have to do.

>>125681
I watched a documentary the other day about homelessness in the US and there was a fentanyl addict who was was injecting the stuff into his gangrenous leg, there were flies buzzing around his decomposing legs and they even showed him injecting it into the decaying flesh, it was horrifying, afterwards he'd lift his leg to let the fentanyl enter his bloodstream, he said he knew that he was dying but he was fine with it as long as he could get his next fix

I think if you force yourself to fulfil some so called inherent responsibility you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. You might end up settling for someone you wouldn't normally settle for and then your bloodline will be screwed either way, like your weird family members lol

>>125686
Oh, who CARES about standards!
This is Crystal.cafe we’re taking about here. We all have our issues that have made us turn to the image boards for social interaction. I’m not looking for some 6’4” hunk making six figures. At this point, I’m looking for anything legal with a pulse!

Only thing is, nobody wants me back. All of the guys in my area seem taken(I may be desperate, but I’m no mistress) and the LGBTQ+ dating circuit is even worse.

Not to mention, the only thing even close to romance I’ve ever had was when I went to this queer kids hangout space and I met with this other kid there. They seemed older than they actually were (Looked high school, actually 8th grader) and I was 16. Was blossomed eventually was that they become hopelessly infatuated with me. But then, they revealed their true age! There was some law I could use to salvage the whole thing, the Romeo and Juliet laws, if we would have even ever gotten to the point at all, but no! My miserable mother dashed the hopes of the whole thing because, “we couldn’t afford a legal team!”

But going back to what you said…
If you’re not having a family, then what are you even DOING?! For most human beings passing down the bloodline is their only major act that really affects the world, I will be no exception. Plus, nobody these days understands the utter permanence of death especially the death of the bloodline!! Cold, empty death! It is an utter void of nothingness that you never return from! The only respite is the continuation of the bloodline, so you at least have the comfort that some sliver of you is still out there. And besides, it is completely evolutionarily mandated that you reproduce! That is the purpose of every organism, SCIENCE says so! Come on! This wasn’t even a disputed matter fifty years ago!

Maybe, fifty years ago, childless people could coast through the rest of their empty lives on friends and coworkers and the government. But the free ride is over! It’s! Every! Bloodline! For! Themselves!!!

>>125591
I really try to keep my mouth shut as I don't want to gatekeep loneliness or step on anyone's toes, but that is a shitty 4chan redpill incel image made to imply all women are constantly showered with gentlemanly love and respect they're taking for granted and only pretending to be lonely due to "impossible standards" or "only wanting chad/tyrone/prince charming". I come here to get away from scrote bullshit lies about having a "tutorial mode" life. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting, I'll probably regret being a spergy asshole about it later, but I still hate memes like that. I hate how men try to gaslight women into thinking you're entitled, shallow or stuck up for not settling with some loli porn addict who never bathes and doesn't even view you as a sentient human. They only want to nut in something and leave, and I'm supposed to be grateful and not feel lonely about that arrangement for supposedly being better than nothing. But if I did let that happen instead of being "stuck up", they'd hate me for being a "whore" and "used up" as well. It's bonkers. Whoever said men are logical was the greatest conman who ever lived.

>>125602
tldr lol. get a job pls

>>125657
she's right you know.

>>125659
I second this.

The sad thing is that many man find platonic, emotionaly mature and empathic relations with other man because lust do not take over them. But here I am gatekeeped by nature, doomed to be seen as meat by those I want love from

>>124487
I don't think he truly was attracted to me, at least not physically. He would only call me hot when I did something or said something that wasn't sexual or arousing at all. He just really liked me for what I thought, did and said; Never for how I looked. Your ex sounds awful too. Was he into weird things? My ex grew up isolated and never had a gf before, so there might be a correlation.
>>124523
>>124525
He was perfect in every way, and he wasn't asexual or low libido. He would get turned on from me doing or saying the most mundane things. I never even had to dress up for him. His arousal for me felt completely out of love and not lust, it felt weird because I never dated a demisexual before. He would plan out romantic trips, seduced me and made sure I never felt insecure, but he didn't lust for me. When I broke up with him he understood it too, he told me it happens all the time.

>>124551
Sounds like hell. You deserved better.

No, it is not wrong of you but it is a tad unrealistic of a goal to find both spontaneous attraction of high strength and attraction to you as a person together in a long term or life partner. Typically that is a recipe for inability to back off.
Send the demisexual men over to me.

>>124559
>Send the demisexual men over to me.
What's your contact? I'll tell him to reach out.

>>124548
What do Muslims have to do with any of this. Act normal

Why does he not like mogeko games?

same but we are 3 years in ahahaha

So let me preface this by saying I’m fat. Always have been. Anyways I remember having sex with this guy and after, while I was laying in his lap. He was like looking at my face and goes “you’re actually really pretty.” I think about that probably once a day. I probably would have been a Stacey if my cousins didn’t molest me and cause me to have really bad issues with binge eating.

>>125663
You had literally your entire life to lose weight though if I understand this right

I hate thinking about how messed up I am in comparison to my siblings. I downright have a deformity while they look normal, attractive even. It's so unfair

It's a curse! I bet I wouldn't have been this mentally ill if I wasn't so disgusting looking since such a young age. I can't even romanticize my misery with such a repulsive face. Pretty people have no idea how much better they have it even in suffering

>>125656
this isn’t helpful but your life sounds straight out of a coming-of-age film lol. can i ask how old you are…? just really curious

>>125668
although i wouldn't recommend gilman for her literary merits, but for the exceptional character of her work - feminist, but only in the sense that women are people - complete legal independence, and certainly emancipation, of women, not qua women, but qua humans - and (unlike her best-known works which are shorter and didactic in character) novels are some of first female-only human societies imagined

My answer depends on this: why are you a neet.

I can hardly immerse myself in anything. Most I do is think and think and think

>>125672
too bad! do it NOW
go to library and do not bring any phone or ordinator and you will have a gay time

>>125672
I like the days where that doesn’t happen to me.