june, set to blow the monies i'd hoarded from months of pulling all nighters for my shit job at the slop factory which sadly qualifies as the first real corpo position i'd occupied till then at the ripe age of 27 following many failed gigs as a pseudo-slave at other slop factories churning scientific papers bound for the inter-galactic vortex of anonimity known as international conferences (run-on sentence DONE!), when my handler goes "no can do. project needs getting done!". mother's visa flushed down the toilet along the half baked plans to go beach hopping in lisbon, saint tropez and some other place.
ex-situationship which got the door closed on his ass the night brother got his first psychotic break and was put on hold for slitting wrists, texts that he's getting engaged to be married. yes. manwhore won. pathetic but i acknowledge i am not even close in that race since i'd cloistered myself under a blanket of contempt for all scrotes. reject call. will not feign interest.

pinching pennies seems worth it when we fart out another plan for august to go to JAPAN. yes. a life long dream about to come true. count the days. finger myself on the days coming up to my leave. fly out with the family. birthday halfway. yippie. wake up and masturbate up to a climax unseen in years. hotel pillows firm enough for that. of course, brother gets a psychotic episode the day of, in the foreign country notorious for poor english use. parents' neuroticism justifiably goes though the roof. nervous system is akin to that of some rabbit getting skinned alive. scrote wins again. scrote wins again. even if scrote got diddled in the ass by stepbrother at 11 he managed to make it to functional adulthood with faculties intact. vacation done. drag self home where anti-psychotics are out of stock. Yip-fucking-yie.

i need to get another job. i need to put my people face on and grovel in people's linkedIn profiles.

>>133265
I'm sure you can ask some guy to pretend to be dating you for 5 minutes

I met this moid online and we had spoken before but things ended terribly when I told him I didn’t think things would work out between us and he proceeded to crash out for the next 4 days about it until he eventually got mad enough to block me. I come from a religious family and this also being a long distance thing would just complicate things further. We sexted a lot but I didn’t really see us really having much shared interests
and it seemed like we both only liked the sexual validation we got from each other. He was also incredibly clingy and I mean like beyond normal. I felt like I couldn’t be away for more than 30 minutes before he asked where I went and so I had to lie about having been working in order to just get some time to myself. After things had ended he kept trying to message me across various accounts for months and they eventually got really bad and he would tell me to kill myself and call me all sorts of shit. It was unprovoked and honestly really scary and hurtful since it just felt uncalled for. I remember the day that we had ended things was also apparently the anniversary of his mothers death which I didn’t even know about but i remember he kept bringing it up at the time to make me feel bad. We had rekindled things briefly a few months ago before he crashed out and got angry at me again because I didn’t respond to his message for a few hours. After that we didn’t talk again for months and I didn’t want anything to do with him. He’d still message me and send all sorts of shit but I’d just ignore it. We recently rekindled because we started to talk again on the site we had met on but he proceeded to get angry at me again because I told him I had been running errands and I didn’t respond to him for about 3 hours. He for some reason would always think I’d be lying to him about doing things. He called me a dumb bitch and was just being nasty overall so I stopped talking to him obviously. Idk what compelled me to reach out to him again though. He had no intentions of even apologizing and I sent him messages explaining why I felt hurt and why I removed him from everywhere which he didn’t even bother to read in his own words. I still don’t know why I did this but I reached out again 2 weeks later and we made up. I don’t even recall him apologizing or anything we just sort of moved on and started to talk again.

Now fast forward over a month later and we have each others numbers and talk every day and he intends on seeing me atPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>133269
i don't think clinginess and jealousness are so bad, but it has to be mutual! my girlfriend and i are extremely EXTREMELY clingy over each other, and we're also best friends, so we just spend all of our free time together happily!

from my experience, what you're going through is unsustainable, and will end up with you being used… i think it'd be better for you to stay single. personally, i'd rather be single than in a shitty relationship. you don't need the validation of others! life is best shared, but a good best friend is always better than some moid who just wants you for sex.

have standards! don't date every best friend, but someone being your best friend should be a prerequisite for dating :)

>>133269
if this post isn't bait :

it sounds like you already know what this situation is
he's a narcissist and you're trauma bonded
your healthy impulse to leave isn't """avoidant"""
don't go to that damn hotel you're gonna get snuffed, go to the police and file a complaint
trust the multitude of inconsistencies between his words and his acts : you are nothing but an object to him

I dont trust psychiatrists/therapists at all. Unless someone has schizophrenia or something I feel therapy is largely unnecessary and self indulgent

I have been going for a year but I think I need a break. It feels like another task now and I feel like I say things to get kudos and praise even if it’s not true. I hate being a people pleaser.

I'm going there as a part of "working on myself" to work on my avoidant attachment but I'm not sure I expect progress. anyone have a good experience with it?

therapy is only helpful if you need coaching on how to make healthier decisions, but ultimately you need to get to a place where you can do things independently and don't have to pay for a support system.

i feel like people who are in therapy for 30+ years a re being scammed, unless they're like severely ill and have no one.

i only work with psychiatrists that are very, very conservative in their prescribing and take what i need help with into consideration, and do not have some sort of weird narrative about me.

it takes time to find the right provider unfortunately, but i am grateful for my current shrink because he actually listens to me about my PMDD and mental afflictions.

he doesn't view me as broken, just someone who could benefit from some medical interventions so i'm not suffering all the time.

i hate ssris tho. those are kinda scammy if you take them longterm. good habits and sobriety will get u there imo after ur baseline is sorted with learning how to be disciplined. discipline is a skill rooted in compassion and takes time like any other. you can't really force the process.

lamictal has helped me a lot, as well as gabapentin and a minipill for my pmdd. i feel lowkey halfway cured and i just started everything like 2 weeks ago. i just need to build better habits.

i'm 1.5 abstinent from drugs too and it helped to not complicate my brain as much.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Licensed therapists are a lot cheaper than psychologists and psychiatrists. Started seeing one after my mental break in January. Doing a lot better now but had two instances of near relapse so I'm continuing with it for now. The one I have is actually conscientious about cost and whether or not I actually need to keep going at the same rate. She was the one who suggested I might be good to drop from weekly to biweekly and we've discussed going to monthly but I don't feel ready for that yet.

I was working as a TA while doing my Masters and he was studying for his second undergrad in one of my labs. I don't think there was ever one thing he did to convince me he wasn't using me, but I think I realised it after he camped out for a week while I was managing a work placement out in the middle of no where, just so we could be together during my breaks and time off. He knew he'd only get to see me for a few hours a day and he wasn't getting any sex, but it was more important to him to just be with me. I never thought he was actually attracted me for the first 6 months or so of our relationship, because I'm pretty hideous, but I think it was just the comments he made about things I did and how they made him feel toward me. I'd had drunk guys try to fuck me, thinking I'd be grateful, but no one had ever actually been able to bring themselves to desire me, instead of a piece of my body.

>>132875
What a charming story. See? Not every guy is bad

He is attracted to me and I’m attracted to him. Neither one of us is beautiful, but we’re young and in decent shape. Most importantly, we have a mutual emotional attachment. Beauty captivates people, but so does humanity. It’s possible to be loved for other qualities. There will always be a more beautiful woman, but they won’t have your personality. As you get older, and as you love longer, you have more to lose in the other person because they become a part of you.

>>133258
A very charming post!

im a non native english speaker i was so confused i thought it was a thread only for children to post on lmao

googoogaga

>>133133
Maybe you smell strange

>>133133
Own it. Bitches hate you cause they know you're the prettiest and they're scared.

Either you're making them jealous, or you have a weird funk.

>>133004
Congratulations

>>133006
Thanks, it really is good news for me. I even would be a bit disappointed my results came back negative. Even though this is a bit scary in some ways.
Also, now nobody can use my technical interests or weird taste in clothes on CC against me because being pregnant is the ultimate proof of being a woman. Fuck you guys.

>>133012
I don't see any proof.

This is going to be extremely niche slander but it amuses me how white "nationalist" moids from my Eastern European country are always cucking themselves in favor of North-Western Europeans.
They boast about passing as Scandis, they make cute maps that show which nationality migrating would be the most desirable (ofc it's all the NWers, like, GERMANS PLEASE COME OVER HERE AND FUCK OUR WOMEN!!! kek) and so on, implicitly assuming another nation's superiority above theirs. Some nationalists these people are.

I'm not a nationalist btw but I have been constantly online from my very childhood, and most of the time was spent in the most psyopped corners of Internet possible. So.

male cashier smiled at me and clearly wanted me today. so long losers

Insightful.

I'm the joker baby

>>133222
>don't interact with anything that gives you excessive, undue feelings.
You mind explaining exactly what you mean by this?

>>133240
not OP but I know this feel. I ruminate way to much on awkward or uncomfortable interactions with people. by doing so I relive these negative moments constantly and keep experiencing anxiety, fear, guilt, shame, anger that makes my daily life more difficult. in the meantime the other person probably doesn't even remember it happening.

Yeah no I’m not protecting my sanity everyone can touch it if they want. I’m pimping my sanity out. Anyone can tell me horrific things and tell me the earth is ran by lizard moids and I’ll believe them

>>131719
In computer security, an attack vector is a specific path, method, or scenario that can be exploited to break into an IT system, thus compromising its security.
In health and disease transmission, a vector is a living organism that carries and transmits an infectious pathogen to another living organism

Why do you have to keep showing up in my dreams? Not only that, my subconscious humanizes in a way that isn't true to you, setting me up for disappointment again and again.
It's like I miss something that has never existed.

I wish we could keep talking, but i understand why you hate me, nothing really changed but i get that you don't want to keep being second in my heart. if only the distance was not an entire ocean, i'd help you grow and show you real love. i wish we could still talk, I miss you, M

I miss you.

I wish other people hadn't broken and ruined me. You had more patience for me than anyone else despite all the years of trauma have have piled up on me mentally.

No one else will ever love me the way you did and I wish I was in better condition to receive that love instead of running away. I'm sorry.

Even if I come out of therapy renewed and whole again I'll still feel like killing myself up because I fucked up so badly.

R,

I like to think that my life's improved since then. I still get depressed sometimes but I'm doing way better now. I've been diagnosed with autism and I've been going to therapy. I'm doing fine career-wise. I feel like I luckily won't ever reach that low, ever again.
Although everything's changed, I do sometimes still think about you. I wonder what you've been up to. Sometimes I'd just like to have a chat with you, as friends. I hope you're ok.

H

>>132028
This is a common tactic used by narcissists. The "old him" didn't exist, it's a facade.

>>132323
If she is in love with the facade of a narcisist and is ready to pay the price, let her be in love with what that man pretend to be. The choice belong to her.
I somehow find it beautiful.

you deserve better and you will definitely find better. leave this relationship before it messes you up long term. being alone is hard at first but it's a kind thing to do to yourself over facing abusive bs like this

>>132022
can you give me a tldr version?

>ghosts you for 5 days for talking to a friend
And you think you have BPD? No. You aren't crazy or overreacting. He's manipulated you and doesn't love you. He just wants a woman to walk all over. Never give him another chance.