/b/ - Random

>>269449
i have bad abandonment issues. Basically with anyone. I couldn't really be real or talk deeply/honestly with anyone for a long time. Usually opening up with people like my parents would just cause me to cry and breakdown/ freakout and break things.

Fear is difficult because getting over it just amounts to exposing yourself. If you want to not fear women leaving you you have to open yourself up to women and face your fear (and your psychology will see that women dont always lead to pain). The most you can do other then this is pacing yourself (babysteps), and setting up safety nets around you so when someone abandons you you'll have support to pick yourself up and keep going (usually family). But sometimes that's not always possible.

I mean, this is also just me applying whats worked for me to your situation. For me getting rejected also helped; it conquered the fear in the other direction I guess, where when the fear DID happen i could deal with it better and better. tbh this second part helped me the most, as i would often get abandoned, and now it doesnt hurt as much and dont fear it happening.

ya…

>>269449
Yeah I can't trust women anymore, I've had a cunt fuck/steal my bf twice now so I pretty much don't trust any of them and am hyper paranoid. Helps to realize these are just mental adaptations in life. People can tell you it's wrong, but it's just how your brain adapts so you don't get hurt again. You stick your finger in the fire and it gets burnt, eventually you learn to stop doing it.

>>269470
>Family support system.

I wish nona… I learned what an abortion was when my mom would regularly tell me as a small child she wished she aborted me. There is no support there. My only hope is with friendships.

>>269483
>need friends to help make friends
honestly, i feel like abandonment issues/extreme loneliness/child abuse to lesser or greater degree is so common these days that its just universal at this point. Everyone is alone man, and nobody knows how to make actual relationships, and everyone is scarred from being hurt by others. Unless something to gain is involved (sex for men, excitement and social games or something for women) nobody knows how to talk to others for their own sake.

Im sorry your mom said that to you :(

>>269495
>Social games
can you explain that one? Like do you mean like that thing girls would do in high school to have a large quantity of friends but they wouldn't actually bond?
>Excitement
Maybe I'm weird but I don't see anything wrong with doing something fun with a friend. I'm kind of a homebody so I wouldn't expect my, for lack of a better term, "ideal female friend", to want to go on like crazy adventures or something. In a perfect world I'd just like to go on long walks/bike rides in the woods and just talk about life and maybe like debate philosophy or something.

I don't want to use someone for friendship? I don't think? I don't know… I wouldn't mind someone using me for friendship I don't think, but maybe that's kind of toxic to even consider the word 'used' non expoitative.

It's all so confusing. I just wanna walk in the woods and talk about anthropology, feminism and Sonic the Hedgehog…………………….. I think I'm a lost cause……….

>>269503
Generally what i meant is that if it stops becoming fun for some reason they leave you. I did that to a friend in highschool who went through something similair probably to you, im not sure if its right to call myself a real friend.

I mean, you know, are their clubs or something around you? At least around here with those interests you'd find friends easily, not even close to a lost cause.

>>269518
>clubs around you?
Maybe, but I do live in the middle of nowhere.

>>269518
Also, do you ever feel bad about leaving your friend in high school? Would you ever reconnect with her or are you scared that even with an apology you feel like the damage has already been done? I find that men are more forgiving in that regard. But that could just be because Im female and men tend to have ulterior motives.

>>269495
>Everyone is alone man, and nobody knows how to make actual relationships, and everyone is scarred from being hurt by others.

I felt that so much.

I have that whole 'fear of women, despite being one' mindset myself. Except I never really had female friends, apart from a few online friendships all of whom have ghosted me by now (I still miss them tbh), but never irl ones. I have pretty bad social anxiety, in part from being bullied relentlessly growing up, by guys and girls both. But my main issue I think, is that I was never properly socialized as a female and I missed that whole window growing up where you learn to be a normal girl. My mom died when I was very young so I was raised by a single father who regretted having me and he just spent a lot of time either avoiding me or yelling at me. I didn't have close relatives either so I never had a strong female role model at any point. So I just became this loser whose only real social interactions were online and I got all my mannerisms and interests from there, which are not exactly typical ones for women.

Anytime I tried to get into a social situation, I felt a bit more relaxed around guys since they usually seemed more accepting, but many women put off this bitchy seeming attitude. Not all of them, I've also ran into the ones that seemed ok but it's like, yeah they'll be nice to your face but it's only for this one casual social situation in particular then they clearly would never want anything to do with me again. Anyway I realized that I got to the point I was too anxious even posting anything online anymore. I don't even keep social media accounts due to the lack of friends and anxiety over that whole situation. So I started trying to expose myself more by posting on all kinds of unfamiliar forums and chats so I don't get too far gone. One of these recently led to an irl meetup, no particular focus just local people trying to get to know eachother. It was super awkward but I tried to focus on talking only to the other women and yeah I would freeze up alot and when I actually said something they clearly thought it was weird and sometimes didn't understand me. I mean they didn't say that outright but I just know. And some of those girls seemed snobbish like at least one point I felt like one was making fun of me indirectly but not all of them were like that. Anyways when I'm in these situations I feel almost like I'm roleplaying as a woman but people can tell it's a badly done disguise. If that makes any sense. Anyway I rambled long enough, if you made it this far feel free to tell me if you have any thoughts on this.

>>269449
I'm sorry nona. I'm in a similar boat, though I never attributed it to "fear," though reading what you typed out makes me think maybe that is what I'm dealing with.

I was sexually abused by multiple girls growing up, and it made it to where I was repulsed by them. Sleepovers were scary because that was always when I was assaulted. There were 3 different girls through those years who befriended me and assaulted me over the years. I think I thought that was just how female friendship were supposed to be.

It happened to me all the way up into about my first year of high school, which is when I got a boyfriend and finally realized what I had been going through all those years prior.

All of my male friends had been really important to me, and ironically THEY were the ones who never tried anything inappropriate with me. They were always my closest loved ones.

Now that I am older and radical feminist leaning, it's a total mindfuck. From a distance, I love women and want better for all of us, but I think I'm incapable of actually ever being close with one. I have a terrible weird relationship with my mother and sister as well.

It's impossible to make any feminist friends and be able to talk about my experience of being molested by other girls, all of whom turned out to be lesbians. I don't hate lesbians but I do have trauma around them that makes me a bad candidate for radfem circles. Plus the fact that while I agree most men are pigs, the few close friends I have had in my life were all moids who didn't do anything to hurt me.

I'm just a very lonely feminist.

I've just given up on ever having friends again. I've made peace with it. I like my husband, and I have a few guys I chat with on a friendly basis about nerdy stuff. I am just completely repulsed by getting close at all with another woman on a friendly basis.

My advice to you is to immerse yourself in your hobbies. Nature and animals have been a godsend to me. In particular I recommend bonding with some female animals, as if you're anything like me the bias against women even extends to animals. But female animals can't disappoint you like people can. That might sound insane but it has helped me some. Wish you the best.

>>269534
I definitely feel bad, there was a moment a while ago where i really regretted it and wished I could somehow be talking to them again. Im really not sure how it would go talking to them….

>>269612
im really not sure how it would go though* repeated words….

yeah i'm scared of both men and other women

>>269612
You could always reconnect with them and just say you think about them and you feel bad about ghosting them. Idk. I had a lot of people ghost me and I just wanted to figure out why. Sometimes I'd even ask but never get a response.

>>269555
Hmmm… When I was younger I definitely messed around with girls despite the fact that I'm straight. It never bothered me because I was a pretty sexual person, but I could see how it might bother someone else. I had a lot of lesbian friends and admittedly I did notice a lot of them would be sexually aggressive and would lament to me about how they couldn't get with other women.

At this point in my life I'm not very touchy feely. I wouldn't be able to even hug someone unless they initiated it.

I have a romantic partner but for me it's not quite the same as a female friend. I'm not sure if he's a feminist but he doesn't like gender war stuff and is very respectful to women.

I have a ton of hobbies and live in nature. Ironically enough I have 2 female pets, one is annoyed by me and prefers my partner and the other is creepy and constantly tries to copulate with me. My favorite pet was a male….