/b/ - Random

Became a law student. God forbid became a lawyer at the shithole that I live. Had to drop out and start all again in another college

"You just need to keep going to church anon, you'll find a good Christian husband that will support you. :)"

Cue the following
>getting put into sex-segregated groups so it's impossible to form opposite sex friendships and relationships during middle school through early adulthood
>obvious disconnect with rich sporty normies vs me as a more secular computer nerd, or poorfag incel normies
>"how come your dad doesn't go to church with you?" (he is a hypocrite and has cheated on mom before, but this was kept from me when I was younger)
>changing churches doesn't really improve anything, there's just fewer people supporting Christianity at all anymore
>trying to hold a Christian image just repels me from people I do enjoy spending time with
>nosy mother keeps ripping me away from friends I like, is very unsupportive

I feel so fractured, like I was never what people thought of me, and I kind of hate myself a lot.

"Forgive people!! Forgiveness is good!"
Always from my religious friends. I have regretted literally every single person I've forgiven. If I had never forgiven my ex I would have never had to eventually get a restraining order to be away from him. Forgiveness is usually very overrated, of course some people deserve it but no one who has ever hurt me terribly that I've forgiven has made me not regret forgiving them.

>>140554
Well, I don't think forgiving your ex for something terrible is the same as jumping back into his arms and pretending he did nothing wrong. Forgiveness is something we should do for ourselves, not others. It is not about forgetting that someone wronged you, but accepting it happened and moving on. Letting things go allows us to not dwell on thoughts that would only harm us otherwise.

>>140569
That isn't the same as forgiveness at all. You can accept that something happened and move on without forgiving them. Why forgive a shitty person who's just going to be shitty again like most people do? You can just move on whilst still thinking they're a shit person and forgiving them is pointless since it only boosts their ego and makes them feel like they can get away with it again. This happens every time I forgive someone for something terrible so your response sux.

>>140514
Same for me but with medicine lmao

>>140663
I guess we just have different definitions of what forgiveness is, then. I don't think you have to say anything to anyone in order to forgive; the moment you accept and forgive, you just choose to let go of all the anger and resentment. You don't even need to see that person again (especially in your case , I'd say you shouldn't have seen them ever again, forgiving or not). I'm assuming your ex must have done something horrible. Of course, it would be dumb and even dangerous to keep this person in your life. However, in my opinion, forgiveness is not about that. Think about it: as shitty as this person is, after all they've done to you, they just went on living their lives, while YOU are the one that still has all those bad feelings. And hey, I'm not saying it's an easy thing, but one would assume that your friends said that with the best intentions in mind.

>>140672
I really don't see how any of that is forgiveness. I think forgiving bad people only makes them feel more justified in what they have done.

>Nona you have to study hard during HS so that you can get to a good university!
>You study for yourself, not for the school!

I was so nervous throught HS to get good grades from all subjects despite not being very good at math/physics/etc and its all for nothing. I got a accepted to a uni where my HS grades were not even considered, and hte one application I sent to a whatever school as a backup did not even accept me lol.
I should have just not cared, studied for the subjects I was actually gonna pursue later in life and just D the rest.

>>140672
>>140674
NTA but I see people use forgiveness in both senses. "Pretending you are friends now" is the church version and "moving on with you life" is the everywhere else version.

Fwiw, I think the "moving on with you life" version is healthy and actually good advice but the church one is not.

literally any advice anyone ever told me was bad advice growing up. the only good advice was little thing told to me from strangers i met on a rough day or online

My older sister who was in her late 20s made me not tell my parents when I was SA’d by a classmate when I was 16 and told me they’d get a heart attack if I did (my parents are rather old and sick) so I didn’t.
Until I was in my 20s, I told my dad because I was so torn up about it because I was raised super traditionally and I felt so disgusting and I wasn’t able to get over it and my dad wasn’t even angry at me or upset at me as I thought he’d be, he just accepted what happened and told me I should’ve said it earlier so I could’ve filed a report against my SAer.
So yeah, the worst advice I was ever given was from my older sister. Whenever I have panic attacks over what happened she flips on me and tells me I should’ve just gotten over what happened which just led to me being more sheltered as an adult.

>>140936
that's so awful :( if your sister didn't think your parents could take the news, at least she should've been the adult guiding you through that situation and possible methods of justice and retribution and healing, instead of acting like a douche all the way until now

>>140938
It’s okay, it’s just the way she is.
thank you for caring <3

>>140718
I'm with you. I've literally never been given good advice by friends or family. The only good advice came from strangers.

Probably the worst advice I was given was "talk to him and forgive him whilst you have the chance, if he doesn't pull through you'll have to live with the negativity your entire life" … So like an idiot I go to the hospital and tell him what raping me did to me and how it completely fucked over my ability to trust people. I told him that he was a massive piece of shit and that seeing him in that hospital bed was enough for me to believe that justice exists. I told him that if he pulled through he'd never be able to take back what he had done and I'd never let him forget it because I can't. Then couldn't bring myself to forgive him. The last thing I said before I left was "Do the world a favour and die you miserable prick." He died about an hour after I left. I think that killed him. Still, closure.

>>140987
I'm amazed people say shit like that. I don't believe ther is a reason to forgive anyone if you don't want to.

>>140663
forgiveness is a bizarre concept that barely makes sense, how do you even determine if you've forgiven someone? by saying "I forgive them?" lmao.
forget about that concept in its entirety and focus on moving on, forgiveness literally does not exist, its made up bullshit to keep you from moving on

>>141020
>>140995
I've wondered why it's used like this for awhile, but I think the problem is it's become a misnomer for what it actually is: getting over it.
If you are over something, it's a lot easier to forgive because it's become a small blip in your life, but people now stupidly think you can "speed up" that getting-over-it process by forgiving well before you actually feel able to. I think it's sheltered and vapid copy-paste advice to give.

Some people just deserve to burn in life and in death.

>>141020
It doesn't make sense in the context that it's frequently brought up in. Often when women say they are working towards forgiveness towards the people who have hurt them, they mean that they are coming to terms with it in themselves with the goal that the past will no longer inhibit them.

Forgiveness is one of those qualities that potentially exists when one considers the person who is being forgiven, or unforgiven, as an agent with free will, who is fallible but capable of reflection, and who strives for goodness. Forgiveness is the acknowledgement that the other person is a human and may slip up but ultimately has good intentions. Now, how many men do you know who meet a single criterion? More often than not, the thought process of males is: "I did it, so it was the right thing to do." They are incapable of introspection or understanding beyond this because they believe that they are never wrong, and that is why it is a waste of time to speak of forgiving men. When confronted with a logical explanation of what they did, the consequences of it, and why it was wrong, they will shut down and enter denial mode. Women are aware when they make mistakes, or if not immediately so, they are willing to accept that a mistake they did not recognize may have been made and are usually willing to listen to the other party. How they respond to that acknowledgement determines whether it is worthwhile to extend the olive branch. Sometimes forgiving people can be a positive experience, if it is applicable to the situation.

>tl;dr
It is not sensible to forgive men; they are not human.

my mum was like "naaah your tooth is fine, don't worry about it", so i delayed my wisdom tooth xray until recently where I decided her advice was bullshit based on what I can see in my mouth. wish i didn't because now i've got a whole bunch of upcoming appointments where i will have to talk, and i wish i could have had that tooth x-rayed then extracted earlier, instead of having to wait until the series of appointments end.

>>141020
It's basically just another one of these "legal fictions" that we use to balance out moral narratives that have gotten out of hand so we can put them in a box.

>>141084
Legal fictions apply exclusively in law. The way you use it waters it down closer to a… "cultural fiction" I guess?