Why do I feel so hopelessly alone? The tragic irony of an “independent woman” striving for love from a man.
When I caught him near or post-masturbation, after many conversations about attraction, our relationship, loyalty, I felt a numb sadness. 3.5 years, gone, because his dick is more important than our relationship. A relationship he will beg for when the time comes. His morning “coffee” after his morning coffee. An unnecessary indulgence, which many of us have been taught to think of as normal male behavior. Women don’t need to masturbate, but men do need to, and they need it every day. Let’s not kid ourselves.
Masturbation and porn will exist as long as sexual drive will exist, I acknowledge this. Every species on Earth that can, will. It’s what happens after, with humans, where life begins to tangle. If you live with your girlfriend, and you don’t touch her, and all you do is work, play video games, and jerk off, the girlfriend doesn’t exist anymore. She might as well treat you the same, and she will, until someone leaves. I don’t understand the unwillingness to reckon with consequences.
This feels like a cycle I can’t break. Reddit has ruined so many relationships I’ve had, and it feels impossible to uphold a modern relationship with common decency. I must look within myself to find the root of these mistakes I’ve made. I trust easily, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, until that trust is broken 10x over and my life is ruined my doubt and paranoia. My existence to him becomes a punchline.
What’s worse,he’s a kind and giving man to others and myself. He is baseline very kind and hard-working. He is handsome, charming, and funny. But at home, living with him, he is at best a man-child. He hasn’t cleaned the bathroom once in the 3 years we’ve lived together. You can tell if he’s been in the room if it looks like a hurricane went through it. This may seem trivial, but it is an obscene sign of disrespect, especially after many conversations about what cleanliness means to me. I will live with him like this on top of the blatant disrespect where he will badmouth me to strangers and with friends. He will blame me for all of his new problems until he makes me cry and yell. He ends up reckoning with the fact that it is his fault. Then after all this, he becomes sweet and tells me he loves me. He cuddles up to me and acts like a baby. Just like he did this morning when I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him after
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
