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Use the catalog.

it's 6 months now since i lost my best friend. she didn't even wish me a happy birthday and was supposed to come up to see me, but cancelled last minute to prioritize a man over me. i still mourn the friendship. i dont understand why a man is more important to me when i was the one who covered for her constantly. everytime she cheated on her boyfriends, id tell them to their face she didnt do it and she was at mine. but as soon as i wanted her there for my 26th birthday she didn't come. its not like it was sudden either. we planned it for 1 year prior for when we both had money to splurge and go out.

why do all female friends leave me? they say they love me and then see boys? i dont understand. i was single for her. i dont understand.

this happened with my highschool best friend too.

im just venting… need advice on how to get over this.

Again we need to vent
Previous Thread >>>/feels/129800

Looking for advice and the possible reason for this. A couple years ago, I lost a couple family members including my father through an accident which led me to isolate, losing the ability to socialize properly, but after some therapy I was able to make a lot of new friends, now I can easily make friends and go out. My problem is, I act completely different infront of my friends/relationships compared to my mother. I go into a small shell, she has never been abusive but incredibly supportive of my journey but this really gets to me because she probably things I am genuinely retarded when I am actually a big socialite and I can look into other peoples faces and hold good conversation, good posture, hygiene, etc. It's like I see her as a caregiver.. I don't know why I do this because it really makes me look really weak in front of my family. What can I do to become more normal and functioning around my mother that I can do with my friends?

My family, including extended family, is extremely trad. Beliefs vary a little bit but for the most part women shouldn't go to college or vote, premarital sex is evil, dating around is evil, and not having kids makes you a whore. They're like christian jihadists essentially.

"Women's rights" wise my parents were actually better than my extended family because they wanted me to be educated and to work, they just wouldn't pay for any college. (They paid for my brother, lol). But my parents fucked it up for themselves because they beat me really bad and started calling me a whore the moment I got my period. Real Carrie shit. I still have an eating disorder because I was mostly fed their leftovers and just never developed an appetite. Just real bizarre shit. My point is, I have no familial ties to any of these people. Like they're just nothing to me.

My main obstacle is getting a job that pays enough. I'm on medicaid and am getting psychiatric help but it might be a long road to normalcy. I had a full time job once and had a nervous break that stopped me from sleeping for five days. I'm really scared to go back to work after that but I've tried a few part time jobs and gig work since then and I found a few things that I could cope with I think.

My main fear is that they come looking for me and start a lot of drama. Does anyone else have experience with this? Are they allowed to just stalk you in the USA if you're related to them?

Fuck guys idk where to start. Yeah. He switched up when I got pregnant and isolated me hard. Financial abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, some quasi-physical abuse (corning me in a room and flexing his fists for one, punched walls, doesn't let me leave a room or the home while he bearates me.) He's lost his temper with baby before too, slapped, screamed insults, yells if she does something that annoys or bothers him.
I have c-PTSD (diagnosed after I went to a women's shelter, from this relationship and the previous one) and Asperger's, but I've done a lot of counseling and reading on communication and in the beginning of the relationship was quite good at it, but the moment he starts the word twisting, taking everything as an attack, blaming me for it, insulting my character, all the DARVO shit, I lose it and have meltdowns.
He was arrested, but his colleagues (he's a cop) protected him, and then he had been threatening me for months about this specific scenario and I fucked up massively by lying and hiding what he's done to get the charges dropped.
He lacks empathy entirely, and I'm not sure he feels any emotions other than anger, and he thinks it's justified to act out that anger however he pleases. He thinks hitting kids, shaming them, yelling at them - even newborns and toddlers (mine is 1.5yo) is important and how you get them to behave. I am more a "natural consequence" and empathetic "home is a place of understanding and valuing each other as individuals" parent.

I feel really fucking stuck.
He has many advantages in court because of his career, he's very manipulative and lies well, brags about it. He will take my baby from me if I leave, he's very vindictive. Even just an overnight stay a week I feel panicked, what if he smacks her or screams at her again, and she can't tell me because she can't talk?

So I am torn - I leave, to protect myself, potentially leaving my baby open to the same emotional abuse.
Or I stay and try to play nice/lay low until she is old enough or until work transfers him too far away to see her, so that I can be there to protect her.
If I'm there, he does essentially no parenting, unless he thinks I'm leaving him, and then all of a sudden he's the most fun and hands-on dad…

Idrk what I'm asking sorry, my mind's all fucked and I don't have any close friends, or family.

I have a bf but I keep thinking about a past guy. We were good friends and both liked eachother. But eventually drifted apart. I frequently thought about him.

2 months into my current relationship we coincidentally had contact. it felt so good, we talked for a couple of days. there was always so much unspokenness between us so then i texted him: i want to be honest with you, i used to like you and it was good to talk to you again but i think its better to let go now and not talk to eachother anymore. I didn't mention my boyfriend.

we had a good last conversation and he said he respects my decision and he regrets not having asked me out, and that it'll be difficult for him to let go but he's glad we're on good terms.

but still (2 months later) we keep having these small interactions on social media. i can tell he is still paying attention to me and i am also to him. I check his profiles every fucking day. Sometimes even while I'm with my bf. He doesn't know i have a boyfriend now. I think that would hurt him and he'd feel deceived. It's my responsibility but i also keep seeking out interactions with him and make it clear i still think about him. I look forward to like texting him next year to ask how he's doing.

i just feel so shitty. i know i should probably remove him from socials to minimize this and move on. but I don't. I want to hold the door open. It feels so good thinking back to us and fantasizing about what could've been. Our chemistry was so insane and talking with him felt good in so many ways. He's also really funny and I feel like there's more I like about him than my boyfriend for example. And yet I love my boyfriend fully for who he is and i want to spend my life with him. part of it might also be that i feel like im a difficult person to love and my boyfriend is so supportive and i don't think i'll find that in other guys. I'm scared that if i were to pursue somethign with the guy it'd fall apart or something or it'd be like i deceived him because i have so many issues. then again i also had those thoughts with my current boyfriend- and despite my worries we turned out really well.

my bf is so patient with me and understanding and loves me so much. its not like he's treaating me wrong and i'm missing something in the relationship… i just suck

I wish my bf would break up with me or something.. so i could have an excuse to pursue the other guy. But I know that won't happen. idk whaPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>>/feels/34633
Last thread hit limit and many nonas seem concerned for her safety.

If you see this, we hope you are ok! Please give us an update on the police situation.

I want to expand my horizon on hobbies and interests in media but I feel overwhelmed from all the options I have to explore due to my unlimited access to the internet and anxiety communicating with other people to make connections since I worry that I'm not interesting enough. ( I want to have things to talk about with other people besides sharing embarrassing moments and small talk) There's this one guy that keeps talking to me (he doesn't seem like a creep) and he's very knowledgeable about everything and is always talking about video games he likes, his philosophical views, and diverse music taste. Most of the time I daydream for hours listening to the same few songs and artists. This isn't a big deal and I'm not depressed. Ik its gay complaining about it. Its not only overload once I get invested in the story of something (like a visual novel or a book) my stomach feels like a weighted blanket is bearing me with emptiness about enjoying something (past hype fixations led to obsessions that consumed my energy and life)and I never want to overly indulge in something that risks taking over my life again no matter how joyful it feels.

tell me about your day cc!
stories also welcome