When I was 14 I used to feel like my thoughts are being broadcast to everyone. Not that I believed it, but it distressed me quite a bit and I was very tense. I'd say my mental problems started at 12 when I'd have chest pains for days, up to a week. I had intense anxiety and feelings of hopelessness.
I suspected other people of secretly despising me and feeling superior towards me. I felt like most of them only spoke to me to covertly make fun of me in a way I couldn't understand. Specifically in the period just under my 20s, I remember myself being extremely incoherent in my speech.
During my 20s I started feeling like people know more about me than they're letting on. They see me as some sort of freak and avoid for that reason. I felt I couldn't understand why specifically and it distressed me a lot. At some points I would write in notepad on my laptop to ask to stop stalking me just in case someone put a virus on my computer. I knew it was nonsensical, I just couldn't stop thinking about it. But to be fair, the more I compared my knowledge of how people really act to what I fear, the less these feelings controlled me. I felt like they're doing an elaborate mega operation using vulnerabilities they're hiding from me all while acting completely neutral, but obviously that is really ridiculous. I started opening up about it all to someone, abandoning my fears of being seen as a weirdo because I'm already used to thinking everyone knows everything about me anyway, as dumb as it is. This actually helped me become more… coherent? My speech started making more sense, which was confirmed by multiple people. Even years later some people admitted to me they didn't like me before, like they changed their opinion about me.
I did try taking antipsychotics, it didn't help, by the way. I felt about the same, just more sedated.
Last summer I started thinking about me being watched by some people I knew and I was oppositional with. I knew it was stupid but my head was out of my control. It kept going up until I simply got exhausted from all this and collapsed. I stayed in bed for a week barely eating.
Last strange episode was somewhere during December-November. I slept for like 4 hours on average and needed to write constantly and nonstop. I had weird experiences with spacing out and tastes in my mouth and other paroxysms.
Now, actually, the prescribed hydroxyzine helped me a lot. I started sleeping properly. S
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