It was your 25th birthday last week and it somehow wasn't the first thing I thought of when I woke up. There are no butterflies and there is no pain, just the idea of you.
I'm starting to suspect you no longer live here, you may even be set for marriage now. The most painful thing any ex could do is not allow me to monitor them, so thanks for the final stab in the chest after years of stringing me through the dirt.
The day after your birthday I saw your friend. I kept track of him too, and several of the people who used to surround you but you wouldn't let me meet. He was with his wife and a child, living the life you wouldn't let yourself lead with someone he truly loves. I have accepted you could never love me and that's fine now, I've found someone who matches me far better and even if not for that I have learned to love myself despite anyone else's input. But of course I still care about you as a person, and I know you perhaps better than anyone else. I remember every intimate detail you shared and I know who you truly are inside.
A few weeks ago I attended a concert opened by a band including one of the girls you liked. I've been tracking her too, both because of you and because she knew another friend who was an unfortunate recipient of my interest (we won't get into that here and now). It's been fun to watch her blossom, I know you've seen it too and I'm sure you long to stand beside her as her boyfriend does on stage.
While we're at it, my old boss, the one you liked but were too cowardly to pursue, is a mother now. Another member of our convoluted social network, I know she was a childhood friend of the woman you dated before me. They're both in happily committed relationships now, I wonder if you know and how that feels for you?
You have lived your whole life letting things happen to you, drifting around like a jellyfish in the open sea. Your passivity is your greatest flaw even if it's part of what drew me to you. Each day you wake up and betray yourself after a lifetime of watching your own mother do the same. I mourn for you and I mourn for your future family because you will never be happy.
Today I stumbled upon an account of yours created 9 years ago. I read through it and felt numb. It was bittersweet, I knew my self from half a decade ago would be over the moon to have this on you. She revelled in the information as much as she did the power of knowing it. The worst part of this was con
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