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Anonymous 142183

How do you make friends irl? Any tips?

Anonymous 142184

>>142183
Your first step is to find a place or activity to go to repeatedly. It could be board games or a book club, doesn't matter, your target is something you do with other people.

Go consistently to the event or activity, reach out to anyone else participating for conversation. You're not making friends just yet, just learn to physically actually talk to another human being at first.

With enough repetition, friendship should blossom naturally. Now, what exactly is friendship I couldn't tell you for certain, but generally it just means having someone to talk to and do stuff with.

Anonymous 142186

>>142183
If you're at my level and didn't even know what to say, you have to start from the bottom and build a personality. Half of it is this. Personality in practice is just the ability to recall interesting stories and seem interesting. And you get these by being passionate about something. Strangely enough you have to have a moderate level of narcissism. You have to like talking about yourself. You really have to think, believe and feel how interesting you are and give it such emotion it attracts people. The other half is just listening to people and repeating the last thing they said. You can try to add on something interesting, but people largely talk to say things about themselves, so they in a sense only want to hear it if they can use it as an excuse to bring up something else interesting.

Also, for some reason especially among young people, you have to appear disinterested. If you want to arrange a meetup, always act like it's for convenience and it just so happens that you could come. I don't know why, but the less you care about people the more they want to be with you.

Anonymous 142188

>>142186
>Also, for some reason especially among young people, you have to appear disinterested. If you want to arrange a meetup, always act like it's for convenience and it just so happens that you could come. I don't know why, but the less you care about people the more they want to be with you.

It's always been this way for all animals

An experiment was done on dogs where they were split into three groups, one that was rewarded for socializing, one that was punished for socializing, and a third that was rewarded and punished randomly

The third group were the most eager to socialize

I wouldn't say go all BPD on anyone but people like it if your affection for them is unpredictable

Anonymous 142208

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>>142188
>>142186
this is dumb im not going to play games and pretend to not care just so people will like me that sounds just as bad as not having friends

Anonymous 142219

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>>142208
Same, being friendless is way too comfortable and I realized it is a dichtonomy between having friends and ENTERTAIN them or being alone and enjoying your hobbies. Most people have no hobbies or interests besides watching Netflix at home and socializing, if you get friends they'll nag you on your phone and you'll feel bad for not replying but it is what it is, the ideal friendship is a myth. There's no in-between, you either socialize and play the normie game or stay alone with your hobbies until you feel lonely and crave friendship again it sucks lol

Anonymous 142220


Anonymous 142221

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>>142220
Why do normies feel the need to respond with their disapproval like anyone gives a shit?

Anonymous 142224

>>142219
Jesus I profoundly I agree.. accept for feeling lonely eventually bit. I mean if you know what performative socializing leads to everytime, then what's to miss? This is how I settled into feeling. Then again I work with the public constantly. Especially during the summer. At the end of the day I just want to be alone, im worn out by socializing even at a front desk. Guess knowing one of you irl probably wouldn't suck, but ive largely given up on finding someone i click with, it stopped mattering.

I'm not someone that shares what's going on with me much,I just talk about writing challenges.

Anonymous 142228

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>>142221
And why do you have to be so edgy and call someone who disagrees a normie?
I think the way you see things are too black and white and I can feel that you never had a genuine relationship. If you dont even have experience just dont give monochrome advices. And also maybe change your personality? Sometime you are the problem

Anonymous 142229

>>142221
Wrong and kiss my ass

Anonymous 142230

IMG_1273.jpeg

>>142219
I think the key here is to love and be kind and be understanding

and like be yourself and dont force yourself to do anything for anyone. If you are yourself and you feel good about it you get what you want the way your true self wants it.

I've met people who need me to entertain them, and Ive met people who just want to exist in proximity
Friendship comes in infinite forms

All this combined with what >>142184 said, I think I will make friends I feel good about having

this is my running theory

Anonymous 142232

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>>142230
As a normie I can say that she is right

Anonymous 142236

>>142228
Not the anon but please elaborate on why performance socializing adds improvement to your life. MOST socializing is a chore unless it's with 2% of the population, honestly. It is really hard to deny that.

Anonymous 142237

>>142236
T. Femcel

Anonymous 142248

>>142183
chess club

Anonymous 142250

>>142239
No it's just always been a chore for me to have to talk to people at work. School less so. But once you start working it's not even remotely pleasant

Anonymous 142251

>>142237
Actually I'm not a femcel, more of a volcel

Anonymous 142252

>>142250
And actually I think this fact warrants a discussion of its own.

Anonymous 142254

>>142228
Not the anon you replied to (I only posted >>142219) but I don't hate normies and I'm sorry if my post read that way. I just don't vibe with them a lot and prefer my own company instead of socializing and trying to fit into groups 24/7.
>>142230
>>142224
>>142236
>>142250
imo the problem is that some us have never been able to fully be ourselves in front of others without being judged so we learned to mask and perform, it's not hard, just meh.
>>142251
Same

Anonymous 142255

How do I make friends once outside of the education system?
I didn't have that many friends during uni and all the other females at my work are old hateful hags. I really enjoy reading books as well as Japanese media, so much so that I've considered going to an anime convention and maybe cosplaying as well. The problem is that my country (Portugal) has no decent conventions that I know of.
The only person I know who with I can talk about anime or manga with is a friend I got during my first year of university, however she is pretty normie and only watches mainstream stuff (like MHA).

Anonymous 142260

>>142254
>>142254
>imo the problem is that some us have never been able to fully be ourselves in front of others without being judged so we learned to mask and perform

Most people experience this and everyone wears masks for different scenarios and groups. The problem is when you get older and work. Adult performative socializing is really bleak, people throw their passions out and live a much more diminished existence unless they're single, and refuse to be tied to a ball and chain,like me.

It is only really fun to socialize when you're in college, hs

Anonymous 142261

>>142255
My best guess is online !

Anonymous 142265

>>142255
You need to get good at figuring out which people are good people and which ones will obliterate your entire life. The most important part about this is being able to tell when a person is playing nice whilst hiding a dagger underneath. Many such cases. But people that are truly good at heart do exist.

Anonymous 142310

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>>142254
I think that when you love yourself and also come from a place of understanding of others then being judged won’t matter as much i think being judged is inevitable

i haven’t been able to get to the point where i can be myself around others but i rly rly want to so i’ve been working on self love a lot and trying not to take stuff to heart when ppl have ideas about who i am what i do etc but oh man it’s hard D’: i get incredibly frustrated

Anonymous 142312

>>142250
>No it's just always been a chore for me to have to talk to people at work.
Why does it feel like a chore to you? Physically exhausting? Emotionally?



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