/b/ - Random

Depression makes me depressed. ADHD was actually diagnosed but my parents didn't want me to take kiddie meth at age 10 but now I might consider doing so.

Low self confidence+perfectionism
Procrastination
A bad combination for someone with such ambitions.

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia (paranoid subtype) but I don't believe it and neither does my bf. The psychiatrist that diagnosed me in the mental hospital I was in was crappy in general and treated me with archaic meds.

>>174794
#misdiagnosedschizogang
I was suffering from a range of symptoms, like hallucination and some very weird delusional thinking and went in voluntarily. I got about 90 minutes of consultation, during which the psychiatrist talked for around 60 of those minutes, and slapped me with meds that gave me actual timeloss and made my delusions 100x worse. I was under the impression that my surroundings were constantly spinning clockwise, while I was spinning counter clockwise and being spaghettified, being drawn down into a black hole. It left me constantly sick, retching, vomiting and screaming for help, but my throat was so constricted I was just rasping and nurses thought I needed my inhaler. I was visited by the same psych 3 times, and each time he ignored my gasping pleas to take me off the meds and tortured me until I'd been awake so long that I suffered a seizure and had to be rushed to emergency care.

During my seizure I'd injured myself and wound up with foreign matter inside my leg, which caused an infection. They gave me a ketamine injection for the operation, during which I was under the delusion I'd been transported to West World, despite never having seen the show or movie. After recovering, all my symptoms seemed to fade to background levels and I refused to go back to the psych ward.

Now I just have some low intensity hallucinations that I can recognise as being out of place and needing closer examination, and the delusions are very weak and entirely transparent.

Avoidant personality disorder. I'm a NEET with no friends.

I actually feel permanently stunted and unstable pretty much every day of my life. I have periods of time where I take breaks and go neetmode for a year+, just drop everything without caring. It's miserable and I'm honestly miserable but running on autopilot is the only thing that helps. I'm fully dysfunctional with periods of time where I can pretend.

>>175819
Wow me too, I feel this post word for word anon

>clown fetish
disgusting pickme
anyway I think I have ADHD and may be on the spectrum but only a little bit.
I have anxiety and depression (diagnosed) but I consider that a symptom of other psychological problems

>>176338
>throwing around twitter buzzwords

of course you're mentally ill KEK

I was diagnosed with a mild neurocognitive impairment, whatever the fuck that means. I guess it means I'm retarded or something lel. It affects my daily life because I manage to fuck up the most simplest tasks and take longer at shit than most normies. But it's not very apparent from the surface, so my social life is fine. I also pass through interviews for various internships and jobs through college because I seem normal. Once I'm actually doing tasks though, I somehow manage to fuck everything up.
I don't want to flunk out or become neet and am trying to better myself by paying closer attention. I have to double-check things like 5 times just to make sure I did it correctly. People overall think I am silly, forgetful, and slightly airheaded. But I'm not, or I try not to be. The only good thing to my diagnosis is that I did end up getting help through school, like more time on tests.

i'm vewy vewy spetshall

>>176534
Are you in USA? If/when you get fired from jobs because of your neurocognitive impairment, document employment time, why you were fired, and the exact tasks you were unable to complete. This way, if you find you are not able to hold down a job because of your disability, you'll be more eligible for disability. You'll need a lawyer to file for it properly, and also everyone gets rejected the first couple of times. It's to discourage people so they give up.

>>176552
Thank you for the advice. I have never been fired yet, as I have always disclosed my impairment in hiring paperwork. I'm still in college and work on-campus jobs though, so I am guessing they would be afraid to fire me in that kind of environment. In the real world though, once I move on after graduation, I'll keep your tips in mind. C:

Strong anger and paranoia. Also no interest in others to the point where it's a struggle to even deal with my family

why is everyone nowadays need to be diagnosed with something? im just socially awkward

>>176879
I think there's, besides mental illnesses being normalized, an actual rise in mental illness because of our lifestyles and future prospects.

>>176923
nona u cant convince me that we have a worse life than the average dark age village and thats why we have more people with mental disorders. my theory is that its "cool" now to have a mental illness since you can use them as a excuse for any inappropriate behavior

AvPD

Unironically I think it makes me stronger. I don't get bogged down by the foibles and machinations of normies.

>>176852
Anger and paranoia comes from stress
Deal with the stress in your life

I have no idea what exactly is wrong with me but something is for sure.
I'm pretty sure I've definitely got the 'tism and ADHD. Severe depression. Attachment issues.
For a long time I've believed that I have either avoidant or schizoid personality disorder.
I have horrible social problems. I'm a loner and have no friends. The last time I really had any was high school but I don't think there was really a true connection, we just kinda stuck together because we were outcasts and the friendship died. I'm now in my 30s and am incapable of making connections with people. Even when presented with a good opportunity and the other person seems to like me I always squander it by avoiding them until they forget about me. I crave friendship and intimacy yet I avoid everything that it takes to maintain them, which makes me question if I even truly DO want it? Maybe I'm just not finding the right people I vibe with? I do go out, I'm not a shut in, I've tried apps, I have interests where I can meet people but nothing works. Being in my 30s, I'm losing hope and don't really want to stick around if my life continues like this. I'm destined to be fucking alone.

I'm pretty healthy I just get lonely sometimes and can't stand normies

>>176993
I don't think we have a "worse" life but I do think technology has evolved so quickly that stuff like information overload from the internet, constant screen time/nature of social media, and so many instant gratification traps really fuck up many people's brains. You can get what you want when you want it pretty much most of the time and it's not like we evolved that way, it's only been like that for a few generations.

I am depressed and anxious, which resulted in my body developing several chronic stress related issues. I can talk to people decently but my body always reacts like it's a stressful situation no matter what so it ends up taking a toll on me to even have normal interactions

I've always been described as odd and I remember mostly living in my own head as a child. I've spent 10 years as a NEET who hardly left the house after I finished high school. I'm trying to get out of NEETdom by taking classes and it hits me in the face with every interaction that there is definitely something wrong with me. I legit feel like an alien mimicking human behaviour as to not get caught. So I suspect that I might have some form of autism and maybe ADHD too since I can't remember ever finishing anything I've started. I could also have some type of cluster A personality disorder.
Right now, I feel anxious constantly because now that I'm in my early 30s I realize more and more that my only option is to off myself. I've been trying to get a job, but with a huge gap in my resume and no experience at all, the thought that I'll never be able to support myself gives me so much stress that manifests not only mentally, but also physically.
I know I should probably go see a doctor, but I've no idea where to even start…

>>226816
>tism+ADHD
Sounds like a killer combo. Are you able to hold down a job? Are you masking IRL or does everyone notice right away you're different?

>>226949
Surprisingly I AM somehow able to hold down a job.
My boomer parents have always had a tough love approach and never empathized with my struggles. There was absolutely no way in hell they would ever support me being a NEET. I was always treated like a burden and never had any emotional support. I was forced to get a job as soon as I was old enough. I was let go from my first job in retail for being weird. Second retail job that I applied for, I got an interview, and then the hiring manager basically told me, in so many convoluted words that they didn't want someone like me.
After that I got hired in a grocery store, and grocery stores will hire literally anyone lol. When I started out I had a really hard time masking and was definitely an outcast from the other employees. I was also completely miserable having to work at all for pretty much all of my twenties. Developed a bad drinking habit because I felt like it was the only that made me feel normal and social, I absolutely do not recommend self-medicating in this way.
Over time I got promoted to a full-time position and somehow I'm managing it pretty well. The routine is honestly good for me. I still struggle a lot socially but I do my job really well so management looks past it. I've also been there long enough that I guess I'm a bit more respected. People can definitely tell that I'm different though. I try to be nice to my coworkers and sometimes they won't even acknowledge me if I greet them. I don't let it bother me anymore though. As I've gotten older the rejection is hardly anything to me anymore.
I know my parents look down on me for it though, they don't consider my job to be a "real job" and I know society is generally views it the same. I don't think I have it in me to get a "real" career. I'm fine with where I am, I just wish I could afford to live on my own.
I also wish I could get back into making art. Drawing was my one natural talent that I had since I was a kid but I feel like I can never just sit down and focus on anything creative even though I want to (this is why I think I have ADHD) Same with music, I play a few instruments but could never actually put anything of my own together. It's like there's invisible hurdles in everything I do and I don't know how to get past them.
Anyway, sorry for rambling! I'll stop

>>226816
>I crave friendship and intimacy yet I avoid everything that it takes to maintain them, which makes me question if I even truly DO want it?
I feel the same way. Most of the time I like spending time by myself, and maintaining freindships is very hard for me. Even keeping track of more than 3 conversations online is quite hard.
I want to have a normal life, form a happy family and all that, wchich comes naturally to normies. Yet I still wonder, if I do get what I'm asking for, will it make me happy? If I feel good just spending time by myself, isn't relationship something that I want just because I've never had it?

>>176338
Youre joking right? It was a joke picture. Since when do pickmes have clown fetishes anyway? You are a clown.
>>175081
Me too. I am self dxd though. About 2 years ago I was on google and crying looking up "why can I not make any friends" and related health conditions came up. Clicked on AvPD because I had never heard of it. Every single criteria describes me to a T, though I am better in intimate relationships now (well, the one I have with my boyfriend. I am not capable of being open or emotionally close with anyone else though). I was in denial for a while though because I really wished absolutely anything else was wrong with me besides an eternally bruised ego. Tbh being autistic even sounds better than hating yourself so bad and being so afraid everyone else will too.
I told my bf and I cringe for doing because its self dxd and I should have probably kept it to myself and I am embarassed. I don't trust psychiatrists and I don't plan on seeking treatment so whats even the point.

>>176993
Maybe ammenities and technology make life "better" but thats only because you don't know a life without it and wouldn't know how to live as you were intended. The conditions of "dark age villages" were way closer to the lifestyle we evolved and were built to live in. To deny modern lifestyles are not a major contributor to mental illness is just dumb.
Yeah they are definitely overdiagnosed and some human behavior within the realm of normal is pathologized, but overall mental illness is just ways of categorizing maladaptive behaviors with similar causes or thought processes behind them. It can be helpful for some which is why things are all "labeled". It allows psychologists to study within those patterns of behavior and develop different theories about why people develop this and what can be done. It can help people develop self awareness reading about others incredibly similar to them. If you don't like it you don't have to accept the label,but some do.

I was suspected to have PTSD in my youth, but I refuse to be diagnosed with anything as an adult.
I've come back from being suicidal and cutting, as well as slowly improved my social skills (which lag behind my peers). Official labels for my issues, I fear, may prevent me from actually doing the work to fix myself. Social anxiety? Subject myself to being yelled at by randoms for 4 years. Self-hate? Isolate myself for years until I'm forced to love my only friend (me). Fear I have parasites and diseases to the point it affects my quality of life? Well, that's just my next task.

Maybe I have autism. Maybe I have OCD. All that matters is that I'm me. I either fix what I can to be functional or accept the quirks, seeking friendship in those who like my traits. This doesn't work for everyone but evidently it does for me.

>>226816
Some people believe AvPD and SzPD are just 2 presentations of the same underlying cause. I have hard its common (and had this happen to myself) that avoidants after so much isolation start to become numb to it,give up the pursuit of relationships and find contentment in being alone that might resemble schizoid PD. I wish this pipeline had more research and not just anecdotes I have heard online. I think schizoids are really just uninterested in friendships due to avolition and anhedonia, not because of persistent fear that turns to apathy for their circumstances.
So probably avoidant IMO.

>>226989
Oh yeah, and the expression of emotion within the 2 disorders are very different. SzPD isn't just social disonterest, its also lacking pleasure and emotion in a wide variaty of scenerios and being overall insensative and indifferent. Avoidants are not like this, they are the opposite and can be pretty hypersensative. This hypersensativity drives their self isolating behaviors.
I guess it would be hard to tell the difference because maybe major depression comorbid with avoidant PD could LOOK like SzPD, but ask yourself if this has been the norm since your teens and you haven't had any relief of these symptoms of lacking emotion.

>>226816
a dx of autism excludes the possibility of having schizoid pd

>>226987
>Official labels for my issues, I fear, may prevent me from actually doing the work to fix myself. Social anxiety? Subject myself to being yelled at by randoms for 4 years. Self-hate? Isolate myself for years until I'm forced to love my only friend (me)
None of this sounds like healthy coping.

>>227004
Perhaps, but I now have a nice group of friends, can start interactions with strangers if I wish to know them, respect and love myself enough to set boundaries and care for my body, and am mostly emotionally stable. The isolation was spent doing a lot of reflection and self-improvement rather than just moping around (well…to be honest I also moped around a lot, but the general direction was up kek). I still have flaws, but not the ones I used to have. And I now love myself enough to acknowledge my shortcomings as a neutral thing.
Like I said this won't work for everyone, but for someone with my disposition actions must be a bit extreme to work. Other people need different sorts of support to heal.

>>174786
anon are you me?
its vicious circle

>>226989
Schizoids are from being trained from early childhood that you're basically a dog or an object with no acceptable means of acting or expression outside of 1:1 what the caregiver wants or assumes you want. It's similar territory to the typical 'screwed up childhood' cluster Bs but there is no positive state (ie, bpd can get temporary euphoria from a relationship, npd can get euphoria from praise etc, so there's strong inherent drive to associate with people), but in Schizoid associating with people is inherently associated with ego death where the other person's desires overwhelm the schizoid bc they're read as a demand to 'do this for me, act like this for me, act like that for me or I'll kill you/be so hurt that you kill me' except there is no positive reward associated with this, equally though there isn't much negative impetus not to do this because this is 'basically normal'. So the bland apathetic anhedonic schizoid personality is basically like this big cyst hardened around the gooey center of, like, a 2 month old who's realised their parents don't come when they cry, and the lack of social interest is a lack of social interest but it's more fundamentally also a stupidly dysfunctional mechanism to ensure the schizoid 'real' personality stays 'safe' and isolated (because expressing it is also disastrous). In an RP kind of environment where everyone is knowingly and playfully communicating through false egos/personae they can be really engaged then shut off once it becomes OOC because the 'actual' ego is put under threat (of being perceived and having to perform in line with that perception) again. Which sounds anecdotal and is but is also an actual documented thing in proper case studies on this.

i have diagnosed cptsd and did but did symptoms are reduced since i'm in therapy, i don't switch anymore at all. my goal is full integration. therapy is really hard/painful but i want to experience life fully. (it's worth it. example: i can smell and taste more, i can remember more stuff on a day to day basis, i experience more feelings)

>>174716
Facial blindness. I can't tell most people apart. People at work think I'm a cold rude person. I just don't recognise them.

There's no "cure" so whatever I guess.

>>174716
I got a whole list of diagnoses. I don’t feel like there is a lot wrong with me though, I feel like there is a lot wrong with this world and people. If anything, I wish more people would be like me. I’m kinda impaired with some normal life tasks but I think I‘ll manage. I‘m pretty happy with my life currently. Also I’m a neet and have never been able to hold down a job for longer than a day, but that’s kinda what I always dreamed of being.

>>236232
Why not recognize them by their clothes?

diagnosed with depression, anxiety I'm pretty sure and 2 suicide attempts for now LOL
and a very high suspicion for autism, but it costs around 1k to get diagnosed :P, depression makes me an unbearable mess to anyone who's close to me, autism makes me even more unbearable because I can't even understand the people around me because I can't comprehend their emotions/tone and because it's going unnoticed by everyone it makes me an even bigger mess and I can't do anything about it
I def have some other things going on that I can't label so I simply won't even try, no use in that.

>>174716
ASD. diagnosedd. unable to form connections even when i want to. my family just barely tolerates me and we talk very little