/b/ - Random

>>23253
>>23253
Both, mainly personal.
I was raised Catholic (Catholic schools, etc.) but stopped practicing in HS and only went back this year (about to graduate college; 22 years old). My personal reasons are hard to express, but boil down to: I want it to be about something bigger than me; I want to make sure sex isn't just another chore like it appears to be with my friends who aren't virgins; I really do think it is important to prove to your husband that he's different from other men to you; I know, in my bones, I will get pregnant easy and want to be IN a marriage, first.
Also, the guys that I see that waited on my older sisters (who all 4 also waited until marriage) were flat-out better men than the guys after sex.
It isn't difficult at all, since I have been on one date every 2 years for 8 years and my sisters support me. 4 of my good friends are also waiting.

>>23255
>my sisters support me. 4 of my good friends are also waiting.
I think that helps a lot. In my case it’s only me and my one other friend who’s saving it for pretty much the same reason (both religious and personal). But it’s still difficult to explain to my non religious friends who have already had sex and don’t see it as a big deal. They won’t make fun of me or anything, they understand that I want to wait and support my decision but they don’t really get why. It’s much easier when you have friends who have similar views.

>>23253
A bit of both. I was raised Catholic but I was never good at it. A couple of years ago I started practicing more, but where I live it's basically a joke, and I still love Jesus and His word, but I'm not as close to Him as I'd like to be, and I'm scared of going back.
So now I plan on remaining a virgin for mostly personal reasons. My dad always told me I should never be with a man (he never used the word "sex" with me, he's old-fashioned like that) I can't trust, I shouldn't sleep with anyone because men can easily betray or humiliate you. And I know what men want as well. But what I want is a family, and I'm not gonna risk becoming a single mother because the man I'm with doesn't want to marry me. If he loves me enough, marriage won't bother him, and if he doesn't want to marry me, then he doesn't really love me and he's not worth it.
I'm also not fond of sex. I've never held hands or kissed a boy, but I don't think they're interesting at all. I don't need to have sex or to be with a member of the opposite sex, I like my loneliness and I don't mind dying a virgin if I never find the right person. I would also like my husband to be a virgin, but I wouldn't hate him if he wasn't.

>>23263
Never be afraid to return to Jesus.

>>23263
>I'm not gonna risk becoming a single mother because the man I'm with doesn't want to marry me

birth control exists.
Unfortunately, if you want a family, you're going to have to deal with the holding hands + kissing + bodily fluids aspect of procreation eventually. might as well get used to it.

this is gonna have a bunch of those
>non-virgins desperately putting down virgins and trying to convince them virginity is totally pointless.. a detriment even!!
posts

>>23253
It scares me because it means repenting for what I've done, and it means I have to work on being a good person
>>23272
You guessed right, look at this person here >>23271 who didn't understand my reasons at all. Why do they act like that? What's so wrong about people not being degenerate cumbrains who think about fucking all the time?

>>23271
>Unfortunately, if you want a family, you're going to have to deal with the holding hands + kissing + bodily fluids aspect of procreation eventually. might as well get used to it.
I kinda agree with this. It’s totally up to you whether you want to stay a virgin or not. But I think you should get used to at least hand holding and kissing. I wouldn’t advise getting into a marriage when you’re not really comfortable with touching and physical forms of affection.

>>23273
>What's so wrong about people not being degenerate cumbrains who think about fucking all the time?
I don’t think she meant it like that honestly.

>>23271
There is only one foolproof birth control that doesn't involve sterilization

>>23291
The failure rate of something like an implant is less than 1%
That + use a condom and the chances of getting pregnant without actively trying to do so are extremely slim.

>>23273
>'get used to [the idea of sex]' = 'degenerate cumbrains who think about fucking all the time'
all that's being said is that if you want to have a family, you have to be comfortable with the idea of physically engaging with a man. which it sounds like you're not. and you also seem super judgemental, so i hope you're very young and have plenty of time to grow out of that.

don't worry, i used to think the same way before i got some life experience under my belt.

I wanted to for personal reasons but that ended up not happening. As soon as I got a boyfriend we had sex within like a week of knowing each other because we were lonely and horny. I wish I hadn't though. I had constant anxiety I was going to get pregnant even though I was on bc because it can fail and by nature I was an anxious person who always expected the worst.

The only virgin in my main friend group, as they have all done it before or are currently doing it in their relationships.
It used to be for religious as my mother was very religious and pushes for me and my younger sister to not think of sex or sex related things. However, that did not end up happening as my sister did the deed, and I sometimes play with myself on occasion.

Now it's for personal reasons as I want it to be with someone I truly love and that love is reciprocated. Plus I think of it as romantic in a sense…
It's not that difficult as when who do want to hook up I will always say no, but when it comes to staying with a bf I plan to try and make a compromise to keep my virginity in tact (just no anal because I'm scared and find it kind of disgusting).

>>23253
>don't worry, i used to think the same way before i got some life experience under my belt.
Why is it so hard for you to understand some people don't want the same things as you do? Why do you think life experience is completely related to having sex? Sex doesn't interest me at all, why do you think the way I think is wrong and yours is right? Stop acting like such a pretentious dumbass, people want different things yet here you are acting like having sex is the most important thing in the world

>>23308
I’m OP, meaning I’m also a virgin waiting for marriage and I think she’s right. I’m not saying have sex before marriage but she’s not wrong that contraceptives generally work, that’s a fact. Also you sound obnoxious as hell girl. She isn’t telling you to have sex before marriage, she’s telling you that you should get used to the idea of being intimate with a man. How are you gonna go straight from khhv to sex in one night when you don’t even like the idea of sex?

>>23308
because i'm literally asexual and i've come to terms with the fact that if i'm going to get what i want (the same thing that you want: a family) then i'll have to put up with the aforementioned kissing and the hand-holding and the bodily fluids.
and tbh if you can't, then you have no business getting married. if you 'know what men want' then you know what happens on the wedding night. do you really think that any guy will put up with your 'ew no sex is gross' attitude once you're married, especially if he does want to start a family as well? or that he'll be cool with having to coerce you into being physically intimate with him once a month or something out of your wifely sense of obligation?

stop acting like everyone who's not a virgin is some kind of sex-obsessed 'degenerate'. this holier-than-thou attitude of yours is just annoying.

>>23292
…but not zero.
Regression analysis = I’m waitin’

>>23308
>Sex doesn't interest me at all

You've never even had sex. How do you know it doesn't interest you?

I understand where you're coming from. I was there at one point myself. I thought I didn't like sex but in reality I was self conscious about my body and afraid of opening up and being intimate. I gave myself x y z bullshit reasons to avoid it until someone finally pulled me out of my shell and I realized what I was actually missing.

Sexuality is such an important part of who you are that it's devastating to a relationship when you're not sexually compatible, which is a reason why a lot of religious marriages end up fucking miserable.

Also, having a low sex drive, particularly at a younger age is really unnatural. Are you taking any meds?

>>23317
>there is a very slim chance that something bad could happen from participating in this activity, therefore i will refrain from it completely

there is a very slim chance that you could slip and hit your head and die in the shower but i'm betting that doesn't stop you from taking one every morning.

>>23319
>Sexuality is such an important part of who you are that it's devastating to a relationship when you're not sexually compatible, which is a reason why a lot of religious marriages end up fucking miserable.
Not very religious Person, so can't talk about their problems.

That is now virgin talk, but if sex is really so crazy important in a relationship, that the whole process of knowing each other and building a friendship that evolves into a relationship can be thrown over, because one does not want sex that often, is sad.
If that is true then I prefer to never have a relationship. I know I have a overly romantic view for a serious relationship, but I think it should be seen as something very special. Not a disposable think.

>Also, having a low sex drive, particularly at a younger age is really unnatural.
It is not. There are people who have a low sex drive and there are people who don't.

I have an extreme low sex drive, always had.

>>23329
>that the whole process of knowing each other and building a friendship that evolves into a relationship can be thrown over, because one does not want sex that often, is sad.

i'm in this situation right now. if i didn't have sex with my partner, then we wouldn't be together. he considers it to be a priority.
but also if i didn't have sex with my partner, there's no way i'd ever be a mother. and that's important to me, so pretending to enjoy sex/initiating it is what i have to do to make that happen. it's a matter of engaging in what you dislike (or simply don't find attractive) in order to achieve goals that you really do want to achieve. tit for tat.

>>23331
To be honest that sounds terrible, for me.
Not to sound mean or anything. It just seems not worth it.

>>23331
Sounds horrible tbh. I feel like I have the opposite problem. I want to stay a virgin till marriage but my sex drive seems high that I’m so tempted to not just get it over with and do it because I want to so bad sometimes. But then I know that if I did, I’d feel regret over it.

I used to think like most of you guys tbh, but now I agree that sex is just as important as any other part of the relationship. Sex is such an intimate and personal thing that it can build a strong bond between you two, a bond that's both physical and emotional. I don't think it goes against what this anon >>23329 said about the romantic and personal connection that a couple builds, if anything it just takes that to the next level. And not because sex is beautiful and romantic, but because it's the opposite. Sex is embarrassing and gross and it makes you come to terms with your body. Sharing that with another person is an intense experience.

However, what makes you come is what makes you come, and same goes for him. Chances are that neither of you can change that. If each of you are happy to do what it takes to satisfy the other person, then it's great. But sometimes you just can't, or he can't.

Good sex is an amazing part of life, and you can't just deprive another person of that, you can't just sign them (and yourself) up for a life of bad sex. That would be unfair for both of you. And even if he's okay with it in the beginning, it's devastating in the long run, as other anon said, that's why many religious marriages are miserable.

I feel like i've been on both sides, my family is extremely catholic and I didn't lost my v card until 24, only to find out that i had vaginismus. Because of my religious upbringing i subconsciously had a terrible view on sex. Therapy is helping me overcome it. Sex isn't inherently wrong or bad, it's just a natural function that we humans romanticize. But it's so natural that it's what allows us to exist in the first place.

It just so happens that the human body has evolved to experience pleasure through sex, it's a inbuilt biological feature. So much so that the clit's one and only function is to bring you sexual pleasure, so as a woman you have an organ just for that. So if you really can't experience sexual pleasure you might just have an underlying issue, or even more likely, your partner just isn't a good match for you sexually. Bad sex has been normalized (especially when the woman is the victim), but it certainly isn't normal.

>>23346
I see what you want to say and i agree to a certain extent.

It is just, I always think of sex as an act just for animals and making babys. Of course it has to feel great otherwise we wouldn't do it.

I hoped humanity could get past that point of, it feels good that's why I do it. Animals do it, it is natural. I am so sick of people having sex as the most important aspect of a relationship. Or in general. We are humans we should be able to control our animal like needs and not go around jumping on everyone.

But to be fair I can't really argue with anyone about that since i am a total virgin that never had a relationship, or a sex drive so, i be quiet now.

>>23350
I think for some people it is not so much the sex per se as the emotional import of the act–i.e., if their partner is less interested in sex, they may begin to wonder if their partner is not attracted to them, is not in love with them, etc.

>>23337
>>23344
some days it doesn't feel like it's worth it to me, either. but i know that in any relationship with a man, sex will be part of the deal. so it's either remain alone, never put out, and never procreate, or go along with what's expected of me and fulfill my desire to start a family with another person. eventually you just sort of resign yourself to your fate.

>>23346
>Because of my religious upbringing i subconsciously had a terrible view on sex.
Man Catholicism is fucked. I’m Prostestant (Pentecostal) and we’ve never been taught that sex was wrong or evil. We were taught that premarital sex is wrong but not sex itself. My parents themselves taught me that intimacy and sex are very important in order to maintain a good relationship and marriage. So we see it as an act of love and to make babies.

For personal reasons, I want to wait until marriage for sex because I think it can do more bad than good, and I think waiting until marriage is the only way to solve that issue, at least for my subjective reality.

but I may have to wait forever, whoever I trust usually mocks me and removes me from their life.

oh well, its not my choice. its interpersonal.

>>23399
>We were taught that premarital sex is wrong but not sex itself.
That's the proper catholic view of sex too though. Sometimes people just take it the wrong way in any denomination that forbids premarital sex because it can be a hard mental hurdle to cross going overnight from "I'm not going to indulge in thinking lustful thoughts because I want to cultivate the virtue of chastity" to "I got married and now it's suddenly not a sin for me to think about wanting to have sex with my partner."

>>23400
if you sperg irl about how sex does more bad than good as much as you do on the internet then yeah good luck finding someone to marry

>>23418
I'm autistic, so "sperging" comes naturally to me, thank you. And people can't have opinions anymore, apparently, even though what I said was actually realistic and reasonable. welp

>>23456
Don't mind her. It's your right to think the way you do, and assuming you say the same irl just based on a post is silly.

If whoever you're opening up to disrespects your beliefs rather than discussing them with you, you're better off without them.

If it's done right it can do good, and waiting until marriage might or might not help with it depending who you run into, but usually it's a good way to find out if the person respects you or not.
You won't have to wait forever I'm pretty sure.

>>23329
Different people have different needs and unless you are willing to let them get it from elsewhere, its entirely fair for them to break up with you because you don't want to have sex very often. Its important to know what you want or dont want and really that should be discussed before you actually get deep into a relationship. I don't think its sad for someone to know what they need sex-wise and to no longer be romantically involved with someone who can't provide that for them. Same for the other side, if you don't want sex almost at all (besides procreation) and your partner does, you need to talk to them about it or just break up. Its not healthy for either of you, you may end up feeling pressured to have sex which will just make the idea of doing it even more detestable.

Idk I think "sexual compatibility" is overrated, in life there are always going to be times when one partner doesn't want to bone and the other wants to and its just something you deal with because you love each other. Even if you're normally a nympho, work stress, pregnancy, breastfeeding, menopause, and sickness could tank your sex drive and sometimes for quite a long time. People that weren't very interested in sex before marriage could also get their switch flipped from hormonal changes during pregnancy, exploring a new kink, or just changing their attitude toward sex. Marriage is for life, dealing with this is part of the package.

>>23414
That may be so but I feel that Catholicism in general has the tendency to portray sex = sin. So it makes people feel that sex is something wrong or disgusting to the point where they feel wrong enjoying themselves during sex with their spouses.

>>23474
I don't think that's true for most married Catholics, but it is something unfortunate people who fall away from many forms of Christianity experience because they were taught incorrect information about the role of sex or internalized overly scrupulous paranoia about sex from their culture/parents/teachers. Aside from spoo always going in the vagoo and no involving people other than the person you're married to there's nothing beyond that in Catholic doctrine dictating what married couples do in the bedroom. Missionary only for the sole purpose of having a baby is okay if that's your jam but married Catholics have free license to get reasonably kinky.

>>23320
Don’t mischaracterize - I will have sex, when I’m married

>>23474
I’ve always loved this dichotomy
>those Catholics! They hate sex!
And
>those Catholics! They have SO MANY kids!

>>23489
>hate sex
>love babies
Mormons are the same way. They literally can't have sex except through a sheet with a hole cut in it, but they breed like crazy because they see it as their duty to the church to increase the Mormon population and thereby expand their influence among the general population.

>>23491
>They literally can't have sex except through a sheet with a hole cut in it,
This can’t be real…

>>23491
I just want to say that despite some kinds of Christians being anti-sex. Most don’t see sex as literally just “sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreating”.

>>23494
'temple garments'. close enough.

>>23497
This has to be bait or something.

>>23498
nope. it's a real subreddit.
mormons are nuts.
one or two people tried to say that 'i've never heard of it being done this way' but it was definitely taught to more than one other person in the thread

>>23499
That’s horrifying. Actually it’s just horrifying how cults condition an entire group of people to think a certain way.

>>23471
There's a difference between sometimes having a bad time and not feeling like having sex with your partner and having a fundamentally different idea about sex than your partner.

>>23502
True and that needs to be talked about before you get married, but I don't think one partner being generally hornier than the other is the dealbreaker people often make it out to be. Like the person you marry could get an an accident some day and have a broke dick forever. Sharing your like with someone involves a lot of suffering and you work through it.

>>23517
My mother spoke to me about this, let me paraphrase
‘Compatibility l just means being able to get along and really means acting like an adult. If your future husband wants sex every day and you want it once a month ‘28 times a month’ isn’t a compromise, but neither is ‘twice a month’; you’ll have to talk to each other, listen to each other, work together, and really compromise. That is real compatibility. And you don’t have to sleep with him first to have it.’

>>23517
>Like the person you marry could get an an accident some day and have a broke dick forever

>Golly gee I sure hate having sex with my husband I really hope his dick breaks so we fuck less often

is not something a person in a healthy relationship would say

>>23517
>I don't think one partner being generally hornier than the other is as big of a dealbreaker
I don't think thats really the point of view most of the girls here have. Most of the posters see sex as a means to an end rather than just an activity. A chore even. Not being as horny as your partner isn't even really framed as a dealbreaker, although I could be wrong, I just haven't seen that in this thread or any other places where this kind of thing might be discussed.
>your husband could get into an accident and have a broke dick forever
I guess its hard for me to relate to such a situation because I don't plan on getting married. Plus, if my partner got into an accident and could literally never have sex with me again.. I would absolutely end that relationship. Again I don't think thats something to be ashamed of or to look down upon.

>>23565
>Golly gee I sure hate having sex with my husband I really hope his dick breaks so we fuck less often

where are you even getting this from

>>23567
>Plus, if my partner got into an accident and could literally never have sex with me again.. I would absolutely end that relationship. Again I don't think thats something to be ashamed of or to look down upon.

that's pretty sad, actually. like if your relationship to your partner is so superficial that being able to fuck them is the dealbreaker, it sounds like the relationship isn't worth having.
i'm in this situation right now from the other side of the fence–I've been having medication/physical issues and for the last 6-7 weeks, I haven't been able to have sex without it being incredibly painful and bloody, and my sex drive has been extremely low. now my partner is threatening to break up with me because 'he has needs'. And I'm seriously considering breaking up with him because I hate feeling like all I am to him is a hole for him to stick his dick into.
If that's what a relationship boils down to, it's better to be alone.

>>23569
I was in a relationship with someone completely uninterested in sex and did not enjoy it. I didn't know about that until later and he said it was fine and he'd still do it, but I ended up breaking up with him because of it.
Breaking up with someone because they can't participate in physical intimacy anymore again, I do not find sad. I don't find that it makes a relationship "superficial". I don't want a relationship with only sex and I don't want a relationship with only emotions and no physical intimacy. Simple as that, because both to me are romantic partners not worth having. First one I'd ghost, second one I'd just be friends with and love that way. Not wanting to be with someone because you literally can never have sex with them ever again or never will be able to at all is valid and it doesn't mean you don't love or care about the person. It doesn't mean you didn't take their feelings into account or everything you had was meaningless.
Also, I broke up with my most likely asexual bf after being with him for more than a year. Your current bf threatening to break up with you because you haven't put out in 6-7 weeks (a little less than two months) is dumb and I 100% support you breaking up with him first. Especially if he is only thinking about himself and not about how you feel.

>>23572
I guess the way I feel about it is that there are so many forms of physical intimacy, and it's odd to me to give up on a person who you'd otherwise consider to be partner material because one of those forms doesn't exist in your relationship. Like even if I can't engage in physical-intimacy-sex, I'm willing to engage in physical intimacy in the form of cuddling or oral sex. Right now the latter is what's substituting for normal sex, but it's hard on me because due to the medication I'm taking, my sex drive is unnaturally low, and I just can't take pleasure in it anymore–I imagine much like your partner who said he didn't enjoy having sex, I'm willing to do it, but it is something that I do for his pleasure, not mine.

>>23573
Not her but it seems like in your case, it’s a temporary thing (unless I’m mistaken). For some people sex is as big of a need as emotional intimacy/forms of love. If you’re not really into sex in the first place or you have a low sex drive, it’s hard to understand that need. Although your bf does seem to be acting like a huge dick about it and maybe you should consider dumping him.

>>23612
I'm most likely going to be on this medication (or some form of it) for the rest of my life, so it's not a temporary thing. It just really feels like a huge detriment to ever forming a relationship when people say 'sex is an integral part of being with another person' and I can't enjoy it. I'm willing to participate, sure, but it makes me feel like a defective person since I have to feign pleasure that seems to come naturally to everyone else.
I know that if I did dump him, all that would end up happening is that I'd move onto another relationship (possibly a worse one) with the same sexual expectations, and it would crash and burn in pretty much the same way.

>>23615
I mean you could also find someone with similar needs and requirements as you. I’m sure there are guys like that anon’s bf who isn’t particularly interested in sex. Is there any possibility to maybe use an alternative medication that doesn’t have the same effect?

>>23621
I'm gonna talk to my doctor about it at the next appointment but idk if she'll switch me over. most of the time doctors seem to be like 'well yes side-effects but it's working, right?'
there's only one other medication on the market that seems like it doesn't just royally fuck up your libido but i'm planning on asking for that one.
also re: non-sex-obsessed guys…where do you find someone like that? i've never seen someone on a dating site who's like 'just want companionship, not into sex', it's usually the reverse.

>>23628

>>23572 Here
There are a couple ace dating sites, if you are willing to do that. Although if you are unhappy with the side effects of your medication you need to be more assertive with your doctor about that. If there are other options you should be able try them. I wish you the best~~