/b/ - Random

Last year I started talking to this one guy, which literally still haunts me a year later. I hated him but after spending time beside him all year long in class I really grew to like him and we spent a good part of the summer together. I even ended up losing my v card to him. When I was with him I was the one in control, and I felt confident and calm, and at some point I ended up being the one to kind of put an end to our “relationship”. It was because I found him annoying. That’s all. I thought he was stupid and boring and desperate, but I used the excuse that he wasn’t over his ex (which I didn’t know was true at the time). Turns out I quickly became the idiot… he tried to get back with his ex and suddenly all that power I had was gone. The next months were spent on and off, we slept together a couple times after that, and I realized that I was now the one begging him for attention and crying over this stupid boy. I wasn’t sure what had happened to me, I think I honestly went psycho. I practically begged him to like me again, to be honest, to spend time with me outside of the time I spent in his bed, the only time where I felt loved by him. And now to this day, although I’ve blocked him and all I can’t get away. I can’t get away from the thoughts and the dreams and desperately trying to cling onto those stupid memories. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and wish I could go back in time and not be a bitch. Haha. I guess I deserve it but it does feel like shit.