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What do you think of marriage? Anonymous 255619
In an ideal world, I'd never get married. What's your views on it?
Anonymous 255620
I don't want to get married but my muslim asian parents will definitely make me get married someday, after I finish university. I could never love a moid and I know someday he'll cheat anyway, it's inevitable. If I had to get married, I'd let him have a 2nd wife. I won't marry him unless he takes a second wife. I don't want to have sex or kids. I just want stability and for my parents to leave me alone. And I think it'd be nice to have another girl around so I don't get lonely.
I know it all sounds retarded.
Anonymous 255621
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I've been in a relationship for 4 years and am hoping to get married when we both get into a secure place financially.
Anonymous 255640
>>255619In an ideal world, marriage wouldn't even exist.
Anonymous 255641
I'm too neurotic for it personally probably
Anonymous 255642
Marriage is harder than a lot of people think. It means being 100 when they're at 0, being at 50 and 50 trying to make it through, trying to weigh options, swallowing some small things until the right time, keeping patience and forgiveness in your heart but not getting walked on, etc. Pulling punches and letting go. There's devotion, faith, trust, and tests of those things.
The best life partner is someone wo has a similar value system to your own.
Viewing the marriage itself as a thing besides the two of you, as in you, him, and your marriage to each other.
Marriage itself isn't good or bad, just wish more people would really think it through before starting one.
Anonymous 255647
My marriage is pretty comfy. Husband makes me so spoiled lmao, I barely have to do anything.
Anonymous 255649
>>255647but does he expect you to serve him in the bedroom daily?
Anonymous 255650
>>255649No, we're both uninterested in sexual stuff. Maybe it's just old age but I guess that's how most normal couples who grow old together are from what I've noticed.
Anonymous 255652
>>255649Also we don't want kids. Our autistic companionship with affection, sharing daily life and interests is just an ideal relationship to us.
Anonymous 255659
When I first met my partner, my views on it were pretty set. I didn't feel it was necessary, that it was a vestigial institution that would eventually die off and carried with it a lot of baggage and expectations that are harmful. However, being pregnant and unmarried, suddenly I suffer moments of panic and can't help but feel like he's not really committed or could just run off unless we're married. His family constantly pressure him to marry me, assume he plans on leaving me when he says we won't, and are absolutely shocked to find out it's my choice. At the same time I feel like if we do get married he'll suddenly undergo this personality shift to an entitled slob. I love living with him because he's a fantastic cook, cleans up with me and likes acting like a team, and the idea he'd suddenly expect me to be his domestic slave makes me feel sick.
Anonymous 255660
>>255619Eh not necessary if you earn enough money to sustain yourself (even if you're married, you should still earn money because financial abuse is a very real thing). If you want kids though, yeah.. getting married is going to save you from a lot of scrutiny.
Anonymous 255674
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Real relationships get deeper naturally.
Anonymous 255678
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I feel real true marriage is getting fat together and creating a brood in insolation together.
Anonymous 255701
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I wish could consider it a good thing. I love the idea of committing to something thoroughly. I love the symbolism and the aesthetics of the rings and such. I do love the idea of having a day where you celebrate with all the people you love the connection you share with your partner. But realistically, marriage is an outdated institution. The commitment aspect of it doesn't benefit women in most cases, it makes them more vulnerable, to financial abuse*, to domestic violence, to sexual violence ("rape within a marriage doesn't exist" / "wife's duties" etc). It makes it harder for women to escape situations in which they are unsafe.
*Most women will be out-earned by their male partner, whether they choose to have kids or not (Moreso if they have kids, bc women suffer loss of income and career prospects when having kids where fathers are promoted and preferred). In countries like Germany, tax benefits entrench and reinforce that the parent that earns less (woman) goes part time, stays home with children etc. This gives that parent, aka the woman, less ability to return to the job market to support herself, giving her less agency to leave for any reason. Google 'Ehegattensplitting' for the German tax issue. I bring up Germany bc most young het couples I know here that do get married do it bc 'that's just what you do', bc it supposedly gives the woman """security""" and bc of fucking taxes
Anonymous 255986
Idk, I'd like to have a partner who would take care of me and vice-versa, be my company. But usually that's not many marriages work… and most men aren't seeking that, they want a token and a servant, and just the thought of it makes me feel sick. Also, when I see my family I feel discouraged.
Anonymous 255988
>>255986What's wrong with your family, nona?
Anonymous 257014
Being married is a very specific type of dynamic. I think a lot of people default to it out of insecurity.
Anonymous 257027
>>257014Yeah. I'd like it to be a rarer things that exists as an option for people who know they want to stay together and share everything long term. I don't like it as a societal structure/expectation where it's something you're just "supposed" to do. It makes everyone miserable and the only ones who truly benefit are men who want somewhere to stick it on the regular.
>>255620It doesn't sound retarded at all, it sounds like women all throughout history. Through whatever means, we got forced into marriage with people we didn't love and who did not love us, nor were we even attracted to. The only difference nowadays is that women can actually say that out loud and act according to what they want in life (sometimes). It doesn't stop men from negging women for having their own goals and preferences, or situations like yours, so it's a very slow boat. I hope you can use your university degree to get something that pays well enough where you don't have to get married unless you really want to.
Anonymous 257044
In an ideal world I would and I would mooch off of my husband and never work but because moids are evil trash I know to NEVER entrust a man with your safety and finances. They will use it to abuse and control you.
Unfortuntely I am extremely incompetant and stupid so I will be wageslaving at min wage jobs for the rest of my life.
Its already over for me
Anonymous 257053
>>257044>>257044you just sound nihilistic and self-pitying, not at all incopetent. dont sing defeat before you must.
Anonymous 257055
>>255619The thought of going back home every single day for the rest of my life to a man in my house makes my stomach churn
Anonymous 260218
>>255620Yeah, I'm in the exact same position as you. I can practically do everything a trad woman can do as I was raised this way. Huge family, lots of sibs, etc. However, I'm not interested in marriage. As a result, my Dad now thinks I might be gay. Only way for me to leave is to get married, so I got no choice.
Anonymous 260222
it certainly gives someone a lot of power over you.
Anonymous 260223
I'm not interested in not being able to leave easily if need be, I've seen what being marriage and kids-trapped has done to my mother, her mother and grandmother. I won't call their choices mistakes because they had basically no socially acceptable alternatives in their youths, but I do, so I won't be repeating their choices.
Anonymous 260226
I love my boyfriend. We are going to get married and live happily ever after. We will have lots of babies and be a family together.
Anonymous 260235
>>255619It's not meant to be forced upon anyone. Aside from society literally forcing it upon women I feel like moids force themselves to do it a lot of the times, too because they feel the need to not only because sex but the loneliness and wanting to take care of others(the ones who should get married/be taken care of (the manbabies who need to stay home with mommy).
Modern times have freed us from this but now the traditional values and reasons for going into marriage don't align with modern reasons. You really only need to get legally married if you're consolidating wealth to own land or join insurance, everything else can be done via a personal contract through a family/marriage lawyer if you need to worry about legal stuff. My fiance and I have been together for years but only recently have had reason to consider marriage. We are happy as we are without it. I call him my "husband" even though we're not married and it pisses off his mother to no end. I don't need a legal paper to call him my husband, that is how I view him. Is that not more important?
Anonymous 260238
>>260235>I call him my "husband" even though we're not married and it pisses off his mother to no end. I don't need a legal paper to call him my husband, that is how I view him. Is that not more important?Good for you
Anonymous 260239
>>260235>Society forces marriage upon women>I'm not married but we kinda pretend lol it rly doesn't matterPick one, retard
Anonymous 260242
>>260239We, according to state law, are not legally married. We choose not to get legally married at this time because we don't need the state giving us a piece of paper to function as a couple. What the fuck point are you even trying to make?
Anonymous 260245
sounds like ass tbh, having to constantly worry about others feelings and not say what i really think sometimes just to not hurt the other person, white lies are stupid and will feed off to delusion but if i just say what i think they will get hurt, i am starting to hate people in general, just throw pennies at homeless people like bread crumbs and give them the shittiest mockingful stare in the world is enuf to make my day
Anonymous 276104
My mom and both my grandmothers were unable to leave their shitty husbands because they were legally, financially and through their kids bound to their husbands, I'm not planning on repeating that pattern. So no, I won't be marrying.
Anonymous 276120
Marriage is honestly whatever to me. If I manage to get a nice boyfriend that I actually love with all my life, all that would matter to me is the fact that we're together and supporting each other, I'd only get married for the legal benefits but it's not a life goal for me.
Anonymous 276127
I don't want sex before marriage.
Anonymous 276134
I wouldn't get married except that I will be owning part of my husband's business.
Anonymous 276135
>>255619as a woman, I dont exactly love the idea of married life, as I'm afraid that the man in my life will slowly push me aside (when I'm not servicing him) as I age. Im afraid that one day my future husband will stop complimenting me, holding the door for me, stuff like that… I just think that marriage allows people to get a little too comfortable, and so they stop putting in the level of effort needed to sustain a long-term relationship.
Anonymous 276199
I'm married, it's okay. I've been with the same man for 12 years, 13 in December. Started dating when we were both in our 20's. We're child free, I couldn't carry to term and that turned out to be a blessing because our marriage would not have survived a child. Our initial years were pretty rough but we were able to work and talk through it after some point and now we're stronger together. As I got old the more I realized I don't want a baby. I might adopt in the future but I still don't feel ready.
I was pretty heavily groomed as a child that as a woman my soul purpose in life was to find a husband and pop out babies. Something I despise but was also desperate to have. I wasn't loved by my own parents, I thought getting a man to fall in love with me would filled that void in my soul, it didn't. Still I lucked out in my husband, he's not the greatest but he's sweet, caring, loves to spoil me and is helpful around the house.
Anonymous 276244
>>255619Its transactional and a prison for a woman. I mean moids will pretend to help out with things for a little while but then they'll duck out of everything they possibly can after they've gotten tired of it all.
Anonymous 276292
in my opinion, I never really understood the point of getting married, it won't change the fact that the two people love eachother, it's not like the love suddenly gets enhanced after marriage, and in fact I've seen multiple cases where people say they lost feelings for the other person after marrying, so what's the point?
Anonymous 276306
>>276292Marriage lost its meaning when premarital sex became the norm.
Anonymous 276308
>>255619Being engaged isn’t enough?
Marriage is just a stupid symbol shilled by Christians.
There are no bonuses for you after getting married.
Plus it’s a big waste of time, paper and money…
Anonymous 276315
>>276308>Marriage is just a stupid symbol shilled by Christians.But almost every non-Christian and pre-Christian society has marriage.
>There are no bonuses for you after getting married.You get commitment. If you're not married, your moid can, and probably will, break up with you at any time for free, or pump and dump you. At the very least with a divorce, you can get something out of it.
Of course, there's the downside that it's more difficult for you to break up with the moid. But if you truly love him, that shouldn't matter.
>Plus it’s a big waste of time, paper and money…You don't have to have to plan for an expensive wedding. A marriage license is less than $80, and will only take an afternoon to get one.
Anonymous 276316
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It is easier to fill taxes when married, you also get a better rate.
It means something for boomers and older people.(can translate in some social credit, or just peace)
If it fails, it is a shitshow that will make you wish you never did it in the first place.
Anonymous 276327
Children are a blessing. Giving birth is hard and extremely painful, but babies are beautiful. The worst part of the marriage is having a spouse. They will break you.
DO NOT GET MARRIED. Especially if they guy is already showing signs of abuse. It should be obvious, but I am an autistic woman and ignored it. Now I suffer a loveless, fear-inducing marriage.
Anonymous 276351
>>276306Premarital sex isn't the problem. The problem is the men are boring and tiresome and let the romance and spice die.
Anonymous 276357
>>276351>Premarital sex isn't the problem>she states gratuitously without any argument Anonymous 276369
>>276357Sorry I was tired and thinking five steps into my thought process and failed to elaborate.
All waiting to have sex until marriage does is that it adds a the layer of something new and exciting. Which can make things feel intense but it could also make fights more explosive. If you think virgin sex would help save a marriage then that's just as flawed thinking as just fucking before marriage.
Everything is substantial and situational depending on the people involved.
Personally I think you should know the moid's worth before you tie yourself down with him.
Sometimes it doesn't matter, as soon as you marry a man something inside his brain could snap and he becomes an abuser. They don't always start out abusive with telltale signs.
Anonymous 276370
>>276369Also I should add that men(especially ones past their teenage years) being super fixated on a woman's virginity and only wanting to marry a virgin are beyond creepy as fuck.
Anonymous 276372
>>255647Same tbh
Just find a moid who loves you unconditionally even when you behave irrationally and brat like
Anonymous 276376
>>276370>only wanting to marry a virgin are beyond creepy as fuckGreat, so I'm creepy as fuck because I only want a virgin husband?
>>276369>All waiting to have sex until marriage does is that it adds something new and exciting.You would be right if this were true, but there's more to it than newness and excitement. There's that you and your husband are not hedonistic, but temperate, and patient to wait for each other, and dutiful even to a marriage before it begins, and the lack of jealousy, and the feeling of being special, and (if you're religious) the blessings of heaven. Should I refuse all this?
Anonymous 276377
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>>276372>Just find a moid who loves you unconditionally even when you behave irrationally and brat like Anonymous 276383
>>276376>Your husband are not hedonistic, but temperate, and patient to wait for each other, and dutiful even to a marriage before it begins, and the lack of jealousy and the feeling of being special.You can find those qualities in non-virgin men and you can find that some virgin men completely lack those qualities.
It honestly depends on how lucky you are with finding the right one.
Anonymous 276390
>>276383>You can find those qualities in non-virgin men and you can find that some virgin men completely lack those qualities.Yes, but those are exceptions to the norm.
Anonymous 276401
>>276370Wasn’t there a study on how couples who have the same level of sexual experience are less likely to divorce
Anonymous 276596
its only reserved for people you have been with for years and know better than yourself with a reciprocated feeling
Anonymous 276614
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>>276376>>There's that you and your husband are not hedonistic, but temperate, and patient to wait for each other, and dutiful even to a marriage before it beginsYeah that is the most naive thing i've ever heard. That is more than a recipe for adultery, that man would live to cheat on you.
Do you live in kazakhstan where people get firewalled internet and sleep with goats?
bonus picrel slays
Anonymous 276615
>>276390The stray elusive qualities of a creature not of this earth. You're better off winning the lottery.
Anonymous 276621
>>276614I think you lack hope. You need to be able to believe in your partner, if you're scared of them, how can you say you love them?
Not all men are sex machines that will spontaneously combust if you don't give them sex within 5 minutes of getting together. Some are fine with waiting.
Anonymous 276624
>>276621meh i dont want to live with a moid i dont care anyway.
but i think you must be from somewhere like the rural american south
Anonymous 276628
>>276614>A moid who chooses not to have sex before marriage is more likely to have sex outside marriage!Doesn't make a whole lot of sense
Anonymous 276630
for people who like "people"
Anonymous 276631
i think that marriage is way "overprescribed" and slightly outdated as an institution, and that a lot of couples marry who would have been happier not marrying just because they have the idea that it's the single most fulfilling path pushed upon them culturally and can't escape its gravity
i am currently living in a platonic domestic partnership with another woman- I love her and would absolutely marry her for legal benefits but it would not be a romantic marriage.
while I could probably marry a man if i trusted/liked him enough i don't trust that I could identify a man who could truly commit to being an equal domestic partner, especially if I felt chemical attraction and romantic love for him.
i'm an artist and my work and personal time is very important to me and so while I sometimes feel a touch of the "fomo" watching seemingly most of my friends go through the marriage step with their partners, i'm pretty convinced that what i'm doing is probably the wisest choice for me to have a happy and stable life. i think a man could make a fun/interesting "lover" but my personal nightmare would be being legally tied to one who seemed to treat me as an equal at first and then fell into patterns of male socialization and shifted domestic work to me as time went on
Anonymous 284086
Not interested in marriage personally. I’m not at an age where I’ll be marrying anytime soon but while a relationship sounds nice a marriage honestly just isn’t appealing to me. You have to get all dressed up, buy expensive rings for each other (though it’s usually the man doing it thankfully), get catering, and do a whole bunch of other stuff. I come from a Catholic/Christian family (though I do have some more “spiritual” family members) who would probably like to see me be married one day and while I do feel bad about possibly disappointing them it just sounds like more trouble than it’s worth. You can have a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship without marriage. Plus a possible divorce which would just be a hassle and a nightmare to deal with. As of now I am single and have only had one really short relationship so maybe in the future my mind will change but for now I don’t see myself getting married anytime soon
Anonymous 284135
>>284086Why can't you just not have a wedding? It seems many people are equating the wedding ceremony to the marriage itself.
Anonymous 284153
Marriage used to mean something. Now everyone can get divorced and remarry like its nothing. It just doesn't mean anything.
Anonymous 284255
>>284135AYRT and honestly that’s because personally, if I did get married, I would want my loved ones to be there for it instead of just signing some piece of paper. Even then, the risk of divorce maybe happening one day and all the BS that it would mean having to deal with really just doesn’t sound worth the risk
Anonymous 284276
I prefer being single, so it’s not for me. All the people I know who got married during 2020-2021 are getting divorced right now, including my little sister. I hadn’t even met the guy before they got married, but it was some dude she met while she was shopping and he was working at Walmart. I guess COVID marriages were a bad idea
Anonymous 284292
I will probably get married to my bf at some point, even though it feels kind of depressing. I can’t have a big wedding because both of us are estraged from our families due to messy history and trauma, and I don’t have many friends to invite - if I did, they would all realize what a loser I am for not having people in my life. That’s all I can think about when I think about weddings and it crushes me. Well probably just have a small civil ceremony just for legal reasons.
Anonymous 284334
>>284292bruh I feel you. My bf has a lot of friends and acquaintances and is a very social person in general. I really want to get married but it also feels me with anxiety and embarrassment because the only people that I can invite are like 3 friends and the rest is just my family.
Anonymous 284348
I’m married and it’s wonderful
Anonymous 284413
>>284292i just want to go into the woods with our closest friends and have a fancy picnic, a real wedding sounds so cringe to me.
Anonymous 295926
>>276628yeah she is bullshitting a bit
by all means and studies people who even just marry have like 40% less cheating, and those that waited till marriage are the group less likely to cheat overall
Anonymous 295977
>>257044my mom did this and she's been a NEET for over 15 years. even after the divorce she's been NEETing and living comfortably off her welfare checks and divorce payments. the comfy NEET ex-wife lifestyle is possible
Anonymous 296117
>>295977If you dad isn’t a P.O.S I would definitely feel sorry for him
Anonymous 296357
we both have part time jobs to make one full time job. we are both very lazy and want to NEET but can't. neither of us spend very much money, and we like being at home as much as we can though. it's like having a best buddy for me. he doesn't demand gender roles, doesn't expect me to cook, clean, or fuck him when he wants. it's very equal. if it were any other moid there would be no way I could marry them. I do not want to be someone's house slave, even if that meant more money and no work. I don't want more money and I don't want to be used transactionally
Anonymous 296358
>>284292hey I'm a loser too and estranged from my family. my bf is the same way and we just picked a state to get married in that requires no witnesses. just a judge. maybe we will find friends someday if I go outside
Anonymous 296909
>>255619If a rich moid showed interest I might consider it so I could leave him and get half his assets and alimony. Angry moids incoming in 3, 2,1…
Anonymous 296910
>>296909Doubt any rich boy would show serious interest in someone who posts here lol
Anonymous 296911
>>284292Big fancy weddings are a scam, Nona. Just get a brass ring and get married in your back yard.
Anonymous 296912
>>296910A rich moid would be lucky to have a nona.
Anonymous 296915
>>296912>lucky to have someone leave him and take half his stuff in alimonyc'mon
Anonymous 296916
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>>296915>Lucky to have a Nona rake half his stuffYes.
Anonymous 296926
I'm married and I hate it. My husband turned super controlling as soon as we were married even though we were together for a very long time begforehand. I'm infinitely jealous of people who "married their best friend." I kind of think they're all lying but it's probably cope on my part.
