Rate my poem! Anonymous 295532
To Apollon
In the Name of Apollon, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
-
Keep looking at me,
Let night chase day, day chase night and this moment never ends,
When people are born to live one day, take me with your ship to the sun,
And show me the blue I've been waiting for years, snowdrop flower.
Who can't get out of my mind,
Who never gets used to being alone,
Who can never accept being without you,
So much so that when your name leaves my mind for a moment, it remains among the unknown,
I rejoice like a child when I hear your name.
The waves stop, the sea becomes quiet, Peopleg become silent and keep watching.
Because only then can our heaven rise.
You are the light reflected on the walls of my room,
You whisper your song in your gentle voice.
You are the hope growing in the corner of my mind,
Because you brought me heaven.
Blue above us,
We are surrounded by trees,
On the plains where only you tread.
After all, what doesn't happen between a "Hello" and a "Farewell" that will never come.
Neither past nor future;
You're always in my soul,
Snowdrop flower.
Anonymous 295574
Can you talk us through it OP?
Anonymous 295853
intro stolen from the quran
Anonymous 295919
may i leave this here?
I sing of you, O blessed one, O healer,
Giver of oracles, / O all-wise one,
O Delian [lord and Python-]slaying [youth],
Dodona’s [king, fortell,] O Pythian Paian;
I call you, [god who rule the tuneful lyre],
Which you [alone] of gods [do hold and strike]
[With sturdy hands] … [lord of the silver bow].
[O well]-named Phoibos!
Anonymous 296477
>>295853this
but also, feels kinda disjointed, every 3 lines feel like a separate poem.
Also feel like most of the symbols only make sense to you and whoever you are in love with, not really relatable for a stranger. like wth is blue and snowdrop
also kinda feels jarring to go from greek gods, then some intergalactic space shipping thing and then to your room.
I feel like you could maybe write 3 separate poems from this idea. The part about being in love with this person is also very blunt compared to the rest of the poem, maybe thats what you were going for but i feel like it would be nicer to say it in a more beautiful way.
Anonymous 296776
>>295853Lol
>>295532It also has no Meter or even Rythme
Low effort cry for attention
Anonymous 296784
>>296783
At least the pagan deities are attractive.